HR marriage

An HR got married ...

On the first night of their honeymoon,  

seeing her nude, 

he says furiously : 

"Tumne dhoka kiya !! 

You have cheated me” !

The astounded but smart bride asks : 

Kaise ?

How have I cheated you ?

The HR shouts :  

Your Boobs are so small…. 

I definitely remember noticed their size when 

I met you at the engagement ...

they appeared to be much bigger ...

The hitech bride replies, 

"Honey, 

what you saw and agreed upon was the 

CTC Package .... & 

what you've got now is the 

actual salary in hand..!!” 😜😝😝

Kamina Bacha

1 Kamina Bachha apni Toy Train se khel rha tha aur Bar-Bar bol rha tha,

" Jis Madarchod ko chadna hai chad jao, Jis Bhenchod ne utarna hai utr jao…"

Uske BAAP ne uski train rok k 1 zor se thappad laga diya…

Bachha 10 min ro k chup ho gaya aur fir shuru ho gaya,

" Jis Madarchod ko chadna hai jaldi chado, Jis Bhenchod ne utrna hai jaldi utro ."

Pehle hi ek gaandu ki wajah se Train 10 min late ho gayi hai..

😆😜😆

Husband

A bus  full of housewives💁🙋🙎🙍🙅🙆 going on a picnic fell into a river🏊, all aboard died. Each husband 👦👨👴👳👲😥 cried for about a day, one husband continued for more than two weeks.

🎎

When asked he replied miserably.. 💃"My wife missed the bus😭

---//--/----

Santa calls up the doc at 2 AM. "Doc, my wife is having severe abdomen pain. I think it's her appendix."

"What nonsense!" says the doc sleepily. "I took out your wife's appendix two years ago. Go back to sleep."

Five minutes later, the phone rings and it's Santa again. "Doc, I'm sure it’s her appendix."

"Oh God!" the doctor groaned. "Did you ever hear of anyone having a second appendix?"

"No...". says Santa. "But I'm sure you must have heard of someone having a second wife..!!!!"😜😜

Super msg of the day ....😂😂

 "If newly weds are called 

💞"Love Birds"..🐥❤🐥

What do you call the couples married for years??.............>>

😡 "Angry Birds"?😄😜

Sardar

One Sardar Farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic built up at an alarming rate.

The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. 

So one day Sardar called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. 

"I don't care," said Sardar. "Just do something about these crazy drivers!"

So the next day, the county workers erected a sign that said

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Sardar called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." 

So, again, the sheriff sent out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

But that sped the drivers up even more!

So Sardar kept calling, and the sheriff kept changing the signs.

Finally, Sardar said to the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

The sheriff was ready to let Sardar do just about anything if it would get him to stop calling every day. He said, "Sure thing, put up whatever you want."

And after that, the sheriff got no more calls from SARDAR Farmer.

Three weeks later, the sheriff's curiosity got the best him and he decided to give Sardar a call. "How's the problem with those drivers? Did you put up your sign?" 

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." 

So the sheriff drove out to Sardar's house, and his jaw nearly hit the floor at what he saw. There, printed neatly on a sheet of plywood was Sardar's sign:

NUDIST COLONY = GO SLOW -- WATCH FOR CHICKS........

Carlos

Twelve Priests were about to be ordained. 

The final test was for them to line up in a straight row,

totally nude,

in a garden while a beautiful, nude model danced before them.

Each Priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.

She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.

 

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.

Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward and bent over to pick it up...

And that's when all the other

Bells started ringing.

Tech.

Son was looking at falling stars and praying 4 gud marks.

Father came along and said "Technology is so advanced that man has reached the moon and ur searching 4 ur luck in stars?" 

Son replied "Dad, don't be ridiculous u know babies can be made in test tubes but have u stopped trying the old way?" 😂

Multibagger

CB Jokes - Zip band karo

Girl & Boy Lost in a Jungle.

After 2 days of struggle for Food & Water...

Girl: Jaanu Pls mujhe chood do..

