Fashionable punjaban

A fashionable Punjaban was walking by the river. Suddenly,she saw a crocodile.
She screamed -
Oh my God ! Lacoste !!!!=))

Paisa. & mashwara

.”Paisa Gaand ki Tarah Hota Hay”
!!
“Hota Sab k Paas Hay Deta koi Nahi”

“Aur”;-

“Mashwara LUN ki Tarah Hota Hay”

“Deta Har koi Hay Magar Leta koi Nahi”

Sardar nashe mein

Sardar sharab p k BV k (bund) pe kiss pe kiss kiye ja rha tha k
Bv ki hawa nikal gai.

Sardar, BV se bola:
Sohnyo Kadi tooth paste v kar lya karo..

Babe di lag gayi

1 Doctor
Ne mreez baba k 2 teeke lgaey or teesra ek dosre mreez k lye tyar krne lga,
Baba smja ye b mare lye hai!

Baba dr se: putar bond paili wari vaikhi A?

THE BEST ADVERTISMENT LINES AGAINST

..

Pizza, Pasta, Burger & French Fries-

Few Moments On Your LIPS., Forever On Your HIPS...!

Sardarji wah

1 Sardar Ne USA K Bar Me Lady Ka Putla Dekha, Jis K Munh Me Paise Daalne Aur Mummay Dabane Se Uski Phudi Se Botal Nikal Aati Thi.

Ghar Aa K Usne BV K Mouh Me Peaise Daal K Zor Se Mummay Daba Diye.
BV Ka Peeshab nikal gaya.

Sardar:
Teri Bhen Nu Lun,
Bhen Chod,
Botal Ander He Tor Ditti.

Multibagger

@@@ GOOD DAY @@@

Sex ke bare me ek buzurg: Wo din tha, jab biwi Baalo pe hath pherti thi to HATHIYAR khada ho jata tha!
Ab HATHIYAR pe hath pherti hai to Baal khade ho jate hai!

? @@@@@@@@

1 Ldki ki T Shirt pe car bani hui thi.
1 Baccha use Dekh rha tha
L: Car chalani he Kya?
B: nhi car nhi chalani par agar aap ki ijazat ho to horn baja lu?

@@@@@@@@

Sex education in schools is a good idea but kids should not get homework for the same
@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Waqt ko kabhi
zaya na karo.!
Waqt ki keemat,
us shakhs se puchho
Jo Toilet ke bahar khada ho...
usey Loose Motion ho,
aur...
Andar wale ko,
"constipation"

@@@@@@@@@@@@@

College Me
Madam-Lakir ka Fakir Muhavre ka udhahran do
Boy-Bura Nhi Manana
Madam- Nhi Bura Q
Boy-Aapki Panty k andar
jo Lakir hai
Hmari chaddi me Uska fakir hai
@@@@@@@@@@@@

Ek ladki pandit k pero ko jhukar chuti he
Or khti he pandit g koi gyan ki bat btao
Pandit- beti bra pahena kro
kyoki jhukti
ho to gyan
Or dhyan dono ki maa
chud jati he
LKG tchr:If u tel 1 to 10 witout mistaks I'l giv u a kiss

Boy:If i tel 1 to 100 do u hav any better package.

Penis insurance

Insurance Agent-"Sir, We Also Do Penis Insurance"
.
Sardar-"U Replace With New One?"
.
Agent-"No Sir, Once It stops Working,
We Give Free Services to Madam".

Johny

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Johnny says " Mas-ter-bate."
Ms Hall smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful."
Little Billy says, "No, Miss Hall, you’re thinking of a blowjob."

Smart prostitute

Prostitute:1 pckt
Condom Dena..

CHEMIST: (Teasing)
Kaunsi Company
Ka Du BEHENJI..

Pro: Achhe Wala Dena,
Jis Se Teri BEHAN Ki
Ijjat Bani Rahe, mazaa
pura aaye aur Tu
MAMA Na Bane.

Stop smoking

Lady: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes I do.
Lady: How many packs a day?
Guy: Three.
Lady: How much per pack?
Guy: Ten dollars.
Lady: And how long have you been smoking? Guy: 15 years.
Lady: So one pack is $10 and you've been smoking three packs a day, which puts your monthly spend at $900. In one year it would've been $10,800. Correct?
Guy: Yes.
Lady: If you spend $10,800 a year, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your total spend at $162,000. Correct?
Guy: Yes.
Lady: Do you know if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after calculating compound interest for the past 15 years, you could've by now bought a Ferrari?
Guy: Yes. Oh! Do you smoke?
Lady: No.
Guy: Then where's your fucking Ferrari? 

"Clock has arrived"

A sindhis wife was expecting & the baby was due any day.

Sindhi was very confident it would be a boy & was looking 4wd to the delivery day.
As fate would have it, he was transferred to another city & had to go immediately.
B4 going, he asked his father-in-law to send a telegram confirming the birth of his son.
But in order to avoid giving a party to his office colleagues,he asks his father -in-law to write "the clock has arrived" & he will understand that the son is born.
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl.
Now Sindhi's father-in-law didn't know wot to do.If he writes"the clock has arrived" My son in law will think he has a son.
If he writes"the clock has not arrived",d son in law will get worried tht something serious has happened. Being a very intelligent person,he finds a solution & sends the telegram.
Just read below,u will love it.
Son in law received the telegram,opened it eagerly & reads
"The clock has arrived, but the pendulum' is missing"

Pintu kaun

Ek Ladka bike se Aunty ko ghar chhodne ja
raha tha.
Jab bhi aunty ke boobs uski peeth se lagte
wo kehta :Na pintu na, ye aunty hai.
Ghar pahuch ke Aunty boli :Tu kis pintu ke
saath baat kar raha tha?
Ladka sharma ke bola :
Aapke nipples baar baar takra rahe
thhe,,Mera baar baar khada ho raha tha,to
mein usse samjha raha tha ke pintu khada
na ho, yeh to Aunty hai."
Aunty boli : "Dhutt pagle,
Aunty to mein teri hu,
Pintu ki nahin.... chal andar" 

Multibagger

BECHARA MARD...!?
Agar aurat par hath uthaye to BESHARAM,
Aurat se maar khae to BUZDIL,
Aurat ko kisi ke 7 dekh ker ladai kre to JEALOUS,

Chup rahe to DARPOK,

ghar se bahar rahe to AAWARA,

ghar me rahe to NAAKARA,

bachho ko dante to ZALIM,

na dante to LAPARWAH,

Aurat ko naukari karane se roke to SHAK KARNE WALA,

na rokey to BIWI ki kamai KHANE WALA,

Maa ki mane to CHAMCHA,

Biwi ki sune to Joru ka GULAM...

Na Jane Kab Aayega,

"HAPPY MEN'S DAY"
Marriage is like a public toilet . Those waiting outside are desperate to get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

No Man👤 Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because, there is always a better model in the neighborhood.

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Searching these keywords on Google🌍`How to tackle wife?`

Google search result, "Good day sir, Even we are searching".

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.

It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling single again.

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

A friend recently explained, why he refuses to get married.

He says, "The wedding rings look like a miniature handcuffs".

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most and when a man does that.
The slide show begins.

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils, but my wife is the queen of them.

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Time to laugh 
------------------------------
SARDAR'Son:- papaji......
Bahar Darwaje par koi Swimming pool ke liye
Donation mang Reha hai.
SARDAR:- Puttar Ja, usko Ek Lota pani de de.
------------------------------
Sardar - Yaar raat bhar train me
Neend nahi aayi upar ki seat mili thi..
Dost - to exchange karna tha..
Sardar - kisse karta,
Niche seat pe koi tha hi nahi.
-----------------------------Jethalal- aare daya raat ko
Mobile charging me mat rakho,
Blast ho jayega,
Daya- tapu ke papa
Aap tension mat lijiye
Maine battery nikal di he...
------------------------------
Who was the 1st INDIAN to use 4G..
.


Ans: It's Anil kapoor.!
aG ,oG, lo G, suno G.
------------------------------
Mayawati came 2 lalu's house with an elephant,
Lalu- bhaiswa ke sath aaye ho..??
Mayawati- dikhta nahi elephantwa hai.
Lalu- dhutt pagli hum elephantwa se puch raha hu.
------------------------------
Shadi me Sardar ne plate pe tissue paper dekh k socha ye bhi khane wali chez hai.
Jaise hi wo khane laga, to Sab Sardar Chillaye
"Oye Mat Kha,
Feeka hai"
------------------------------
TEACHER: Wo Kaun Sa Department He Jisme Aurat Kaam Nahi Kar Sakti?
STUDENT: Fire Brigade.
TEACHER: Wo Q?
STUDENT: Aurato Ka Kaam AAG Lagana Hai, Bujhana Nahi:)
------------------------------
Girl:Nice mobile,
Where did u buy?
Boy:I won dis in a running race
Girl:How many persons participated?
Boy:MOBILE OWNER, POLICE & ME.
------------------------------
Teacher: can you defined who is leacturer?
.
.
.
Student: Lecturer is a person
Who has a very bad habbit of
Speaking when someone sleeping.
------------------------------
Santa BLOOD Ke bare mein book padh raha tha.
Wife: Aaj yeh book kyu padh rahe ho ji?
Santa: Mujhe doctor ne kaha hai
Ke kal mera BLOOD test hai...
Iss liye test ki tayari kar raha hoon.!!
------------------------------
Customer: Waiter Aisi Chai Pilao
Jisko Pee Kar Tan Man Jhum Uthe Aur
Badan Nachne Lage.
Waiter: Sir Humare Yaha Bhens Ka Dudh Aata Hai,
Nagin Ka Nahi...
------------------------------
Boy to Girl:Tumhari Umar kya hai?
Girl:20 years
Boy: tum ne to
5 saal pehle bhi yahi batayi thi?
Girl: dekha ladkiyan zubaan ki
Kitni pakki hoti hain.
------------------------------
1 Sardar Scooter Leke Nikla
Aur Wrong Side Me Chalne Laga
Aur Tension Me Aa Gaya...
Aur Bola : Shit, Aaj Fir Late Ho Gya!
Sab Log Wapas Aa Rahe Hai
------------------------------
Judge : Do u accept that u,
Stole the money from him?
Thief : No sir, He only gave me.
Judge : when did he give u?
Thief : when I showed him the knife.
------------------------------

Story of santa birth

Santa ki Maa: 20 saal tak meri koyi aulaad nahi hui..

Press Repoter: Phir aapne kya kiya?

Maa: Phir mein 21 saal ki hui to papa ne meri shaadi karayi, phir ja ke Santa hua..!

Exam hall

Xam hall is d most vulgar n seducing place whr u can say 2an unknown girl

1. Kuch to dikha de yar,
chal figure hi dikha de

2. Hath hata, kuch dikh ni rha. Ese mai kese krunga?

3. Thoda sa reh gya niche ka Bas 10 min.

4. Dede yar,wrna m to mar jaunga.

5. 1baar aur khol de, mai fatafat kr lunga is bar.😀

Opportunism

1 Nangi ladki 20 Floor se giri.
18 floor par 1 aadmi ne catch kiya, bola 'Chusegi' ???
Ladki shareef thi, manaa kar diya.
Aadmi ne usska hath chodd diya,

Iss barr 16 floor pe 1 aadmi ne catch kiya And bola 'Chudegi' ?
Ladki : No.
Usne bhi uska hath chodd diya
Ladki girne lagi, Gaand fati maut ke darr se, socha=-?kash unki baat man leti.
12 floor pe 1 aadmi ne phir catch kiya.
Ladki - Mein Chusungi bhi Chudungi bhi.
(Iss baar aadmi Shareef nikla ) Aadmi - Chal randi saali , Jaa, marr...
.
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS ONCE ONLY, SOMETIMES TWICE BUT NEVER THEREAFTER..

