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Monday, July 30, 2012

Fine sardar

Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

Dadi rocks

Bhikari: Maai roti De
Dadi: Abhi bani nai hai, baad mai aana.
Bhikari: Mera Mobile Number lo, Aur bann jae to Miss Call Dena
Bhikari Rocks..
(But wait..)
Dadi: arre wait, main FACEBOOK Status update kar dungi, tu aa jana...
:D:D
Dadi Rocked
bhikari Shocked.:O:-D


-----//---------///------/--
Ek Din School Mein Teacher Ne Pappu Se Ek Sawal Puchha?
Teacher:"Pappu Batao, Salwar Ke Nade Ko English Mein Kya Kehte Hai?"
Pappu: "Ji Mam,P.H.D."
Teacher Hairan Hokar: "Iska Kya Matlab Hai?"
Pappu:"Ji,Pyjama Holding Device."

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Water formula

What is the chemical formula 4 water? Sardar: HIJKLMNO.

Teacher: what r u talking about?

Sardar: Yesterday u said H to O.

Biwi ho to aise


Pinku 2 Tinku: Achanaak hi Tum itni Bachat kyun Karne Lage Ho? Tinku- Yahi meri patni ki aakhiri khawish thi; Dubte waqt wo yahi keh Rahi thi "Bachao Bachao"


----/////--/------////-----
My Wife left a note on the fridge....
"It's not working!! I can't take it anymore, I've gone to stay at my Mom's place !!"

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold... "WTF was she talkin about?!?!"=D

----////-------/
Galib ne ladki ko sote hue dekha to arj kiya-
Pata nahi wo kaise chain ki neend so jate hain
galib...
Hamein to har karwat per pappu set karna padta hai.=))=D

--------/------------------
Stock broker cätches wife in bed with another män.
"Whät's going on?"
Wife:"Due to boom in märket & ur less investment cäpäcity, I've gone for Public Issue>¥>$>


----//---------------/------
Radiations caused by mobile n other technologies r harmful 4 heart n reproductive organs.
On this Santa Singh was askd...
Ur mobile is causing max. harmful effects...so now where wd u keep ur phone....in ur pants pocket or in ur shirts pockt??
.
.
He thinks n shoots back..
Oye in my shirts......Niche kuch ho gaya to waise hi uppar heart attack aajayega..



----/----------
A sardar went to see pole dance bang opp a guy was enjoying the show so he kept a 100$ bill in girl panty...sardar saw this and he too tried to boast himself to other guy... whenthe same girl came to that sardar he took out his visiting card and swipe on bumps and took that 100$ bill


----//-----/---//---/
After first night, BILL GATES asked his Wife Darling, how was I?
DISAPPOINTED Wife said 'Hunh! Now I know why you named your Company
"MICRO SOFT"

Padded Bra

Teacher-Bachcho "Rai ka Pahad banana" is muhavre ka 1 example batao..




Little Santa-Mam, Padded Bra...:-D :-P ;-)



----/----/----/
Ek Din School Mein Teacher Ne Pappu Se Ek Sawal Puchha?
Teacher:"Pappu Batao, Salwar Ke Nade Ko English Mein Kya Kehte Hai?"
Pappu: "Ji Mam,P.H.D."
Teacher Hairan Hokar: "Iska Kya Matlab Hai?"
Pappu:"Ji,Pyjama Holding Device."

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Sardar and flag

Ek sardar Indian Flag lene shop mein gaya tha. Shopwale ne usse flag diya.

Sardar bola: Isme aur colour dikhao!!!

Sardar in emergency

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up one of his sardar clerk on the ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent

The boss told the clerk it was an emergency and that he should hurry with the file.

After more than 30 minutes the clerk appears all tired and panting for breath.

The Boss asks him why he was panting and what caused the huge delay.

The clerk replies,'Boss when I went to the lift it said 'During an emergency please use the staircase'

Fauji

An army jawan celebrating his honeymoon started masturbating.
wife: "ye kya kar rahe ho?"
.
.
husband,"hamle se pehle hawa me firing karna hamara style hai"B-)

-----------/-//--
Draupadi was the first to endorse

L"Oreal Total Repair;

5 Problems,
1 Solution !! X_X =))


---//---//----------
AAJKAL KE BACCHE AUR UNKE DOUBTS!!!!

Babli - Teacher Teacher! 'Bus' Male hai ya Female?

(Teacher thinks 'such a cute question'

Suddenly another kid (Bunty) replied-Teacher, Teacher It's Female.
Babli-Why?
Bunty-Kyoki Sab Log Uspe Chadte Hain, Idiot.

Teacher got tense with answer whereas
Babli In Doubt again-Agar Bus Female Hai Aur Sab Uspe Chadte Hain To Uske Bacche Kyo nahi hote ?

Teacher more tense...

Bunty again with answer-Kyoki Sab Us Par Peeche Se Chadte Hai duffer.

Teacher sharm se pani pani.