Boy: Are you sure ??

Girl: Yes, Kuch to Andar Jayega !!! 

-----------------------

1 ladki apne boyfriend tumne kabhi chuchiyo se dudh piya hai?

Ladka (sharmate hue):Nahi

Ladki:To bhenchod....,

bachpan me kya

BAP KA LUND

chus ke bada hua hai .?! 

-------------------------

Ek Baap ne apne bete ko ginti k zariye bathroom Jana sikhaya.. 

1.zip kholo 

2.pipi nikalo 

3.skin pichhe khicho 

4.susu karo 

5.skin aage khecho 

6.pipi andar Lo 

7.zip band karo 

. 

. 

. 

Baap roj khush hota tha jab bathroom me se aavaj aati 

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,.... 

Magar ek din usne suna.. 

3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,.... 

Aur baap behosh ho gaya. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

Jisako samaj aaya Vo frwd kare , baki 2,6,2,6 kareee... 

-------------------------

Sardar ke Suhagrat pe Light nahin thi... Sardar Naukar se bola: Tu Lalten pakad, main suhagraat mana loon. Naukar ne Lalten Pakdi aur Sardar chodne laga. 

Sardar Biwi se: Maza aaya?

Biwi: Nahin.

Sardar ne phir koshish ki aur phir Biwi se pucha: Ab Maza aaya?

Biwi: Nahin.

Sardar Naukar ko Bola: Yeh Lalten Mujhe de, Main Pakadta hoon..Tu chood... Naukar shuru huwa... 

Jab Kaam khatam huwa to Sardar ne Biwi se pucha: Ab Maza aaya??

Biwi Boli: Haan Bahut Maza aaya...

Sardar pure gusse se Naukar ko Thappad mar ke Bola: Dekha Chutiye.... Aise Pakadte hain Lalten. 

----------------------------

Master:- aaj sab bachche 1 -1 doha bolenge,

billu tum bolo

Billu:chidiya baithi pedh pe usne diya moot,

sab jor se bolo Raju ki maa ki choot!!!!

Master:- Shabash,

tumne toh raju ki ma chod di, ab raju tum bolo..

Raju:kabutar baitha pedh pe usne diya moot,

kabutar baitha pedh pe usne diya moot,

billu ki maa ka bhosda,

aur master ki maa ki choot...!!!!

Mistake

A woman playing golf, hit a man near by. He put his hands together between his legs, fell on ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him, and offered to relieve his pain as she was a doctor. Reluctantly he agreed. She gently took his hands away, unzipped his pant & put her hands inside. She massaged tenderly for a few minutes & asked "How does it feel??? He replied "Feels gr8, but I still think my THUMB is broken"😂

Master

एक बार एक नया शिक्षक कक्षा में आया और बच्चों से बोला- बच्चों, मैं विज्ञान का बहुत बड़ा शिक्षक हूँ, तुम मुझसे कोई भी प्रश्न पूछ सकते हो।

यह सुन एक हरामी बच्चे फ़त्तू ने हाथ उठाया और शिक्षक से बोला- मास्टर जी, जब हम उंगली में अंगूठी पहन कर उतारते हैं तो वो जगह गोरी हो जाती है, ऐसे ही जब हम जुराबें पहन कर उतारते हैं तो हमारे पैर गोरे हो जाते हैं, परन्तु जब हम चड्डी उतारते हैं तो हमारा लंड क्यों नहीं गोरा होता?

मास्टर ने फ़त्तू को मन ही मन गालियाँ दी और बोला- बेटा, ऐसा इसीलिए कि तुम्हारा लंड हमेशा दूसरी लड़कियों को बुरी नज़र से देखता रहता है।

फ़त्तू- तो उससे हमारे लंड के काले होने का क्या ताल्लुक है?

शिक्षक- भोंसड़ी के ! कभी सुना नहीं- 'बुरी नज़र वाले, तेरा मुंह काला !

