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Monday, May 20, 2013

Travel Allowance bill

After the war, Hanumanji submitted his Travel Allowance Bill for his official tour for collecting Sanjeevani Booti to Ayodhya administration.

The Auditor in Bill section raised 3 objections:

(1) Hanumanji did not take prior permission of the appropriate authority (Bharat), the King of Ayodhya, during the relevant time for his travel;

(2) Hanumanji being Grade-D officer was not entitled to air travel;

(3) Hanumanji was asked to bring Sanjeevani Booti, just a single plant, but he carried a whole mountain (unauthorized excess baggage).

The Auditor returned the bill. King Ram could do nothing except mark it down for re-examination.

A worried Laxman approached the Auditor and offered chai paani. The Auditor now wrote on the Bill:

Re-examined:

1. Even during the relevant time, Ram was the de-jure king through his Paduka.

2. Further in an emergency, non-entitled officers can be authorized ex-post facto to fly.

3. Also excess baggage is justified as bringing a wrong plant would have entailed multiple journeys with extra cost; hence bill may be paid. :p ;)

Sunday, May 19, 2013

πŸƒπŸ‚πŸƒπŸ‚πŸƒπŸ‚πŸƒπŸ‚πŸƒπŸ‚
Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today..
wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much...did he do that??
husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on ZERO....
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

😍Ek aadmi ne conductor se pucha: Aap kitne ghante bus me rehte ho?
Jawab : 24 hours. Wo kaise?
Jawab Mila : 8 ghante city bus me,  baaki 16 ghante biwi ke “BASME” !
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

Saturday, May 18, 2013

French Girl to her husband: I'm so Horny Let's Make Love!

German girl to her husband: I'm so drunk let's Make Love !

American Girl to her husband: I saw porn today I'm ready Let's make Love!!

Punjabi Girl to her husband: Aaj main sir tay tail lagay hoya hai, jay kuch karna hoya tay kar lo Mein ek he wari nahaan jawaan gee..



///---//
*ek chor ladki pakdi gayi

Constable wahan pahuncha aur bola teri statement leni hai, woh usko doosre kamre mein le gaya aur chod diya

Thodi time baad Hawaldar aaya bola teri statement leni hai, woh bhi uss ladki ko ek kamre may leke chod diya.

Phir Inspector aaya, woh bhi bola teri statment leni hai

Ladki boli Saab ji, statement to sujji padi hai, kal le lena*


--//-///--
11 year old girl realized growing hair between her legs. Got worried and yelled Mom about hair.
Mom calmly said. "That part where hair has grown is called a monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair."

Next morning at breakfast she told her elder sister
"My monkey has grown hair"

Her Elder Sister smiled and said.

"that's nothing, mine started eating banana's."

Mom faintedπŸ˜œπŸ˜‚πŸ’.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Attiuude for life

Superb Attitude for Life
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Log hamare bare me kya sochte hain,
Agar yeh bhi hum hi sochenge toh phir log kya sochenge..! 
Jiyo bindas..;)
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
 Someone asked Life:
Why are you so difficult...????!!!
Life Smiled and said
"You people never appreciate easy things"...:) ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
 Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, 
but because you deserve peace... 
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Unbelievable fact --  
Our body is full of water but wherever it hurts,
blood cums out.
&
Our heart is full of blood but
whenever it hurts,
TEARS comes out.
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
If you have a "magnetic" personality and yet people don't get attracted to you - it's not your fault.
They have "iron" deficiency in their bodies
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Coolest msg. . . . . . 
"if we sleep on flowers, its called our first night"
"if flowers sleep on us, its called our last night"
Reality of life....
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Pearl of the Day:
"If You want to feel Rich,
Just  Count All The Things You have, That Money cannot Buy."
✨✨✨✨✨✨
Health Tip: Honey is a natural remedy to disinfect minor wounds & scrapes. It has antibacterial elements & does not sting or burn !

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Bache to bache

Bacha phone par:
Ye kahan ka Number hai?

S.H.0: police Station.

Bacha: Tumhare pas kya hai?

S.H.O ghuse se: danda.

Bacha: Gand me Le lo.

Ye bol kar bachy ne phone band kar diya

S.H.O ne us number pe call ki
 Maa ne phone uthaya

S.H.O ne pucha:
Yaha se bachy ne call ki
Or
kaha
Danda Gand me le lo

Maa: Kitni der pahle?

S.H.O: 10 Minute pehle.

Maa: I m so sorry
Kafi der ho gai hai
Ab nikaal Lo
Aap B kahan bacho ki bato me aagae?