But Babli still in doubt-Maana Sabhi Peeche Se Chadte Hain, par Driver Aur Conductor To Aagay Se Chadte Hain. Phir Bachche Kyon Nahin Hote?

Teacher Ki Saanse band.

Bunty's final reply-Kyon Ki Woh Dono Topi Pehanke Chadte Hain.

Teacher Behosh!

Innocent kid

A kid entered into parent's bedroom and shocked at what he sees.
Aur chilata hua bola:
"khud jo marzi aaye chuso,
aur mujhe anghuta chusne par maarti ho.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Sardar and paki

Two Radical Pakistani boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a Sardarji sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, Sardarji kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Paki in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.'

'Don't get up,' said the Sardarji, 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left, one of the Paki picked up the Sardarji's shoe and spat in it. When the Sardarji returned with the coke, the other Paki said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.'


Again, the Sardarji obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Paki picked up the Sardarji's other shoe and spat in it. When the Sardarji returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Sardarji slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Paki neighbors, 'Why does it have to be this way?'

'How long must this go on . . . ?

This fighting between our nations . . . ?

This hatred . . . ?

This animosity . . . ?

This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes . . . ???

Angry sardar

One Sardar read a board "likhney wala briliant.....parhney wala idiot.."

Sardar becomes engry, he rubs the board and writes, "parhney wala briliant, likhney wala idiot...."

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Sardars at best

☻How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from
the book when the teacher erases the board.

☻Sardarji to others:
Did anyone lose money wrapped in a rubber band?
One said, Yes I did
Sardar: Well, it’s your lucky day,
I found the rubberband!

☻A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.

Waiter: Oh! you can’t get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.

☻A small 2 seater plane was crashed in graveyard.
A Sardar was investigation officer.
In report he said:
500 dead bodies are found
and digging for rest.

☻Sardar at an Art Gallery:
I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

☻Interviewer: Where were you born?
Sardar: Punjab.
Interviewer: Which part?
Sardar: What which part, whole body was born in Punjab. “;-)

☻Sardar’s wish : when i die,
I wanna die like my grandpa
who died peacefully in his sleep
not screaming
like all the passengers in the
car he was driving..

☻Sardar and Pathan going somewhere together.
They found 1000 Rs. on the way.
Pathan: Let’s take 50/50.
Sardar: What will do of remaining 900?

☻Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar:
“Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.”

☻A Sardar and his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked: How will you divide?
You have 3 children.
Sardar replied: OK! We will apply next year.

☻NURSE kept SARDAR’S FINGER in HER MOUTH
after BLOOD TEST.
THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING .
NURSE:y r u DANCING.
SARDAR:next is URINE TEST

☻Waiter gives bill to Sardar
Sardar: Take my card.
Waiter: But sir, this is Ration Card.
Sardar: So what?
You have written outside
“ALL CARDS ACCEPTED”

☻Sardar told his servant:
Go and water the plants. Servant
it’s already raining. Sardar: So what?
Take an umbrella and go.

☻Judge: Why are you arrested?
Sardar: For shopping early?
Judge: Well, thats not a crime, anyway how early you were shopping?
Sardar: before opening the shop…,

☻Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife.
Two seconds later a report came
to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, “DELIVERED”.

☻Interviewer: Congrats, you are selected.
Your 1st month salary is Rs: 6000.
Next month salary will be 10000.
Sardar: Ok sir, I’ll Join next month.

☻Sardar proposed a girl……
Girl said am 1 yr elder to u…….
Sardar said Oye no problem
soniye I’ll marry u next year.

☻Sardar on phone: Doctor my wife is pregnant.
She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking.

☻2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Don’t worry, I have a one more.

Kalmuah

Aap chaand ho,
hum bhi sitaro se kum nahi.
Aap samandar ho,
hum bhi kinaro se kum nahi.
Hazar dost honge aapke...
Magar hum akele,hazaro se kum nahi.

----/--/--/------_
If 'muaah' is a Kiss...
Then...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'Kalmuah' is promise to kiss tomorrow...!!

No Claps plzzz...!! :p
I hate publicity ;)

---/-------/------
Tijoriyan bharte hain log umar bhar ke liye, par afsos, maut ka farishta rishwat nahi leta.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Cream



Cream ke Add main face dikhaya.
Soap ke Add main Hath Dikhaya.
Shampoo K Add main Baal Dikhaye.
Per whisper k Add main kuch nahi dikhaya.

Jaago grahak jaago!

Joke

Arz kiya hai- heera heere ko kaat ta hai, loha lohe ko kat ta hai,
zeher zeher ko kat ta hai
dekhna ek din, haan haan dekhna ek din, tumhe bhi kutta kaatega.

---/----///-//-------
1 aurat Murge wale se- Koi achcha sa Murga dikhao.?

