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Thursday, May 31, 2012

Joke

During sex, GF started screaming, throwing hands & crying.

Boy: What R U doing? We aren't doing it 1st time!

GF: U continue, I'm practising for my wedding nite
Excellent one liner quote-Those who Hesitate, Later only Mastubate.
1960 Suhagraat k pehle dulhan ko uski maa kya sikhati thi?
"Chillana mat.
wo jo kare, krne dena"
2012-"Jor se chillana.
taki usko lge k opening batsman wahi hai
A guy went to Vegas for the first time in his life. He was very curious about the sex services offered there. Through a bellboy, he found the best in town.

When the lady came, he asked, "How much is your service?"

The lady said, "$100 for a hand job.รข€ "What? Why so expensive?" the guy asked in amazement.

The lady pulled the guy to the window and asked him, "Do you see that shiny red Porsche down there? That's what I earned by my hand!"

The guy was convinced and decided to try her service. It was great! So he asked, "What else can you do?"

The lady said, "For $200 I'll give you a blowjob."

"What? That's way too expensive for a blow job!" he replied.

The lady brought him to the window again, and said, "Do you see the restaurant down there? That's what I've earned with my mouth!"

So the guy decided to go for it and gave her $200. It was unbelievable! So he decided he wanted to try the "real" thing. So he asked, "How much for real intercourse?"

The lady pulled him over to the window again, and said, "Do you see that skyscraper there? It would have been mine a long time ago if I had a pussy!"

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Joke

GRL:me tmhare lie aag pe chal skti hu, angaro se naha skti hu

BOY- so sweet! kya tum mujhe abi milne a skti ho?

GIrL-Pagal ho kya dhoop dekhi he kitni tez hai
A couple, 2 have sex, made a code as PHONE CALL -so that d kids wil not decode.
1 day Husband 2 son=Tell ur mom that, dad wants 2 make a phone call..
Mom=Tell ur dad, d network is down..
Dad=if d network is down, then i'll go 2a PCO...
Mom=Tell dad that if he dares 2 go a PCO,i'll open a Call Centre at home.

Joke

A drunk enters a chemist and screams "I Want A Condom!!"
The chemist disgusted says "Sir could you be a bit more decent"
So the drunk unzips and takes out his dick on the table and says "Excuse me! Please do you have clothes for this Beauty...???" ;):p=))

Joke

Rajnikanth bought 2 Elephants, 2 Camels and 2 Horses frm Zoo?
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Why.?
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To Play chess !!!!!!

Ha.. Ha.. Ha..

Joke

Pati 1st Night Ko
Dear! Kaho Kya Chahti Ho?
Biwi- Chahte Hai Ham Aapse Aise sex Ka Wada,
Jaise. 5 Rupaye Ka Vim Bar!
Gale Kam Aur Chale Zyada.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Joke

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30yrs & so he suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane noticed this & agreed to offer herself to him. She removed her clothes & laid down on the grass. Tarzan came running & gave a hard kick on her pussy. In pain, she screamed - "what da hell did you do that for?" Tarzan replied.."I always check for squirrels !

Joke

Japanese couple in an argument

Husband: Sukitaki.
Wife replies: Kowanini!!
Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!

Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!
Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!

And you sit and read this as if you understand Japanese!
You are unbelievable

Joke

1 Pathan aurat 2ri Pathan aurat se-
"Ye tumhare Baccha kaise ho gaya?

2ri hans ke boli-
"Gul Bano, Raaz ki baat hai..
Us Raat hum ne Bra ulti baandh li thi."!!
Kuch aurtein phone karte hi umeed jaga deti hain...
"Hold kijiye....
abhi deti hoon."
Harbhajan to Dhoni: Hum to Jaanboojh ke match haare. Pata hai, jeetne waali team ko jo Volkswagen mil rahi hai, woh petrol ki hai
Put a Viagra pill in your Petrol Tank. At least the petrol indicator will stay up :p

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Joke

Border Par Jang Shuru Ho Gyee.
Sardar: Major Sahab Mai Dushmano Ki Maa Ch....Doonga !
Major: bh.... Ke, Dushman Maarne Hain, Paida Nahi Karne..!
News: Sone par tax ke khilaf aandolan.....

Sardar once again at its best : Par ye to batao ki kiske sath sone par tax lagega?

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Joke

Santa Singh after the first night of his HONEYMOON got a call from Banta Singh.

