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Saturday, March 31, 2012

Jokes

HEIGHT OF FINANCIAL CRISIS :
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Vijay Mallya & Sidartha Mallya posing nude for their kingfisher calender 2013.!!!
Husband & wife zordaar sex kar rahe the

Wife-Aaah.. aaj Itni der kyu laga rahe ho.?

Hus-kya karu.?
Koi khubsurat chehra
aankho ke samne nahi aa raha hai =D
Lady on Phone:
Hello Sir, I want to meet & talk to you. You are the Father of one of my Kids.p
Man stunned, Ohh my God !!
Are u Priya ?? No !!
Anju ?? No !!
Meena ?? No !!
Jassi ?? No !!
Lady in Confusion...
No Sir I am the Class Teacher of your son..;):
Aisa Tha Unke Alvida Kehne ka Andaz,
K Suna Bhi Kuch Nai Aur kaha B kuch Nai,
Kuch u fanaa huwe unke ishq me hum,
k luta b kuch nai Aur bacha B kuch nai...
A Bikini exposees 90% of a woman's body.
Men are so decent, they look only at the covered 10%.
Jatt calls TAJ Hotel: Dandi wali kulfi hai?
Manager: Han ji.
Jatt: Gand me dal le.

Manager calls HARYANA police
Police: Re kitna taem hua is bat ko?
Manager: 15-20 min.
Police: Re Bawli Gand, eb to kulfi pighal gai hogi, dandi kaad le.
Good morning
Eka patient chya gotyanche operation kartana 1goti haravte
Dr. tithe kanda(onion) basvto
Aft 1mnth.
Dr:kas ahe?
Patient:khali khajavle ki dolyat pani yete =))
Chan Chandni Raat Mehrma,Tim Timaaude taare,***Navratre ho gaye khatam,Hun Uth Jao Sharaabi saare =))
Ek 60 saal ka buzurg Daru pe k apne 'L@ude' se bat kr rha tha
Hum saath paida hue,
Sath bade hue,
Saath khele aur Masti ki,
Fir tu mujhse pahle kaise mar gaya =D =))
Police:-tumne apne boyfriend ko kyun mara?
Ladki:-benchod ne bed pe giraya,bra utari,panty nikali,condom pehna,tang uthai.Aur bola APRIL FOOL X_X =))
Q. Define LOVE n explain details.
(10 mrks)

Ans. Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due to relatnshp btwn men & women dat cn cause death of 1 or both dpndng on d resistance associated.

TYPES:
1 sided & 2 sided

AGE:
Usually occurs in teenages but nowdays can be found in any age!

SYMPTOMS:
Tension
Daydreaming
Insomnia
Phone Addiction

DIAGNOSIS BY:
Diary
Photos
Mobile

TREATMENT:
Anti-LOVE therapy by Father's belt/Mother's chappal...
If Boobs are Assets of a lady,Then what is the Pussy?



Pussy is the FUND MANAGER,
It keeps Investors happy*.



*Investments are subject to market risk*
Awesome~Letter to d Business Head of a Company by a employee
Dear Chodu,
Pehle Ye bata kaun madarchod target set karta h?
Maa K laude, juniors ki maiya chud jaati h. Upar se behenchod review to aise karte ho jaise apni maa K balatkaar ka badla le rahe ho
Aisa target banaya h jaise tumhare yaha to bhosdiwale sab performer hi janme h
Tera baap b is target ko pura nhi kar payega. Tu khud 10yr se pura nhi kr paya h, chut-maari K
Tu kabhi baahar mil Bos dk
teri Gand me band chattri daal K nhi kholi na..
To mera naam badal dena
Yours faithfuly,
Patni: Ye condom
kitne ka hai..?

Pati: 10 Rupaye ka.

Patni: Hey bhagwan,
Mehengai to dekho,

Aathvi class me thi to

50 paise ke 3 aate the..!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Joke

Santa goes to hotel,

Orders biryani,

Eats biryani n drinks water

Washes his hands

Pays bill n

goes back home



No jokes,

March ending
B'serious.
Sardar ji Delhi k ek kothe par gaye & bole: Muje prito se milna hai.
Mousi: Wo ek baar k 1000 Rs leti hai,
Sardar: No prblem.
Srdar ne prito k sath sex krke 1000 Rs de diye.
Next day fir prito se sex krke 1000 Rs de diye.
3rd day b sex k bad 1000 Rs diye,
Prito: bade dildar ho kahan se aye ho?
Srdar: Ludhiyana se.
Prito: waha to meri behan b rehti hai.
Srdar: Malum hai usi ne 3000 Rs diye the aur kaha tha meri behan ko de dena.=D X_X
Wife: I m nt feeling well

Husband: Ohho i was thinking to go for dinner?

Wife: I was joking dear

Husband: me too, chal uth roti bana.. =)) =D
Ye shayari likhna unka kaam nahi,
Jinke dil aankhon mein basa karte hai.
Shayari toh voh sakhas likhte hai,
Jo sharab se nahi, kalam se nasha karte hai
Worth read even if long!

A man dies & goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks,

"What do they do there?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour..
Then they lay you on bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devils comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man doesn't like it, so he moves on and checks out the American hell, the Russian hell and hells of other countries.

He finds that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long queue of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks "What do they do here ?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour..
Then they lay you on bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Indian devils comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as the other hells, so why are so many people waiting to get in here? ". Wonders the man

He is told, "Because the maintenance here is so bad that the chair doesn't work,
Someone has stolen all the nails from the bed
And the Indian devil is a former Government servant,

So he just comes, signs the attendance register and then goes to the canteen." =D
Two married women discussing...
FIRST:- WIDOW's are better than us...
SECOND:- How come?
FIRST:- Atleast they know where their Husbands are...! =))
Doctor to Lady: Kya Aap Delivery K Waqt Bachay K Baap Ko Apne Paas Dekhna Chahti Hain..?
Lady: Nahi, Un par pehle hi Mere Husband boht shak Karte hain!!:O:D
Girlfriend-Mai maa banne wali hoon
Boyfriend-Abortion karalo
Girlfriend-Stupid tumhare Karodpati baap ne mujhe propose kia hai.
Mai tumhari maa banne wali hoon ;)
A guy arrived at hotel wid a lady older than
him.
Manager: Sorry, v don't allow such things here
Guy: Oh, she's my mum.
(He was given a key. 15 mins later the Mgr asked a staff to verify
Staff comes back n says
Yes , she is his mom.
Manager: How do you know?
Staff: I saw her breast feeding
him X_X=))

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Joke

New York
Sri Lanka
Biwi ne Kurti Utari,
SEXY Nazar se Santa ki Taraf Dekhte Huye SALWAR bhi Utar K Boli-Pata Hai na,
Kya Karna Hai?
Santa: Ghanta, Main RAAT ko KAPDE Nahi Dhounga! =))
There are just 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman.