Murge wale ne 1 Murga Dikhaya,
Aurat ne us k Neeche haath Lagaya aur Boli- Yeh Karachi ka hai, koi a ur dikhao

2ra Murga dikhane par niche haath laga k boli- Yeh to Faisalabad ka hai

3ra Murga dikhane par niche haath laga k- Haan! Yeh Afganistan ka hai,yeh de do

Paise dene k baad aurat boli- Tum kaha k ho?

Murgawala sharmate hue-Ji ab main kya bataun, aap khud hi check kar lijiye

Rajesh Khanna Swarg mein

Swarg me kal dophar Gadbad ho gai

Indra ne Naradji se puchha:Aaj ye sannata kesa?

Menka Rambha or sab Pariya kaha he?

Naradji:Rajesh Khanna jo aa gaya he:)


--//----/--//----/--/-/////

Kya Apki Skin Garmi Me Dhool Mitti Se Effect Ho RaHi H
To Har Roz Subah Lagaye
-
-
-
"ASIAN PAINT"
-
-
Jo Dhool Mitti Ko Tikne Na De,,"

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Kamar



Majnu ne khuda se poocha: “Aye khuda tune ladki ki kamar kaisi banai mitti kam pad gayi ya rishwat thi khayi”

Khuda ne jawaab diya: “Na mitti kam pad gayi na rishwat khai kamar dabai tabhi to chuchiyan (.) (.) Bahar aayi“

Multibagger

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich

---/---//--/////-------
SALIM- Anarkali can i fuck u..?

Anarkali- aap ne
Bahut badi
CHEEZ
Maang li
Jahapanah..


Salim- agar vo CHEEZ Itni badi ho gyi hai
To fir rehne do...

----/------//-------//-------
On their wedding night, the young bride to her husband:
"Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening, if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not have sex & if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex."

"Ok sweetheart," the groom replied. "Just make sure, when I come home, I usually have a drink. If I have only 1 drink, that means I don't want sex. If I have 2 drinks, I may or may not want sex.

But if I have 3 drinks,uske baad maa ki ankh tere hairstyle ki...

Jija Sali

JIJA sali ki gand mar rha tha.
Sali: Aur jor se maro jiju.
J :Kyo?
S:Mujhe bawasir hai.
J:To?
SALI: DIDI ka BAWASIR bhi bde jija ne aise hi thik kia tha.

Monday, July 23, 2012

GHANTI


Sadhu fati dhoti pehan ker ghar se nikalta hai aur mandir mein

puja ke liye jhukta hai. Ek aurat sadhu ki gand ko gullak samajh kar

us mein ek sikka daal deti hai. Sadhu seedha ho ke bolta hai:

“Ab ghanti bhi bhaja do“

FUNNY PORN MOVIES


haseena Ki Gaand Mein Paseena
Hot Chicks With Short DIcks
Ghaghre mein DHOOM-DHADAAKA
Lund andar -Dum jallandar
Theen randiyon ki dastan.
cheen rani ki peeli chut - A mystery.
tamboo mein bamboo
tharak ke pujari
bhaag bhosdi aandhi aayi
andheeri raat mien diya tere haath mien !
tu jhuk mein lagaoon
shalwar mein talwar !
voh 1 thi usparr 3 chade
rangeela budhha
manchali padosan
kambal mein oye hoye
teen titliyaan
chamatkar se hua balatkaar
lund wale fuddiyaan le jayenge
gali hui chut ka sada hua pissu
phar ke panty chod de aunty
Hasina dikhaya vagina
khoon bahri gand
Lun-the fucker
abla nari ka babbla bhari
choot ka bhoot
pati fauj mein biwi mauj mein
andhari raat mein diya tere hath mein

Boobs se chipka


Boy: Agar mein BRA hota, toh tere BOOBS se chipka rehta
Girl: Maadarchot, mein kisi aur se dabwa rahi hoti, aur tu khidki pe latka hota

