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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Joke

Boss was fucking a girl.
Executive: Wah Boss!
akele-akele. Hamara no. kab ayega?
Boss: Bas ladki ke baad tera hi number hai
Santa ne Dr se puchaa - Ghar Jaane Ka Kya Loge?

Dr - 150/-

Santa-Chalo..

Dr ne Bike Nikali,Ghar Aa Gaya,

Dr-Kise Dekhna hai??
Santa- Kisi ko Nahi,
Taxi Wala 300 Mang Raha Tha!!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Santa and jagjit singh

Santa goes to Jagjit's concert...

Jagjit- Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shohrat bhi lelo...

Santa- Main toh bahut pareshan hoon, meri toh aurat bhi lelo.


--//--/---/
Bus Driver ke peechhe baitha Bachcha bakwaas kar raha thaa..
Bachcha : Agar meri Maa Hathni hoti aur Baap Haathi toh main chhota Haathi hota.....
Agar meri Maa Cow aur Baap Bull hota toh main chhota Bull hota.....
Bachche se pareshaan ho kar gusse mein Driver bola : Agar teri Maa Randi aur Baap Bhadwaa hota toh Tu kya hota.....???
Bachcha smart tha jhat se bola: Toh main Bus Driver hota!!!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Breast feeding

SARDARNI: U say I look Old, but some of ur Frnds still praise me.
SARDAR: Must be Joginder Singh!!!

SRDARNI: Yes,but hw do u know?

SARDAR: He's a Scrap Dealer.😋

--//--
Two moms, a Black & a White, were breast feeding.
White baby cries & the mom asks what he wants. Baby points to black mom & says:

"I want Chocolate flavor.."

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Santa's english

Harvard Professor to Santa: "Visions of the Future are Better than Dreams of the Past" Please explain its' meaning with an example.....
Santa: Kal raat de hangover da na socho..! Aaj kithe, teh kisde naal peeni ae, eh socho..!

Friday, November 23, 2012

Rabbit and tortoise

Tortoise n rabbit wrote entrance exam,

Tortoise got 80%
Rabbit 81%.

Both went 4admission in an engineering college,
Cut off needed was 85%...

Rabbit didn't get but
Tortoise got admission.
How?

U remember wen v wer in 1st std tortoise won a race...
Sports quota 5% marks extra...

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Home sweet home

It takes thousand workers to build a castle, million soldiers to protect a country, but just One woman to make a Happy Home,

A Good Maid!

Punjabi traits


Punjabi Tip # 01 – If it isn’t a Patiala peg, it isn’t a drink!

Punjabi Tip # 02 – When we say Cloney, we don’t mean George Clooney. It might mean Defence Cloney!

Punjabi Tip # 03 – A Punjabi wedding without alcohol will always have a drinks-car parked outside!

Punjabi Tip # 04 – If you’re Punjabi, you definitely know at least one Sweety, Sunny, Tony Jassi or Honey!

Punjabi Tip # 05 – No party is ...complete, till people start dancing & singing to ‘Oh Ho Ho Ho, Ishq tera tadpave’!

Punjabi Tip # 06 – Butter Chicken, Butter Naan and Butter Milk – Three course meal for a Punjabi!

Punjabi Tip # 07 – Tandoori Chicken, the National Bird of Punjab!

Punjabi Tip # 08 – ‘Oye, Koyi nahi yaar’ is our reply to ‘Shit Happens’!

Punjabi Tip # 09 – If we use MC / BC more than 5 times in one sentence with you, we probably love you!

Punjabi Tip # 10 – The only people who proudly call themselves ‘Amplifiers’ and their girlfriends ‘Woofers’

Punjabi Tip # 11 – 5 things Punjabi would have – Bullet, Jutti, Ray Bans, Jeep and Woofers

Punjabi Tip # 12 – It doesn’t matter if you are from Andhra Pradesh, Kerala, Tamil Nadu, or Bangalore; we think you’re a ‘Madarasi’

Punjabi Tip # 13 – You know you’re Punjabi when your nickname at home is ‘Ullu de Patthe’ or ‘Khote de Puttar’

Punjabi Tip # 14 – Canada & UK – Part of Punjab.

Punjabi Tip # 15 – P is for ‘Punj Mint’ and no matter how near or far a Punjabi is from you, he always says he’ll reach in ‘Punja Minta’! (5minutes)

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Darshan

Ik Din Santa Mandir Gya
Lok Bhajan Ga Rhe C:
“Darshan De Gariban Nu, Darshan De Gariban Nu”…
Sante Di Nuh Da Na “Darshan Rani” Si
Santa Nu Gussa Aa Gya
Te Oh Bhi Bhajan Gaaun Lagga

“Darshan Mere Munde Di Bahu,
Oh Ta Mere Munde Di Rhu , Baki Gal Nasiban Di, Evein Kiven Gariban Di”

Friday, November 16, 2012

Hitech

An Indian, A Japanese, And A Pakistani Were Sitting Naked In The Sauna.

Suddenly There Is A Beeping Sound. The Indian Presses His Forearm And The Beeping Stops.

The Others Look At Him Questioningly. “That’s My Pager,” He Says. “I Have A Microchip Under The Skin Of My Arm.”

A Few Minutes Later A Phone Rings. The Japanese Lifts His Palm To His Ear.

When He Finishes He Explains, “That’s My Mobile Phone. I Have A Microchip In My Hand.”

The Pakistani, Feeling Decidedly Low-Tech But Not To Be Outdone, Decided He Had To Do Something Just As Impressive.

He Steps Out Of The Sauna And Goes To The Toilet. He Returns With A Piece Of Toilet Paper Hanging From His Butt.

The Others Raised Their Eyebrows And Said, “Wow! What’s That?”