Banta : Mate, how was ur first night, u must have enjoyed a lot

Santa : Yeah bro, First time in my life I saw a NAKED WOMAN, I MASTURBATED Thrice

Joke

Darwaje par Phool Sajaye baitha hai,
Bistar ko Sent se Mahkaye betha hai, Diwangi to dekho janab ki. Suhagrat Sham ko hai, Or
Condom Subah se Lagaye Baita hai.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Joke

Punjabi Munda: "Madamji, mere shoe laces tight kr do."
Teacher: "Haraami, tu phir mere boobs dekhega."
Punjabi Munda: "Nahi Madam ji, munde kehnde madam di bund vekhni h
Santa apni Biwi se-
Aaj tumhari chhoti behan ko apne ghar me dekh ke bahut khushi ho rahi hai..
Biwi- Hanji, Aapki khushi pajame me se dikh rahi hai
Boyfrnd to girl: Hum dono kuch time sath reh lete he
Agar mizaj mile to shadi kar lenge aur
koi galti hui to alag ho jaynge.
Girl: Par Galti kis k paas rahegi#

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Joke

Without trying to offend anyone's sensibilities, this one is a Laugh Riot, enjoy.... !!!. Guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, 'Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on.'

She told him 'You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6.' He thanked her and continued playing golf.

Later he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. 'I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on.'

She told him 'you are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13.'
Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.

When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.
'I'm in sales.' she said.
He replied, 'no kidding so am I. What do you sell?'

She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold and finally, she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh.
He promised.

She said, 'I sell KOTEX (Sanitary Napkins)'.
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, 'You promised you wouldn't laugh'.

He replied (still with tears in his eyes), 'I'm sorry,
but I couldn't help it.
I sell toilet paper.....
I'm still one hole behind you."=D =)) X_X
Some Sperms met inside a woman's body
They started introducing themselves.
Hi, I'm the Doctor's
I'm the Doodhwala's
I'm the Liftman's
I'm the Husband's
I'm the boy friend's
One sperm was sitting quietly and listening to them
All sperms asked
"why are you so quiet..?"
The Silent sperm replied
"Bow Bow"
Cycle puncture wala suhagraat ko room me gya..

Biwi ko uthaya or bath tub me litaya..

Biwi boli :
kyu es tarah..?

Woh bola :
Apun ko paani mein hi hole dikhta hai X_X =D
Santa saw a parrot in the zoo who could speak English,Hindi and Marathi... So he decided to test it... Santa - who are u??... Parrot - i am a parrot.... Santa - tum kaun ho??.... Parrot - main tota hu.... Excited Santa - tu kon aahes??.... Parrot - tujhya aaichi gand, don da sangitla na chutmarichya...

Joke

Sardar:-Kal pehli vari main teri Bhabi Di yaad Bhulan wasty Sharab Di Botal da Sahara Leya. Dost:- Fer ki Hoya?
SARDAR:-Hona ki C
Lulli Phas Gai. Botal Vich :'(
Without trying to offend anyone's sensibilities, this one is a Laugh Riot, enjoy.... !!!. Guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, 'Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on.'

She told him 'You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6.' He thanked her and continued playing golf.

Later he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. 'I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on.'

She told him 'you are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13.'
Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.

When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.
'I'm in sales.' she said.
He replied, 'no kidding so am I. What do you sell?'

She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold and finally, she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh.
He promised.

She said, 'I sell KOTEX (Sanitary Napkins)'.
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, 'You promised you wouldn't laugh'.

He replied (still with tears in his eyes), 'I'm sorry,
but I couldn't help it.
I sell toilet paper.....
I'm still one hole behind you."=D =)) X_X
Some Sperms met inside a woman's body
They started introducing themselves.
Hi, I'm the Doctor's
I'm the Doodhwala's
I'm the Liftman's
I'm the Husband's
I'm the boy friend's
One sperm was sitting quietly and listening to them
All sperms asked
"why are you so quiet..?"
The Silent sperm replied
"Bow Bow"
Cycle puncture wala suhagraat ko room me gya..

Biwi ko uthaya or bath tub me litaya..

Biwi boli :
kyu es tarah..?

Woh bola :
Apun ko paani mein hi hole dikhta hai X_X =D
Santa saw a parrot in the zoo who could speak English,Hindi and Marathi... So he decided to test it... Santa - who are u??... Parrot - i am a parrot.... Santa - tum kaun ho??.... Parrot - main tota hu.... Excited Santa - tu kon aahes??.... Parrot - tujhya aaichi gand, don da sangitla na chutmarichya...

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Joke

Husband- Wife Sex Kar rahe The.
Kisi Ne Bell Bajayi.
Aadmi Ne 5 Mints Baad Darwaza Khola.
Dost- Der Kyo Laga Di ?
Aadmi- Hum Log Chatni Koot Rahe The.
Shararati Dost- "Bhabhi Hume Bhi Chatni Chatao".
Hoshiyar Bhabhi- "Maine To
Bartan Dho Liya Hai,
Dande Par Lagi Hogi, Chat Lo" .