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Gora Aur Kala

Teacher Ne Class Mein Question Pucha Teacher: Videsh Ke Bachhe Gore Aur Yahan Ke Kale Kyun Hote Hai 

Santa: Madam Ji, Kyun Ki Wahan Ponds Cream Laga Ke Chudayi Hoti Hai Aur Yahan Sarso Ke Tel Se

Monday, May 13, 2013

Killer one

This is a killer....one must read - 

4 friends meet 30 years after
school. 

One goes to the toilet while
the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became.

No. 1 says his son studied
economics, became a banker and is
so rich he gave his best friend a ferrari.

No. 2 said his son became a pilot,
started his own airline, became so rich he gave his best friend a jet.

No. 3 said his son became an engineer, started his own
development company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.

No 4. came back from toilet and asks what the buzz is about. 

They told him they were talking about how successfull their sons became and ask him about his son.

He said his son is gay and is a Stripper at a Gay bar. 

Other 3 said he must be very disappointed with his son for not becoming successful.

" O no !! " said the father, he is doing good. 

" Last week was his birthday
and he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his
boyfriends..." 😜😜😜
πŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ™Š

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Shayari

Ek Ladke Pe Ladki Ne Susu Kar Diya Ladka Shayar Ke Andaaz Mein Bola: Aye Chanchal Shok Haseena Ye Kaisi Nadani Hai 

Ladki: Arey Aap Jise Dekhne Ko Taraste Hai, Ye Usi Jheel Ka To Paani Hai

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Pathani Chudwate Waqt


Pathani: Tm 5wy admi ho jis sy ma Chudwa rhi ho

Boy: kya tumhara husband tmko nai Chodta

Pthni: Muj ko nai chodta, bad ma usko chodta ha jo mujhe chodta hai


Ultimste hit

Ultimate Hit!!
HUSBAND calls from Delhi to his WIFE in Chandigarh πŸ“ž

SERVANT picked the phone.

HUSBAND:
Memsab πŸ‘Έ se baat karao 😍

SERVANT:
Wo to Sahab ke sath kamre πŸšͺme hai 😘

HUSBAND:
Par Sahab πŸ‘¨to mai hoon 😳

SERVANT:
Ab me kya karu? 😷

HUSBAND:
Maar de dono ko πŸ”« Mai hold karta hoon 😑
After killing..πŸ”ͺ

SERVANT:
Lasho ka kya karu? 😰

HUSBAND:
Ghar ke piche wale swimming pool 🏊 me phek ke bhaag jaa πŸƒ

SERVANT:
Par hamare ghar me to swimming pool hi nahi hai.. 😯

HUSBAND:
Oh Sorry, Wrong Number πŸ˜‹ πŸ˜‚

Friday, May 10, 2013

Politician

The Haircut
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The politician was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
REMEMBER: POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.

If you don't forward this you have no sense of humor. Nothing bad will happen. Now send it to everyone you know.gm

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Santa's speech to his workers in English:

😊

"Do do, not do not do, Eat ur husband and lie in oven.. What my goes? Your goes your father's goes..!!"
---
In Punjabi:
Karna hai karo, nahi karna na karo.. Khasmaa nu khao te chulle vich pao.. Mera ki janda ae? Jo janda ae twaada te twaade peo da janda ae.
.πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜€

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Juta hai japani

Sardar ka Juta fat gaya
usne mochi ko diya or kaha jute ko aisa silna aisa chamkana k Shakal nazar aye,

Mochi ne jute ko sil kar usme Shisha fit kar diya.
Sardar khush,

Uski shop pe 1 Ladki aai,
Sardar ne juta uski tango k niche kiya aur bola apne Blue Panty pahni hai
Ladki heran,

Next day wo Red Panty penkar aai,
Usne phir bata diya..

3rd day wo Panty pehan
kar hi nahi ayi.

Jaise hi sardar ne juta age kiya to bola
ooh Bhenchod juta fir se fat gaya.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Monday, May 6, 2013

Shocking question

A Lady on telephone: πŸ“ž
Hello Sir, I want to meet & talk to you..
Man: do u know me.. πŸ˜”
Lady: Yes you are the father of one of my kids. 😊

Man stunned,😳
Oh my God!😱
Are u Sangeeta???? 😨
No ☺
Are U Dhanashree ??? 😨
No ☺
Are u Nisha? 😨
No ☺
Disha? 😨
No ☺
Maitri? 😨
No ☺
Anushka? 😨
No ☺
Mitali?😳
No ☺
Vaishali? 😨
No ☺
Lady in confusion...😳
No sir i'm the class teacher of your son.. . πŸ˜πŸ˜›
Rocking question 😍shocking answer πŸ˜πŸ˜‚

Desi DICTIONARY 2009




SELFISH
Chootiya

STUPID MAN
LuL Laini Da

DESTROY
Loray Lagna

IGNORE
Meray lund nu thand

POWERFUL
Tatton mai paani hona.