Before Marriage &
After Marriage =))
Muddat se thi unko Chodne ki aas magar!
Didar-e-Chut ko chaddi me daba diya!
Kisi ne di jab khabar unke chudne ki,,
itni mari mutth ki apna popat sujaa liya!::'( :D
A man's sad story:
Last thursday was my Birthday

My wife & kids didnt wish me

i went 2 work,my friends didnt wish me.

i entered my cabin

my P.A said happy birthday boss

i felt special

she asked me 4 lunch

after lunch she invited me 2her apartment

there she said do u mind if i go to my bedroom 4a min

ok i said nervously...

she came out few mins later wit a large cake folowed by my wife,kids,friends& i was sitting there
.
.
.
NAKED..!!
In exam hall a boy 2 girl:
"mujhe bas is ans ki starting bata do, Baki main likh lunga.''

girl ne dhyan se idhar-udhar dekha, fir dhire se boli:
"The" :p :D
1 fauji jung se 3 yrs baad wapas aya aur khidki k paas udaas baith gaya.
Biwi ko sex ki ichha hui. Biwi dupatta gira k boli dekho hawa ne mera kya uda di ya.
Fauji chup.
Phir kurti nikali aur boli,dekho hawa ne mera kya uda diya..
Fauji fir chup..
phir salwar utari aur boli,dekho hawa ne mera kya uda diya.
Fauji ko gussa aya, pant utar kar bola "dekh bomb ne mera kya uda diya"
Biwi chup.. :>:O
A Sweet demand by a kid. A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came n asked - what happen son?
Kid said-I can’t adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own. =))
Maths Teacher: 1 mein 2 Daale To kya Hota hai.?
Girl: miss- ye to aap ka hi hausla aur bada bhosada hai, warna humari to 1 se hi jaan nikal jati hai..!=D =))
Sardar Ka Juta Fat Gaya
Usne Mochi Ko Diya Or Kaha: Jute Ko Aisa Silna Or Chamkana K Shakal Nazar Aaye

Mochi Ne Jute Ko Sil Ke Usme Sheesha Fit Kar Diya
Sardar Khush

1 Din Uski Shop Pe 1 Ladki Aayi

Sardar Ne Joota Uske Legs K Neeche Kiya Or Bola

Aapne Blue Panty Pehni He

Ladki Hairan

Next Day Wo Red Panty Pehenkar Aayi

Usne Fir Bata Diya

3rd Day Wo Panty Pehen Ke Hi Nhi Aayi

Jaise Hi Sardar Ne Juta Aage Kiya To Bola
O Bhenchod Juta Fir Fat Gaya..!! =D =))
Girl: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill daadi dengi ;):D
4 kutte 1 kuttiya ko chodh rahe the. Ek AUNTY Paas se Nikli aur RO Padi.Tab ek Bacche ne Puchha 'KYA HUA'
Aunty: Kuchh Nahi Beta COLLEGE K DIN YAAD Aa GAYE =D =))
Boy & Grl Alone in a Car.

Grl: aaj main tumhe wo Jagah dikhaungi jaha mera tetanus ka injection laga tha.

Boy gets Xcited,

Grl: ye dekho

GUPTA HOSPITAL X_X =D
A girl gives an adverstiment in matrimonial.
"Wanted a man,
who will never beat me or kick me
&
who is wonderful in bed"
After few days
someone knocked her door,
she opens
& she find a man on wheelchair
without both
legs & arms.
Man-
"I am your prince,
whom you wanted,
I will not beat you or kick you as I dont have legs & arms"
Girl-
"Thats ok,
but are you good in bed?"
Man-
"Can you guess how I KNOCKED the door..?
BeAulad Aurat ko doctor Chod rha tha or doctor ki Gaand Aurat ka Pati maar raha tha..
1 ne pucha:Ye kya?
Dr-Check kr rha hu ki Kami Aurat me he ya Mard me =D =))
What is the difference between hungry & horny?

Superb answer by Rakhi Sawant:
It depends where I put the carrot...;)
Ye Tab Ki Baat Hai, Jab Pappu 5th Class Mein Thha.

Uski Class Ki Ek Teacher Pregnant Thhi, Usko Dekh Ke Ek Din Pappu Bola

Pappu: “Madam Aapko Beta Hone Wala Hai Ya Beti?”

Madam Bade Pyar Se Boli: “Ye Baat Mujhe Kaisi Pata Hogi?”

Pappu: “Madam Mujhe Pata Hai Aapko Kya Hone Wala Hai, Aapko Ladka Hone Wala Hai”

Teacher Hairani Se: “Arey, Tujhe Ye Baat Kaisi Pata?”

Pappu: “Mam Vo Jab Aap Chair Pe Pair Utha Ke Beth Ti Ho To Ander Se Uski Mooche Dikhti Hai“ =))
A mallu woman went for a job interview for the post of a Secretary. The manager saw the womans colourful clothes, gold jewellery, extra coconut oiled uncombed hair, and his mind was screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN!!!"X_X Nevertheless, he had to interview her. So he told her, "If you make a sentence using all the words I give u, then maybe I'll give u a chance at the job! The words are: GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK ." The enthusiastic mallu, sat staring at the ceiling licking her lips thinking for a while. She then let out a dorky laugh and said "I hear the phone ring, GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW.... BLUE'S that?? Sorry WHITE did u say? Aiyo..... Wrong number!! Don't simbbly PURPLELY disturb ppl and don't call me BLACK next time wokay!!!OK... THANK YOU" The Manager fainted!!=D =))
Ek bar Sardar paise jama karne Bank gaya.
Oficer:Ye note fata hua hai dusra do
Sardar: Main apne Account me jama kar raha hu, fata ya Naya, Apko kya =D
Facts That Definitely Make You Feel Old –



1. Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge was released 17 years ago.

