Kejriwal on Suhaagraat, :- Ghungat Utaro......Wife:- Pehle aap muffler utaro...

🙏🙏🙏

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. 

The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. 

Not long enough."

After bypass surgery , a patient to his doc . 

Can I start having sex ??? 

The doc replies .. Only with your wife as your heart is not ready for excitement yet !😜

The CNN Photographer

John was told that a

Twin-Engine Plane would

be Waiting at the Airport.

Arriving at the Airport he spotted a Plane warming up outside the hanger.

He jumped in, said 'Lets go'. The Pilot taxied and took off.

Once in the air John told the Pilot: 'Fly Low over the Valley so I can take Pictures of the Fire on the hill'

Pilot : Why.?

John : Bcoz I'm the Photographer for CNN. I need to get some

close up shots.

Pilot was strangely

silent for a moment,

then he stammered 'So, what You're telling me is . . . You're Not My Flying Instructor'?

.

.

Life is Short. .

.

Always ASK,

NEVER ASSUME.!

This is an ultimate & the most encouraging lesson in English Grammar :- 

"If more than one mouse is mice, then more than one Spouse is Spice"..😜😜

Killer1!!!

Santa to Librarian: l want a book named "Psycho The Rapist". The Librarian searched for 3 hrs then came back & Slapped the Santa & said - Idiot the book name is "Psychotherapist" ......😜😜😝😝😁😁😁😖😖😖

There are 3 types of most popular mills in India 

1) Sugar mill 

2) Cloth mill 

3) Bhenchod Tu baahar mill !!!!!

If you feel overloaded with Work...

Immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center and place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:

1: Work Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)

2: Radioactive Un-work Medicine (RUM)

3: Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)

4: Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA)

This is issued in public interest by "Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association " (BEWDA)

All Non Veg. Funny Shayaris

****************************

Roye Hum Iss Kadar 

Unke Sine Se Lipat Kar;

Wah Wah!

Roye Hum Iss Kadar 

Unke Sine Se Lipat Kar;

Ki Woh Khud Apni 

Kameez Utarkar Boli;

Daba Le Kamine, 

Faltu Mein Natak Mat Kar !!!

****************************

Dil Todne Ki Saja Nahi Milti;

Dil Tutne Ki Wajah Nahi Milti;

Maal To Bahut 

Fass Jaate Hain, Mere Dost;

Bas Unhey Thokne Ki Jagah Nahi Milti !!!

****************************

Unki Gali Se Guzre, 

To Chaubara Nazar Aaya;

Unki Gali Se Guzre, 

To Chaubara Nazar Aaya;

Uski Maa Bahar Aa Kar Boli:

Gaand Faad Dungi Bhosdi Ke, Jo Dobara Nazar Aaya !!!

****************************

Nipple Se Tapak 

Raha Hai Pasina;

Nipple Se Tapak 

Raha Hai Pasina;

Bhigi Hui Gaand 

Aur Lathpath Seena;

Aab Tumhi Batao Ghalib;

Itni Garmi Mein Koi 

Kaise Thoke Hasina !!!

****************************

Dilbar Ke Hamne Pyaar Se 

Jo Boob Daba Diye;

Zaara Gaur Farmaiye!

Dilbar Ke Hamne Pyaar Se 

Jo Boob Daba Diye;

Bhen Ki Lodi Ne 

Laat Maar Ke 

Hamaare GOTE Suja Diye !!!

****************************

Lund Ki Aawaz Ko 

Damdar Kehte Hain;

Fati Choot Ko 

Bekaar Kehte Hain;

Sirf Chodne Ka Nam 

Mohabbat Nahi Hota;

Kissi Ki Yaadon Mein 

Mutth Marne Ko Bhi 

Pyaar Kehte Hain !!!

****************************

Unki Aankhon Mein 

Ansu Aur Chehre Par Hasi Hai;

Wah Wah! Wah Wah!

Unki Aankhon Mein 

Ansu Aur Chehre Par Hasi Hai;

Aisa Lagta Hai Ki 

Unki Lulli Zip Mein Fasi Hai !!!

****************************

Chand Dekhkar Sitare Bane;

Aasman Dekhkar Badal Bane;

Nadi Dekhkar Kinare Bane;

Aapke Karname Dekhkar NIRODH Ke Karkhane Bane !!!

****************************

Aaj Uska Dil Phir 

Dukha Diya Humne;

Apne Pyaar Ka Karz 

Chuka Diya Humne;

Dekar Lalach Usse Kulfi Ka;

Andhere Me Apna Ustaad Chusa Diya Humne !!!

****************************

Woh Hamaari Kabar Pe 

Chal Diye Moot Ke;

Chalo Isi Bahane 

Darshan Ho Gaye Choot Ke;

Hairless Thi Unki Chikni Choot;

Lekin Ab Kya Fayda 

Jab Hum Ban Gaye Bhoot !!!