MILD LOSS
Gand phat jana.

BIG LOSS
Gand phat kar Galay mei aa-jana.

JELOUSY
chuowain sar jana.

DO WRONG
maa yuwana.

REFUSAL
mera lun krda ie.

RUN AWAY
Gand dikhana.

FEAR
Tattay short hojana.

FRANKNESS
Bota lun te na charh.

INTERRUPTION
Pehlay tusi pehn yawa lo.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Randi

Ladki Ne Apne Boy-Frnd Ko Fone Kiya To Us Ke 10 Saal Ke Bhatije Ne Fone Uthaya.

Ladki: “Apne Uncle Ko Fon Do.”

Bacha: “Aap Ka Name?”

Ladki: “Apne Uncle Se Kaho Un Ki Jaan-E Man Ka Fone Hai.”

Jawab Mein Bachhey Ne Jo Kaha Use Sunn Kar Ladki Behosh Ho Gayi.

Bachhe Ne Masumiyat Se Kaha: “Lekin Aunty Mobile Pe To “Randi” Likha Hua Hai“

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Gashti

Ek Police Wale Ne Apni Biwi Aur Bacchon Ko Chhuttiyon Mein Ghumane Ke Liye Goa Jane Ka Plan Banaya,
Par Kisi Wajah Se Usko Kam Se Teen Din Rukna Pada, Par Bachho Ki Zid Par Usne Apni Biwi Aur Bachhon Ko Goa Pahle Bhej Diya.
Teen Din Baad Jaise Hi Wo Goa Hotel Ke Kamre Mein Pahuncha, Apni Biwi Ko Dekh Kar Uska Sex Ka Man Karne Laga,
Usne Apni Patni Ko Apni Ichha Batayi To Uski Patni Bhi Utejit Ho Gayi. Lambi-Lambi Sansein Lene Lagi Par Phus-Phusate Hue Boli.
Patni: "Nahi Darling, Ham Yahaan Nahi Kar Sakte Bacche Dekh Lenge"
Uske Pati Ne Kaha: "Tum Theek Kah Rahi Ho, To Chalo Samundar Ke Kinare Chalte Hai"
Thodi Der Baad Dono Samundar Ke Kinare Par Pahunch Gaye Aur Khali Jagah Dekh Kar Dono Aapas Mein Lipat Gaye.
Achanak Hi Ek Police Wala Wahan Aa Gaya Aur Jor Se Chillaya.
Police Wala: "Chalo, Apne Kapde Pahno, Sharm Aani Chahiye Tum Logon Ko, Ye Koi Sex Karne Ki Jagah Hai? Tumahara Challan Katega, Jurmana Bharna Padega"
Pati Ne Apni Patni Ko Ek Taraf Kiya Aur Police Wale Ko Kaha.
Pati: "Aap Theek Kah Rahe Hai Par Ye Mujhe Kayi Dinon Baad Mili Hai Isliye Main Apne Aap Ko Rok Nahi Paya Aur Main Bhi Ek Police Wala Hoon, Aur Ye Bahut Sharmnaak Hoga Agar Aap Mujhe Police Wala Hote Hue Jurmana Lagayenge"
Doosre Police Wale Ne Thodi Der Socha Aur Phir Kaha.
Police Wala: "Koi Baat Nahi Sir, Aap Chinta Na Kare, Ham To Waise Hi Ek Hi Department Ke Hai, To Main Aap Par Koi Jurmana Nahi Lagaunga Par Is Gashti Ko Pichhle Teen Din Mein Aaj Teesri Baar Maine Yahaan Pakda Hai, Ise To Jurmana Dena Hi Padega.πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜‚✊πŸ’¦πŸ˜

Friday, May 3, 2013

Arrested for Laughing...!!



This is from an actual trial in the UK.
A young Woman who was several months Pregnant was sitting in a Bus.......

When she noticed a young Man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her Seat and He seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more, She filed a Court case on him.

In the Court the Man's defence was:-
When the Lady boarded the bus i couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read
"Coming Soon- The Unknown boon"..
I was even more amused when she then sat under a Shaving advertisement, which read:-
"William's stick did the trick"..
Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:-
"Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"..

The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his chair laughing!!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜œ

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Mistake

A man was on a business trip.His wife was also on another business trip and was planning to meet her the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Arz karta hun bhenchod

Happy labour day to all the true labourers of the world...

"The Husbands" =))


1-/:/--//
Arz karta hun bhenchod:

Lund ki awaj ko damdar kehte hai,

fati chut ko bekar kehte h,

Sirf chodne ka nam mohabat nahi hota,

kisi ki yado me mutthiya marne ko bhi pyar kehte Hai..