Saalo tum logon ko achaa inspirational msg bhi samjhaane ke liye Sexy tareeke se bhejna paddta hai..

Avoid smoking

Doctor: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes I do.
Doc: How many packs a day?
Guy: 3 packs.
Doc: How much per pack?
Guy: $10.00 per pack.
Doc: And how long have you been smoking?
Guy: 15 years
Doc: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a day which puts your spending per month at $900. In 1 year, it would have been $10,800. Correct?
Guy: Hmm..Correct.
Doc: If 1 year you spend $10,800, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending total at $162,000. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Doc: Do you know if you hadn't smoke, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have by now bought a Ferrari?
Guy: Oh. Do you smoke?
Doc: No.
Guy: Then where's your f@cking Ferrari?!! X_X =)) =D

Best friends

Before Paul goes to war, he fits a chastity belt on his wife.
He locks it and gives the key to his best friend Fergus.
"If I'm not back within 4 years, open and enjoy".
He hops on his horse and hits the road.
A half an hour later he notices a dust cloud behind him.
He stops and sees that it is Fergus. "What's wrong?" he asks.
Out of breath, Fergus answers. "It's the wrong key!


"Men will B Men!!":p



--//--/---/
Girlfriend: Kya Tum Mere Liye Farhaad Ki Tarhan Dhood Ki Nehren Nahi Nikaal Sakte Ho ?

Boyfriend: Kyun Nahi Tum Dabaney Ka Moqa To Do!

Joke

Boss was fucking a girl.
Executive: Wah Boss!
akele-akele. Hamara no. kab ayega?
Boss: Bas ladki ke baad tera hi number hai
Santa ne Dr se puchaa - Ghar Jaane Ka Kya Loge?

Dr - 150/-

Santa-Chalo..

Dr ne Bike Nikali,Ghar Aa Gaya,

Dr-Kise Dekhna hai??
Santa- Kisi ko Nahi,
Taxi Wala 300 Mang Raha Tha!!

Santa and jagjit singh

Santa goes to Jagjit's concert...

Jagjit- Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shohrat bhi lelo...

Santa- Main toh bahut pareshan hoon, meri toh aurat bhi lelo.


--//--/---/
Bus Driver ke peechhe baitha Bachcha bakwaas kar raha thaa..
Bachcha : Agar meri Maa Hathni hoti aur Baap Haathi toh main chhota Haathi hota.....
Agar meri Maa Cow aur Baap Bull hota toh main chhota Bull hota.....
Bachche se pareshaan ho kar gusse mein Driver bola : Agar teri Maa Randi aur Baap Bhadwaa hota toh Tu kya hota.....???
Bachcha smart tha jhat se bola: Toh main Bus Driver hota!!!

Breast feeding

SARDARNI: U say I look Old, but some of ur Frnds still praise me.
SARDAR: Must be Joginder Singh!!!

SRDARNI: Yes,but hw do u know?

SARDAR: He's a Scrap Dealer.😋

--//--
Two moms, a Black & a White, were breast feeding.
White baby cries & the mom asks what he wants. Baby points to black mom & says:

"I want Chocolate flavor.."

Santa's english

Harvard Professor to Santa: "Visions of the Future are Better than Dreams of the Past" Please explain its' meaning with an example.....
Santa: Kal raat de hangover da na socho..! Aaj kithe, teh kisde naal peeni ae, eh socho..!

Rabbit and tortoise

Tortoise n rabbit wrote entrance exam,

Tortoise got 80%
Rabbit 81%.

Both went 4admission in an engineering college,
Cut off needed was 85%...

Rabbit didn't get but
Tortoise got admission.
How?

U remember wen v wer in 1st std tortoise won a race...
Sports quota 5% marks extra...

Home sweet home

It takes thousand workers to build a castle, million soldiers to protect a country, but just One woman to make a Happy Home,

A Good Maid!

Punjabi traits

Punjabi Tip # 01 – If it isn’t a Patiala peg, it isn’t a drink!

Punjabi Tip # 02 – When we say Cloney, we don’t mean George Clooney. It might mean Defence Cloney!

Punjabi Tip # 03 – A Punjabi wedding without alcohol will always have a drinks-car parked outside!

Punjabi Tip # 04 – If you’re Punjabi, you definitely know at least one Sweety, Sunny, Tony Jassi or Honey!

Punjabi Tip # 05 – No party is ...complete, till people start dancing & singing to ‘Oh Ho Ho Ho, Ishq tera tadpave’!

Punjabi Tip # 06 – Butter Chicken, Butter Naan and Butter Milk – Three course meal for a Punjabi!

Punjabi Tip # 07 – Tandoori Chicken, the National Bird of Punjab!

Punjabi Tip # 08 – ‘Oye, Koyi nahi yaar’ is our reply to ‘Shit Happens’!

Punjabi Tip # 09 – If we use MC / BC more than 5 times in one sentence with you, we probably love you!

Punjabi Tip # 10 – The only people who proudly call themselves ‘Amplifiers’ and their girlfriends ‘Woofers’

Punjabi Tip # 11 – 5 things Punjabi would have – Bullet, Jutti, Ray Bans, Jeep and Woofers

Punjabi Tip # 12 – It doesn’t matter if you are from Andhra Pradesh, Kerala, Tamil Nadu, or Bangalore; we think you’re a ‘Madarasi’

Punjabi Tip # 13 – You know you’re Punjabi when your nickname at home is ‘Ullu de Patthe’ or ‘Khote de Puttar’

Punjabi Tip # 14 – Canada & UK – Part of Punjab.

Punjabi Tip # 15 – P is for ‘Punj Mint’ and no matter how near or far a Punjabi is from you, he always says he’ll reach in ‘Punja Minta’! (5minutes)

Darshan

Ik Din Santa Mandir Gya
Lok Bhajan Ga Rhe C:
“Darshan De Gariban Nu, Darshan De Gariban Nu”…
Sante Di Nuh Da Na “Darshan Rani” Si
Santa Nu Gussa Aa Gya
Te Oh Bhi Bhajan Gaaun Lagga

“Darshan Mere Munde Di Bahu,
Oh Ta Mere Munde Di Rhu , Baki Gal Nasiban Di, Evein Kiven Gariban Di”

Hitech

An Indian, A Japanese, And A Pakistani Were Sitting Naked In The Sauna.

Suddenly There Is A Beeping Sound. The Indian Presses His Forearm And The Beeping Stops.

The Others Look At Him Questioningly. “That’s My Pager,” He Says. “I Have A Microchip Under The Skin Of My Arm.”

A Few Minutes Later A Phone Rings. The Japanese Lifts His Palm To His Ear.

When He Finishes He Explains, “That’s My Mobile Phone. I Have A Microchip In My Hand.”

The Pakistani, Feeling Decidedly Low-Tech But Not To Be Outdone, Decided He Had To Do Something Just As Impressive.

He Steps Out Of The Sauna And Goes To The Toilet. He Returns With A Piece Of Toilet Paper Hanging From His Butt.

The Others Raised Their Eyebrows And Said, “Wow! What’s That?”

“I’m Getting A Fax,” He Explains.

Akbar birbal

Akbar: Tum ghanti bajake puja karte ho, kya tumhra Bhagwan sota rehta hai?
Birbal: Huzor aap pichhwada uthake namaz padte hain,kya apke Allah ka hamesha khada hi rehta hai ?

Desh looto

Rahul: Mom, hum iss desh ko kab tak lootenge ?
Sonia: 'JAB TAK HAI JAAN'.
Rahul: Hamari help kaun karega ?
Sonia: 'SON OF SARDAR'

Rahul & Soniya

Rahul: Mom, hum iss desh ko kab tak lootenge ?
Sonia: 'JAB TAK HAI JAAN'.
Rahul: Hamari help kaun karega ?
Sonia: 'SON OF SARDAR'

Dukandar ki zubaan

Ek Bhabhi Bra aur Panty ki dukan mein bahot mol bhav kar rahi thi..

Dukandar :-

"Bhabhiji, Bra me maine aapka Dil rakha
Ab Panty me aapko meri zubaan rakhni hi padegi!"

Dirty mind

A Ticket Collector In A Train Fines Rs400
For No Ticket
He Chrgd 1st Girl Rs300
Who Wz Wearing Sleevless
Rs200 To 2nd
Who Wz Wearing Sleevless & Backless
Rs100 To 3rd
Who Wz Wearing Sleevless Backles & A Mini Skirt
He Chrgd Rs 0 To The 4th One
Why?
Dirty Mind!
She Had The Ticket:-)

English is a funny language

English is a funny language.
Keep in touch- Chute raho .
Lets hang out- Chalo bahar latakte hai?
What's up?- Upar kya hai?
Cool man- Thandaa aadmi!!
Listen buddy, dat chick's mine, okay!- Suno dost wo chooza mera hai theek..
R U nuts?- Kya aap akhrot hai?
Rock da party- Party me patthar feko..
How do U do- Aap Kaise karte ho??

Lambi sans lo

Dr: sans le…. Or lambi sans….. or lambi…………. Thori or lambi……. Suddenly sound came "khatak"Dr: Lagta ha ap ki paslo fracture haLady: stupid mere bra ka hook toth gaya ha

Goal to reach hole

A man was lost on an island. He cut a tree and decided to make a boat. Suddenly he saw a girl and he used the tree for making bed.

Moral:A hole can change your goal.

Maa ban ne wali hu

Beti- mai Maa ban ne wali hu.
Maa-kamini,
Kaha jaake chudva k aayi ha?
.
Kiska lund muh me leke aayi he?
.
Kis ki lassi chut me bharwa k aayi ha?
.
Padhne ki umar me kaha gand marva k aayi ha ?

Bol warna chut me cement dal k pack kar dungi

Beti(rote hue)- School k anual function Me "MAA" ban ne wali hu ! !

Confused santa

Punjab Roadways Bus Conductor :
"Haan ji, PICHHE ticket le li sabhi ne...?"

....
....

Banta,"Nahi ji, abhi to HAATH mein hi hai!!!"

Secret of virginity

Guy on 1st nt finding his wife was a Virgin
"I want to Kiss d 1 who took care of U & Protected ur Virginity"
She replied wid a nauty smile,.
"Kiss my ASS".

Innocent sardar

Bank sent an SMS to Sardar:
Your payments are outstanding.
Sardar humbly replied, "Thanx for the compliment".

Akbar &birbal

AKBAR 2 BIRBAL:
Yaar Meri Begum kabhi kabhi
Mere Neeche ke Baal kheenchti hai
BIRBAL: Saza Do Saalli ko,
Jis Din khinchey Ussi Din
2 Bar Aage se Chodo
2 Bar Peeche se
2 Bar Khade Hoke
2 Bar Bitha ke
2 Bar Muhh Me
2 Bar Gaand Me
SHOT Maaro

AKBAR: Abbay Madarbhod, Bhosdike, SAZA USKO DENI HAI YA MUJHE ?

Boobs katha

Boobs ki aatmktha

Mera janam 12 saal baad hua,
rang layi mere chahne walo ki dua

Jab mai bilkul choti thi,
tab mai frock me soti thi

Fir mere aakar ka vistar hua,
Nimbu badh k Anaar hua

Jab mai badne lagi,
Hr kisi ki nzar mujhpe pdne lgi

Hua fir Bra mera ghar,
Ab Lagne lga mujhe darr

Jab mera size hua bada,
Jane kitno ka hua khada

Bhid me Ladko ne hath mara,
Mujhe ehsas hua bahot Pyara

Fir na jane kitno ne dabaya,
Sach kahu to bada mazaa aaya

Kisi ne pyar se sehlaya,
Kisi ko pyar se chusvaya.