Sunday, July 22, 2012

GREAT POEM MUNNA MUNNI

GREAT POEM MUNNA MUNNI.....
MUNNA:
Munni woh din yaad karo,
Jab Hum-Tum saath Nahate thhe.
Tum Choot pe Saabun malti thhi,
Hum Lund pe Jhaag udaate thhe.
MUNNI:
Munna woh din beet gaye,
Ab Choot chhupane ki hai baari,
Bhoolo un beeti Yaadon ko,
Munni Bharat ki ab hai Naari.
MUNNA:
Munni woh din yaad karo..
Jab Hum Doctor-Mareez ban jaate thhe.
Dil ki dhadkan check karne ko,
Choochi pe ragad lagaate thhe.
MUNNI:
Munna who din beet gaye,
Ab choochi choli ke andar hai.
Ghoor-Ghoor ke dekh tu Mammey,
Ab Tu bhookha Bandar hai.
MUNNA:
Munni who din yaad karo..
Jab Hum-Tum saath mein Sote thhe,
Tum Choot mein Kheti karti thhi,
Hum Lund pe ganne bote thhe.
MUNNI:
Munna woh din beet gaye,
Jab Choot mein hoti thhi Kheti.
Ab Lund ki faslo ke darr se,
Meri Choot akeyli hai Soti.
MUNNA:
Munni woh din yaad karo...
Jab luka-chhipi khelte thhe Hum.
Tum Lahanga pahan ke aati thhi,
Aur usme chhup jaate thhe Hum.
MUNNI:
Munna woh din beet gaye...
Jab ghus gaye thhe tum Lahange mein.
Ab tum poorey Bhaaloo ho,
Aur Shahad ka chhatta Lagange mein.
MUNNA:
Munni woh din yaad karo...
Jab Saath mein khele thhe Holi.
Choot mein ungli daali humne,
Bhigaa ke teri wo choli.
MUNNI:
Munna wo din beet gaye...
Ab choot humaari pyaari hai.
Kyon Holi ki baatein ab jab,
Lauda tera bhikhaari hai.
MUNNA (Rote Hue!):
Munni woh din beet gaye
Sachmuch hee woh din beet gaye.
Ab Choot ki Darshan ki khatir,
Hum Choot-Chalisa padhte hain.
Par Choot naheen Darshan deti,
Hum Lund ragadte rahte hain.
Par waqt Humaara aayega,
Jab hum bhi tum ko chodenge.
Tum lund-lund chillaogi,
Hum choot mein Danda pelenge.
Munni Munne ko kam na samajh,
Yeh teri maiyya chodega.
Tu pair pakad kar royegi
Teri choot mein bamboo thokegaa.
Munna bhi hai Bharat ka,
Tujhko Nanga kar dega.
Tu lakh jod lena tango ko,
Teri choot ko choosega.
Tujhko poora geela karke,
Munna lund andar ghusaayega.
Choosega tere honthon ko,
Choochi teri chabaayega.
Tu cheekhegi, chillayegi par,
Koi naheen bachaayega.
Ragad Ragad k

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Joke

ek baar ek sayar tha ..
woh bahut gandu ssyri karta tha
ek din ek aadmi se bola
"HARI HARI GHASS PE KHILI KHILI DHOOP
TERI MAA KA BHOSDA TERI BHAIN KI CHUT "
USNE pANCHAYAT BULA LI SHAYAR NE WAAN BHI
YAH KAHA KI "HARI HARI GHASS PE KHILI KHILI
DHOOP PANCHO KI MAA KA BHOSDA PANCHO KI MAA
KI CHUT usko gaon se nikaal diya ...
woh mumbai main jakar bahut bada ssyar bana ...
20 saal baad gaon wapas aaya ...
uske samman main samahroh (function kiya)..
usse bole ki sayri ho jaye
usni sunai " E SANAM UTHA KALAM ..
E SANAM UTHA KALAM ..
KASAM TUJHE RAB KI
20 SAAL BAAD AAYA HU MAAA CHODUNGA SABKI

Joke

FILTHY DIFFERENCES
AAdmee and Bandar :
Q:what Is the diff between AADMi N BANDER???? A:Bander daaL par uchalta hai! AUR Aadmi daaL kar uchalta hai!

Larki aur cycle :
Larki aur cycle main kiya farq hai?
Cycle par gaand rakh kar taangein chalani partee hain aur LARKI par taangain rakh kar gaand hilaani partee hai....!!!!!

Stress...tension ....Panic :
whats the difference between stress, tension n panic??
stess is wen wife is pregnant, tension is wen girlfriend is pregnant, panic is wen both r pegnant

OOOH...&..AAAAAHHH :
wht is the diff b/w ooh n aah......?
abt 3 inches

condom and parachute :
hole in the first causes life and a hole in d second causes death..

Sky and panty :
Sky covers the whole generation and panty covers the generation hole!!!!!:)


Panty and stage curtains :
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME

Panties of 1948 and 2006 :
In 1948 they used to pull down the panties to see the buttocks and n 2006 they separate buttocks to see the thread like panties!!!!!!

Joke

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:

"Dear Friends, we didn't mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But I swear by God Almighty, I'm going to kill whoever put local anesthesia in the condom!

---/------/-----/__---------
Two dwarfs go to a bar, where they pick up two 'girls' & take them to their hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however,
is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of
'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE...UGH!
'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE...UGH! ALL NIGHT LONG.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, 'How did it go?' The first mutters, 'It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection.'

The second dwarf shook his head. 'You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the fucking bed !!=D=))

-----/------/------/-------/
1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.


2] So a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear view Mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, Look Ahead and Move on.


3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.


4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.


5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!


6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!


7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.


8] A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"


9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.


10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES, it takes away today's PEACE

--------/-------/----/
'Dost' ko 'Loda' kaho ya 'Lode' ko 'dost' kaho koi fark nahi padta..
q ki
dono hamari khusi k liye waqt par khade rahte hai...! 

-----/-------:/_\\_-______
A Man praying in Kumbh Mela...

He Prabhu, nyay karo...
He Prabhu, nyay karo..