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Joke

Without trying to offend anyone's sensibilities, this one is a Laugh Riot, enjoy.... !!!. Guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, 'Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on.'

She told him 'You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6.' He thanked her and continued playing golf.

Later he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. 'I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on.'

She told him 'you are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13.'
Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.

When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.
'I'm in sales.' she said.
He replied, 'no kidding so am I. What do you sell?'

She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold and finally, she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh.
He promised.

She said, 'I sell KOTEX (Sanitary Napkins)'.
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, 'You promised you wouldn't laugh'.

He replied (still with tears in his eyes), 'I'm sorry,
but I couldn't help it.
I sell toilet paper.....
I'm still one hole behind you."=D =)) X_X
Some Sperms met inside a woman's body
They started introducing themselves.
Hi, I'm the Doctor's
I'm the Doodhwala's
I'm the Liftman's
I'm the Husband's
I'm the boy friend's
One sperm was sitting quietly and listening to them
All sperms asked
"why are you so quiet..?"
The Silent sperm replied
"Bow Bow"
Cycle puncture wala suhagraat ko room me gya..

Biwi ko uthaya or bath tub me litaya..

Biwi boli :
kyu es tarah..?

Woh bola :
Apun ko paani mein hi hole dikhta hai X_X =D
Santa saw a parrot in the zoo who could speak English,Hindi and Marathi... So he decided to test it... Santa - who are u??... Parrot - i am a parrot.... Santa - tum kaun ho??.... Parrot - main tota hu.... Excited Santa - tu kon aahes??.... Parrot - tujhya aaichi gand, don da sangitla na chutmarichya...

Joke

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have a headache!*

'Perfect,' her husband said. 'I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you.'

Monday, May 14, 2012

Joke

Hospital mein 1 bacha paida hote hi Nurse se Bola:
BEER-WHISKY hai kya?

Nurse: Yahan Daru nathi milti
Bacha: Eni maa ne, Paachho Gujarat maaJ Janmyo !!=))=))
Agar aapki Wife aapka kaha nahi manti to.
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itne dhyan se mat pado,
Kisiki nahi manti.
Aur koi kar b kya lega.
SUKHI VAIVAHIK JIVAN Ka...... ........RAAZ..................



















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..AAJ BHI RAAZ
HAI..;) :p
Blowing your testicles into 1 million pieces with an underwear bomb, then expecting to do anything with 100 virgins.... Al Qaeda really thought that one through.
D best way 2 smuggle drugs is to place them up a dog's ass.


Tht way, even if d sniffer dog suspects anything, the officials will think its just horny...! :D
Passion is, tearing her panties off & pushing them aside

Sexy is, seductively sliding them down

Married is , taking time to fold them!!=D =))
A man approached the window of a movie theater with a Chicken on his shoulder and asked for 2 tickets.
'Who's the other ticket for?' the ticket girl asked.
'For my pet Chicken' he said pointing to the bird.
'I'm sorry' we do not allow, she said.
Man goes to the corner and stuffs the bird in his pants, returns to the window and buys a ticket and sits down to enjoy the movie.
The chicken gets too hot, so the man figuring it was okay as its dark inside, he unzips his pants and let the chicken stick its head out.
A woman seated next to him looked down in horror, nudged her friend Amanda and whispered, "the man next to me has unzipped his pants!"
Amanda says, "Oh, don't worry, just ignore him. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."
The woman whispered back, "I know, I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!":O=D
Husband: Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa??

Wife: Wat? Where?

Wife goes to find them and comes back angrily saying: "Will u stop calling our children 'torn condoms" :D =D
Doctor : Aapke pati ko bohot kamzori hain. Rozana doodh dijiye.
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Lady: Roz deti hoon Dr. Sahab, lekin yeh "KHELTE" zyada hain aur peete kam hain....*nerd* >=)
A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to marry a respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of contemporary society. After the wedding service, the bridal couple had to drive through the more unsavory areas of the city on the way to the reception.

"William, what are those women doing leaning against lampposts?"

"Oh, those are just tarts who hire their bodies out for sex at fifty dollars a time."

"Wow, fifty dollars!" exclaimed the bride, "the monks only used to give us an apple..."
__._,_._
BF in romantic mood
Aaj mausam kitna suhana h.Thandi hawa b h.
Badal b h aasman me.Barish b hne wali h
Tumhe kya lagta h?

GF:Mujhe lagta h k mera game h aaj =))B-) :D =)) =D
Tanaav (tension) door karne ke liye yoga ---
Table par ek beer ki bottle, namkin aur glass rakhe...
Chair par baithe...
Beer ko glass mei dale...
Halke se sip le...
Namkeen khaye...
Phir sip le...
Is kriya ko 7 baar dohraye...
Sar pichhe jhukae,
Dono hath sar ke picche rakhe,
Aankhe dhire se band karte hue bole...
"Bhaad mein jaaye duniya"
BOSS to an employee.... . "Do you believe in life after Death?"