Kisi ne mujhe masal diya,
kisi ne mujhpe Apna ragad diya.

Ab Jab mai gai jhool,
Sare madarchod mujhko gye bhool. 
Boss: “Let Me Fuck You Just One Time, I’ll
Be Quick And Pay You 20,000. I’ll Throw
The Money On The Floor & Till You Bend
Down & Pick Up All, I’ll Be Done”
Girl Likes The Proposal & She Calls Her
Boyfriend.
Boy Friend: “Its Fine But Ask For 30,000 &
Be Very Quick To Pick The Money”
After 4 Hours Boyfriend Calls Her
Boyfriend: “What Happened?”
Girlfriend: “That Bastard Is Still…
Aaah…
Fucking Me…
Ahh
He Brought All Coins…
Lesson: Please Read The Offer Documents
Carefully Before Investing.

Santa in agony

Santa & ladki sex kar rahe the.. Achanak ladki ka husband aa gaya.. Ladki ne santa ko cupboard mei chhupa dia but uski gotiyan darwaze ke bahar reh gaye..

Husband: ye kya hai.?
Wife: ye maine nayi bell lagwayi hai.

Husband ne hila kar dekha, koi aawaj ni aayi, zor se hilaya phir bhi koi aawaj nahi ayi.Phir usne zor se mukka mara to Santa cupboard se bahar akar rote hue bola...

Tiinggtonggg Maa ke laudey Tinggtongg=))

Aadami ya janwar

Adalat Mein Ek Talak Ka Case Aata Hai, Patni Judge Se Kehti Hai. Patni: Ye Mujhe Bahut Chodta Hai, Main In Ke Sath Nahi Reh Sakti Judge Uske Pati Se Puchta Hai: Kitni Baar Chodte Ho Ek Din Mein? Pati: Raat Ko Sone Se Pehle, Phir Aadhi Raat Ko, Phir Subah Chai Se Pehle, Phir Chai Pee Ke, Phir Breakfast Se Pehle, Phir Breakfast Ke Baad, Phir Office Jane Se Pehle, Phir Office Se Aa Ke, Phir Lunch Karke, Phir Sham Ko Office Se Aa Ke, Phir Chai Pee Ke, Phir Dinner Se Phle Aur Fir Dinner Kar Ke, Judge: Itni Baar Chod Ke Tu Bor Nahi Hota? Pati: Ji Jab Bor Hota Hu Tab Mutth Maar Leta Hu

Pappu ki gand

Pappu Ne Aaj Tak Apni Gaand (Back) Nahi Dekhi Thhi. Kisi Shararat Ki Vajah Se School Mein Teacher Ne Uski Back Pe Kafi Sare Dande Maare. Rota Hua Bechara Ghar Aya Aur Socha Ki Sheeshe Mein Check Karta Hun Sheeshe Mein Back Ko Dekh Kar Pappu Bola Pappu: Madhar Chod Harami Master Ne Itna Mara Ki 2 Tukde Hi Kar Diye

Facts

Few Classics:
An intelligent wife is one who spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman.
*******************************************
Cool message by a woman: Dear mother-in-law,"don't teach me how to handle my children,I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement." 
*******************************************
A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came home and asked, What happened son??
Kid said, can't adjust with your wife anymore, I need my own. 
*******************************************
In an African safari, a lion suddenly bounced on Photographer's wife.
Wife: Shoot him! Shoot him!
Man: Yes, yes. I'm changing the battery in my camera.. 
*******************************************
What is the difference between mother and wife?
One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
******

Aadami ya janwar

Adalat Mein Ek Talak Ka Case Aata Hai, Patni Judge Se Kehti Hai. Patni: Ye Mujhe Bahut Chodta Hai, Main In Ke Sath Nahi Reh Sakti Judge Uske Pati Se Puchta Hai: Kitni Baar Chodte Ho Ek Din Mein? Pati: Raat Ko Sone Se Pehle, Phir Aadhi Raat Ko, Phir Subah Chai Se Pehle, Phir Chai Pee Ke, Phir Breakfast Se Pehle, Phir Breakfast Ke Baad, Phir Office Jane Se Pehle, Phir Office Se Aa Ke, Phir Lunch Karke, Phir Sham Ko Office Se Aa Ke, Phir Chai Pee Ke, Phir Dinner Se Phle Aur Fir Dinner Kar Ke, Judge: Itni Baar Chod Ke Tu Bor Nahi Hota? Pati: Ji Jab Bor Hota Hu Tab Mutth Maar Leta Hu

Holy soap

HOLY SOAP!

Two priests are off to the showers late one night.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way..

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.


Startled, he drops a bar of soap..

"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood (the thing).
Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and
three times but nothing happens.

So she gives several more tugs, then yells...

"Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND WASH TOO!"

Attention please

1st yr MBBS students were attending their 1st anatomy class.They all gathered around the table with real dead body.The professor started the class by telling them two important qualities as a doctor.The 1st is that never be disgusted about anything regarding the body e.g he inserted his finger in the body's ass & on drawing back,put the finger in his own mouth & tasted it.Then he told the students to do the same.The students hesisted for several minutes.But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in the body's ass & tasted it.When everyone finished the professor looked at them & said:The most important 2nd quality is Obervation.I inserted my middle finger but tasted the index finger. Now learn to pay attention

You can be sure they did!

Ronak Singh

-A sardar eats Viagra daily. Friend asked: u don't have wife or gf then y u eat the Viagra daily? Sardar: Bus wase hi underwear ma ronak lagi rehti ha

Muft ka shave

Ek Doctor Santa Ke Piche Blade Leke Bhag Raha Tha Aur Chilla Raha Thha. Doctor: Thahar Ja Kutte Kameene, Ek Baar Hath Lag Ja Tere Ko Jan Se Mar Dunga Ye Sun Kar Kuch Logo Ne Usko Pakda Aur Pucha. Log: Bhai Sahab Hua Kya Hai, Kyu Usko Marne Pe Tule Ho? Doctor Rote Hue: Ye Sala Hai Hi Harami, Pichli 4 Baar Se Aisa Hi Kar Raha Hai, Nasbandi Karvane Aata Hai Aur Jhaantein Katva Kar Baag Jaata Hai

Rodeo style sex

Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex
positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy.
"What is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount
her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her
breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just
like your sister's."
Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."

Lund ka kya kam

Ek bar ek sadhu maharaj Parvachan kar rahe the k Apne se Badi Aurat ko Maa, Chhoti ko Beti aur Barabar wali ko Behn Samjho. Issi beech ek Sardar ji uth kar bole “Maharaj ji to phir ye Lun v aap hi rakho. Jadi Booti Kootne ke Kaam Aayega.

Chicken story

Chicken story (mind blowing climax):
A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old
cock. As he feels that the old cock could no
longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer
bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock:
"Welcome to join me, we will work together
towards productivity.
Young cock: What you mean? As far as I
know, you are old & should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens
here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them
will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you
to a competition & if I win you shall allow
me to have one hen & if I lose you will have
all.
Young cock: OK. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that
tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow
me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock: No problem ! We will compete
tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the
Young cock allows the Old cock to start off
& when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters
mark the Young cock chases him with all his
might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock
back in a matter of seconds. Suddenly,
Bang.....! Before he could overtake the old
cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who
cursed,..."Hell!!!! This is the 5th gay chicken I've bought this
week."=))

Punjabi & American

Marketing Concepts

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - "That's Direct Marketing"

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of ur frnz goes upto her and pointing at u says: "He's very rich."Marry him." "That's Advertising"

3. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to u and says: "You are very rich!" Can I marry you?" "That's Brand Recognition"

4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party go upto her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives u a nice hard slap on ur face.- "That's Customer Feedback"

5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. U go upto her and say: "I m very rich. Mary me!" and she introduces u to her husband.- "That's demand and supply gap"

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. U go upto her and before u say: "I m rich, Marry me!" ur wife arrives.- "That's restriction for entering new markets.

I hope Concepts are clear..
A Punjabi was enjoying a hearty breakfast....Coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam etc.
While an American, chewing a gum, sat next to him & started an unwanted conversation..
American : You punjabiz eat the whole bread?
Punjabi : Ofcourse !
American : (Blowing bubbles with his gum) We dont. We Americans only eat what's inside. We collect the crust, in a container, recycle, make these into croissants & sell these to India !!
Do u eat jam with bread ?
Punjabi : Ofcourse !
American: (Chuckling & crackling his gum between his teeth) We don't. We eat fruits in breakfast, put all the peels, seeds & leftovers into containers, turn these into jam & sell it to India !!
Punjabi : Do you have sex in America ?
American : Ofcourse, we do !
Punjabi : What do you do with the used condoms ?
American : We throw them, ofcourse !
Punjabi : We don't ! In India, we put them into a containers, recycle them, turn them into chewing gums & sell them to the Americans !!!!
Cheers!
A husbands version:
My wife is like "Terms & conditions" of a Website
I never understand what she says but I always accept

Japani phudi

her koi ker raha hai arman phudi ka

phudi pe mar raha hai insaan phudi ka

phudi bhi rabar ka lun bhi rabar ka

ki ki bana raha hai japan phudi ka

Bra panty

Lady – Time Kya Hua Hai
Santa – Bra Panty
Lady Ne Khich K Chaped Maari, Kenhdi Ki Bakvas Kari Janda Ae.
Santa – Salie Chaped Kyon Maari Thik Taan Keh Reha Haan 12:35

Daru aur barbadi

​Daru ki vajah se barbaad 1insaan ne Kasam li aur ghar se Daru ki khali bottles fekne laga

1st fekte bola- Teri vajah se Meri Naukri gyi >:O

2nd fekte bola- Teri vajah se Mera Ghar bika :'(

3rd fekte bola- Teri vajah se Meri Biwi chali gayi
4th uthai to vo bhari hui nikli ...toh bola-Tu Side me hoja pagli, Tu to bekasur hai

Sindhi aur fakeer

Fakeer: Baba Kuch De Do Bahut Bhooka Hu..

Sindhi: 100 Rs. Dikhate Hue Bola 50 Rs Hain Tere Pas ?

Fakeer Khushi Se: G Hai

Sindhi :To Pehle Wo To Kharch Krle..?

Lunds up

ThumsUp is launching Viagra drink. It is named..
"LUNDS-UP"..
With punch line..
"Fuck d Thunder
Dal de undar"

Topless restaurant

Thousands of Men visited the new "Topless Restaurant",

They were shocked to find out that it had no roof!
Men will b men

Wife Ne Kurti Kaddi

Wife Ne Kurti Kaddi,
Fer Madhosh Nazran Naal Sante Vall Dekhde Hoye
Apni Salwar Laahndi Hoyi Kehan Laggi,
“Pata Hai Na, Ajj Ki Karna Hai?”
Santa: Saali, Main Ajj Raat Nu Kapde Nahi Dhowanga…

Menopause

For all my 40+ dear friends..
There's no reason to fear Menopause !
It's d eggs that expire 'n'
Not d Hen.. !!
The Cock still enjoys..!!!