Behenchod & Madarchod

Ek train me 3 ladkiyan safar kar rahi thi... Next station se 3 ladke saamne ki seat par aakar baithe.. . . Thodi der baad un logo ne aapas me baat cheet chalu ki Ladko ne ladkiyo se kaha pahle hum aapas me apna parichay dede.. . . Beech me baithi ladki jo jyada hoshiyar thi usne ladkiyo ka parichay kuch is tarah diya main to main hu, right wali meri bahen hai aur left wali meri maa . . Ladke samaj gaye ki beech wali unka majaak uda rahi hai . . Ladke bhi kam na the Beech wala ladke ne ladko ka parichay kuch is tarah diya main to main hu, right wala Behenchor hain aur left wala Madarchod.

Virginity test

Man 1:  I am getting married. How would I

know if my wife is a virgin?

Man 2: Get an "Irish Virginity Test" Kit.

Man 1: What's that?

Man 2: It contains a small can of Red paint, a small can of Blue paint and a Hammer.

Man 1: That sounds crazy! How can virginity be tested with that? 

Man 2: Paint your right ball Red and left ball Blue... and as you remove your underwear, if your wife says, 'that's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen, hit her on her head with the hammer !!!!!😛😹

Bum chik

Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn’t gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Karen says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies: ‘Mom! I have someone for you to meet.’

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to each other and, after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.

Their first night there, she undresses, as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit. 

Looking at her he asks: ‘Why the black panties?’ 

She replies: ‘My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.’

He knows he’s not getting lucky that night.

The following night the same scenario — her standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit … except that he is wearing a black condom.

She looks at him and asks: ‘What’s with the black condom?’

He replies:’I want to offer my deepest condolences.‘

--/--/----

why Bums are split verticaly?

Coz if it was split horizontaly,it would clap wen u run down d stairs

Stop imagining😝👻

Gyaan

15 Choochiyaan aur khaini, jitna

ragdoge utna hi mazaa ayega.

16 Chut aur Daaru, kabhi bhee joothi

nahi hoti hain.

17 Kutte ko mootne ke liye aur Ladki

ko chudne ke liye, taang uthani

hi padti hai.

18 Chut aur Bhut, Kismat walon ko hi

dikhte hain.

19 Lohe par Hathoda aur Chut par

Loda, tabhi maro jab garam ho.

20 Ladki aur Audio cassete, dono side

se bajaana chahiye.

21 Exam ki taiyari mein ek ghanta aur

daaru mein ek peg, hamesha kum

padte hain.

22 Chut saal mein do hi baar maro, ek

jis din baarish ho aur doosre

us din jab baarish na ho.

23 Lund aur Ghamand, dono ko

kaabu mein rakhne mein hi bhalai

hai.

24 Baagi aur mamme , jahan bhee

mile , masal dene chahiye.

25 Samay se pahle aur Kismat se

achhi chut, na kisi ko mili hai, na

milegi.

26 Jab kismat mein likhe ho lode, to

kahan se milenge pakode.

27 adami aur chuha hamesha chhed

ki taraf bhagte hain...

Ladka ladki ko pataa ke car me jungle le

gaya.

Ladke ne sex shuru kiya to ladki boli:

"Mein bataana bhool gayi ki mein

Prostitute hu aur ek baar ke 500 leti

hu."

Ladke ne majburi me paise diye fir

choda.

Chodne ke baad ladka cigarette peene

laga.

Ladki: "Chalo, waapas nahi jaana kya?"

Ladka: "Mein bataana bhool gaya tha ki

mein Taxi Driver hu aur yaha se shahar

ke 800 leta hu."

Moral- Ladke chodne ke pahle lund se

aur baad me dimaag se sochte hein... #nikhil

Harry and wife

HARRY'S WIFE 

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide

she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says,

"Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks.

If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there five minutes when a guy

pulls up and says, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says

"Shit. All I've got is thirty." She says, "Hold on."

She runs back to Harry and says, "What can he get for thirty dollars?"

