Google add

Monday, April 30, 2012

Joke

Wife came out after taking a bath, gave a wink and said "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means..?"


Santa :"The drain is blocked again...."
Preeto caught Santa masturbating in the bathroom for the second time in two days.

"Am I not enough for you? What am I doing wrong?" she cried.

"Tell me what you want me to do so this doesn't happen any more!"

Santa said, "Try knocking the door before entering"
Rahul Gandhi-
Maa Aapki wajah se Meri shaadi nahi ho rahi he.
.
Sonia -wo kaise.?
.
Rahul-aapke har poster me likha hota he
.
.
Sonia ko
"BAHU MAT DO"
Bhagwn ki leela To dekho,

Sharab bechne wale ko kahi Nahi jana padhta
Lekin Dudh bechne wale ko gali gali Jana padta hai.
English, Australian & Punjabi watching IPL 2gethr:
Englsh- amazing six!
Australian- oh! Wat a shot
Pnjabi- oh Bhen di lun, 3 nmbr wali cheer leadr Di Bund dekh

Friday, April 27, 2012

Joke

Madam:- Chintu jab main padhati hu toh tum sar par thook kyu lagate ho? Chintu:- Madam- woh meri mom hamesha raat ko papa se yehi kehti hai ki agar andar nahi ghus raha toh thook laga lo.. =D

Joke

Call girl sardar ka lund muh me rakh kar boli 1000 nikalo nhi to land kat lungi,sardar ne haste hue kaha SAALI,BEVKUF 5000 TU DE VRNA SUSU KAR DUNGA X_X =)) =D
Galib ne ..
Erotic mood me,
Arz kiya hai..
Teer kyon chalati ho,
dhar to talwar me hai,
duppate se kya chupati ho,
maal to salwar me hai.
Palat kar dekh janeman,
jigar me dum hum bhi rakhte hai.
Agr do bomb tum rakhti ho to,
ek gun hum bhi rakhte hain.

dhiskiyon..

Boys need 100% talent to Succeed in life..
But-

Girls needs only 4%,
Bcoz the Remaining
( )36
) ( 24
( )36
Helps Them..!!!:
If u marry 1 women, she wil fight wit u. If u marry 2 women, they wil fight fr u. So think different, add wife hav life. :)

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Joke

Hilarious Open Letter to Employees

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management....*nerd* >=)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Joke

A little old lady went into the Bank one day, carrying a bag of money. She asked to speak with the bank president to open an account because, "It's a lot of money!" The reluctant staff finally ushered her into his office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash on his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The old lady said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls in the mirror. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president said, "What wrong with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have the Bank president's balls in my hand!" :p =))
Boyfrnd to girlfrnd:
Hum dono kuch time sath reh lete he

Agr mizaj mile to shadi kr lenge or koi galti hui to alag ho jaynge.

Girl: Galti kis k paas rahegi..?
4 ways to become RICH :

1.Get early to work.
2.Work hard throughout the day & year.
3.Be honest to your work.
4.And if all 3 above fail,
.
.
.
Join "CONGRESS".
Thailand: Amazing Thailand.

India: Incredible India.

Malaysia: Truly Asia


Wonder wht's Pakstan's Tourism tag line is ??
''Have a blast , it might be ur last"=)) X_X
Tom and his hot wife were playing golf when the ball suddenly goes inside a house.

They enter the house and see a broken bottle and a man.

Man: I want to thank you. I am genie who was trapped for 1000 years in the bottle.

I will give you each 1 wish, and I will keep 1 for myself.

Tom: I want a billion dollars.

Wife: I want a house in every country of the world.

Genie: Done. Done.

Tom : And what is your wish genie?

Genie: Well, since I haven't loved a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.

Tom said: Emm... Ok! You'll get us a lot of money. I guess I don't mind.

The genie took the wife upstairs and slept with her for two hours.

After it was over he asked her: How old is your husband?