Yeh kya bimari hai

Mareez ke penis ke neeche ki 1goti kaali ho gai

Doctor zehar fail gaya hai kaatni padegi

Kuch din baad dusri goti lal ho gayi

Doctor zehar zyada fail gaya hai dusri b kaatni padegi

Kuch aur din baad penis neela ho gaya

Doctor agar zinda rehna hai toh penis katwa lo
aur Doctor ne uski jagah plastic ka penis laga diya

kuch din baad plastic ka penis bhi hara ho gaya

DR-OH NO !

Ab teri bimari samajh aa gai hai teri UNDERWEAR rang chod rahi hai.;) 😀😀

Second person at moon?

Banta- Chand par pehla kadam kisne rakha?
Santa- NEIL AMSTRONG.
Banta- Or dusra?
Santa- hai chutiya. dusra bhi usi ne rakha hoga. Wo bhousade ka
Langda thodi tha woh!

Ramayan ka saar

RAMAYANA KA SAAR:

Poori Ramayan biwiyo ki kahani hai.
LAXMAN apni biwi ko
ghar pe chhodkar chala aaya.

RAWAN dusre ki utha ke fas gaya.

SUGRIV ne RAM ka sath isliye diya kyoki use apni biwi bali se vapas chahiye thi.

HANUMAN ki apni thi hi nahi magar dusre ki dhundhne ke chakkar me LANKA jala dali.

RAM ko apani vapas chahiye thi to use dus din tak yuddha karna pada aur end me kya hua??

jis biwi ke kaaran itni RAMAYAN hui woh to
underground ho gayi.

Facts

Virginity is like a balloon. One prick and it's gone forever!

Sex is like a pack of chips, once you start you can't stop!

Exam paper is like a dick, When it gets hard people get fucked!

Work is like group sex,10 people are behind your ass to take your place.

Education is like hiring a prostitute, It needs both your money and your hard work.

Success is like masturbating, only your own hand can let you achieve it."

In short: Life is a porn film!

Result

Thought For The Day
"A Man should make his Woman's Pussy wet and Not her eyes

AND
A Woman should make her Man's Dick hard and Not his life"

---///-------//------///--
Father: Tumhare Result ka kya
hua.........??
.
.
.
Son: Headmster ka beta fail ho
gaya,
.
.
.
Father: Aur tum...??
.
.
.
Son: Doctor ka beta Bhi fail ho
gaya,
.
.
.
Father: Aur tumhara result kaisa
Aaya....??
.
.
.
Son: Wo Wakeel Ka Beta Bhi fail
Ho gya,
.
.
.
Father: Kamine mai tera puchh
raha
hun.
.
.
.
Son: To Tum konse Rajnikant Ho,
Tumhara Beta Bhi Fail hua hai.
Sonia Gandhi was very embarassed on hearing that Robert Vadra is worth 300 crores...


In political terms....he is below "poverty line" :

Ghalib aur uski biwi

GHALIB :
Hume to apno ne loota,
Gairon mein kahan dam tha.
Hamaari kashti wahaan doobi, Jahaan paani kam tha...!

GHALIB ki BIWI :
Tum toh they hee chutiye, Tumhaari gaand mein kahaan dam thaa.
Wahan kya maa chudaane gaye they,
Jahaan paani kam thaa...?!!?

Facts of life

A Few Good Ones ...

1. When I was born, I was given a choice: A big dick or a good memory...
I don't remember, what I chose :p

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory !!

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying: 'Sorry dude, No hard feelings....' ;)

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:
'don't' and 'stop' ... unless they are used together :p

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth ;)

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly :D

8. Virginity is not dignity, its simply lack of opportunity ..

9. Having sex is like playing cards.
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand !!

10. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small... ;)

11. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy !!

12. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only 'down under'.

13. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

14. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't ;)

15. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes :p

16. Despite the old saying: 'Don't take your troubles to bed'.
Many men still sleep with their wives!!
=D

Galat kam

Teacher: Baccho, Dasso Jehde Loki Galat Kamm Karde Ne,
Oh Kithe Jande Ne??
Ik Kudi Boli Sharmande Hoye: Madam Sehar De Loki Hotel Te,
Te Pendu Loki Motor Te…

couple never fought in 25 years.


A couple never fought in 25 years.

A friend asked: how did you make it possible?

Husband: we went to Paris for our honeymoon, while horse riding my wife's horse jumped and she fell down.

She got up and patted the horse's back and said this is your 1st time

After a while it happened again and my wife said this your 2nd time ,

when it happened 3rd time, my wife took out the gun and shot the horse..!

I shouted: You PSYCHO you killed the horse.

She gave me a grave look and said this is your 1st time!

And since then we have never fought.

What a coincidence

Man in a bar orders kingfisher beer!
Lady next to him- What a coincidence, even i have ordered Kingfisher.
Man- I am celebrating.
Lady- Me too.
Man- What a coincidence.
Why r u celebrating?
Lady- My husband n I have tried 4 years for a baby.
Today I am pregnant!
Man- What a coincidence.
I'm a farmer, for 4 yrs my hens were infertile, today all laying eggs!!!
Lady- Wow! how did that happen?
Man- I used a different cock!
Lady smiled winked her eyes & said- What a coincidence!

Auspicious occasion

Wife- I am fed up of the daily fights.I wanna divorce you!
Husband:ok..here some chocolate for you! Wife(emotionally): maana rahe ho mujhe?don't want me to go? Husband:nahi,nahi! Maa kehti hai shubh kaam karne se pehle kuchch meetha khana chahiye...kaam achcha hota hai!!!!

Nurse

Definition of nurse: A beautiful,young woman who touches you everywhere,holds your hand......and then expects your pulse to be normal AND to call her "Sister"!!!

Poor pappu

2 girls are travelling in a train:
Girl 1:tujhe kaisa pati chahiye?girl 2:mujhe crorepati chahiye. Girl 1:crorepati na mile toh? Girl2: 50lakh ke 2 pati chalange. Girl 1: 50 lakh ke na mile toh? Girl2 : 25 lakh ke 4 pati chalenge. Upper berth se Pappu,jo so raha tha,bola"Jab ye 1000 rupaye pe aaye toh mujhe utha dena"....

Professor to student

Professor to student


1 Platform 2 km lambaa hai,
Aandhi chal rahi hai,
60km/h ki speed se Ek Train Aayi aur Delhi se Mumbai ki Taraf Chali gayi.

Toh Sawal ye hai ke:
Meri Umar Kitni hai ????

Sab Bachhe Hairaan ho ke 1 Doosre ki Shakal dekhne Lagey....

Ek Student ne Jawab dene ke liye haath Uthaaya.

Student:
Sir Aapki Umar 42 saal hai.

Profesor:
Oh...!! Very Good, Lekin tumne kaise Calculate kia ??

Student :
Sir Hamare Ghar ke paas 1 Aadmi Rehta hai, woh AADHA Chutia hai aur Uski Umar 21 Saal Hai.

Prayers

MPORTANT circular from GOD :

Laying in bed with somebody and screaming


"oh my GOD.... oh my GOD"


will not be considered as a prayer... X_X

Girlfriend pregnant

Boy to a doctor: My gf is pregnant but I used protection

Doctor: Ek kahani suno...
Ek shikari ek din gun ki jagah umbrella le gaya, achanak lion samne aaya to usne umbrella ka handle khicha aur fire kiya..

Lion wahi mar gaya.
Boy:-Impossible!
Kissi aur ne goli mari hogi

Doctor: Exactly ........

Scratch and win

Santa was busy Scratching his balls in a Mall..

Banta: What happened?

Santa: Tu bhi kar,
Wahan Poster laga hai,

''Scratch & Win A BMW"

Raaz 3

That awkward moment in Raaz 3
when Bipasha removes her top in front of emraan
& asks him
"Meri Aankho mein dekho !"

Calory count

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until
recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of
different sexual activities.
Now, after original and proprietary research, they are proud to present the
results:
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent............ 12 Calories
Without her consent........ 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands............ 8 Calories
With one hand.............. 12 Calories
With your teeth.............85 Calories=D

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection........... 6 Calories
Without an erection....... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.. 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot. 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary................ 52 Calories
69 lying down..............78 Calories
69 standing up........... 112 Calories=D
Wheelbarrow.............. 216 Calories
Her on top................ 524 Calories
Doggy Style............... 726 Calories
Donkey punch.............. 912 Calories;)

ORGASMIC:
Real..................112 Calories
False................ 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging........ 18 Calories
Getting up immediately.......36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately................816 Calories=))

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are
20-29 years old........ 36 Calories
30-39 years............ 80 Calories
40-49 years.............1124 Calories
50-59 years........... 1972 Calories
60-69 years........... 2916 Calories
70 and over....Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly............ 32 Calories
In a hurry........ 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... ...............1218 Calories
With your spouse knocking at the door................. 5521 Calories

Love expression

Girl: Do u love me more than ur family?
Boy: No.
Girl: Y?
Boy: Ok, listen to this,
"When i started to walk, I fell, u were not there to pick me up. But my mom was..

When i went outside, u were not there to hold my finger but my dad was..

When i cried, u didn't give me ur toys to play but my brother n sister did..
My family is more precious than anything else.."

GIRL: aaaawwwww, so cute!, But when u felt Horny, ur Family was not there to give u a Blowjob .
bastard...!=))

Usain bolt

Many wives call their husbands Usain Bolt.

They last about 9.63 seconds and always come first !!!!

Jim

The nightmare birthday gift -
Wife treats Hubby by taking him to a strip club for his b'day..

At the club -
Doorman: Hey Jim! How are you?
Wife: How does he know you?
Jim: We play Golf!

Barman: The usual Jim?
Wife: and how does he know you?
Jim: He's on the Darts Team!

Lap Dancer: The special again Jim?

The Wife storms out dragging Jim with her & jumps into a taxi..

Driver: Hey Jimmy boy..
You picked an ugly one this time... Same Hotel ?=))

Soft and Hard

A man elbow accidentally touches a woman's chest in an elevator. He says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, you will forgive me", she replies "and if your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 212".

Vibrator

lady to doctor “a vibrator stuck in my pussy “ Doctor “laydown , I will take it out” Lady “NO!, pls. change its battery”.

Ringtone

Vidaai k time DULHE ka mobile baja, DULHAN ne thappad maar diya? Ringtone thi-Dil me chupake pyar ka armaan le chale,Hum aaj apni maut ka samaan le chale..!!=))
Ik khota, odhe piche ik hor khota, odhe piche main te mere piche sara desh. santa teaching his children the spelling of assassination, ass-ass-i-nation.

Gandu Dost

Ishq Key Sahare Hum Jiya Nahi Karte,
Gum Key Aansuo Ko Hum Piya Nahi Karte,
Kuch Dost Gaandu Aise Bhi Hote Hain,
Jinki Gaand Mein Jab Tak Ungli Na Dalo,
Tab Tak Wo Humhe Yaad Bhi Nahi Karte….

Best thing

Advertisement By A Panty Manufacturer In USA
“We Are Not The Best In The World, But We Are Closest To The Best Thing In The World“

Contraception

Santa Bada Dukhi Sa Hokar Apne Ek Khas Doctor Dost Ke Pass Jata Hai Aur Apni Samsya Batata Hai
Santa: “Doctor Sahab, Koi Sasta Trika Batao Pregnency Rokne Ka?”
Doctor: “Condom Lo”
Santa: “Mahanga Hai”
Doctor: “Mala Di Lo”
Santa: “Ye Bhi Mahangi Hai”
Doctor: “Nasbandi Karwa Lo”
Santa: “Ye Bhi Kafi Mahangi Hai”

Doctor Gusse Se: “To Chodna Band Kar De Bhosdi Ke”

Santa: “Ye Tarika To Paanch Saal Se Try Kar Raha Hoon Phir Bhi Meri Biwi Pregnent Ho Jati Hai Sali“

Santa accident

Police: Jis scooty ne apko takkar mari uska rang aur no. kya tha ?
Santa - Mujhe yaad nahi, mera dhyan to road pe aur driving pe tha ...
Magar uss gaadi ko jo madam chala rahi thi unki shirt Ke 2 button
khule the,
LAL bra, boobs shaayed 36D size, gale ka locket left boob ko touch kar raha tha aur right boob par til tha.
Baki mera dhyan toh driving par tha.