****************************

Tufaano Mein Chhatri 

Nahi Kholi Jaati;

Bra Se Pehle 

Panty Nahi Kholi Jaati;

'Viagra' Khana Shuru Kar, 

Mere Dost;

Kyunki Zubaan Aur Ungli Se Aurat Nahi Chodi Jaati !!!

****************************

Yaara Teri Yaari Pe 

Mujhe Shak Nahi Tha;

Wah Wah!

Pahle Sunn To Le Bhosdi Ke!

Yaara Teri Yaari Pe 

Mujhe Shak Nahi Tha;

Lekin Sabne Teri Gaand Maari, Kya Mera Koi Haq Nahi Tha !!

Lo ji Delhi se naya maal aaya hai!!!

GIRL:- Ek Packet Condom ka Dena.CHEMIST:-Kaunsi Compny Ka Du "BEHENJI"?😳

Girl:- Acche Wala Dena, Jisse Teri BEHEN Ki Izzat Bani Rahe, Maza pura aye aur Tu MAMA bhi Na Bane!😝

Wenever you fall down, 

never lose hope,

gather your courage n strength..

jst get up n tell d bar tender....''ANOTHER LARGE PLEASE''.....

💭 HILARIOUS TRUTH :

Every Man is Millionaire atleast by his sperm count... 

And the Funniest thing is that even these million are also spent on Women...!! 

😀😀😀....................................................1 sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it, 

which means a normal fuck represents a data transfer of 1587 GB in about 3 seconds...

And we think 3G is fast !

Guess who are the happiest people on valentines day ??

Sales staff of condom & ipill companies.  Aaj ka target pakka over achieve 

😆😆😆

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane.

The lady said to him “Can you help me remove something from my breast please?”

The excited young man replied, “Wow! It will be my absolute pleasure.

So . . . what is it?”

“Your fucking eyes, bastard.”  

😝

A little boy was doing maths homework, saying to himself, 2+5 the son of bitch is 7,

3+6 the son of bitch is 9

His mother heared this & asked "what r u doing?"

Boy, "doing my maths' homework".

Mom: & this is how ur teacher taught u?

Boy: "Yes"

Infurriated mother called the teacher: R u teaching maths to children by saying 2+2, the son of bitch is 4?

Teachr started laughing & answerd: "what I taught them was, 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4...

.

Moral: aur padhao punjabi bachyan nu English Medium.. :

😂😂😂

On a condom dispensing machine, it was written "Very Safe - Strictly made as per High British standards".

 Someone added below- " So was the Titanic, but it leaked."

--///----//----

Tv reporter ne Bomb Dhamake me zakhmi sardar se pucha,“ JAB BOMB GIRA to kya vo zor se phata?“ 😏Zakhmi sardar - Nahi kameene, 😠woh Rengta hua mere paas aaya aur sharma ke bola, “Paaji..... THAAA !!! “ ✨ 😆😆😆

एक छोटा लड़का बड़ा मादरचोद टाइप का होता है। एक दिन उसका बाप उसके लिए एक छोटी खिलौने वाली ट्रेन ले कर आता है।

लड़का ख़ुश हो जाता है और ट्रेन चलाने लगता है। लड़के का बाप पास बैठा-बैठा अख़बार पढ़ता रहता है। लड़का ट्रैन में चाबी भरता था और ट्रेन के चलने पर ख़ुश होता था।

चलते-चलते जब ट्रेन रुक जाती है, तो लड़का उछलकर कहता है. "मुंबई से दिल्ली जानेवाली ट्रैन भोपाल पहुँच गई है, जिन बहनचोदों को उतरना है उतर जाएँ, और जिन बहनचोदों को चढ़ना है चढ़ जाएँ"। 

उसका बाप सोचता है, कि लड़का कहीं गाली तो नहीं दे रहा, और वह लड़के की गतिविधि पर ग़ौर करने लगता है।

कुछ देर बाद जब ट्रैन रुकती है तो लड़का फिर वही वाक्य दोहराता है, "मुंबई से दिल्ली जानेवाली ट्रैन ग्वालियर पहुँच गई है, जिन बहनचोदों को उतरना है उतर जाएँ, और जिन बहनचोदों को चढ़ना है चढ़ जाएँ"।

बाप को आता है ग़ुस्सा, लड़के को दो थप्पड़ लगाता है और उसकी रेलगाड़ी उठाकर अलमारी के ऊपर रख देता है, और कहता है, "हरामखोर गाली देता है, जा अब तुझे रेलगाड़ी नहीं मिलेगी"।

लेकिन लड़का भी बड़ा हरामी होता है, रो-रोकर किसी तरह अपने बाप को दो घंटे में मना ही लेता है। बाप भी उस पर तरस खा कर उसे रेलगाड़ी वापस दे देता है।

लड़का फिर खेलने लगता है और रेलगाड़ी के रुकने पर कहता है, "मुंबई से दिल्ली जानेवाली ट्रैन आगरा पहुँच गई है, जिन बहनचोदों को उतरना है उतर जाएँ, और जिन बहनचोदों को चढ़ना है चढ़ जाएँ, क्योंकि पहले ही एक मादरचोद की वजह से ट्रेन दो घंटे लेट हो गई है"। 

😂😂😂

I just want AAP's govt to last at least for six months. 