Hamesha bhai-bhai bichhadte hai.


Kabhi pati-patni ko b to try karo...

Friday, July 20, 2012

Joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, " Dad, how
many
kinds of boobies are there?

The father, surprised, answers, " Well, son, there's three kinds of
breasts.
In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In
her
thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a
bit.
After fifty, they are like onions. "
" Onions? "
" Yes, you see them and they make you cry. "
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, " Mum, how

many
kinds of 'willies' are there? "
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, " Well dear, a man goes
through
three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree,
mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible
but
reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree. "

" A Christmas tree? "
" Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

Joke

Qs & As

Q. What is the difference between medium and rare?
A. 6 inches is medium, 9 inches is rare

Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A. A bloody waste of fucking time.

Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Q. What is the first sign of AIDS?
A. A pounding sensation in the ass.

Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Q. What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A. Whores fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the
party except you.

Q. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?
A. Miracle whip.

Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

Q. What is the lightest thing in the world?
A. A penis...even a thought can raise it.

Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting
with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.

Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About two inches.

Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence!

Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed.
Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Joke

Santa opens a new facebook account. Pop comes up a window and says Pls write on the wall. Santa after thinking hard for half an hour on what to write on the wall pulls up a real graffite and writes; YAHAIN PESHAAB KARNA MANAA HAI. Chrs

Joke

Kitne kathor vidambana hai kudrat ki...


phoolon ka raja gulab.. Kato me rehta hai!


aur jeevan ka nirmata...... Jhato me rehta hai...!:)
LPG or CONDOM me kya farq hai? SANTA- Sir, aane jane ka fark hai,
LPG fata to insaan duniya se chala jata hai aur
CONDOM fata to insaan duniya me aa jata hai..
Saas : Aane do mere Bete ko,usey beth k samjaungi Teri KARTUT.

BAHU : Koi Fyda Nahi,
Saas : Q
BAHU : Q k Tum Baith K Samjaogi Or Me LET k Samjaungi...

Joke

Why the Australian goats are more expensive then Indian ones

Australian:
http://store1.up-00.com/Jun11/ZlU31592.jpg

Indian:
http://i.bbstars.com/28lbju.jpg

Joke

Man 2 wife : "business is going down,if u learn to cook,we can remove bavarchi."
wife : "asshole, if u learn to fuck, we can remove driver, Gardener & watchman!!!!!!!!"
=================================================================

GIRL: sir, mainu 2 din di chhutti chahidi hai.......mainu tattian lagiyaan ne.....
SIR: saade TATTE lage 40 saal ho gye, assi taan ik wi chhutti nahi layi

Joke

Why the Australian goats are more expensive then Indian ones

Australian:
http://store1.up-00.com/Jun11/ZlU31592.jpg

Indian:
http://i.bbstars.com/28lbju.jpg

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Joke

A young woman on a flight asked the Priest beside her : Father, may I ask you a favor?

What may I do for you?

Well, I bought an expensive ladies' electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robe perhaps?

I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you I will not lie.

When they got to the Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked : Father, do you have anything to declare?

Father : From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked : And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?

Father : I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.

Roaring with laughter, the official said : Go ahead Father! Next please ! X_X =D

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Joke

bra sizes...
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it's about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs...
{B} - Barely there.
{C} - Can't Complain!
{D} - Damn!
{DD} - Double damn!
{E} - Enormous!
{F} - Fake.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Joke

Pakistani and Indian (With Due repsect to both)

An Indian man is having breakfast one morning; coffee,croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Pakistani man, chewing chewing gum, sits down next to him...

The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a Conversation:

Pakistani: "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"

Indian: (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Pakistani: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Pakistan, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India."

The Pakistani has a smirk on his face. The Indian listens in silence.

The Pakistani Persists "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Indian: "Of Course."

Pakistani: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India".

The Indian then asks: "Do you have sex in Pakistan?"
Pakistani : "Why of course we do", the Indian says with a big smirk.

Indian: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Pakistani: "We throw them away, of course."

Indian: "We don't. In India, we put them in a container, Recycle them, melt them down into Chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan"

Friday, July 13, 2012

Joke

Sex Mathematics

This is pretty neat how it works out.
This is amazing SEX math!
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It only takes about a minute.......
Work this out as you read.

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun (& it's about sex).

First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have sex .........
(try for more than once but less than 10)

Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)

Add 5. (for Friday Night)

Multiply it by 50 (being a bit stupid)

I'll wait while you get the calculator................

If you have already had your birthday this year add 1753....

If you haven't, add 1752 ..........

Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
(if you remember)

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have sex each week).

The next two numbers are your age.

IMPRESSIVE ISN'T IT?

Joke

Papa: Beta tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye ?
Beta: Chand jaisi .. Jo raat mein aaye aue subah chali jaye.
Papa: Beta, use CHAND nahi Randi kehte hain..