2. Windows XP was released 11 years ago, in 2001.

3. The “new” Millennium is more than a decade old.

4. Chetan Bhagat’s antics have been around for the past 8 years!

5. Pierce Brosnan last acted as James Bond 10 years ago.

6. The Delhi Metro has been running for 10 Years now.

7. It’s been 11 years since 9/11

8. The Matrix came out 13 years ago, Keanu Reeves is 47 today

9. Mother Theresa and Lady Diana have been dead for 15 years.

10. Remember Jungle Book on Doordarshan? That was more than 16 years ago.

11. Macaulay Culkin is 31 today. “Home Alone” came out over 21 years ago.

12. Terminator 2 is 21 years old. Edward Furlong who portrayed kid John Connor is 34 now.

13. Sean Connery is 80 years old and retired.

14. The youngest Spice Girl is 35, the oldest Backstreet Boy 39, Gwen Stefani is 41, Madonna 52

15. The first Harry Potter book came out 15 years ago!

16. The first season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S was aired 17 years ago!

17. Akshay Kumar was born in 1967!

18. Arnold Schwarzenegger is older than Independent India. He was born in June 1947

19. ‘Kids’ born in 1994 can legally drive, drink and vote this year.

20. Jurassic Park is older than Justin Bieber.

21. Rajiv Gandhi has been dead for 21 years.

22. Bryan Adams’ cult song “Summer of 69″ was released 27 years ago.

23. Kids whom you remember in their diapers are posting their pics on Facebook.

24. Facebook has been around for 8 years. Orkut for 10.
Fraandshipping since 2002

25. Remember the little girl from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai? She is 24 now.

26. The Maruti Zen was first introduced 19 years ago....

Pls go dye ur hair now =)) X_X :'(
There are just 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman.

Before Marriage &
After Marriage =))
Biwi ne Kurti Utari,
SEXY Nazar se Santa ki Taraf Dekhte Huye SALWAR bhi Utar K Boli-Pata Hai na,
Kya Karna Hai?
Santa: Ghanta, Main RAAT ko KAPDE Nahi Dhounga! =))
Muddat se thi unko Chodne ki aas magar!
Didar-e-Chut ko chaddi me daba diya!
Kisi ne di jab khabar unke chudne ki,,
itni mari mutth ki apna popat sujaa liya!::'( :D
1 fauji jung se 3 yrs baad wapas aya aur khidki k paas udaas baith gaya.
Biwi ko sex ki ichha hui. Biwi dupatta gira k boli dekho hawa ne mera kya uda di ya.
Fauji chup.
Phir kurti nikali aur boli,dekho hawa ne mera kya uda diya..
Fauji fir chup..
phir salwar utari aur boli,dekho hawa ne mera kya uda diya.
Fauji ko gussa aya, pant utar kar bola "dekh bomb ne mera kya uda diya"
Biwi chup.. :>:O

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Joke

Ek Mohabbat hi nahi hoti duniya mein dard ki wajah...

Gaalib..

Zip main fasi Lulli bhi Gaand faad deti hai..!!
Budha: Mai Tere Liye Chand Tare Tod Launga
Budhiya: Aap Bhi Na Gaanduo Jesi Baat Karte Ho
Danto Se Roti Tut-Ti Nahi Aur Gand Se Akhrot Fodne Ki Baat Karte Ho.
Boy: Mere Sath Sex Kar K Kaisa Laga ?

Girl: Chief Guest Jaisa.

Boy: Kaise ?

Girl: Tum Jaldi Me Aaye Aur Function Khatm Hone Se Pehle Nikal Gaye !
Larkion K Chakar Me Mat Padna Dosto
Kyun ke????
Ye Ati Hain HEER Ki Tarha
Lagti Hain KHEER Ki Tarha
Chubhti Haini TEER Ki Tarha
Aur End Me
Halat Kar Deti Hain FAKEER Ki Tarha

Phir Ek Baar JANHIT ME JARI
FAUJI'S WIFE DAILY SENDS HER NUDE Photo With BOTH LEGS WIDE OPEN.
Jaanu I'LL WAIT LIKE dis TIL U CuM.
Fauji: ITS OK but Bhenchod ye Photo Khench kaun rha hai?:p
Ek Chor Pathan ke Ghar ghusa....Pathan ne use pakad kar saari raat uski mari......phir subah pucha: "Phir kab aaega?"
Chor: "Khan Saab, Chor hoon, chutia nahin."
Kaamvali bai ko ekdin condom mila.
Bai:Malkin,ye kya hai?
Malkin:Tere gaon me SEX nahi karte kya?
Bai:Karte hai,par itna nahi ki land ki KHAAL nikal de..!!:]xx
Hone Wali Bahu Ko Dekhne Gaye Sasur Ne Pucha: "Beti Chai Aati Hai?"
Ladki Boli: "Daddu Ji Mujhe Abhi Tak Doodh Nahi Ata. Chai Kya Ghanta Aayegi.
"
Crazy facts:

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee
(Hardly seems worth it.)3-|

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)(y)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!) :O

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)\=D/

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)X_X
(I'm still not over the pig.) :D

Banging your head against a wall looses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work) 8-|

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) =-?

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? >:/ )

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) ;)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.) 8-|

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm..) (n)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) /:)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.(Still want 2 b the pig) :p

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)*nerd*

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.(I know some people like that):p

Starfish have no brains(I know some people like that too.)8-|

Polar bears are left-handed.(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer):|

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??) :s

You've smiled at least once, so spread these crazy facts and send to someone you want to smile....pig lucky pig!!!!! X_X
??Wife to Doc-Mera Pati 300% Napunsak hai.
Dr-300% Kaise?
Wife-Ek to Khada nahi hota, Dusra Ungli tuti hui he,
Tisra kal Garam Daal kha ke apni jibh v jala li.!.!
??Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, 'You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I
sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!'
His buddy looks at him and says, 'Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, How about a blow job?'....and she's always sound asleep.'
A Couple visit an Art Gallery,
Husband keeps watching a Photo of a Girl covered by Leaves.
Wife ask him-"Abhi chale? ya
Hawa aane tk rukoge...:p ;)
Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge ?
Student: shaadi..!!!!!!
Teacher: nahi, mera matlab hai kya banoge?.....
Student: dulha.!!!!!!!!!!!
Teacher: oh, i mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge?
... Student: dulhan
Teacher: IDIOT mera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge?
Student- bahu laaunga
Teacher: stupid tumhare papa tumse kya chahte hai?
Student: pota
Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?
Student: hum do humare do, jab tak teesra na ho......!!!!
Frinds are like gas in the ass.X_X
Some are loud,:O
some are silent,:|
some are thuuss,:>
some are phuss./:)
However whatever they maybe, they bring a lot of relief..!! 8-|:$:]Y:>3-|=))=))
Son: Papa, Circus dekhne chale?
Pa: I am busy...
Son: Usme ek ladki na bina kapdo ke sher pe sawari karti hai.
Pa: Bahut ziddi ho! Chalo bahut din hue Sher nahi dekha.=D
1st man: Tum Niche ke Baal kaise Saaf karte ho?
2nd: Razor se, aur tum??
1st: Zaroorat hi nahi,
Meri biwi Baatein hi aisi karti hai ki Jhaanthe Sulag jati hain.=D =))
Question: why did GOD create Husbands? Because Fingers, Candles, Vibrator, Banana, Kheera, Lokkie, Lamba Bangan, cannot pay for SHOPPING.
----------
2 lover in pizzahut

Ladka:kya logi?