Wife answers: 35.

Genie: Really? And he still believes in genie stories !!
Santa married in Urdu speaking family.
Girls father:Beta huzur aap ne hamari beti ko kaisa paya?
Santa-Ji agyon paya,pichyon paya, te kal rati muh wich paya
4 saal ka bacchha apnii aunty ke sath naha rah tha

toh niche ishaara kar key puchaa:-

Yeh kyaa hain aunty????

Aunty:-
Kuch nhi beta, kulhadi lag gayi thi...
.
..
.

Baccha: Kmaal hain woh bhi direct Choot pe.....

Monday, April 9, 2012

Joke

Usne utari saree
fir aayi peticoat ki bari
blouse to pahle hi diya tha
utar
ziyadah excited mat ho yaar
yeh tha kapray sukhane ka taar...!!
PATI LOG KI TRAGEDY ;) ------

Biwi apni marzi se inhe jeene nahin deti ..
Aur..
karva chauth ka vrat rakh ke marne bi nahin deti .. ('_')
Train mai aik husband apni wife say:
tujh say shadi ker k pachta raha hun
dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun

samnay wala passenger:wao wao wao wao!!!
Wo kia cheez hai
Jo biwi apne hsband ko sari umar nahi deti
Bar bar mangne per bhi nain deti
Aur yeh illegal bhi nahi hy?
.
.
Guess?
?
?
Come on yar?
?
?
Sakoon

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Joke

Once a man asked god :
Why are all Girls so nice & sweet, & all Women so horrible and terrible?
God answered:
Because Girls are made by Me
&
Women - By You !!
"1 LUN adalat me gya,
OR
Faryad ki
Judge Sab!
Me chota tha to mera gala kat dia gya,
Thora bara hua to masal masal k meri haalat khrab kr di gai,
OR
Jab me jawan howa to muje roz andhay
kunwen my dala
jata hy,
jahan garmi or tangi ki waja se mera dam ghut-ta hy.
Wahan Mujhe roz ultiyan ati han
Or
Muje behoshi ki halat me bahar nikala jata Hy
Mera kasoor kiya hy?

Judge: Benchod
Tera kasoor ye hy
K
Tu akarta bohat hy.
A bird askd a bee- u wrk so hard 2 get honey n ppl steal it. Don't u feel sad?
Bee- no, bcoz they can nvr steal my art of MAKING HONEY.


MORAL: Kutta, billi, makkhi, machchar jisko dekho wahi aajkal philosophy jhaad raha hai
Employee: Sir, you called
me?
Boss: Yeah, Go to the
restroom and masturbate.
Employee after few mins: Done sir.
Boss: Do it again.
Employee Done it again.
Boss: Do it once more.
Employee: Now I dont
have much stamina for it
sir.
.
.
.
.
Boss: Very good. Here's
the keys of my car. Drop
my daughter home.=D
Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks "why are you here? "The schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well. I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep. "The schnauzer asks the poodle "why are you here? "The poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put to sleep. "The poodle and schnauzer ask the great Dane why he is here. The great Dane responds: "My owner is this beautiful runway model. Yesterday she was walking around the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pickup something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature took over and the next thing I know I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself. "The poodle asks: "so she brought you here to put to sleep? "Oh, no...., I'm just here to get my nails trimmed. ";)=D =))
Santa buys a new van and decides to name it after his wife, he wrote her name on it, wife sees it & slaps him. Santa had written on his van:
JASWINDER KAUR
FOR HIRE
FULL DAY Rs 200
NIGHT CHARGE XTRA=))=))
Naughty Santa asked his Hindi Madam: "Hindi mein APPU kaise likhu?"