M

All the Major things a women needs in her lifetime starts with the letter "M" Man, Money,Mom, Mercedes,MASTI, MAGIC MOMENTS, N Last bt not d least MAIDS .

Puzzle

What's the difference between a knife and a women's argument? ... A knife has a point

---//--///
Amazing puzzle

Pooja is 21 years older than her son Raju. In 6 years from now, Pooja will be 5 times as old as Raju.

Question : Where is Pooja's husband?
(There is a mathematical solution for this. Try it before scrolling down)


Solution :

Pooja (MOM =M) is 21 years older than Raju (Child = C).
M = C + 21

In 6 years from now, Mom will be 5 times as old as her Child.

M + 6 = ( C + 6 ) x 5
C + 21 + 6 = ( C + 6) x 5
C + 27 = 5C + 30
-3 = 4C
C = -3/4

The child is -3/4 years old, that is, -9 months
Child will be born in 9 months
So, right now, Pooja's Husband is..


ON TOP OF HER 

Poor rosemary

Rosemary Divorced Mr.Lele.
B’coz She Was Sick Of Telling Her Name, Roz Meri Lele,
Imagine Her Tough Luck, She Was Re-Married To Mr. Marlow.

English teacher

English teacher:
aaj sabko 'My Best Friend' par 10 line likhni hai,
thodi der baad 1 studnt ne uthkar puchha,"madam bhosdiwale ko english me kya kahte hain?

Happy wife's day

Today is HAPPY WIFE DAY.
Always Love Wife,
No Life Without Wife,
Remain Loyal & Faithful to Wife.
Keep Wife Happy & Satisfied.
Never Mind WHOSE WIFE..)

Multibagger

Santa: Do you know how does a girl looks like when she wears seat belt in a car?

Banta: Like Percentage symbol. %


--//---//-----/-/
Santa went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. Santa took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.

"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.

"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."

"Don't you mean polio?"

"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."

Santa then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.

"What happened to your knees?" she asked.

"Well, I also had Kneesles."

"Don't you mean measles?"

"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."

When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"


----///-/--///--------
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said,
'About 2 hours.'The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy....
'How long before I can get a haircut?'The barber looked around at the shop and said,
'About 3 hours.'The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked,
'How long before I can get a haircut?The barber looked around the shop and said,
'About an hour and a half .The guy left.The barber turned to his friend and said,
'Hey, Bob, do me a favor , follow him and see where he goes.
He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.
'A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,
'Your house!'...

Gairkanuni

Ek Pathan Road Pe Susu Kar Raha Tha, Police Ne Use Pakda Or Bola
Policewala: “Ye Gair Kanuni Hai.”


Pathan Hairani Se: “Ye Kya Bolti Tum? Gair Ka Nuni? Ye Bachpan Se Humara Apna Nuni Hai“

Santa special

Santa-Ye naya mobile kab liya?
Banta-liya nai,gf ka uthaya hai
S-kyu?
B-Wo roz mattha kharaab karti thi aur kehti k tum mera Fone nahi uthate. Maine bhi aaj mauka dekh K utha liya
Sardar in a Romantic mood asked wife- Are you free tonight..?

Sardarni ne ek POWERful thappad mara aur boli-Free ke bachhe...tere se Kabhi paise liye hai kya.

Multibagger

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender. " So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please. " The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me? " replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink. "
A man goes to the doctor  and says, "Doc, you have to help me!"

The doctor asks, "What's your problem?"

The guy says, "Every morning I wake up with my 'morning flagpole'...give the wife a quick one, and then go to work. 
On the way to work, I carpool with the next door neighbor's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work. 
Once I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, i go into the photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office girls. 
At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good boning. 
For afternoon tea, I give the boss's wife a good servicing. 

Then, I go home and slip the maid a few inches.

Then at night, I give the wife another screw..." 


"So...????" asked the doctor. "What's your problem???"

The guy says, "Well, it hurts when I masturbate!"
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any of that gay shit in our garden."
Simplicity of Osho
A man to Osho: do U
know what boys & girls
R Doing in Ur Ashram?
Osho: Mere ko kya?
Man: Lekin ye to Aapka
Ashram hai.
Osho: Fir Tere ko kya?
Simplicity of Osho
A man to Osho: do U
know what boys & girls
R Doing in Ur Ashram?
Osho: Mere ko kya?
Man: Lekin ye to Aapka
Ashram hai.
Osho: Fir Tere ko kya?
:):xDaaru pee ke full tight sardarji raat ko achaanak neend me rone lagaa.
"Mera....Kho Gaya ?
Mera.Kho Gaya ?"
Wife:- "chup chap so Jao,
Aur Meri chaddi Me se Hath nikalo."
:D:p

Diesel costly

Poor man to Rahul Gandhi : Sir, Diesel is very costly.
Rahul Gandhi : Big deal !!! Wear Benetton or Tommy Hilfiger instead."=D

Amul

What's common between
"AMUL"
&
"WOMAN"...???




Awesome Ans.:
Both are utterly butterly delicious.
But
one on bread and other on bed.....!!

Driver

India is a place where... Anyone driving faster than you is "Saala Bhosdika marega" . Anyone driving slower than you is " Saala chutiya garden mein chala raha hai" !! And anyone Driving Parallel to you is - "Behnchod Baap se Race Laga Raha hai" !

Beer vs women

Beer Vs Woman:
A Beer is always wet, a woman is not..1 point for beer! 

Beer is horrible, when it is hot..1 point for women!

A cold beer satisfies you..1 point for beer!

For a beer, you pay taxes..1 point for women!

If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry..1 point for beer!

You can always be sure that, you are the first one Opening a beer..1 point for beer!

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself..1 point for beer!

You know exactly how much a beer costs..1 point for beer!

A beer does not have a mother..1 point for beer! 

A Beer won't ask you to hug her for half an hour after having it..1 point for beer! 

So the Score is...
Beer beats women
8 to 2

If you're a guy, enjoy this message.. If you are a woman reading this and getting angry, know that a beer would never get angry..
So FINAL SCORE : 9 to 2. 

Political sex

Political Sex

A husband and wife are campaigning for a friend who is contesting the local elections. They both become so busy that they do not think of anything else but about the elections -- so much so that they communicate about everything in political language.

One night the husband wants to have sex desperately, but seeing the wife busy doing some work, goes to her and says, "I would like to put my candidate in your legislature."

The wife, not realizing this was meant for something else, without raising her head says, "Our party is not going to accept this."

The husband is disappointed but he goes to sleep.

After some time the wife realizes what the husband meant, so she wakes him up and tells him, "Darling, now you can put your candidate in my legislature."

The husband replied, "Sorry, I cannot do that. My candidate stood independent and lost his deposit!"

Santa aur uski biwi

Santa Ki Nayi Nayi Shaadi Hone Ke Baad Santa Suhagraat Ke Din Jate Hi So Gaya,
Phir Dusre Din Bhi Aisa Hi Hua Aur Aisa Har Roz Hone Laga Santa Jata Aur So Jata,
Santa Ki Biwi Pareshan Ho Kar Santa Ki Maa Ke Paas Jakar Boli
Patni: “Apka Beta To Mere Sath Kuch Karta Hi Nahi Hai Majboor Ho Kar Mujhe Apko Ye Baat Batani Pad Rahi Hai”
Saas: “Tum Aaj Raat Ek Kaam Karna Apna Ek Boobs Khol Kar Let Jana”
Santa Ki Biwi Yahi Karti Hai, Santa Raat Mein Aata Hai Or Dekhte Hi Kehta Hai,
Santa: “Aray, Itna Bada Foda, Kal Jakar Is Mein Cheera Zarur Lagwa Lena”
Santa Ki Biwi Fir Santa Ki Maa Ke Pass jati Hai.
Patni: “Aapka Beta To Mere Boobs Ko Dekh Kar Ise Foda Keh Raha Hai”
Saas: “Tum Ab Ek Kaam Karna Apne Dono Boobs Khol Kar Let Jana”
Santa Raat Mein Aata Hai Or Apni Biwi Ke Boobs Dekh Kar Kehta Hai
Santa: “Aray, Kal Tak To Ek Hi Foda Tha Aaj Do-Do Ho Gaye, Kal Ja Kar Is Mein Cheera Pakka Lagwa Hi Lena”
Biwi Fir Saas Ke Paas Jakar Rone Lagi.
Saas: “Tum Ab Ek Kaam Karna Poori Nangi Hi Let Jana”
Santa Ki Biwi Yahi Karti Hai, Santa Raat Mein Aata Hai Aur Uski CHut Ko Dekh Kar Apna Matha Thok Kar Kehta Hai
Santa: “Ye Kis Maderchod Doctor Ke Paas Chali Gayi Thi Fode Kaha Hai Aur Doctor Ne Cheera Kaha Laga Diya“

Chemist

Boys to a Chemist- "give me a Condom,iam going to my Girlfriends house for dinner....Then he says "give me two more" My Gfs sis is a bomb n her mom is still hot ! During dinner her Dad walks in, boy lowers his head n starts Praying #:-s. 10 mins n he is still praying, The girl asks him never knew u were u Religious ..Boy - I never knew your Dad is a Chemist

Lic policy

Dosto Kya Kisi Ko Pata Hai Ki LIC Ki Ek Aur Policy Bhi Hai

Jeevan Sambhog In Partnership With Kamsutra Condoms & I-Pill.


The New Punch Line Is

Thokne Ke Sath Bhi, Thokne K Baad Bhi

Chutyia moments

Strictly for boyzz..

A swt line aftr a huge fight.
"chal lavde ab 1 cigarette to pila".

*A swt line 4 a frnd wen scolded 4m teacher.
'Chhod na yar ye sali chinal pagal hai. Apne piche hi padi rhti hAi'

*A swt line wen a group member is absent
'bhadva kahi mara raha hoga'

*A swt line wen sum of our frnd got dumped.
'chodna sali rand thi'

*A swt line wen we wer blank at exams.
'Sale kitni sheet bharega. Mjhe bhi toh bata bhosdike.'

*A swt line wen The whole grup got punishd.
'Sab teri wajah se hua Bhosadike'.

**And the swtst line wen al seprate..
'Jaa bhadve gand mara hum toh chote log hai na tum bade log hamse baat thodi karoge.'

Send dis 2 all ur frnz n mak dem smile reminding such CHUTIYA moments.

----////----///-


8-)Sardar living in New Jersey :
"When I was a child, homosexuality was a CRIME
As I grew, it was ACEPTABLE
Now its LEGAL
I better leave this Country before its COMPULSORY " ! ? :D
apologies to all... my messages were to be forwarded to another group. oversight is regretted

Hawai fire

SEX....
Ek ARMY ka 'jawan' sardar apni_suhag rat_me_muth_marne laga,

Wife: ye kya kar rhe hO??

jawan: hamley_sE pahle hawa me firing karna humara style Hai...