Joke

At 18, a lady is like a football... 22 men behind her
At 28, a lady is like a basketball... 10 men behind her
At 38, she is like a golf ball... 1 man behind her
At 48, she is like a TT ball... one man pushing her to the other...

*********************************************************

NIPPLE: peak of love
BOOBS: shape of love
PENIS: length of love
CUNT: depth of love
ASS: Base of love
TESTICLES: weight of love
FUCK: experience of love
SUCK: taste of love
MASTURBATION: substitute for love
CONDOM: care for love
SPERM: cream of love
MARRIAGE: mistake of love

*********************************************************

What is the difference between own wife and other's wife?
Own wife is like CHOCOLATE: it can be eaten at any time
Other's wife is like ICECREAM: Should eat at the right time

*********************************************************

No matter how much you
Press it
Shake it
Rotate it
Slap it
Strangle it
Pull it
The last drop of urine will always fall in your underwear!!!

*********************************************************

defensive statement of a frustrated father fighting with his son...
"I should have wasted you in the bathroom..."

*********************************************************

Saari duniya karegi hamare pyaar ka virodh
Saari duniya karegi hamare pyaar ka virodh
Tu fikar mat kar darling..
Chupke se chod lenge dalkar... DELUX NIRODH

*********************************************************

Beta: Papa, paise do
Papa: Nahi doonga
Beta: Toh maadarchot paida kyun kiya?
Papa: Lowde, teri maaki chut abhi band nahi hui hai... WAAPAS CHALA JAA...

*********************************************************

Degrees of girls:
BA: Beautiful Ass
LLB: Lovely Lickable Boobs
BSC: Beautiful Sexy Cunt
MBBS: Member of Big Boobs Society
MBA: Married But Avaiable

*********************************************************

Sex described in sanskrit:
Chumam chumam
Paapolam chumam
Hastam golam dabe dabe
Taangam chiram lingam daalam
Sarv paapam hare hare

*********************************************************

Beti ka doosre baar balaatkaar hua
Maa: Maine tumse kaha tha na ki aage se dhyaan rakhna
Beti: Maine aage se dhyaan rakha... par saale ne peeche se GAAND MAARDI

*********************************************************

Boy to girl: What is there in between your legs?
Girl: Hell. What is there in between your legs?
Boy: A sinner who wants to go to HELL

*********************************************************

Masterji ne bachon se poocha... "batao.. kaunsi Devi pe kaunsa prasad chadta hai?
Ek bacha bola... "Rabri DEVI pe Laloo PRASAD chadta hai...!"

*********************************************************

3 girls walking on road:
Parrot shouts:
RED, GREEN , PINK. Girls knew that those are the colours of their panties
next day they didn't wear panties...
Parrot shouts: TRIM, SHAVE, CURL...!


Joke

lady sends panties to dhobi but the stains didn't go.
She sends a note to dhobi - Kapde theek se dhoya karo..
Dhobi sends reply - gand theek se dhoya karo..

--------
Beti ka dusri baar balatkaar hua to Maa boli:

"Maine tumse kaha tha na ki aage se dhyaan rakhna"

Beti: "Maine AAGE se dhyan rakha par usne PEECHE se daal diya

------------
Indian-Sir America s 12Inch k CONDOM ka order mila h

Santa-Ye M@D... Ch...hame Zaleel karna chahte h.
Order taiyar kro or us pr likhdo SMALL SIZE
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think its right time, we should talk about sex.

Daughter: "Sure mom, What do u want to know?"

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Joke

SUHAG RAAT
Guy1: hey how was first nite?
Guy2: big mistake yaar... i was so drunk... i forgot that i was married, and remembering the old days, i kept Rs500 under the pillow after finishing u know wat...
Guy1: oh my god! how could u?.. it could not be any worse!
Guy2: well actually it is..... saali ne 200 rupiya vaapas kar diya...

Joke

Sirf Utni Piyo Ke Hosh Qaayam Rahe. . .

Kyunki Ghalib Ne Arz kiya Hai. . .

Raat Bhar Sharab Pi. . .

Raat Cut Gayi


Subah Jab Hisaab Kia. . .

Gaand Phat Gayi. .

Joke

Santa Divorced his wife at Honeymoon night.Banta asked him the reason.Santa said, "Yaar ohdi panties te sticker lagaya si: "OK/Tested. Mohan Lal & Sons."

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Joke

Why Man Hold Boobs & Put Nipples In Mouth Bfore Sex. . .
Guesss . . . .


B’coz

Naag Ko Uthane K Liye Doodh Pilana Zaruuri Hai . . .

Monday, July 9, 2012

Joke


Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Joke

Sardr was sitting in beach.
American: r u relaxing?
Srdr: no i m pratapsingh.
Anothr American: r u relaxing?
Srd: No i m pratap singh!
Srdr left tht place in anger.Thn sardar asks 1 american lying nearby r u relaxing?
American-yes
Sardar slaps him n says all r searching for u n u r lying here.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Joke

MEHBOOB MERAY
MEHBOOB MERAY
TERI MASTY MEIN
MUJAY JEENAY DAY





BOHAT DOODH HA TAIRAY SEENAY MEIN
(.) (.)
MUJAY DABA DABA K PEENAY DAY!!!!!!