Harry says, "A handjob." She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for

thirty dollars is a handjob. He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE penis.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She

runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy bucks?

Bastard cock

The most EPIC JOKE:

A Farmer buys a young Cock. As soon as it comes Home, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens. Farmer is impressed. At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens, Farmer gets tense now. Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrot too. Later, he finds the Cock lying Pale, half-dead & Vultures circling over it's head.

Farmer Says: U Horny bastard u deserve this!

The Cock opens 1 eye, says: Sshhh! Don't shout, let them land...!

Chintu failed in Exam & decided to make a deal with professor.

Chintu: Sir, Can I ask u one que?

Prof: Yes.

Chintu: If u can answer dis question, i will accept my final marks, if u cant, u have to give me "A".

Professor agreed.

 .

 .

 .

Chintu asked: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?"

Prof thought about it for hrs & pondered no answer.

He had to finally give up as he really didnot know.

He gave the boy his "A".

The following day, professor asked same question to his students.

He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.

He asked one student.

He answered:

Sir, u are 65, married to 28 yrs old woman, dis is legal but not logical.

Ur wife, is having an affair with a 23 yearold boy, dis is logical but not legal.

Ur wife's boyfriend has failed in his exam &yet u have given him an "A", dis is neither logical nor legal. 😎

 .

 .

 .

 Professor behosh..... 😆😝😆😝😆

Imagine Name of Sex Minister 

world wide

Name of Russian sex Minister

Zaberdasti Boobpresski

SriLankan sex Minister

Suck MyLingam

Chinese sex Minstr

Gand Soong Li

Pak sex Minstr

Shake Myboob

Indian sex minister

Gotya lal

Kenya sex minìster

Ogand me bambu

sex minister of america

Roz mary marlow

Sex minister of England

Brown ass markele

Sex minister of bangladesh

myboob aa shake hasina

Sex minister of S.Arabia

shake bin maki chuth abu da lulla 

-----------------------

Gandhiji was Fucking kareena.

Kareena was enjoying n said:

Gandhiji U r so old but u still fuck

so hard.

Gandhi: Sweet heart its not my

Dick, its my Stick.. 

------------------------

Pakistani cricketers who dont know proper English, prepare answers in advance, so that they can address the Media after the matches.

One day after a match with Shoaib Malik...

Media: "So Malik, thats fantastic; your wife Sania is pregnant."

Malik: "Ya all credit goes to my team. Everyone worked hard for it, specially Afridi. It was a tight situation when he went in. His performance was really fantastic with Razzak in the middle. Also the crowd gathered to watch his work, our coach also have enjoyed it, they work hard day and night, all credit goes to my coach and my teammates and special thanks to Sania who support me for this job." 

-------------------------

Wife left a note on the fridge:

"It's not working!! I can't take it anymore, mai apni mom ke ghar jaa rahi hu !!

"Husband opened the fridge,the beer was cold. usne beer nikali or pite hue bola "Behenchod, kaisi chutiya biwi mili hai ??? Fridge to sahi kaam kar raha hai!!

-------------------------

Man in bed with his wife, 

Achanak usne apni biwi ke kandho ke aas-paas haat fairna shuru kar diya, fir uske gale ke aas-paas, fir uske boobs or waist ke aas-paas, fir uski back ke aas-paas, or fir uski taango ke beech me aakar wo ruk gaya....

Wife: "bada maza aa raha hai janu,, ruk kyu gaye ??? "

Man: "Remote mil gaya darling. Tu so ja. 

English mother : Good night , dear.

Hindi mother : Shubh raatri , beta.

Punjabi mother : So ja kuteya,

mobile da kheda chadd de ,

rakh de apne peo nu hun ..

Phone wali maa naal svere gala kr lei... 😝😝😝

--///----///

Jo log apni pasand se shaadi nahi karte wo zindgi bhar ladte hain.

Or jo log apni pasand se  shaadi karte hain...

Hundi onha di v kutte waali zindgi aa parr o dasde ni 🐕