Jail mein qaidi

Banta on honeymoon nite: Jannu, itna kyun ghabra rahi ho?
Preeto: Mujhe sex ke bare mein kuch bhi nahi pata
Banta: Arre, to isme sharmane ki kya baat hai
(He points at his dick) Isko kehte hain qaidi
(Then he points at her pussy) and isko kehte hain Jail
jab qaidi jail mein jaata hai, toh usse sex kehte hain
Preeto: Itna aasan?
To phir chaalu karein?
They have passionate sex and Banta rests
Preeto nudges him again and says: Suno, jail khuli hai aur qaidi bahar hai
Banta gets on her again and they make
out
After 10 mins Preeto nudges him again and says: Jail khuli hai, Qaidi ko daalo na
Banta thodi himmat jutata hai and makes out again
As he lies exhausted
Preeto says: Jail khali padi hai
Qaidi ko bhejo na
Banta: Bhenchod, koi UMAR QAID thodi mili hai..=))

Iraq war

A soldier ran up to a Nun. Out of breath he asked: "Please, may I hide under your skirt I'll explain later."

The nun accepted his request.

A moment later, two Military Police ran up and asked: "Sister have you seen a soldier?"

The nun replied: "He went that way."

After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. I hope you will understand, "I don't want to go to Iraq."

The nun said: "I understand completely".

The soldier added: "I hope I am not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied: "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Iraq either."

Condom pack

Santa ko Shaadi me 100 condoms ka gift pack mila.
Suhagrat me biwi ne aawaz lagai-"AB JALDI KARO JI"

Santa-Bas 2 minute 97 chada liye hai, sirf 3 Baaki hai.

Personal computer

A secretary complained about her boss.....

She said, "My boss is so sex-crazed". Every time he comes into the office,
I must do the LAPTOP position and then the DESKTOP position,
followed by the SPREADSHEET format.

I must LOAD UP his SOFT DISK into a HARD DISK, so that he can INSERT in my C DRIVE and then the A DRIVE,
which is most uncomfortable.
Then he'll ask me to EJECT his SOFTWARE outside my C DRIVE so that he is VIRUS FREE.

Then he changes his mind and decides to ENTER, ENTER, ENTER the whole day till he is in MICROSOFT stage.

Once I tried to ESC but he caught me and shifted me to his HOME
where he started pressing @ BACKSPACE, and saying "TURNOVER today"...

Many a times he works without CAPLOCKS (without "CAP" or HELMET )
and sometimes as an ALTERNATIVE he CRASHES my SYSTEM until he looses his CTRL and he LOGS IN....

This process continues until I ZIP him and SHUTDOWN his main SYSTEM....

Lund means

what is the meaning of LUND? Ek DANDA, jiske Niche 2 Anda Shikar karne ke baad hi hota hai THANDA yehi to hai Pursho ka JHANDA

Public place

Sardar 1 Randi Ki Chudai Kar Raha Tha Chudai Karte Waqt Usne Randi Ki ***** Me Moot Diya Randi Ne 1 Thappad Usko Rasid Diya Sardar : Kyo Mara? Randi: Behanchod,Public Place Me Peshaab Karta Hai

Uf sms

What's SMS.
S : SARA
M : MUFT DA
S : SYAPA
Je Naa Karo Ta Kanjus, Je Karo Ta Vehle, Je Bhej Do Ta Purane Si, Je Na Bhejo Ta
Tusi Wade Log Ho Ji..
Cheers. .

Condom please

Ek shyar Medical shop pe:Ek Gilaf-E-Auzare-maza-e-mohabbat-Bandish-e-Nasal do.
Shopkeeper:Kya?
Pas khari aurat boli:Condom de kanjar ko.

Indian rocks

One day a indian call to a pakistani nd ask – rod h kya ?
Pakistani – ha..hain
indian – to gaand m daal le.

Next day again indian call to pakistani nd ask – rod h kya ?
Pakistani – nhi..hain
indian – q gaand m daal li.

Next day again indian call to pakistani nd ask – rod h kya ?
Pakistani – hain b or nhi b…
indian – q andar bahar krne m mazza aa rha h.

Pakistani presaan ho gya or next day pakistani ne indian ko call kiya or pucha – rod h kya ?
Indian – q..gaand m daalni h.

Pakistani shocks
indian alwz rocks

Scholars now have finally concluded that Raavan was not evil. Someone who takes your wife away can only be an angel sent by God...:-)

--//--/

IF Govt limits the SMS because its being misused for spreading rumors , Can We stop paying taxes as our money is being misused for Corruption ?


----__
Boy: Abba ke office me Roz NAMAZ hoti h.

Ammy: Ye to achhi baat hai.

Boy: Lekin Abba ki Awaaz nahi Aati. Sirf unki secretary "Ya ALLAH Ya ALLAH kehti h"..!

Hand wash

Zindagi Mein Do Cheeze Samaj Nahi Aayi Aaj Tak:

Pehli: “Ladkiyon Ki Jeans Mein Zip Ka Kya Kaam Hai?”

Doosri: “Jab Unke Paas Kuch Pakadne Ke Liye Hai Hi Nahi To Wo Bathroom Jane Ke Baad Hath Kyo Dhoti

Sunburn

A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burnin his penis. His doctor tells him 2 ease the pain by dippin it in a cup of cold milk. Later, his blonde girlfriend comes home n finds him with his penis in a cup of cold milk. Good heavens, she remarks. I always wondered how u guys re-loaded those things!

Jaago

A drunk guy fell asleep during SEX with Prostitute..
Just imagine what did the prostitute say ? ? ?

" JAAGO GRAHAK JAAGO "😜

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again,? "Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls? back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other
Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very very closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k? =D

---/----//-
A Woman In Labour, shouting at her Husband

He Calmly Replies:-
Hey Don't Blame Me, I wanted to put it In ur Ass... But NO. You thought,
THAT MIGHT HURT..!!=))

---//-
Maths Lady Teacher: 1 Me 2 Daalen To Kya Hota Hai? Girl: Maa'm Ye To Aap Ka Hi Hounsla Hai Warna Hamuri To 1 Se Hi Jaan Nikal Jati Hai..:-)

Muthal

Self Reliance
Time Convenience
Prevention Of Crime
Mental Choice Of Lady
No Risk Of Aids
No Special Place Required
No Wastage Of Cash
Easy To Perform
No Fear Of Early Ejaculation
Guaranteed Satisfaction
No Risk Of Being Caught
So The Moral Is:
Badnami Ki Fuddi Se Izzat Ki Mutth Achi Hai

Sms

Sardarji, tell me ...., what is the meaning of SMS ?

Sardar angrily said, i know -

it means....

S - Sardaron ke

M - Mazak udane ki

S - Service

Freebies

Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"

Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!"

Sardars rock

2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile.
1st Sardar: chal police ko de ke aate he.
2nd sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha..!!

_\\\___\\\___\\\
Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyo huss rahe ho?
Sardar: Me to uth ta hi subah 9 baje hu.!


---////-----////---

Sardar to Doctor: Mujhe 1 problem he.
Dr: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota he?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.!!

--//------///--------/

Man: Sardarji aap ko garmi lagti he to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hu.
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C 'on' kar leta hu.!


--////------//-
A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."After 11 years an angry Vahe Guru appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"


---/////--//--
Ek sardar ki chhatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega


---///--/////////--
Hitler: "There's no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar: Ab bolne se kya faayda? Jab kharidi thi tab check karna tha na"


---//-__\\////////------
Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Salesman: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar,mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.


--///------//------///-
1st sardar: oye..agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha he ki banda so hi jaye..


--///----///-----///----

1 sardar rail ki patri pe so gaya. 1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho?Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se hawai jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua,train kya cheez hai.



--////---------///----
In bio practical:Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You are failed.!
What's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name.

MMS

A guy enters soniya gandhi's office- "Madam aapka MMS aaya hai!!!*nerd*
Soniya gandhi- Ohh!!!!;;)


ManMohan Singh enters-"kamino pura naam liya karo kya MMS bulate ho mujhe" 

Early to bed and early to rise means

This is one of the best from Santa

Teacher: Complete the sentence
"Early to bed and early to rise .....

Santa: "shows Man has no interest in his wife..!!"

Pregnancy test

New pregnancy test 4 sardars Insert whisky bottle into vagina.
Leave for 30 seconds den remove.
If it's half empty, then there's another sardar on the way.

Deewangi

Darwaje par phool sajaye baitha hai
Bistar ko scent se mahkaye betha hai
Diwangi to dekho chodu ki,
Suhagrat sham ko hai aur condom subah se lagaye baitha hai

Rocking Generation !!

KID FAILS IN EXAM..
Father@Aaj se mujhe Papa Mat kehna.
Son@ Oh,come on Dad, it was just a School test not a DNA Test !!

Rocking Generation !!


---////-----//
WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet ,I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

Marriage proposal

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,

WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..

MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,

MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,

MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!

Santa's sugar test

Santa goes into a chemist's shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist. "Could you taste this, please?" The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it. "Does it taste sweet ??
"says Santa."No, not at all," says the chemist. "Good" says Santa."The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar. :) =))=D

Jokes

The bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued.....

"My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit card to me."

The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter.......... all except......

the poor Groom!! =DX_X=))

--/////--:/--
Son: "Dad, I want to be like you!!"
Dad (Feeling Proud): "That's so nice son. So you want to be a business tycoon?"
Son: "No Dad, I too wanna fuck our maid...." *nerd* >=)
Dunya me Apna maqam kch is trah se banao
k Agr Mar b jao to Log ye hi bolen

Banda Milta nahi tha,
par BC boht bhejta tha:p:D >=)

Cooperative sardars

Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
drinks took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.

"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.

So the two sardars exchanged their sandwiches.

Shadi se pehle aur bad

(ENGAGEMENT K BAD)
Boy: THANK GOD! Is din ka to me kabse intejar kar rha tha.
Girl: To me jau?
B: Nahi bilkul nahi.
G: Do u luv me?
B: Ha. Karta tha,karta hu aur karta rahunga
G: Kabhi mere sath dhoka karoge?
B: Nahi. Isse achha to me mar jau.
G: Kya mujhe Pyaar karoge?
B: Yes, why not.
G: Tum muje maroge?
B: Nahi me aisa aadmi nahi hu
G: kya me tum pe vishvash kar sakti hu?
B: yes
G: Oh darling!

(AUR AB MARRIAGE K BAAD)
Ab msg Nich SE UPAR PADHO

Penis sucking

A recent survey showed why men like their penis to be sucked by a woman ??