Joke

Salim ne anarkali s kaha "Janeman,tere kadmo me rakh dunga sara khazana"

Anarkali "Maa chudane gaya tera khazana, andar daal aur shuru kar bajaana".

Joke

A BIT LONG - BUT worth a read.

When Karsan kaka was 97, he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah: "Mr. Karsan, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working, and at your age I think that's remarkable."

Karsan kaka: "I just take good care of myself and enjoy whatever I do."

Oprah: "I understand you still do the 'sex' thing, even at your age."

Karsan kaka: "Of course, I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it."

Oprah: "I have never slept with a grand old Gujarati fellow. Would you like to do it with me?"

So they had some wild sex. When they finished, Oprah said, "I just don't believe it. I have never been so satisfied. You are a remarkable man!"

Karsan kaka: "The second time is even better."

Oprah: "Can you really do it again at your age?"

Karsan kaka: "Just let me sleep for half an hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes."

When she woke him up, they had great sex again, and this time Oprah was overjoyed.

She said, "Karsan darling, I am astounded that at your age, you could do a repeat performance, even better than the first one. Oh my, Oh my!"

Karsan kaka told her that the third time would be fantastic. "You just hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes."

Oprah asked, "Does my holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?"

Karsan kaka replied, "No, … but the last time I had sex
with a black woman, she stole my wallet!" X_X =)) =D Gujjus Rock !

-------/--------/\_\_\__
Height of Misunderstanding!
Bivi ghusay men:
“Mera jeena haram hogaya hay. Men ye ghar chor k ja rahe hun”
Husband : Jan choro! Khuda k Wastay.
Bivi wapas atay huey,
“Aik to apki ye adat bohat buri hay. Hamesha JAN keh k aur KHUDA k wastay day k rok letey hen. !! ^=D

----------------------/----------
IN A SCHOOL OF WASSEYPUR :- Teacher : bhosdike aaj tuney fir homework nahi kiya ?
Student : sir light nahi the
Teacher : to mombatti jala leta bhenchod
S : sir machis nahi utha sakta tha
T : kyun be laudey
S : sir puja k ghar mein rakhi thee
T : to uthayi kyo nahi madarchod
S : nahaya nahi tha sir
T : sale bhadwey nahaya kyo nahi tha
S : paani nahi tha sir
T : bhenchod , pani kyo nahi tha ?
S : sir motor nahi chal rahi thi
T : randi k bachhe ab motor ko kya hua
S : sir aapki maa ka bhosda , aapki ammi ki chut , bhenchod , madar chod , kitni baar bolu ki laudey light nahi thi=))

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Joke

COCK DIFFERENT MEANINGS
the priest lost his cock(murga)
he asked in church does anyone has a cock?????
ALL THE MEN STOOD UP
he asked does anyone has seen a cock??
ALL WOMEN STOOD UP
he asked has anyone seen my cock??????
NUNS STOOD UP..

Joke

3 women discuss sexual partner:
1. My man is Mercedes: Smooth & Sophisticated
2. Mine is Ferrari; Fast & Powerful
3. Mine is Autorickshaw; needs HANDSTART..

Friday, July 6, 2012

Joke

A student failed law & decided to make a deal with professor

sir, do u know everything about law?

Prof:yes

student; if u can answer dis question, i will accept my final marks, if u can't, u have to give me 'A"
professor agreed

boy asked, 'what is legal but nt logical, logical but nt legal & neither legal nor logical?

prof thought it about it for hrs & pondered no answer

He had to finally give up as he really did nt know. He gave the boy his 'A'

the following day, professor asked same Ques to his students

He was shocked when all of them raised their hands

He asked one student

he answered: sir, u're 65, married to 28 yrs old woman, dis is legal but nt logical
ur wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, dis is logical but nt legal

ur wife's boyfriend has failed his exam & yet u have given him an 'A'
It's neither logical nor legal

The professor collapsed...

Joke

AUCTION OF DICKS AND CUNTS
Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."

Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"

Wife : "Those they gave away."

Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."

Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"

Husband : "That's where they held the auction."
1 comment:

AnonymousJanuary 18, 2010 1:29 PM
Any idea how credit crunch affected porn?


---------------

Joke

lund 1: yaar movie xxx na ho...

lund 2: kyun???

lund 1: bhenchod nhin to saari ki saari movie fir khade hokar dekhini padegi....

Joke

Lady:condom ka pack dena.

Chemist: bhabhijee,
Har bar to Apke hsband Ate hai,
Aaj Aap khud Ayi ?

Lady: Itne din mai gaon gai thi, Ab wo gaon gaye hai..!
Condoms are not a guarantee against safe sex..
My late friend was wearing one, still he was shot dead by the woman's husband..