Ladki



'jaanu kadhi chhawal mangwa lo'


Moral:govt. School ki ladkiya pataoge to aisa hi hoga.
Newly Married woman returns from Honeymoon.

Her friends:-'kahan-kahan ghum aai?'

She:-'Delhi, Agra, Jammu and Manali.'

Her friends:-'Hmm kya kya dekha?'

She:-'bajaj, orpat, anchor, orient PSPO ke ceiling fans'
1 scientist BRA bnana chahta tha
jisme runing karte hue grls k boobs na hile or bhigne par
nipple na dikhe..
Tension mat lo bhai goli mar di harami ko..:)
1 scientist BRA bnana chahta tha
jisme runing karte hue grls k boobs na hile or bhigne par
nipple na dikhe..
Tension mat lo bhai goli mar di harami ko..:)

Joke

A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decides 2
test it @ dinner.
DAD: Son, where were u today during school hours? SON: at School. Robot slaps son! Ok,I lied, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story. Robot slaps son again! Ok, it was porn.
DAD: ...What?! When I was ur age,I didn't even know what porn was..Robot slaps
Dad!
MOM: forgive him dear, after all he's ur son. Robot slaps mom..

Friday, March 23, 2012

Joke

Ek Mohabbat hi nahi hoti duniya mein dard ki wajah...

Gaalib..

Zip main fasi Lulli bhi Gaand faad deti hai..!!
Budha: Mai Tere Liye Chand Tare Tod Launga
Budhiya: Aap Bhi Na Gaanduo Jesi Baat Karte Ho
Danto Se Roti Tut-Ti Nahi Aur Gand Se Akhrot Fodne Ki Baat Karte Ho.
Boy: Mere Sath Sex Kar K Kaisa Laga ?

Girl: Chief Guest Jaisa.

Boy: Kaise ?

Girl: Tum Jaldi Me Aaye Aur Function Khatm Hone Se Pehle Nikal Gaye !
Larkion K Chakar Me Mat Padna Dosto
Kyun ke????
Ye Ati Hain HEER Ki Tarha
Lagti Hain KHEER Ki Tarha
Chubhti Haini TEER Ki Tarha
Aur End Me
Halat Kar Deti Hain FAKEER Ki Tarha

Phir Ek Baar JANHIT ME JARI
FAUJI'S WIFE DAILY SENDS HER NUDE Photo With BOTH LEGS WIDE OPEN.
Jaanu I'LL WAIT LIKE dis TIL U CuM.
Fauji: ITS OK but Bhenchod ye Photo Khench kaun rha hai?:p
Ek Chor Pathan ke Ghar ghusa....Pathan ne use pakad kar saari raat uski mari......phir subah pucha: "Phir kab aaega?"
Chor: "Khan Saab, Chor hoon, chutia nahin."
Kaamvali bai ko ekdin condom mila.
Bai:Malkin,ye kya hai?
Malkin:Tere gaon me SEX nahi karte kya?
Bai:Karte hai,par itna nahi ki land ki KHAAL nikal de..!!:]xx
Hone Wali Bahu Ko Dekhne Gaye Sasur Ne Pucha: "Beti Chai Aati Hai?"
Ladki Boli: "Daddu Ji Mujhe Abhi Tak Doodh Nahi Ata. Chai Kya Ghanta Aayegi.
"
Crazy facts:

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee
(Hardly seems worth it.)3-|

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)(y)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!) :O

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)\=D/

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)X_X
(I'm still not over the pig.) :D

Banging your head against a wall looses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work) 8-|

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) =-?

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? >:/ )

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) ;)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.) 8-|

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm..) (n)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) /:)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.(Still want 2 b the pig) :p

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)*nerd*

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.(I know some people like that):p

Starfish have no brains(I know some people like that too.)8-|

Polar bears are left-handed.(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer):|

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??) :s

You've smiled at least once, so spread these crazy facts and send to someone you want to smile....pig lucky pig!!!!! X_X
??Wife to Doc-Mera Pati 300% Napunsak hai.
Dr-300% Kaise?
Wife-Ek to Khada nahi hota, Dusra Ungli tuti hui he,
Tisra kal Garam Daal kha ke apni jibh v jala li.!.!
??Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, 'You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I
sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!'
His buddy looks at him and says, 'Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, How about a blow job?'....and she's always sound asleep.'
A Couple visit an Art Gallery,
Husband keeps watching a Photo of a Girl covered by Leaves.
Wife ask him-"Abhi chale? ya
Hawa aane tk rukoge...:p ;)
Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge ?
Student: shaadi..!!!!!!
Teacher: nahi, mera matlab hai kya banoge?.....
Student: dulha.!!!!!!!!!!!
Teacher: oh, i mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge?
... Student: dulhan
Teacher: IDIOT mera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge?
Student- bahu laaunga
Teacher: stupid tumhare papa tumse kya chahte hai?
Student: pota
Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?
Student: hum do humare do, jab tak teesra na ho......!!!!
Frinds are like gas in the ass.X_X
Some are loud,:O
some are silent,:|
some are thuuss,:>
some are phuss./:)
However whatever they maybe, they bring a lot of relief..!! 8-|:$:]Y:>3-|=))=))
Son: Papa, Circus dekhne chale?
Pa: I am busy...
Son: Usme ek ladki na bina kapdo ke sher pe sawari karti hai.
Pa: Bahut ziddi ho! Chalo bahut din hue Sher nahi dekha.=D
1st man: Tum Niche ke Baal kaise Saaf karte ho?
2nd: Razor se, aur tum??
1st: Zaroorat hi nahi,
Meri biwi Baatein hi aisi karti hai ki Jhaanthe Sulag jati hain.=D =))
Question: why did GOD create Husbands? Because Fingers, Candles, Vibrator, Banana, Kheera, Lokkie, Lamba Bangan, cannot pay for SHOPPING.
----------
2 lover in pizzahut

Ladka:kya logi?