Madam: Pahle aa, fir aadha paa, fir poora paa, aur fir ooou";) >=)

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Joke

1 Bottle me 10 fish..
1 fish ko bahar nikal diya!
water Level badh gya.
How
J
Bcoz Other 9 Fishes start crying! 
Why

Q k Har 1 Friend zaruri hota he yaar 
An old man goes to the brothel to feel good for the last time.
Girl-"Dude, undress so we can get down to serious stuff!"
The man undresses and the girl takes his clothes and throws them out the window.
"What are you doing, girl??", screams the old man.
"Don't worry. We are going to do sex that until tomorrow you're gone lose so much weight and you wont need those clothes anymore." When the girl undresses the man takes her clothes and throws them out the window.
"What are you doing grandpa, is this the revenge!?"
"No, not at all, but until you'll turn me on, the fashion is going to change.=))
Ek Admi k LUND Pe Madhu Makkhi Ne Kat Liya Wo Patni Ke sath Dr. K Paas Gaya Patni Dheere Se Dr. Ko Boli-
.
.
.
'Keval Dard Ki Dava Dena, Sujan Rehne Dena.:-)

Friday, April 6, 2012

Joke

Santa: I tried cooking supper with wine tonight.
Banta: How was it?
Didn't go so well. After 5 glasses, I forgot why I was even in the kitchen.
Santa: I tried cooking supper with wine tonight.
Banta: How was it?
Didn't go so well. After 5 glasses, I forgot why I was even in the kitchen.
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
Husband entered Bedroom naked...

WIFE: Today I have fever.

HUS: I knw that. So I coated my Penis with CROCIN.
Do u want to take it Orally or as an Injection!!

Joke

Santa & Preeto went for counselling
Preeto had issues of neglect & lonliness..
Dr. got up, unhooked her blouse, squeezed, caressed & kissed her breast s for 10min..
"This is what she needs, thrice a week. Can u do it?"
Santa- I can drop her on Monday & Wednesday..but on Friday I have "tablaa class";)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Joke

1 Angrez Pind Mein Elaan Kar Raha Tha Aur Punjabi Us Ka Translator.

Angrez: Oh People,

Punjabi: O Phudi Deyo,

It's Highly Announced,

Bund Phaar Elaan Kitta Janda Ay,

That The Case Has Been Thoroughly Investigated,

Case Di Choon Choon Pharoli Gayi Ay,

But Found Nothing,

Ty Labhya Lun V Nai,

If Anyone Interfere,

Ty Kisi Ne bhen chudaan Di Koshish Kitti,

He Will Be Elephantly Punished,

Uhno Haathi De Lun Naal Ban Ditta Jai Ga,

Thats It.

Bund. Marao.
Kya aap ki life me koi hasina nahi aati?kya padosan line Nahin deti?kya ladkiyan uncle kehke bulati hain?solution hai!!!!Abhi log kijiye,www.ya Allah utha le dot com
Ek kaala husband apni biwi se bola, 'Main jaisa bhi hoon, mujhe bachcha achha chahiye'

Biwi boli, 'Dekhoji choice is yours. Achha chaahiye ya apna chaahiye....

Joke

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."




The priest replies, "Get out you idiot. You're on my side!"=D
Ek baar class main inspection hoti hain..

Headmaster sahib aate hain....... Sawaal karna shuru!

Headmaster: "Bachoo Hamari body ka sabse naram part konsa hain"?

Jab koi jawab nahin deta to master Tinku ki taraf ishara karte hue Headmaster: "Tinku tum is ka jawab do"!!
Tinku: "Master ji hamari body ka sabse naram part hain GAAND, kyon ki, agar hame thand (cold) lag gaye hum kehte hain 'GAAND Phat gayi', Garmi lag jaya hum kehte hain 'GAAND phat gayi', thoda chalna pad jaye'GAAND phat gayi', Rona aa jaye 'GAAND phat gayi', Homework karana ho'GAAND phat gayi'

Headmaster ko gussa to aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi sahi hain to woh kuch nahin kehta.. phir sawaal karta hain

Headmaster: "acha aab ye batao ke, Ladki ki jab shaadi ho jaati hain to woh Doli ke time roti kyon hain"

Phir koi jawaab nahin deta......master phir Tinku ko jawaab dene ko kehta hain.