10% like the feeling,
12% like the dominance &

78% like the 10 mins of silence...!!:D

Doosra Lund

"Kayi Bar Hum Apna Kaam Nikalne Ke Liye Dusre Ka Bevkoof Bana Dete Hai, Par Ek Na Ek Din Hisab Brabar Ho Hi Jata Hai."
Pankaj Naam Ke Ek Ladke Ki Shadi Nahi Ho Rahi Thi, To Usne Apna Dimag Lagaya Aur Poore Sheher Mein Shor Machwa Diya Ke Uske Do Lund Hai.
Fatafatt Kafi Sare Rishte Aane Lage, To Usne Ek Khubsurat Si Ladki Pasand Karke Shadi Kar Li
Suhag Raat Ko Patni Puchati Hai: “Arrey Apka Doosra Lund Kahan Hai?”
Pankaj Ne Dimag Lgaya Aur Bola: “Wo Doosra Lund Pados Wale Sharmaji Le Gaye Hai.”
Patni Ne Bhi Kaha Chal Koi Baat Nahi Aur Dono Ki Aram Se Zindagi Beetne Lag Gayi
Kuch Dino Ke Baad Pankaj Ko Kisi Kaam Se Shahar Se Bahar Jana Pada, Teen-Chaar Din Ke Baad Aata Hai To Biwi Uske Aate Hi Ladna Shuru Kar Deti Hai.
Pankaj Bechare Ko Samajh Nahi Aati Aur Vo Hairan Hokar Puchta Hai: “Arrey Hua Kya Hai?”
Biwi Gusse Se Bolti Hai: “Mene Aap Jaisa Chutiya Dusra Nahi Dekha”
Pankaj Ke Tote Udd Gaye Aur Usne Pucha: “Kyu Mene Kya Kiya?”
Biwi: “Aap Ne Chota Wala Lund Apne Paas Rakh Liya Aur Badewala Sharma Ji Ko Kyon Diya?“

Bhagwan pareshan

Bhagwan Ne Duniya Banayi Aur Bhul Gaya. Aur Apne Mein Mast Ho Gaya
Par Ek Din Usne Socha Ki Main Dharti Pe Apna Ek Farishta Behjta Hun.
Bhagwan Ne Farishte Ko Bulaya Aur Bola: “Ja Jake Dekh Ke Aa Dharti Pe Kya Chal Raha Hai, Aur Ye Pata Laga Ke Aa Ki Vahan Pe Sab Se Soft, Sabse Hard Aur Esi Konsi Cheez Hai Jo Maine Nahi Banayi Fir Bhi Darti Pe Hai”
Farishta Dharti Pe Aya Aur Indian Mein Pahunch Gaya. Survey Karne Ke Baad Jab Vapis Bhagwan Ke Pass Pahuncha
Bhagwan Ne Pucha: “Batao Sab Se Soft Cheez Kya Hai?”
Farishta: “Ji Dharti Pe Sabse Soft Cheez Gaand Hai”
Bhagwan Ne Hairani Hoke Pucha: “Achha, Wo Kaisi?”
Farishta: “Ji, Jisko Dekho Kisi Ko Bhi Bol Deta Hai Ki Oye Main Teri Gaand Phad Doonga”
Bhagwan Bole: “Hmmm, Sabse Hard Cheez Konsi Hai?”
Farishta: “Sabse Hard Cheez Hai Jhanth Ka Bal”
Bhagwan: “Hadd Hai, Vo Bala Kaisi?”
Farishta: “Waha Har Koi Ye Bol Deta Hai Ki Tu Meri Jaanth Ka Baal Bhi Nahi Ukhaad Sakta”
Bhagwan Ne Pareshan Ho Ke Pucha: “Aur Esi Konsi Cheez Hai Jo Maine Nahi Banayi Par Fir Bhi Vo Hai?”
Farishta: “Ji, Wahan Pe Maa Behan Ke Lode Bhi Hai”
Bhagwan Ji Gaddi Se Uchhal Ke Bole: “Wo Kaisi?”
Farishta: “Har Koi Bol Deta Hai Teri Maa Ka Loda , Teri Bahan Ka Loda.”

Filthy Santa

Teacher Santa Se: “Teri Shikayat Mili Hai Tu Aaj Kal Galiiya Badi Deta Hai”


Santa: “Main Te Kadi Kisi Maa De Lode Nu Koi Vi Gaali Nahi Ditti, Kede Madherchod Ne Tuhadi Bund Vich Iss Gall Di Ungli De ditti"

Sardar and Sindhi

Sardar and Sindhi entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, Sindhi stole 3 chocolate bars.

As they left the store, Sindhi said to Sardar : "Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, u cant beat that"

Sardar replied: "You wanna see something better, let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"


So they went to the counter and Sardar said to the Shop guy: "Do you wanna see magic?" Shop guy replied: "Yes."Sardar said: "Give me one chocolate bar." The shop guy gave him one, and he ate it. He asked for the second, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too.


The shop guy asked: "But where's the magic?" Sardar replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them."=D =))
u can't beat a Sardar

Pappu thinks

Teacher: “What Is Common Between Jaya Bachchan And Aishwarya?”



Pappu After Much Thought: “I Think, Nipples Of Both Were Sucked By Abhishek“

Santa becomes christian

To All Punjabis n those who understand the Punjabi psyche !!!!

Each Friday night after work, Santa would fire up his outdoor grill & cook a tandoori chicken & some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics.. & since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken & meat on a Fridays.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa & suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes & much study, Santa attended a Mass.. & as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, & raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic!"

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of punjabi tandoori chicken & delicious meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors.. & as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary & prepared to scold him, he stopped & watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats & chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, & you were born a lamb, you were raised a chicken & you were raised a lamb, but now you are a potato & you a tomato..!!"
The Priest fainted....



---//-----///--//
Sardar & his
wife went for
Divorce
Judge: U have 3 kids.
How wil u divide them?
Sardar discusd wid sardarni
& said ok, sir ji
We will come nxt year...

Banta's wife

Mrs Banta came home late one night after a Card Game.

She didn't want to wake up her hubby.

So she undressed quietly & started walking nude towards the bed.

Suddenly Banta woke up.

Shocked,

he screamed - "Haramzadi, sab kuch haar gai kya....?=))

ek. THA Tiger

Ek tha Tiger........sallu dies.....kat telling story to their son....movie in flashback.....that's why its .....Ek Tha Tiger......happy watching..=D

Choot ko gand ka sahara

Suhagrat Par Patni Ke Sath Sex Karne Ke Bad, Pati Bada Khush Tha.
Patni Ke Mathe Ko Chhum Kar Bola.
Pati: “Janu Aaj Bada Maja Aya Aur Main Bahut Khush Hun.”
Patni: “Achha Ji, Kyu?”
Pati: “Tum To Virgin Nikli, Apni Choot Ko Aaj Tak Badi Hifazat Se Bacha Ke Rakha Hai Tumne”
Patni Sharmati Hui: “Aji, Dua Meri Gaand Ko Dijiye, Jiski Wajah Se Aaj Tak Meri Choot Bachi Rahi“

Old memories

2 ladies raste se chal ke jaa rahe the, wahi raste par 1 kutti ko 3 kutte thokk rahe the, yeh dekhkar 1st lady k aankhon mein aansoon aa gaye. 2nd lady : kya hua, kyun ro rahi ho ? 1st lady : kuch nahi bas college ke dinn yaad aa gaye !!


----///---------
Boss was fucking a woman employee in his office in doggie style, when another employee walks in.

Guy: Wah sir! Akele akele. Hamara number kab aayega?
Boss: without stopping: Agar 3rd quarter ka target pura nahin hua bhosdi ke, to agla number tera hi hai..!!

Poor tortoise

A Suicide Bomber
enters a Pet Shop n Shouts -
Every1 has a Minute to get out!!! >=)


Tortoise - yeh kya Chutiyagiri hai bhenchod!!

Ghalib

Mirza Galib Ne Har Baat Par Sher Kaha,
Shaadi Hui To Sher Kaha,
Ghunghat Uthaya To Sher Kaha,
Kapde Utare To Sher Kaha,
Phir Jab Tangein Uthaain To Fir Ek Sher Farmaya

“Le Aayi Phir Kahaan Par Kismat Humain Kahan Se,
Ye To Wohi Jagah Hai Nikley They Hum Jahan Se”

Punjabi

You're a TRUE PUNJABI if..

Your grandmum finds u "Kamjor" even if you're overweight.

When unwell, your entire family turns into doctors.

You are so Loud when happy, that people think you all are Fighting.

If you converse for more than 15 minutes, the topic is FOOD.

You can speak any language in Punjabi--
"Kinni soni wind blowndi ai".

You earn Rs.1 and spend Rs. 1:50.

To err is Human but
to BURRRAAH is Punjabi.

You aren't Fat, you belong to a "khata peeta" family.

One word for many emotions--
Surprised- Oye
Calling out- oyee
Angry- OYEEE
In pain- oye oye oye

After gossiping about someone for hours, you end by saying, "SANNU KI" :D =D

Lakeer ka fakeer

Ladka Ladki Se: “Tumhari Dono Taango Ke Beech Mein Kya Hai?”
Ladki: “Meri Dono Taango Ke Beech Mein Ek Lakeer Hai.”
Ladki: “Aur Tumhari Dono Taango Ke Beech Kya Hai?”
Ladka: “Lakeer Ka Fakeer.“

Sardarni rocks

First joke on sardarni ... A plane is on its way to Chandigarh, when Gurpreet in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells Gurpreet that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."

the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a sardarni sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."


The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this sardarni who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she is a sardarni? I'll handle this; I’m married to a sardarni. I speak sardar's language."

He goes back to Gurpreet and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, I’m sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy..

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her, "first class isn't going to Chandigarh

Sunny leone stamp

The Postal Department has issued stamps of Sunny Leone..!!!!

Men are confused which side to Lick and Paste !!:p

Luka chupi

Ladki: “Aao Chupan Chupai Khelte Hai”
Ladka: “Chalo Chupo, Mein Doondta Hoon”
Ladki: “Agar Tumne Mujhe Dhund Liya To Mein Poora Ander Longi?”
Ladka: “Agar Main Na Doond Saka Toh?”
Ladki: “Aisa Na Kaho Yaar, Mein Chhat Pe Chupi Houngi“

Mota bacha

Do Ladkiya Class Mein Ek Mote Bachhe Ka Pet Dekh Kar Boli.
Ladkiya: “Oye Motu, Ye Pani Ka Matka Kitne Ka Dega.”
Bachha Bhi Pura Kameena Tha, Bina Sharam Kiye Pant Utari Aur Lund Dikha Kar Bola.
Bachha: “Nal Sahit Rs. 500/- Ka“

Multibagger

Pyari Subah Teri,Shaam Meri Ho
Din tera,Raat Meri Ho
Hasi Teri,Udasi Meri Ho
Jab Maut aaye to yaar sirf …
Kabar teri aur usme lash meri ho.
Mehak dosti ki ishq say kam nahi hoti
ishq pe zindagi khatam nahi hoti
sat agar ho zindagi mein doston ka
too zindagi jannat say kam nahin hoti.
1 baccha maa se pitne k baad apne baap se:
Papa kabhi aap pakistan gaye the?

Papa:Nahi beta,

Bacha: fir itni khatarnaak Aatankwadi Item kahan se utha laye? >=) >:O =D
1,THINK POSITIVE
Your life is your garden, your thoughts are the seeds.
If your life isn't awesome, you've been watering the weeds................................ 2,The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and accept the impossible............................... 3,The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart............. 4,Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life............................... 5,A relationship has :
A Girl...
A Boy...
An Ex trying to mess it up...
& A 'Friend' waiting for a break up................................... 6,I'm going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everythings perfect, act like its all a dream and pretend its not hurting me.................................................. 7,When you love someone and you love them with your heart, it never disappears when you're apart. and when you love someone and you've done all you can do, you set them free, and if that love was true...when you love someone, it will come back to you
ISHQ MEI DAULAT SARI NA LUTA DENA,
MUMMY KE ARMAAN KHAK MEIN NA MILA DENA,
GHAR SE PAISE MILE HAI SABZI KE LIYE BETA,
BAZAR JAA KAR JAANU KA RECHARGE NA KARA DENA...
Ek High Court Ka Judge Kahi Ja
Raha Tha Ki Jungle Ke Raste Meun
Uski Car Kharab Ho Gayi.

Door Tak Nazar Daudayi To Ek
Jagah Bulb Jalta Dikhai Diya, Judge
Raat Wahi Gujarne Ke Irade Se
Udhar Chal Pada.

Knock Kiya To Andar Se Aurat Ki
Aawaz Aay: “Kaun Hai?”