“I’m Getting A Fax,” He Explains.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Akbar birbal

Akbar: Tum ghanti bajake puja karte ho, kya tumhra Bhagwan sota rehta hai?
Birbal: Huzor aap pichhwada uthake namaz padte hain,kya apke Allah ka hamesha khada hi rehta hai ?

Desh looto

Rahul: Mom, hum iss desh ko kab tak lootenge ?
Sonia: 'JAB TAK HAI JAAN'.
Rahul: Hamari help kaun karega ?
Sonia: 'SON OF SARDAR'

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Rahul & Soniya

Rahul: Mom, hum iss desh ko kab tak lootenge ?
Sonia: 'JAB TAK HAI JAAN'.
Rahul: Hamari help kaun karega ?
Sonia: 'SON OF SARDAR'

Monday, November 12, 2012

Dukandar ki zubaan

Ek Bhabhi Bra aur Panty ki dukan mein bahot mol bhav kar rahi thi..

Dukandar :-

"Bhabhiji, Bra me maine aapka Dil rakha
Ab Panty me aapko meri zubaan rakhni hi padegi!"

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Dirty mind

A Ticket Collector In A Train Fines Rs400
For No Ticket
He Chrgd 1st Girl Rs300
Who Wz Wearing Sleevless
Rs200 To 2nd
Who Wz Wearing Sleevless & Backless
Rs100 To 3rd
Who Wz Wearing Sleevless Backles & A Mini Skirt
He Chrgd Rs 0 To The 4th One
Why?
Dirty Mind!
She Had The Ticket:-)

English is a funny language

English is a funny language.
Keep in touch- Chute raho .
Lets hang out- Chalo bahar latakte hai?
What's up?- Upar kya hai?
Cool man- Thandaa aadmi!!
Listen buddy, dat chick's mine, okay!- Suno dost wo chooza mera hai theek..
R U nuts?- Kya aap akhrot hai?
Rock da party- Party me patthar feko..
How do U do- Aap Kaise karte ho??

Friday, November 9, 2012

Lambi sans lo

Dr: sans le…. Or lambi sans….. or lambi…………. Thori or lambi……. Suddenly sound came "khatak"Dr: Lagta ha ap ki paslo fracture haLady: stupid mere bra ka hook toth gaya ha

Goal to reach hole

A man was lost on an island. He cut a tree and decided to make a boat. Suddenly he saw a girl and he used the tree for making bed.

Moral:A hole can change your goal.

Maa ban ne wali hu


Beti- mai Maa ban ne wali hu.
Maa-kamini,
Kaha jaake chudva k aayi ha?
.
Kiska lund muh me leke aayi he?
.
Kis ki lassi chut me bharwa k aayi ha?
.
Padhne ki umar me kaha gand marva k aayi ha ?

Bol warna chut me cement dal k pack kar dungi

Beti(rote hue)- School k anual function Me "MAA" ban ne wali hu ! !

Confused santa

Punjab Roadways Bus Conductor :
"Haan ji, PICHHE ticket le li sabhi ne...?"

....
....

Banta,"Nahi ji, abhi to HAATH mein hi hai!!!"

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Secret of virginity

Guy on 1st nt finding his wife was a Virgin
"I want to Kiss d 1 who took care of U & Protected ur Virginity"
She replied wid a nauty smile,.
"Kiss my ASS".

Innocent sardar

Bank sent an SMS to Sardar:
Your payments are outstanding.
Sardar humbly replied, "Thanx for the compliment".

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Akbar &birbal

AKBAR 2 BIRBAL:
Yaar Meri Begum kabhi kabhi
Mere Neeche ke Baal kheenchti hai
BIRBAL: Saza Do Saalli ko,
Jis Din khinchey Ussi Din
2 Bar Aage se Chodo
2 Bar Peeche se
2 Bar Khade Hoke
2 Bar Bitha ke
2 Bar Muhh Me
2 Bar Gaand Me
SHOT Maaro

AKBAR: Abbay Madarbhod, Bhosdike, SAZA USKO DENI HAI YA MUJHE ?

Friday, November 2, 2012

Boobs katha

Boobs ki aatmktha

Mera janam 12 saal baad hua,
rang layi mere chahne walo ki dua

Jab mai bilkul choti thi,
tab mai frock me soti thi

Fir mere aakar ka vistar hua,
Nimbu badh k Anaar hua

Jab mai badne lagi,
Hr kisi ki nzar mujhpe pdne lgi

Hua fir Bra mera ghar,
Ab Lagne lga mujhe darr

Jab mera size hua bada,
Jane kitno ka hua khada

Bhid me Ladko ne hath mara,
Mujhe ehsas hua bahot Pyara

Fir na jane kitno ne dabaya,
Sach kahu to bada mazaa aaya

Kisi ne pyar se sehlaya,
Kisi ko pyar se chusvaya.

Kisi ne mujhe masal diya,
kisi ne mujhpe Apna ragad diya.

Ab Jab mai gai jhool,
Sare madarchod mujhko gye bhool. 
Boss: “Let Me Fuck You Just One Time, I’ll
Be Quick And Pay You 20,000. I’ll Throw
The Money On The Floor & Till You Bend
Down & Pick Up All, I’ll Be Done”
Girl Likes The Proposal & She Calls Her
Boyfriend.
Boy Friend: “Its Fine But Ask For 30,000 &
Be Very Quick To Pick The Money”
After 4 Hours Boyfriend Calls Her
Boyfriend: “What Happened?”
Girlfriend: “That Bastard Is Still…
Aaah…
Fucking Me…
Ahh
He Brought All Coins…
Lesson: Please Read The Offer Documents
Carefully Before Investing.