Ladki



'jaanu kadhi chhawal mangwa lo'


Moral:govt. School ki ladkiya pataoge to aisa hi hoga.
Newly Married woman returns from Honeymoon.

Her friends:-'kahan-kahan ghum aai?'

She:-'Delhi, Agra, Jammu and Manali.'

Her friends:-'Hmm kya kya dekha?'

She:-'bajaj, orpat, anchor, orient PSPO ke ceiling fans'
1 scientist BRA bnana chahta tha
jisme runing karte hue grls k boobs na hile or bhigne par
nipple na dikhe..
Tension mat lo bhai goli mar di harami ko..:)
1 scientist BRA bnana chahta tha
jisme runing karte hue grls k boobs na hile or bhigne par
nipple na dikhe..
Tension mat lo bhai goli mar di harami ko..:)

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Joke

BOOBS POEM!!!
I love boobs, big and small, I love boobs, best of all.
I think boobs are lots of fun, I think boobs are number one.
I think boobs are really neat, they make me want to beat my meat.
... I love boobs covered in lace, I love boobs rubbing my face.
I love boobs in leather black, those are huge, do they hurt your back?
I love boobs in bras of silk, make me want to say "got milk"?
I love boobs in a college dorm, and in a nurse's uniform.
I love boobs in tight red sweaters, or stretching against a t-shirt's
letters.
I love boobs in t-shirts wet, hey you with the nice boobs, have we met?
I love boobs in skimpy swim wear, I'm sorry, I can't help but stare.
I saw your cleavage from above, with your boobs I am in love.
Your boobs are giving me a stiffy, I'll have mypants off in a jiffy.
Your boobs have given me an erection, I want to do them without protection.
Your boobs have made me want to suck them. I even want to titty-fuck them.
" What is the most insensitive part of a Penis? - The man attached to it>=)
A MAN was Charged With Necrophilia (SEX With A Dead Woman)
Judge : "I Have Not Seen Such a Disgusting Case In 20 Yrs, Can U Give Me 1 Reason Why U Did It ?"
MAN :"I Can Give 3.
1)It's None Of Ur F**king Business.

2)She Was My Wife. Show Me The Law Which Says You Can't F**k Your Own DEAD Wife.

3)I Didn't Know She Was Dead coz... She Always Behaved Dead During Sex... As All Indian wives Do...!!"
.
HE WAS SET FREE...!!X_X =D =))
In zoo..
student of a..,
convent school:
"see monkey is sleeping, don't disturb him." :)
marathi school:
"ae pakya, bagh tuza baap zopla..dagad maaru ka..??? =))
Boobs have a lot of importance in love making & love stories in India.
Male lover is called
MehB( . )( . )B
&
the female lover is called
... MehB( . ) ( . )Ba
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, 'Hello. My name is Carmen.' 'That's a beautiful name,' he replied. 'Is it a family name?'

'No,' she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'. 'What's your name?' she asked.

He answered 'B.J. Titsengolf.'
1 Admi eye operation k baad fees bachane k liye bola 'Kuch nhi dikh raha doctorsaab'
Dr. ne nurse k kapde utare
Dr. - Ab dikha?
Man - Nhi
Dr. - Madarch*dh,
To phir Lund kaise khada hua? X_X =D
Politically correct women descriptions...

She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN

She is not a SCREAMER or a MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION

She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED

She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED

She is not a SLUT - she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED

She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
1 Admi eye operation k baad fees bachane k liye bola 'Kuch nhi dikh raha doctorsaab'
Dr. ne nurse k kapde utare
Dr. - Ab dikha?
Man - Nhi
Dr. - Madarch*dh,
To phir Lund kaise khada hua? X_X =D
Classic attitude-
Boy- I cant marry u. Give my love letters back

Next day d gal gave him a big basket full of letters & said
"Find urs n get lost":D
Too good to relieve some stress and to be cheerful

1. A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and asks innocently
"Every day you come to meet my sister , don't you have your own sister"


2. Pintu was having habbit of eating nails of his hand,
His parents sent him to Ramdev Baba for treatment…..
. . . Now Pintu can also eat nails of his legs..


3. Teeth said 2 Tongue " If I just press u little hard, you will get cut.
Tongue replied: "If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u will come out at once”


4. What is the height of flirting ? When your love letter starts with . . . . " TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"


5. Dada (Grand Father) : Beta ja paani le aa.
Pota (Grand Son) : Mai nai laa sakta, mai game khel raha hun
2nd Pota (Second grand son) : Rahne do dada g, ye to hai he BADATMEEZ.... ... .. .. .. Ap khud he ja k le aao.


6. Jinn : Kya huqum hai mere Aaka ?
Aaka : Mere account me jaldi se 100 crore rs aur katrina se shaadi 10 sec me karwa do.
Jinn : Aaaka, huqum karo...bakwaas mat karo !!!


7. Ek dukhi aadmi bola: Aisi zindagi se toh maut achhy.
Achanak yamdoot aya aur bola : Tumhaari jaan lene ka huqum hai.
Aadmi: lo kar lo baaat, ab insaan majaak b nai kar sakta.


8. A poor man of U.P catches a fish but can't cook due to No gas No electricity No Oil, Man puts fish back in to river.
Fish comes up and shout "Mayaavati zindabaad


9. Santa london k ek hotel me murgi khaane gaya lekin murgi ka english word bhool gaya
Waiter: What would you like to have sir ?
Santa: 1 plate Egg's mother


10. Gabbar : ye hath muje de de Thakur.
Frustrated Thakur : Le le, mere bhi le le, Kalia ke bhi le le, Basanti k bhi le le.Jai or veeru ke bhi le le aur DURGA MATA ban ja.



11. Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola shahjahan ka pota.. ...
Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola shahjahan ka pota......
“Aj apna bhi bank balance hota agar dada aashiq na hota”.

Guys please laugh your heart out:D
Santa-I Want to Start A Condom Factory. Can U suggest a brand name?