Tinku: " Master ji aap itne bade master, gyani or Samajhdar AGAR AAPKI KOI 400KM GHAR SE DOOOOOR LE JAA KAR GAAND MAREGA TO AAPKO RONA NAHIN AAYEGA?

Master ji ko phir bhut gussa aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi thik hain...isleye woh use kuch nahin kehta. Master phir sawaal karata hain

Headmaster: " Acha bachoo agar main aapko tisri aankh lagane ki shakti doon to tum kahan lagwaoge"

Koi bacha kehta hain sir pe, koi kehta hain mooh main, koi kehta hain pet main. koi kehta hain kaan pe.....

Master ko koi bhi answer acha nahin lagta hain to woh Tinku ko phir khada karta hain

Tinku: " Master ji main tisri aankh haat ki badi wali ungli main lagawaoonga"

Headmaster: " Kyon Tinku"

Tinku: " Main usko aapki GAAND main dalke ye dekhoonga ke aisa kaun sa kida aapki GAAND main Bhatak raha hain jo Salla har Sawaal mujhi se pooch raha hai..=D =))
Haryanvi calls Customer Care: "Sir maari bhains ne mara sim kha lia or bhag gi."

Cust. Care : To mai kya karu?

Haryanvi: Re karna ke hai, tu manne yo bata ke roaming to na laagri..!!=))

Monday, April 2, 2012

Joke

Santa: Kal sapne me maine Aishwarya Rai ke ghar janam liya..
Banta: Fir kya hua??
Santa: Kya Batau, Kismat hi kharab thi.. Saali ne
Botal se dudh pila diya
Filmi Diagnosis......... Tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi : HEART ATTACK

Juda hoke bhi tu mujhme kanhi baaki hai: CONSTIPATION

Bidi jalayile jigar se piya jigar ma badi aag hai: ACIDITY

Jiya Jale jaan jale, Raat bhar dhuan chale : FEVER

Tujhme rab dikhta hai yaara main kya karoon : CATARACT

Mann dole mera tann dole : VERTIGO.

Dil Dhadak Dhadak ke keh raha hai : HIGH BP

Haay re haay, Neend nahin aaye : INSOMNIA
Sperms meeting inside a sexy womans body, introduce themselves !

I'm Doctor's..

I'm doodhwala's..

I'm Husband's..

I'm boyfrnd's..

Ek sperm chup chap tha..!

One askd : why are you Quite...?


Silent Sperm : Insano ki meeting me kutte ka kya kaam...:D
A man was riding a bus, minding his ownbusiness,

when this gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it, so she said,

"Come on, eat it all up or , I'll have to give it to this nice man here."

Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said,

"Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."

A few minutes later, the anxious man said, "Come on, kid. Make up your mind!

I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
A handsm boy n a hot grl wr goin 2 cntryside on a bike.suddnly it strtd 2 rain n both got wet.dey found an empty hut n wnt inside.
Grl hd a gud figure n ws lukin awsm in hr wet transparent nylon shirt n denim shorts.Boy ws also wel built.He came clos 2 her n wrapd his arms arnd hr n strtd feelin hr soft silky skin.
Girl put hr hands on bf's shouldr n offrd hr lips 4 a kis
2 b contd.

Pay Rs.99 n njoy d nxt episode "SAWAN BARSE, HM TOHAR CHUMMI KO TARSE"
Nurse 2 Gungaa Srdar-Ur Name?

Srdr ne penis k or Ishara kiya

Penis pe Tatoo tha usme likha tha KARGILL

Nrse ne Haath lagaya,pura Naam aya
KARTAR SINGH GILL!!