--------------------
Bihar school teacher's killer English:
1.Pick up the paper n fall in the dust-bin!
2.Both of u 3, stand together separately!
3.Will u hang that calendar or I'll "HANG MYSELF!"
4.Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother & father!
5.y r u luking at d monkey outside when Im in d class...?
6.I hav 2 daughters:both r girls
7.Go & Stand in the midle of the corner

---------—
Boy: Wow..
You look so perfect
with incredible body
and flower like skin.
What do you use?

Girl: Adobe Photoshop!
Ladkiya paraya dhan he, to ladke kya he?
.

nhi pta kya?

.

.

.

.

Ek No. ke CHOR,

jinki nazar hamesha paraye dhan par hi lagi hoti he..

----------------------
Railway toilet me likha tha:
"Duniya Chand Pe Pahuch Gayi Aur Tu Yahi Baitha Hai "

Sardar niche likh ke aaya:

"Bas Dho Ke Ja Hi Raha Hu"
Pappu calls his wife to tell her that he lost a finger in an accident
Wife: "Oh my God! The whole finger ?"
Pappu: No! No! Not d hole finger.The one next to it
Snta Delhi k kothe pr gya or bola- "Mujhe Rita se milna h".
Aunty- "Wo 1 bar k 1000Rs. leti h".
Santa.- "No problem". Snta Rita k sath sex krke 1000Rs. de deta h.
Next day fir Rita se sex krke 1000Rs. deta h.
3rd day b sex k baad 1000Rs. deta h.
Rita.- "Bde dildar ho, kahan se aaye ho"? S.- "jaipur se".
Rita.- "jaipur me to meri bahan b rhti h".
Santa.- "Malum h, usi ne 3000Rs. diye the or kaha tha meri bahan ko de dena".
Assistant:Sir,Aap Ofce Mein Shadi Shuda Aadmiyon Ko He kyun Rakhte Hain
Boss:Kyunki,Unhein Beizzati Sehne ki Aadat Hoti Hai & Ghar Jaane ki Jaldi Bhi nahi hoti

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Joke

Sharing with you... - A couple had a fight whole night
Later Next morning, Husband offered a glass of
milk to his wife.
Wife You are sorry for fighting with me?
Husband No Today is Nag Panchami,
Le Nagin Pee Le .

All the married ones, have a good laugh and all those eligible bachelors...
...BEWARE!!!
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.
*******************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started.
******************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace Expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started.
****************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.
*******************************
My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to me,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.
***************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Stella for £15.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for £10.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream..
And then the fight started..
****************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere iv not been in a long time. So I took her to the kitchen. Then the fight started....

Monday, July 2, 2012

Joke

Girl: What do u prefer? Breasts or Legs?
Santa: Chut..!
Girl slapped & said: "Tu Randi Khane me nahi hai Bhosdi ke, yeh KFC ka counter hai":-P:-D

Joke

Snta Delhi k kothe pr gya or bola- "Mujhe Rita se milna h".
Aunty- "Wo 1 bar k 1000Rs. leti h".
Santa.- "No problem". Snta Rita k sath sex krke 1000Rs. de deta h.
Next day fir Rita se sex krke 1000Rs. deta h.
3rd day b sex k baad 1000Rs. deta h.
Rita.- "Bde dildar ho, kahan se aaye ho"? S.- "jaipur se".
Rita.- "jaipur me to meri bahan b rhti h".
Santa.- "Malum h, usi ne 3000Rs. diye the or kaha tha meri bahan ko de dena".
Dosto ....
Aaj kuch toofani karte hain..
"Lets SIT WITH OUR OWN WIFE FOR 24 HOURS.."...
Darr Sab ko lagta Hai, Par Darr Ke Aage Jeet Hai..!!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Joke

GIRL-last time abortion pe aap blade andar bhul gaye the
DOCTOR- sorry, kuch hua to nahi
GIRl- mere 7 dost naamard ho gaye,12 gunge, aur 9 ki ungli kat gayi..=))

Joke

Talwar Baazi Ke Muqabley Me. . .

1 Chines Ne BAAL ke Do Tukde Kar Diye. . .B-)

1 Japnies Ne Udti Hui Makhi Ki Gardan Kaat Di . . .8-|

RAJNIKANT ne Machar Udaya...Talwaar ghumayi. . . bt Machar Udta Hi Raha. . . :D

JAPNIS: Machar To Ud Rha Hai . . .:/

RAJNIKANT muskurate Hue Bola . . .Udd To Raha hai Bt Kabi Baap Nahi Ban Payegaaa...

Joke

Science Ke Mutabik bachpan Me Bed per susu kerne Wale Log Humesha Right Hand Me Mobile Pakad Ke SMS Padhte Hain
Na gandu na !
Haath Mat Badlo Ab...
Budha aur budhi ne sex karne ka socha Sex start kiya.
Budhi-daal diya kya?
Budha-haan daal diya
Budhi-accha to fir aaah... aaah... ;-)p