Banta- Name d condom "DIPPER"

It will get Free Publicity on Trucks-

"USE Dipper at Night"
Lady Teacher Asked Pappu:
Agar ped par5 birds bethi ho aur tum 1ko goli maar do to kitni baaki bach jayegi.
Pappu:
Koi nahi.
sab ud jayegi.
Teacher:
Nahi, 4bachegi.
lekin tumhari soch mujhe pasand aayi.
Pappu:
Madam mera bhi 1 sawal h.
3 ladies ice cream kha rahi h.
1 chaat kar,1 kat kar aur
1 choos kar
konsi lady shaadi-shuda h?
Teacher sharmate huye:
Jo choos rahi h.
Pappu:
Nhi.
jis k gale main manglsutra h.
lekin aapki soch mujhe pasand aayi.
LADY at Shoe shop- Ek 36 numbr ki Chappal dikhao.
Shopkpr- Madam Aap apne dimaag pe zor daal kar yad kijiye k ap lene kya aayi hain!
Wife came out after taking a bath, gave a wink & said, "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means?"

Husband: "Yeah, the bathroom drain is clogged again.":)
Classic attitude-
Boy- I cant marry u. Give my love letters back

Next day d gal gave him a big basket full of letters & said
"Find urs n get lost":D
A MAN was Charged With Necrophilia (SEX With A Dead Woman)
Judge : "I Have Not Seen Such a Disgusting Case In 20 Yrs, Can U Give Me 1 Reason Why U Did It ?"
MAN :"I Can Give 3.
1)It's None Of Ur F**king Business.

2)She Was My Wife. Show Me The Law Which Says You Can't F**k Your Own DEAD Wife.

3)I Didn't Know She Was Dead coz... She Always Behaved Dead During Sex... As All Indian wives Do...!!"
.
HE WAS SET FREE...!!X_X =D =))

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Joke

Grl-Kal sapne me lund ka Mela dekha
Boy-Mera dekha
Grl-Kone me chota sa tha
Boy-MENE BHI KAL SAPNE ME chut ka mela dekha
Gl-Meri thi?
By-mela usi me laga tha:=))
Bhagwaan ne narad ko india me 3 baate pata krne k lie bejha
1.Sabse strong cheez kya hai?
2.Sabse weak cheez kya hai?
3.konsi cheez maine nahi banaayi phir b hai?
Narad wapis a k bola-
India main sabse strong hain JHAANT KA BAAL. Jisko dekho bolta hai ki tu meri Jhaant Ka Baal bhi nahi ukhaad sakta.
2-India main Sabse weak hai GAAND. Jise dekho bolta hai, gaand phat gayi.
3-Aur wo cheez jo aapne nahin banayi, magar India main hai.
Wo hai
BEHEN KA LODA =D X_X
How much will this cost me?

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $100.00. Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?

Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.
Banta: What do a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
Santa: The longer you play with them, the harder they get....*nerd* >=)
To all Bankers:
1. You work very late .. Just like prostitutes ?
2. They pay you to make the client happy .. Just like a prostitute ?
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every cent .. Just like a prostitute ?
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams .. Just like a prostitute ?
5. Your friendships fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you .. Just like a prostitute ?
6. When you have to meet the client you always have to be perfectly groomed .. Just like a prostitute ?
7. But when you go back home it seems like you are coming back from hell .. Just like a prostitute ?
8. The client always wants to pay less but expects incredible things from you .. Just like a prostitute ?
9. Everyday when you wake up, you say: "I'm not going to spend the rest of my life doing this" .. Just like a prostitute ?
"I can't believe that you have been visiting prostitutes for sex" wife screams at husband..

"What was I supposed to do, when I was not getting any sex from you" husband answered..

"Well that's you fault" wife replied " you never told me you were willing to pay for it" :p X_X
"FINE" IS A TAX FOR DOING WRONG THINGS.
Where as, "TAX"IS A FINE FOR DOING RIGHT THINGS.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Joke

Thanks to Rahul Gandhi for Tendulkar's 100th 100. Had his grandmother not created Bangladesh, Sachin would not have got his ton !
Santa wanted to introduce his brother-in-law (saala) to a foreigner, But he did not know proper english term... So, he said: Meet him... I am his Behenchod !! X_X
Madam-To Chemist~
2 TARAH ki Goli DENA,

1 To 2 MAHINE Tak Pregnancy Na Ho
Aur
Ek 2 MAHINE Tak Bilkul KHADA Na Ho,

Qunki 2 MAHINE KE LIYE ME Gaon JA Rahi hu.
Wife k Badan me wo konsi chiz hai,
Jise wo Dabane nai deti aur husband din-rat dabana chahta he?


Socho







"Uska GALA" Rishta Wahi Soch nayi..
Santa to teacher: Mam jab Hindustan ko Hind,
Pakistan ko Pak, Australia ko Aus kehte h,
toh Brazil aur London ko kya kahege?
Teacr: Tu apna kam kar harami.
Read this msg as slowly as u can..
Read it twice and thrice and understand d whole msg properly..
"WAQT NAHI"

Har khushi Hai Logon Ke Daman Mein,
Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.

Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Maa Ki Loree Ka Ehsaas To Hai, Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahi.

Saare Rishton Ko To Hum Maar Chuke,
Ab Unhe Dafnane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.

Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karen,
Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Aankhon Me Hai Neend Badee,
Par Sone Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.

Dil Hai Ghawon Se Bhara Hua,
Par Rone Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.

Paiso ki Daud Me Aise Daude
Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.

Paraye Ehsason Ki Kya Kadr Karein,
Jab Apne Sapno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Tu Hi Bata Ae Zindagi,
Iss Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,
Ki Har Pal Marne Walon Ko,
Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahi..

Agar Msg acha lage to zaroor bataiyega nahin to mujhe aisa lagega ki aapke paas
"Waqt Nahin"
Santa gal friend ko Khet me Thok raha tha.
Girl - Dheere karo dard ho raha Hae.
Santa-Mein to dheere se he kar raha hu par tera Baap piche se Gaand pe laat maar raha hai..

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Joke

Santa: Maine girlfriend ki yaad bhulane k liye sharab ki bottle ka sahara liya...

Banta-Fir kya hua..??

