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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Joke

"My grandfather lived for 96 years & he never used glasses"



Sardar- "Ya, I know. Some people drink directly from the bottle''.!
Maths Teacher-1 me 2 Dalain Tu kya Hota hy?.
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Girl-miss yeh to aap ka hi hosla he...
hamaari to 1 se hi jaan nikal jati he..!
Girl to her blind boyfriend,
Girl: kaash tum dekh sakte mein kitni khubsurat hun.
Boy: Itni khubsurat hoti to kya ankh wale tujhe mere liye chodte...
Andhaa hun..CHUTIYAA nahi
Wife playing with Husband's Penis. Husband in Romantic mood- U want to hav Sex ?
Wife in soft voice
Oh Na Ji Na Bas 2-3 Envelope Chipkane Hai !

Jokes

True graduation speech:
"First I would like to thank Google. Secondly, to Copy Paste and thirdly, to the Xerox machine ;)
Husband and wife watching porn movie..
Wife- Why cant u do it as long as the guy in the movie ?
Husband- PAGLI
She isnt his wife !!;)
A Shy young guy goes to a bar & sees a beautiful girl sitting alone. 

He gathers some courage, goes 2 her table & asks: "Would u mind If I sit here beside u?" 

She responds loudly: "No! I don't wanna spend the night with u!" 

Everyone at the bar turns & stares at the guy.

Young guy shocked & embarrassed goes back 2 his table.

After a few minutes that girl slowly walks 2 him apologizes & says, " I'm a science student In psychology & studying how people respond to embarrassing situations"

Guy responds loudly

"What? 3000 $ ? That's too much for 1 night!" 

Everyone stares at the girl.

Guy silently whispers to her "don't fuck around with a sales guy" ;) :D
A Rich Woman on a Traffic signal to a Beggar: Arey, I have seen U somewhere. Beggar: We r Friends on FACEBOOK..!
Ameer ne Gareeb se Puchha SEX Mehnat hai Ya Maza?
Gareeb : Sahab ji Zarur Maza hi hoga, Warna Mehnat hoti to Aap log yeh bhi humse hi Karwate... X_X ;)
I am the first on Earth, the second in Heaven, I appear two times in a week, you can only see me once in a year, I am also in the middle of the sea, What am I?=-?
Boobs ho Bade Bade..
Bra me ho Khade Khade.
Bar-Bar Chus, Khoob Inko Masal..
Par tu Daant se Kaat Mat, Kaat Mat.
Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath...
Tu NaaThakna Kabhi..
Tu Naa Rukna Kabhi..
Roz 3 Baar Chodne ki,
Le Shapath Le Shapath..
Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath..
Chut Mahan hai..
Har Koi Ispe Qurban hai.
Sabke Basate Isme Pran Hai..
Banakar Khud Bhagwan B Hairan Hai...
WIRYA se Kar Shoorvir Ise Lathpath Lathpath..!
Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath..!;)
Gf-MCDONLD chale?

BF-Spelling bol fir hi jayenge

Gf-1kam kar KFC chalte hai

BF-KFC ka Fullform bol

Gf-Rehne de kutte,
samosa hi khate hai...=))
True graduation speech:
"First I would like to thank Google. Secondly, to Copy Paste and thirdly, to the Xerox machine ;)
A Rich Woman on a Traffic signal to a Beggar: Arey, I have seen U somewhere. Beggar: We r Friends on FACEBOOK..!
Ek Sindhi Lucknow ke kothe me gaya aur bola- Muje Rita se milna hai.

Aunty- Woh ek baar ka 1000/- leti he


Sindhi- No problem.


Sindhi Rita ko thok ke 1000 deta hai.


Next day fir thok ke 1000 rs. deta hai,



3rd day fir thok ke 1000 deta hai.


Rita- Tum bahot achchhe ho, kaha se aaye ho.


Sindhi- Bhopal se.


Rita- Oh waha to meri Bahen bhi rehti hai.


Sindhi- Pata hai, usi ne muje 3000 rs diye the aur kaha tha Rita tak pahucha dena=))
Wife:-Bakre ki Zubaan pakai hai, Khaoge?
Husband:-Nahi Main kisi ke muh se nikli hui cheez nahi khata.
Wife:-To fir murgi ki gand se nikla hua Anda bana dun..??
Breaking News- Rape case in Australia, Victim- Malinga.. Rapist- Kohli.. Watched live at star cricket=)) B-). EPIC! :D
Santa: Yaar, mai kuchh bhi kaam karta hoo toh meri biwi beech me aa jaati hai. Kya karu..??

Banta: Yaar, tu truck chala kar dekh....

:):D
Sexy Girl opens dress & says to Karan johar ! Mard ka bachcha hai to satisfy karke dikha de.." Karan : "Tu Aurat ki bachchi hai to Mera Khada karke dikha de
Student:- Sir in ladkiyon k chaddi par phool ki print q hoti hai ?
Sir :- iss chaddi k andar jitne shahid hue hai unke liye shraddhanjali hoti hai X_X =D
Santa samundar me dahi daal raha tha
Banta-kya kar rahe ho?
Santa-Lassi bana raha hu
Banta-isi liye log hum par joke banate hai
Itni Lassi tera Baap Piyega?=D
Man's Vision Of A Woman:
(?)<--- Problem
(.)(.)<---Product
) (
( Y )<---Flavour
Man's Motto:
Enjoy da Flavour ! Use da Product! Avoid da Problem ;)
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you, to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.

Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Some times, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.

Don't let the cups drive you..., Enjoy the coffee instead.~o)
Shukar hai ki aapke komal hath asman tk nahi pahuch pate........

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warna sitare kya cheez hain, aap to Pariyo ki gand main bhi ungli kar aate.:p
A Shy young guy goes to a bar & sees a beautiful girl sitting alone. 

He gathers some courage, goes 2 her table & asks: "Would u mind If I sit here beside u?" 

She responds loudly: "No! I don't wanna spend the night with u!" 

Everyone at the bar turns & stares at the guy.

Young guy shocked & embarrassed goes back 2 his table.

After a few minutes that girl slowly walks 2 him apologizes & says, " I'm a science student In psychology & studying how people respond to embarrassing situations"

Guy responds loudly

"What? 3000 $ ? That's too much for 1 night!" 

Everyone stares at the girl.

Guy silently whispers to her "don't fuck around with a sales guy" ;) :D
Sexy Girl opens dress & says to Karan johar ! Mard ka bachcha hai to satisfy karke dikha de.." Karan : "Tu Aurat ki bachchi hai to Mera Khada karke dikha de
Ameer ne Gareeb se Puchha SEX Mehnat hai Ya Maza?
Gareeb : Sahab ji Zarur Maza hi hoga, Warna Mehnat hoti to Aap log yeh bhi humse hi Karwate... X_X ;)
I am the first on Earth, the second in Heaven, I appear two times in a week, you can only see me once in a year, I am also in the middle of the sea, What am I?=-?
Student:- Sir in ladkiyon k chaddi par phool ki print q hoti hai ?
Sir :- iss chaddi k andar jitne shahid hue hai unke liye shraddhanjali hoti hai X_X =D
Santa samundar me dahi daal raha tha
Banta-kya kar rahe ho?
Santa-Lassi bana raha hu
Banta-isi liye log hum par joke banate hai
Itni Lassi tera Baap Piyega?=D
Man's Vision Of A Woman:
(?)<--- Problem
(.)(.)<---Product
) (
( Y )<---Flavour
Man's Motto:
Enjoy da Flavour ! Use da Product! Avoid da Problem ;)
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you, to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.

Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Some times, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.

Don't let the cups drive you..., Enjoy the coffee instead.~o)
Gf-MCDONLD chale?

BF-Spelling bol fir hi jayenge

Gf-1kam kar KFC chalte hai

BF-KFC ka Fullform bol

Gf-Rehne de kutte,
samosa hi khate hai...=))
Boobs ho Bade Bade..
Bra me ho Khade Khade.
Bar-Bar Chus, Khoob Inko Masal..
Par tu Daant se Kaat Mat, Kaat Mat.
Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath...
Tu NaaThakna Kabhi..
Tu Naa Rukna Kabhi..
Roz 3 Baar Chodne ki,
Le Shapath Le Shapath..
Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath..
Chut Mahan hai..
Har Koi Ispe Qurban hai.
Sabke Basate Isme Pran Hai..
Banakar Khud Bhagwan B Hairan Hai...
WIRYA se Kar Shoorvir Ise Lathpath Lathpath..!
Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath..!;)
Shukar hai ki aapke komal hath asman tk nahi pahuch pate........

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...
..
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.
.
.
.
.
.
warna sitare kya cheez hain, aap to Pariyo ki gand main bhi ungli kar aate.:p
Hippie sits next to a young Nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her?
The Nun, very upset, says "NO! I am married to god!!" and gets off the bus disgusted.
The bus driver says "She prays every Tuesday night at midnight in the grave yard, why don't you dress up in a hooded robe; go to the grave yard and tell her you are God and demand sex?
The hippie tries this and to his suprise the nun says "Yes but only if we have anal sex as I want to keep my virginity"
They have passionate bum sex and when they are done the hippie throws off his robe and cries "ha ha, I'm the hippie!!!"
The nun cries out "ha ha, I'm the bus driver!
Health Important Tips +:
 Answer the phone by left ear.
 Dont take medicine with cold water.
 Dont have heavy meals after 5pm.
Drink more water in morning, less at night.
Best sleeping time is from 10 pm to 4 am 
Dont lie down immeditely after taking medicine 
 When battery is down to last bar, Dont answer  the phone, as the radiation is 1000  times stronger.

Forward this to  people you care about   
In a hospital 2 nurses were discussing about the New Doctor:

1st Nurse: He Dresses very well.

2nd Nurse: And very quickly too;)
Boy to teacher:-Mam, jab Hindustan ko Hind,
Pakistan ko Pak,
Australia ko Aus
kahte hai to
Brazil aur London ko kya kahege ??
Teacher:-Tu apna kam kar harami !
The Success of Marriage-I'M sure U Will Enjoy This Short Story.......

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" .
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after:D

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Joke

Interview in a Govt Dept. under d Handicap Quota.

Interviewer: R u handicaped?

Guy: Ya, lost my testicles in a bomblast.

Interviewer: 'OK, u r selcted! Working hours will be 9am to 5pm. Make sure that u r here at 11am everyday

Puzzled, guy askd: Why 11 when d timing is frm 9?

Interviewer: Its a govt job. First 2 hrs we jus sit around scratching our balls. What the fuck will you do???=D