Judge: “Main High Court Ka Judge
Hun, Meri Car Kharab Ho Gayi Hai So Main Raat Gujarna Chahta Hun
Yaha”

Darwaja Khula Aur Saamne Ek Sexy Aurat Khadi Thhi

Aurat: “Mere Paas Ek Hi Room Hai Aur Bed Bhi Ek Hai”

Judge: “Aap Chinta Na Kare Main
High Court Ka Judge Hun Aapko Koi Pareshani Nahi Hogi.”

Dono Jab Sone Ke Liye Bistar Par
Pahunche To

Aurat: “Mujhe Sirf Bra Aur Painty
Mein Sone Ki Aadat Hai?”

Judge: “Aap Jaise Chahe Soye, Main High Court Ka Judge Hun Aapko Koi Pareshani Nahi Hogi.”

Aurat Ne Sare Kapde Utare Aur Bra
And Panty Mein Let Gayi Aur Thodi
Der Baad Boli

Aurat: “Mujhe Saath Mein Lete Insaan Se Lagg Ke Aur Uske Uper Taang Rakh Ke Sone Ki Adat Hai”

Judge: “Madam Aap Jaise Marji
Soiye Mujhe Koi Problame Nahi
Main High Cort Ka Judge Hun.”

Raat Gujar Gaye Subah Judge
Sahab Bahar Baithe Chai Pee Rahe
The To Unhone Dekha Ki Us Aurat
Ne 2 Murge Aur 10 Murgiya Paal
Rakhi Thi Jinme Se Ek Murga Jo Langda Tha, Wo Sab Murgiyo Ke Piche Bhag Raha Tha Aur Dusra Ek Murga Chupchap Baitha Tha

Judge Se Ye Dekh Kar Raha Nahi
Gaya

Judge: “Ye Dusra Murga Chupchap
Baitha Hai.. Kya Ye Bimar Hai?”

Aurat: “Nahi …. Ye Chutiya High Court Ka Judge Hai“ :p=))
Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli to Pati use ghur raha tha.!
.
.
Wife romantic hokar: Kuch karne ka
irada hai kya.......?.?
.
.
Pati usko thappad maar ke bola:
.
. Kamini Mere garam pani se kyu
nahayi..??=D
TEACHER: sabse zyada CALCIUM kis DUDH me hai?

BOY: GIRLFRIEND k... Q K iske muh se lagate he, jism k un hisso me bhi JAAN aa jati hai jisme HADDI nahi hoti...:p.
Gujju & Chinese in a train.
A cockroach enters.
Chinese catches it & eats it!
Another cockroach enters.
Gujju catches & asks d chinese:
Kharidega kya..?..;) =D
Weird Facts :

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there
any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?).

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
55% of all men who have read this post have already booked their flights to Guam, the rest are considering it.
Nurse to patient with bleeding head:
Your name?
Patient: John.
.
Nurse: Age?
Patient: 25 years
.
Nurse: Married?
Patient: No, No Car accident..;p :)

Santa with mochi

Ek Bar Chatt (Roof) Se Girne Ki Vajah Se Santa Ki Gaand Fatt Gayi To Vo Mochi Ke Pass Silvane Gaya
Silne Ke Baad Mochi Ne Usko 25000 Rs Ka Bill De Diya
Santa Ne Usko 50000 Rs De Diye
Mochi Ne Puchha: “Itne Jyada Kyu De Rahe Ho Bill To 25000 Rs Ka Hai”
Santa: “Tera Bill Dekh Kar Fir Phat Gayi Hai“

Banta's Wife

Mrs Banta came home late one night after a Card Game.

She didn't want to wake up her hubby.

So she undressed quietly & started walking nude towards the bed.

Suddenly Banta woke up.

Shocked,

he screamed - "Haramzadi, sab kuch haar gai kya....?=))

Callgirl adv.

Fantastic Ad by callgirl -
PLOT ON RENT,
2"x4" area,
good frontage,
1 bore well with garden around,
drainage facility &
Milk booth at handy distance..
Pyar Karo,
.
Zaroor Karo,
.
Mana To Nahi Kiya,
.
Lekin..?
.
Pyar Karo Kisi 1 Se,
.
Magar Karo Kisi Naik Se,
.
Jab Tak Koi Naik Na Milay,
.
Try Karo Har 1 Se.

Lund kavita

So Raha Tha Ek Rooz Lund,
Rakh Ke Tattoon Par Apna Sir,
Ke Pass Se Huwa Choot Ka Guzar
Lund Ne Dekha Use Utha Kar Sir,

Lund Ne Poocha Ja Rahi Hai Kidhar?
Agar Waqt Ho To Jara Aa Na Idhar
Choot Ne Kaha Aji Mujhey Maaf Kijiyey
Pahle Jo Kuch Muh Se Tapak Raha Hay.
Woh To Saaf Kijiyey
Lund Ne Jo Yeh Suna To Woh Gya Bigad
Phir Jo Kuch Na Hona Tha Woh Ho Gya Udhar
Jab Jo Kuch Na Hona Tha Woh Gya Ho
Lund Ne Rakha Tattoon Per Apna Sir
Aur Phir Chain Ki Neend Se Gya So
Choot Yeh Boli Lund Se Chud Janey Ke Baad
Janab Baat Hi Naheen Kartey,
Apna Matlab Nikal Janey Ke Baad.

Innocent punjabi

3 reasons,why punjabis could never be terrorists and hijack a plane.
1) They are never on time, so probably miss the bloody flight*...*2) They will talk so loudly that everyone around will know of the plan before boarding=)) and
3)With free drinks on the plane they will forget why they were there in the first place.=D ...
Innocent Punjabis... :D

Har dost zaroori hota hai

Ek Harami Dost Ki Kami Kab Mahsoos Hoti Hai?

Jab Tum Akele Bethe Ho Aur Ladkiyo Ke Group Ko Dekh Rahe Ho

Aur Tumhare Aas Paas Koi Na Ho Ye Kahne Wala
“Bhenchod Mammay Dekh”

Santa at GB road

Santa G.B Road gaya
.
Dalle se rate pucha
.
Dalla-100 ladki k, 30 mere
20 police wale k.
.
Santa- Yaar dil khush kar diya,
ja pehle police wale ko Le aa

Lal tamatar ka raaz

Sardar ji k khait k tamatar bhut laal hotay thay.

Parosan ne pucha to sardar ji nay kaha:
Madam main roz subah pura nanga ho kar pani deta hoon,

Is liye sharam sa tamatar laal ho jaatay hein.


Parosan ne b apnay khait mein aisa hi kiya.
Tamatar to laal nahi huay, Kheeray lambay ho gaey:-)

Choti panty

Mrs Santa - Suno ji, maine naye detergent se apni panty dhoyi aur woh chhoti ho gayi. Ab kya karoon? Santa - ussi detergent se apni Gaand bhi dho le....



--//--//
"Vasna"
"Pyar"
aur
"Shadi"
teeno me kya farq hai ?

Santa - PANTY ka farq hai


"Vasna me Faadte hai"..
"Pyar me utarte hai"..
aur
"Shadi me dhote hai" !!

Mela da rasta

1 Bad_Tameez Mela Dekhne Ja Raha Tha

Rasta BhOOl Gaya

1 Larki Se PoOcha:

O Phudi Diye Ae Das Mela Kithay Way??

Larki Gusse Se Boli:

Sun way Chan

Teri Bhen Nu Lun

Sidha Jaa

Pehn Yawa

Aggay Aaye Ga Pull,

Maa Teri Nu Lull

Aggay Aaye Ga Khait

khait Wich Lagya Hoye Ga Kella

Bhen Teri Nu Yehnda Hoye Ga Lella

Bas Aothay Hi Lagya Hoye Ga MeLa..:-D

Sardar in mela

Tcher: Jurmana mafi d arzi likho.
Santa: Sir,jurmana kina hai?
SIR:5 Rs
Santa:Ah lo 5 Rupaye, mere bapu ne keha hoya hai 5-10 piche kisey kanjar dian minntan ni karnian


---/--//
Sar pe Bomb rakhenge toh, Pehle Sar phatega ya Bomb?
Chinese- Pehle Sar phatega..!
American-No,Pehle Bomb Phatega!

Indian- Sir ji Pehle Gand Phategi...!!!


---///--/
Ek Sardar Mele Me Gaya, Waha 2 Line Lagi Thi. ek Jagah Likha Tha..Dekhne ke 20/-.Dusri Jagah likha tha..Karne ke 10/-SARDAR Karne Ke Liye Ghusa. Usko Karne Ke Liye Bakri Di Gayi. Sardar Ne Paise wasulne ke liye Bakari Ki Le Li.Dusre Din Wo Dekhne wali
Line Me Laga.Aage Wale Ko Pucha Ye Dikhate Kya H??Admi Bola "Aaj Pata Nahi Kya Dikhayenge" Kal To Ek Sardar Ko Bakari Ki Lete Hue Dikhaya Tha!!!

Grandmaster Santa Banta

Santa and Banta were playing chess
(joke doesn't end here).:D

Santa: Chal yaar bas karte hain, pak
raha hai.

Banta: Haan yaar, waise bhi tera sirf
haathi bacha hai aur mera sirf ghoda.:O :p
The joke doesn't end here either..:D

Phir waha Vishwanath anand aata hai.

Vishy: Chalo Santa-Banta, chess khelate
hai.
Santa-Banta: Nahi, aap to hume
aasani se hara doge.
Vishy: Chalo yaar. Tum dono aur me
akela.
S-B: Phir bhi hum haar jayenge
Vishy: Okay, mai left hand se khelunga.
S-B: Haan. Phir thik hai.:p

The joke still doesn't end...:D

Dono obviously haar jate hai aur Vishy
chala jata hai.

Santa: Badi sharmanaak baat hai, yaar.
Left hand se bhi hara diya usne.
Banta: Abe bewkoof bana gaya woh hume.
Santa: Kaise?
Banta: Saala lefty hi hoga.

Humble donation

Kya Aap Marne K Bad B Sex Ka Maza Lena Chahte HoTo

“Donate Your Lund”

Ye Message Sabhi Fuckers Ko Forward Kare.

Kyo Ki “Lund Daan Maha Daan“

Facts of life

If swimming is a good exercise to stay FIT, why are whales FAT??

Why is the place in a stadium where people SIT, called a STAND?

Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN but nobody wants to DIE?

Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in chess as the WHITE piece is moved FIRST?

In our country, we have FREEDOM of SPEECH, then why do we have TELEPHONE BILLS?

If money doesnt grow on TREES
then why
do banks have BRANCHES?

Why doesnt GLUE stick to its BOTTLE?

Why do you still call it a BUILDING when its already BUILT?

If its true that we are here to HELP others, what are others HERE for?

If you arent supposed to DRINK and DRIVE why do bars have PARKING lots?

We all r Living in a seriously funny world..! :)Think about it...Good Morning:

Chutiya

Grammar Teacher Pada Rahi Thhi Usne Santa Se Puchha: “Sunil Daaru Nahi Peeta Hai, Is Sentence Main ‘Sunil’ Kya Hai? ”

Santa: “Madam Ji Sunil Chutiya Hai“

Friends

Sardar dost se: Yar Bibi nu birthday te ki gift dewan?
Dost: Apna Lund de de.
Sardar: Nai yar koi wadda gift das.
Dost: te Fir mera Lund de de

Friends

​Chunnu and Munnu went swiming in the pool.
Chunnu dubne laga to usne Munnu ki lulli pakad li.
Munnu bola: Bhosdike, dekh le dosti, aaj ladki ke saath aata to mar gaya hota.=)) Happy Friendship Day !!!!!