Santa-Bhench0d, Lulli viche fas gayi bottle vich....!!
Ultimate insult:- Boy ne ek helmet kharida,
Girl: Dimaag to hai nahi, phir helmet Q liya,
Boy: kal tune Bra kharidi maine kuch bola..!!
Branded shayri

if i was nike n u were mcdonalds
(wah wah)

if i was nike n u were mcdonalds

baby I wl be "just doing it"
nd "you'll be loving it"
Wife drinking WHISKY & asked-"Tum kaun ho?"
Husband - "Paagal ho gayi kya? Apne husband ko bhool gayi?"
Wife - "Nasha har gham bhula deta hai", "Bhaisahab";-)
?THE BLONDE WHO MARRIED A CATHOLIC?On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and ?with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only
to find her husband had ?settled down on the couch.?When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, ?he replied, ' It's Lent. '?I
n tears, she sobbed, ' Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ?ever heard! ? ?Who did you lend it to, and for how long ?
Mayawati Ne Shaadi Kyo Nahi Ki?.....
Kyonki...
Unke paas Haathi Hai, Aur Rahul Gandhi Ne?...Kyonki...
Unke paas haath hai

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Joke

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Joke

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Joke

New way to check "BLOOD PLEASURE"

http://up.q8bbm.com/bb/4d5413108458503.jpg
Dr. Sb will smile next time he checks blood pressure
1st night in the Room.
.
Wife: "Plz, not today,
Lets spend our 1st Night understanding each other."
.
.
Husband:
"My 'under' is already 'standing' for you.
;-)
HEIGHT OF LITERACY IN KERALA
A policman saw a poor beggar boy cryin,
he askd d boy
whts d matter?
.

Boy:Matter is anythn dat occupies space & has mass !!
Bakri Gadhe pe Chadne lagi
Gadha Bola:Kya Kar Rahi Ho?
Bakri Boli:Mai to Mazak Kar Rahi thi.
Gadha:kamini mai Mazak Karunga to Ankhe Bahar Aa jaygi.
I cant stop laughing at this one guys:
Boy-Tu kitne baje uthti hai?
Girl-apna koi time nahi,
jab dil kare so jati hu,
aur jab dil kare uth jati hu.
Boy-notty.!
tu bilkul mere 'Lavde' pe gayi hai:D({})
A Superb Msg .. :)

We Have Two Eyes & One Tongue,
Which Means We Need to Look Twice & Talk Once..

We Have Two Ears & One Mouth,
Which Means We Need to Listen More than We Talk..

We Have Two Hands & One Stomach,:D
So We Need to Work Twice as Much as We Eat..

We Have Two Major Brain Parts, Left & Right & One Heart,
SoWe Can Think Twice, But Love Only Once..

Amazing How Our Body Parts Remind Us How to Live.. Gm
Jeevan ka sabse bada jhatka: Husband honeymoon ki taiyari kar raha tha aur wife boli,"Aji sunte ho, sirf Kohinoor Condom hi lena, dusre se mujhe allergy hai. X_X =D =))
Holi special poem.. <=-






Mayawati just sent an SMS to Mulayam: 'UP yours';)
Grandpa to child: Go hide, your teacher is here because u bunked school today....Child to Grandpa: You go hide... I told her u died.
Once there was a MIRROR that killed anyone who would lie.
FRENCH:I think I dont smoke-(died)
AMERICAN: I think I love my wife-(died)
SARDAR:I think... (died). =))=D=))
Mission impossiple +18


http://soo.gd/khalid-group-pin-225A2149-4my
3 reasons why men love a blow job?
1. At last she is on her knees
2. The tongue is finally moving around for a good cause
&
Lastly,
Few mins of fuckin silence!;)
Top Milk Containers
Ayesha Takia-4.5ltr
Sania-3 ltr
Lara-2.5 ltr
Bipasha-2 ltr
Aishwrya- 1 ltr
Karina- Sample Pouch
Recently introduced
Vidya Balan- Party Pack:D =D =))
Some Sentiments expressd at their best -

Dear Facebook,
Just wait one day they all will leave you too...!
Sincerely,
Orkut

Dear Optimist,
It's not a light at the end of the tunnel, it's a train.
Sincerely,
Pessimist

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about global warming.
Sincerely,
Titanic

Dear Atheists,
Oh man, you guys are screwed.
Sincerely,
God

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know this, let's Yahoo! it..."
Sincerely,
Google!
When apple is green it is ready to

"PLUCK"



When girl is 18 she's ready to











"VOTE"

Kabhi "DESH" ki bhi soch liya karo bhenchodo.hamesha chudai chudai;)
"LAL" aapke galon k liye,
"KALA" aapke balon k liye,
"NILA" aapke aakhon k liye,
"PILA" aapke hatho k liye,
"GULABI" sapno k liye,
"SAFED" aapke man k liye,
or
"HARA" aapke jivan k liye,
"HOLI" k in 7
"RANGON" k sath aapki
"JINDGI" bhi rangin ho.
Happy Holi Friends

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Joke

A Lady and Lion were kissing each other inside the cage in circus.

Ring Master,boasting of this act asked people sitting in d audience:- Can anyone do it.?"

Santa stands up :-yes " I can, per pehle SHER Ko bahar nikalo...!!!=D
Ek sharabi ki daastaan..

Soch raha hoon ki daaru chhod du..!

Par...

.

.

.

.
Kiske paas chhodu.!=D
CRICKET UMPIRE
M A R R I E D
CHINESE WOMAN

ON FIRST NIGHT HE
REMOVED HER
'PADDED' BRA
AND SHOUTED
*
*

*
''NO BALL''X_X =D
CONDOM salesman:- condom chahiye condom ...
Customer:- kam rate ka khushbudar rahega to de
Salesman:- laude pe agarbatti ka plastic cover lagake chodh Bhosdike =)) =D
CORPORATE SUCCESS TIP: "If the inner curvature of your palm matches exactly with the outer curvature of your boss's balls, then sky is the limit"
And if you have a lady boss... <3<3 then the Sky too will fall short!! :/ >=)
1 lady dukandaar se boli, "yeh suit ka rang niklega to nahin na ?" dukandar TOTLA tha, bola, " benji chut k chitle chitle ho jayenge par lund nahi niklega..X_X =D =))
A good date ends with dinner.
An awesome date ends with
breakfast!! ;)
Beat dis one :
Yaha Khuda Hai, Waha Khuda Hai, Jaha Bhi Dekho Waha Khuda Hai,
Aur Jaha Khuda Nahi Hai Waha Kal Khudega....
Work In Progress!
-BMC..:p
Dr to Lady :
Your heart, lungs, pulse & BP are ok. Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.

.
No !
I didn't ask U 2 strip
.

just show me your tongue !
-M.K.Gandhi.
"Kuni Tumchya gharawar paan khaun thunkat asel tar te pusa!"