Delhi ke vikas ke liye nahi...

just want to see k ye banda May- June me bhi muffler utarta hai ki nahi...!                       😜😜😜😜

Best on banking...

Santa had password for e-banking "ram-sita-laxman-hanuman-ravan-delhi-spiderman"

 Banta-Yaar! Itna lamba password??

 Santa- Kya karoon? Bank wale kehte hai ki password main 5 character, 1 capital aur ek special character zaroori hai😂😂😭😭very good morning & have a wonderful day. Cheers!

New born baby immediately after being born asks the nurse ....... "breakfast mein kya hai ?"

Nurse says ...... "Aloo parantha and Chhole Bhature. "

Baby: Wahe Guru.... 

Phir ludhiana 😂

Joke of the day....

19 Sardars went for a film together.

Someone askd them : Why they came in such a big group of 19?

They replied : Film is only for above 18....

Bolo tararara 😂😂😂😂

Daadi giving tips to poti before her wedding...

Pati ruthe to rab ruthe,

fir ruthe to jag chhute,

agar fir ruthe dil tute,

aur agar fir ruthe?

nikal danda

maar sale ko jab tak danda na tute 😜👋👋

Aaj officially announce ho gaya hai kii

Thand khatam

Kyoki aaj arwind kejriwal ne muffler uttar diya hai.

😀😄😊

Boss to Secretary : Let me fuck you once, I'll be quick & pay you 1000. I'll throw the money on the floor & before you bend  down & pick it up, I'll be done !

Secretary likes the proposal & calls her BF.

BF: Its fine but, ask for 2000 & be very quick to pick the money.

After 4 hrs BF calls her

BF: What happenned?

GF: That bastard is still fucking me. He brought coins!

Lesson: Investments are subject to market risks. Read the offer documents carefully before investing

Boy texts his Girl friend 

"Jaan I can't live without you! Will you marry me?"

Here is the KILLING Reply - 

"Kaun mar raha hai ab! I lost all my contacts, kindly msg me your name"

😳😜😁.

😄😀

😜U will die laughing

 Hillarious one...😜

Husband and Wife in court discussion .....

The Problem: Who should get Custody of the child?

Wife jumped up and said: "😳 Your Honour I

brought d child into this world with pain and labour 😤 So it should be in my custody."

The Judge turns 2 husband & says

"😒 What do You have to say in your defence?"

The husband sits for a while contemplating then slowly says.....

"😔 Your Honour. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it? The machine's or mine?"

Yeh sunke...Wife replied: "😠 Judge sahab...bartan mera.. doodh bhi mera... Aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 boond daalne se dahi bana, to fir wo dahi kiska.? Mera ya 2 boond daalne wale ka"

Husband replied : "😯 Typewriter me kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, fir chitthi kiski? Typewriter ki ya meri?"

Frustrated Judge (Getting mad): 

"😖Abey Saale agar tu chitthi haath se likh leta to ye naubat hi na aati...

😅😅😅

😄😄👍

😝😝😝😝😝

Super Abusive Breakup

Girl: Don't talk, u Asshole, I wear

heels longer than your Dick. 😠😠

Boy: Shut up Bitch, your Pussy has

been Used More than Google.😝

Drunk Santa was driving and hit a policeman.

The policeman died.

As a good citizen, Santa decided to inform police.

He called 100 and said,

Now You Are 99!😆😳😜

Ustaad Chodumal Khan Sahab Ka Apni Premika Ke Upar Likha Gaya Ek Sher, Jo Bechare Ki. Majburi Saabit Karta Hai. 

Roz Sapne Mein Aati Ho, Neende Hamari Udati Ho, Chaddi Hamari Kaun Dhoyega Janeman, Jo Roz Raat Ko Aakar Bhigati Ho.

D0UBLE MEANING ki limit:

Dad apne bete pappu ka result lene school gaye.

Dad:Madam, kab dogi? kafi der se mera Pappu KHADA hai.

Madam: Period to khatam hone do 😄

Wife is angry as hubby stands too close to a beautiful girl in bus, a few seconds later the girl slaps him for pinching.

Hubby to wife: 

I swear I didn't .

Wife: I know, I did it 😜 😀