Joke

This joke will destroy your power of thinking. . . . . What do u call a cow dancing .. ............ . . . "Guidance "
SOLVE THE CASE:
A man was found murdered on 02.10.1992 afternoon .
1.his wife called police.
2.police questioned everyone.
3.wife Sir, i was sleeping,when the murder took place.
4.cook:i was cooking.
5.gardener:i was picking vegetables.
6.house-maid:i went 2 the post office.
7.children:we wen 2 play.
8.neighbour:we went 2 a marriage.Police arrested the murderer immediately.
Who is it?

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Joke

Two C.A's getting married.
During marriage ceremony, wife vomits
Husband asks the reason?
Wife: Short term capital gain arising out of previous partnership..!
Jaha yad na aye wo tanhai kis kaam ki,
Bigre rishte na bne to khudai kis kaam ki,
Beshak apni manzil tk jana h,
Par jaha se apne na dikhe wo unchai kis kaam ki.
BIWI-aah uuh, thoda aur, thoda aage, thoda left, thoda sa Aur, bas Bas thoda sa right.
PATI-MadarChod chudwa rahi hai ya Lauda parking me lagwa rahi hai.
Santa saw a poster at a police station.


"2 Gujrati Men Wanted for Rape".

Santa "Fuck man ! These Gujratis always get the best Jobs.!"=))
Bedroom golf Rules. 1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play
when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole ;)
Arab couple went to London.
One day in the hotel room,the husband heard his wife scream,

"Faar! Faar Faar!"(which is mouse in Arabic accent)
.
He wanted to inform Room Service but didn't knew what the English word for "faar" is

Husband: Hello,room service? :D

Room service: Yes sir,how can I help u?O:)

Husband: hmmmm, U know Tom & Jerry?:]Y
Room service: Yes, sir,I know Tom & Jerry:/

Husband: habibi Jerry is here=))
A Pastor rears chicken in the Church premises, so one evening a Cock went missing. In Church the next day the Pastor asked 'who has a cock?' All the men got up..' No, I mean who has seen a cock?' All the women got up, 'No, no, I meant who has seen a cock that isn't theirs?' Half of the women got up, 'Oh for goodness sake!! Who has seen my cock??' All the Choir girls got up. =D =))
JEEWAN KE 8 SATYA:
1. Girl friend aur car dusre ko doge to thuk kar hi vapas aayegi.
2. Chut & daru kabhi jhuti nahi hoti.
3. Nayi chut aur bhoot kismat walo ko hi dikhte hain.
4. Ladki or audio cassete ko dono side se bajana chahiye.
5. Gaand or saanp janha mile maar do.
6. Land or paani apna rasta khud bana lete hain.
7. Gand or dudh ke fatne ki aawaz nahi hoti.
8. Sex or tax dono aadmi ko pagal kar dete hain.
Pathaan bhi ajeeb
kaum hei dosto . . .

Gusse me bole to
darr lagta hei -
KAHIN MAAR NA DE

Pyaar se bole to
darr lagta hei -
KAHIN MAAR NA LE
A nun in the bath - knock at the door , 'who is it ? " "its the blind man " . "come in " she says. " Nice tits "he says " where do u want the blind ?
Avoid rape- say yes
Success is like masturbation,only ur hand can let u achieve it
Education is like hiring a prostitute,it needs both money& hard work
Women need a reason to have sex,men just need a place
Fate is like getting raped,if u cant fight it,learn to enjoy it
Work is like gangbang,10people are behind ur ass to take ur place
Irony of a blowjob is that even if u have her at ur feet,she's got u by the balls
Make love not war as condoms are cheaper.
History of april 1st:
April 1 came 2 b called 'FOOLS DAY' after Steve April.
He was born on 1st april 1579.
He did 105 business in his lifetime.
He lost all his father's assets.
Every1 started calling him father of fools.
At the age of 19 he married a 61 years old woman.
She divorced him after 1 year coZ of his stupidity.
He used 2 hear and believe all kind of fake stories like u r reading now.

My pleasure
2 wish u
'APRIL FOOL.'