EMPLOYEE: "Certainly not! There's no proof of it", he replied. . .

BOSS: "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you !!

Joke

1chote bache ne kbhi apna pichwada nhi dka
1din tchr ne uske pichwade pe khub mara
Bacha ghar k Aine me pichwada dekhte hue bola

ARE BAP RE DO TUKDE KR diye

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Joke

Miya k 11 Bache Shor Kr Rahe Te
1baba DANDE se Tak Tak krte Guzra

Miya:Baba Dande Pe Rabar Lga lo Awaz Nhi aygi

Baba:Ye Kam Tune kia Hota to Itna shor na Hota
Teacher: hamesha kaho ki mujhe sab pata hai...
Chotte at home : Papa mujhe sab pata hai ;)
Papa : beta ye 50 ruppee le aur chup rehna. Aunty to bas milne aati hain.
Chotte : Mummy muje sab pata hai ;)
Mummy : beta ye 100 ruppee le aur chup rehna. Raamu kaka to room saaf karte hain bas.
Chotte (nokar se): Raamu kaka mujhe sab pata hai ;)
Ramu kaka : sab jaanne ke baad bhi apne baap ke gale nahin lagega pagley.....!! ({})

Joke

A Punjabi child almost died of laughter when he got to know that the full form of BC was Before Christ !
I typed MARRIED
but it was auto-corrected to MARTYRED..?
Then in Hindi i tried SHAADI
It autocorrected to SHAHID?
Damn smart phones have gained intelligence.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Joke

New Age Rhyme:

Ba Ba bastard have u any kids ?
Yes Sir Yes Sir 3 damn kids..
1 from my neighbour,
1 from my maid,&
1 from d call girl whom I never paid !

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Joke

Suhagrat ko wife husband se boli KARO

Hsbd - Mujhe kuchh nahi aata.

Wife - Koi bat nahi jaise main karu vaise hi karte jao.

Wife ne kapde utare hsbnd ne bhi utare.

Fir Wife ne letker tange utha li to hsbnd ne bhi letkar tange utha li or bola "ab"?

Wife : Ab aisa kar GANDU Bahar se 3 admi bula,
1meri marega
aur 1TERI.

Hsbnd : Aur 3ra?

Wife - 3ra free ka SMS padhne waleki marega jo bahut muskura raha hai...!!!!

Joke

A man was shocked to see his beautiful divorced neighbor knocking on his door one Friday evening.
"I'm so horny that I can't stand it." she said. "I want to go out, get drunk and get laid. Are you free tonight?"
"Yes!" he replied enthusiastically.
"Wonderful." she said. "Would you watch my kids?".

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Joke

Hakeem AURAT ki nabz check krke bola: aap thik ho, Aap k PATI me AULAD na hone ka NUKHS hai
Aurat: Chodne ka Bahana Mat Bana,
Poore Mohalle Me NUKHS hai Kya?;-)
Flight me pilot ne announce kia: 'hum ek ghante me land karne wale hain.'

Fir wo mic band karna bhool gaya aur co-pilot se bola: 'ab to bas ek garam chai piyunga, fir air hostess ko apna lund chusa k, aadhe ghante chodunga!'

Air hostess ye sun kar
mic band karwane ke liye bhaagi, aur 1 bachche k pair me fas kar gir gayi.

Bahchaa bola: Tujhe badi jaldi hai bhen ki lodi... suna nahi pehle chai piyega=D
Dada kondke made a movie "Roz Meri Marlo". The sensor board objected to the name. Dada said. 'Is mein 3 heroine hain. Roz, Meri and Marloe. You can put their name in any sequence. The censor board actually tried all combos...........just like you jdid right now....*nerd*
Medical distinction between Guts and Balls

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.

We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls.

But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.

Both result in death.

You are welcome, glad to have cleared this up ;) :D

Monday, May 7, 2012

Joke

Grandma and grandpa were watching a healing programme on TV. The evangelist calld to all who wanted to be healed to put 1 hand on TV & other on body part they wanted healed. Grandma hobbled to the TV & put 1 hand on the TV & the other on her arthritic hip. Grandpa made his way to the set & put one hand on the TV & the other on his crotch. Grandma lookd at him wit disgust "U just don't understand, Bob. The purpose is to heal the sick, not raise the DEAD.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Joke

Boobs have lot of Importance in love & making of love stories in India.The male Lover is called MehBoob &the female lover is called MehB( . ) ( . )Ba ;)