Bed Manners

2) Girl Friend: I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table ...

Boyfriend climbs into bed slowly & says: Honey, would you pass the boobs please?

*ADULT JOKES*

1) A soldier's wife sends him her nude photo with both legs wide open ...

"Darling, I'll wait like this till you come back!"

Soldier: That's great. But who has taken this photograph??

🤪🤪🤪🤪

😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.”

Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said,

“I want to hang out with God.” St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented,

“Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?” Arthur said, “Yep, that’s me.”

God said, “Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can’t run without a road?”

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally, he said,

“Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman?”

God said, “Yes.”

“Well,” said Arthur, “professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!”

“Hmmmmm, you have some good points there,” replied God, “hold on.”

God went to His Celestial supercomputer, typed in some keywords, And waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

“Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,” God said to Arthur, “but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours!”

😜😜🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just inder Trudeau

What do you call vacant PM seat in Canada after Trudeau’s resignation? 🤔

*"KHALI"STHAN*

Chutia

*चूतिया* शब्द की उत्पत्ति...

एक पुरुष को एक दुर्लभ बीमारी थी 

जिसका डाक्टरों के पास कोई इलाज नहीं था । 

लेकिन 

एक हक़ीम ने बताया की अगर कोई स्त्री एक महीने तक उसे अपना दूध पिलाये तो शर्तिया वो ठीक हो जायेगा ।

ये बात जब बिरादरी को पता चली तो उसकी जान बचाने की खातिर उन्होंने मोहल्ले की एक ऐसी महिला को उस पुण्य के काम के लिये तैयार किया !

युवक दूध पीने महिला के घर पहुँच गया ।

पांच मिनट दूध पीने का सिलसिला लगातार चला तो एकाएक महिला 

*उत्तेजित भाव से कान में फुसफुसाई :*

*कुछ और चाहिये क्या...?*

बेचारा शरीफ था भावनाओ को समझा नहीं

और बोला:

*एकाध बिस्कुट हो तो दे दो...* 

*और इस तरह "चूतिया" शब्द का आविष्कार हुआ ।*

🤫😝😉🤦🏻‍♂️😜😱😳🥺🙈😯🤩..

Chinese

I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kanna Swami.  

I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese? 

He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA. I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. 

The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee. The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami. 

Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?" 

I said, "Sem Ting"🥺

😆😆😅😅😂😂

Bund

*Patient:*  दो इंजेक्शन क्यों लगाये ?

*Punjabi compounder:*  ऐसा है कि B12 के इंजेक्शन ख़तम हो गये थे, इसलिए B6 के दो लगाये

*Patient:* चंगा है B6 मिल गए, B1 दे इंजेक्शन होंदे ते, तुसी ते बुंड पाड़ देनी सी

😂😂😂

Shashi special

“Exotic crispy puffed wild rice from the amazon rainforest, drizzled with an aromatic salsa-verde of Mauritanian desert cilantro & the chefs secret micro-greens sourced from our exclusive greenhouses in the antarctic, bathed in a luscious salsa-rosso of Botswanaiandates & exceedingly rare Burundian Bujumbura chillies known for fruiting once in twelve years, seasoned with a sauce of sweet Japanese volcanic-soil grown tamarind & malabar organic raw sugar; tossed in a bronze vessel with macedoines of Mongolian winter shallots & Andean heritage potatoes and riotously festooned with a cacophony of Andalusian chickpea flavoured crunchies “bugea” & “papdy” cooked  “a la Marwaraise.

*Commonly known as Bhel puri.*

*Got this recipe from Shashi Tharoor*🤓🤓

We have kept it

Hubby

*Husband* :  तू मायके जाकर भी 

मुझसे क्यु झगड़ रही हो..

*Wife🙋 : Work from home*😂😂

😀😀😀😀

J&J

*Centre is talking to Johnson and Johnsons for single dose  vaccination* 

Question raised by Rahul Gandhi is when it is only one dose why not talk to one Johnson only. Talking to more than one Johnson is to make bribe money and inflate cost.

Mamata has further objected why not talk to John only  and why his son has to be involved in deal.

*Now Centre Will go for Moderna to avoid arguments.*

Maa ka bhosda

Shashi Tharoor to Rakhi Sawant:  Bestow me with the delectation of your occurrence in my mansion.

Rakhi: माफ करना भैया।

इतनी क्लिष्ट अंग्रेज़ी नही आती।

सीधी साधी हिंदी में बोलो।

Shashi Tharoor: आओ कभी मेरी हवेली पर।

Rakhi: आप की जन्मदात्री की विस्तृत योनी।

Tharoor- Sorry, I don’t understand pure & tough Hindi. Please use simplest words. 

Rakhi: तेरी माँ का भोंसडा !😅😄

Gita

*एक साहब बता रहे थे कि वे पिछले बीस सालों से गीता के उपदेश नियमित सुनते आ रहे हैं और उसी के मुताबिक जीवन जीते हैं.* 🤔

*मेरा मन उनके प्रति सम्मान से भर गया.* 

.

.

.

फिर बगल में बैठे आदमी ने बताया

 *गीता उनकी पत्नी का नाम है.....*

🤪😂🤗

Super 👌

One guy wrote on his FB status: 

"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."

400 Likes👍🏻 40 Comments. 

But the best comment was:

"Bhai, tu Uber se gaya kidhar ??? 

Party toh tere ghar pe hi thi."

😜😝🤣😂😱😂

Good one

A non medical student attended a Medical exam by mistake.

See his answers... 

The last one is ultimate!!

😂😂😂😂

1. Antibody - One who hates his body .

2. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure.

3. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria .

4. Coma - Punctuation Mark .

5. Gall Bladder - Bladder of a Girl .

6. Genes - Blue Denim.

7. Labour Pain - Hurt at Work .

8. Liposuction - A French Kiss .

9. Ultrasound - Radical Sound that is above human hearing capacity, such as wife's talk.

10. Cardiology - Advanced Study of Playing Cards .....

11. dyspepsia : difficulty in drinking pepsi.

12.Chicken Pox- A Non-Veg. continental dish.

13.CT Scan: Test for identifying person's

city

14.Radiology- the study of how Radio works

15.Parotitis : information about the parrots.

ULTIMATE-------!!!!!!

16. Urology: the study of european people

  

😂😂😂😂😂

Dude

Epic:

Dude, I m sorry about your wife's death....But how come you married her sister ?

Bro, I don't have the strength to cope with a new Mother-in-Law!! 😜🤣😂

Lavda

Guy 1: Yaar pata nai meri girlfriend pregnant kaise ho gai ! Humne to sirf kiss kiya tha.

Guy 2: Maine to pehle bhi bola tha ki teri shakal hi lavde jaisi hai 😂

Death certificate

*पति :* पड़ोसन की डेथ कैसे हुई 

*पत्नि :*  दाल के भाव बहुत बढ़ने से

*पति :* ओए पागल हो गई हो... ऐसे कैसे हो सकता है?🤔

 

*पत्नि:* मैने अपनी अंखोंसे उसका डेथ सर्टिफिकेट देखा, उसपे लिखा था......

*Death due to High Pulse Rate*

पत्नी बिहार से इंग्लिश ऑनर्स में टॉपर है 

😜🤓🤣😅😆🤩😅

Keeda kahaan pe🥱

आशुतोष-- ""डॉक्टर साहब मेरे कान में #कीड़ा है...""

डॉक्टर-- ""कीड़ा तो है लेकिन आप #लोकेशन ग़लत बता रहे है...।।।""

😂😂😂

Heights

*Read and Enjoy*

-----------------------

*Height of Fashion*

```Lungi with a zip.``` 

*Height of Laziness*

```Asking lift for morning walk.```

*Height of Craziness*

```Get blank paper xeroxed.```

*Height of Honesty*

```Pregnant woman taking 2 tickets.```

 

*Height of De-Hydration*

```Cow giving milk powder.```

*Height of Hope*

```A 99 year old woman going for Rs 295/- recharge to get lifetime incoming.```

*Height of Stupidity*

```Looking through key hole of a glass door.```

*Height of Suicide Attempt*

```A dwarf jumps from the footpath on the road.```

*Height of Friendship*

```It’s when your friend runs away with your wife; and you are really worried for your friend!```

*Height of Attitude*

```A Sleeping Beggar puts a Notice Board in front of Him.```

_*Please do not make noise by dropping coins! Use Currency Notes.*_

*AND*

*THE ULTIMATE ONE*

*Height Of Work Pressure*

```An employee opens his Tiffin Box on the road side to see, whether he is going to office or coming back from office.`

``

😅😂🤣😅😂🤣

Don't laugh alone.... 

Have a great day!

 🤪😜