-Raj Thakare.
"Pan Lakshaat Theva Te pustana tyachich chaddi wapra!"
8 QUALITIES THAT A WOMAN XPECTS IN A MAN:
B rave,
I ntelligent,
G entle,
P olite,
E nergetic,
N on-alcoholic,
I ndustrious &
S elf-organizd...
in short, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.
How true !!;)
Rikshe pe baithi 1'Ldki boli-
Riksha dhire chla mera Dood uchhal rha hai.
Rikhsewala-BRA nhi pehni ho kya.?
Ladki- MADARCHOD, dibbe ka dudh uchhal raha hai. =))
A Couple went to a wish well.
Boy bent down, threw a coin n made a wish.
Girl bent down a litle more & fell into the well.,
Boy shouted:
O Teri!!
IT WORKS ;)
Raja Saheb ke Marte Samay ki Nasihat.... . .
To Son .;
Apne Rishte ki Aurton se Jhuk K Mila Karo taaki Lund Dur rahe.
To Daughter;
Apni Bra Me Thodi Rui rakha karo taki Nipple nazar na aye.
To Damaad;
Chodne or khodne me fark samjo,
Chodne me zor or khodne me shor, tum ulta karte ho.
To Bahu;
Gaand marwane se bachche paida nahi hote,
agar aisa hota to sabse zyada iske hote jo abhi msg padh raha hai !
=D =)) ..........
aur padle dhyan se
Full form of BOYS


B-Badmashiyo me sabse aage..
O-Owl ki tarah raat me jaage..
Y-Yaarian nibhate jaan laga ke..
S-Sharif sirf maa-baap ke aage...;)
A widow goes on her first date since her husband's death, and afterward the two end up back at her place. Once in the bedroom, she takes off everything But her black panties.
"You can touch me anywhere else," she says, "but down there I'm still mourning."
"I figured as much," says the man. He then Proceeds to pull down his pants and put on a black condom. "If you don't mind, I'd like to offer my deepest condolences."
Aunty- Arey Beta kitna Bada Ho Gaya Hai tu toh..?



KID- Haan Aunty Or koi Option Hi Nahi tha Na =))
Pati- Tumhare boobs Ki Photo Le Leta Hoon, taki Unhe Hamesha Dekh Saku.
Patni-Main Tumhare Lund Ki Photo Le Leti Hoon,Kam Se Kam Photo To Badi Karva Loongi
What is d difference betwn "GHAZAL" & "LECTURE"?
Every word spoken by another man's wife is: GHAZAL
Every word spoken by own wife is LECTURE!;)

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Joke

Aaj raat "Star Sex" par dekhiye:

7.00- Kasauti Udas Land Ki
7:30- Balika Chodu
8.00- Desh Me Nikli Hogi Rand
8:30- Kabhi Fudi Kabhi Gaand
9.00- Kahani Khade Lund Ki
9:30- Randi Teri Saas
10.00- Kyuki Lund Bhi Kabhi Nunnu Tha
10:30- Ek Mahal Ho Randiyo Ka
11.00- Land Ka Samna
11:30- Chudai-Ek Pyara Sa Bandhan
12.00- Aana Khujana.

----------------------------------
Old couple went 2 Delhi

Man got in2 mood & said

"Dear should we 1st go2 our room or Kutub minar?"

Wife: Room hi chalo,Kutub minar to kal bhi khada rahega.:( ;)

---------------------------------
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman,

"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."

"Do you think it will work?" she asks.

"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.


After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".


"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".


"But that's impossible!" says the priest.


"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."


About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."


The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies,


"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.". =D >=)

------------------------------

A married man died b4 sex.
wife cut his penis and fixed on wall.
Every nght she went to wall & satisfied hrself.
1 day neighbour saw this routine.
He made a hole in wall n removed it & put his penis & waited for her.
Lady came with knife,
cut d penis & said
DARLING V R SHIFTING OUR HOUSE. =D =)) X_X

--------------------------
Husband: Mom called me and said she is coming tomorrow. Her train will
reach by morning 4 o clock!!!
Wife: She came just 4 months back only right? Why is she
coming now again? Tomorrow is Sunday I thought of getting up late but your mom had to come on a Sunday itself and that too morning 4 o clock.
Where will she even get an auto at that time?
Husband : Not my mom, your mom is coming!!!
Wife: Wow!!! Mom is coming. It’s been more than 2 months I have seen her. Listen na, I have the number of the auto driver please
call him and tell to come in time tomorrow morning. Its good, tomorrow is
Sunday, even the kids will be at home as they don’t have school. They can play
with their grandmother.
YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT !:O ;)
A lot of men don't realise the true worth of their wives.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

until a judge decides the compensation!!! :D :D :) ;) :* :) :p
In a bar 1 Guy says 2 another:
"Your mom is so hot
I luv her.The whole bar was waitn 4 othr Guy's response.He laughs & says
"Lets go home dad,U r Drunk.;)
1 day Jane met Tarzan in da jungle. She was vry attracted 2 him nd, during her questions abt his life, she asked him how he managed for s*x. "What's dat?" he asked. She explained to him what s*x was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"
"Tarzan check for bees! :p :p
Husband: What's Hypnotism ?

Wife: Taking Control
Over Someone & Making Him Perform As Per Your Wish...
Husband: Nonsense !!!
That's Marriage...Not Hypnotism;)
James Bond showing his new Watch to a sexy babe.

Bond: My watch says u r not wearing Panties.

Babe: But I am

Bond: My watch is 10 min ahead..! ;) :D
U loose 90 calories after a 30 minute Walk..
AND
U loose 160 calories after 3 minutes of Sex...

Jeevan aapka...
Faisla Aapka...

WALKING ya...??;)
Hansa: praful, ye Senior or Junior matlab?
Praful: hansaaa.., samundra k najdik rehte wo seniors (sea+near)
& jo Zoo k najdik rehte wo Juniors
(Zoo+near)....:p
Bahu, bura mat manana, lekin mere pote ki shakal mere bete se nahi milti."

Bahu: "Maa ji, meri taangon ke beech choot lagi hai, photocopy machine nahi."
3 Dreams of a Man:


*To be as Handsome as his Mother thinks.

*To be as Rich as his Kids believe.

&

*To have as many WOMEN as his Wife suspects..!!
​Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.
Good nitey guyzzzz
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman,

"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."

"Do you think it will work?" she asks.

"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.


After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".


"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".


"But that's impossible!" says the priest.


"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."


About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."


The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies,


"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.". =D >=)
Aaj raat "Star Sex" par dekhiye:

7.00- Kasauti Udas Land Ki
7:30- Balika Chodu
8.00- Desh Me Nikli Hogi Rand
8:30- Kabhi Fudi Kabhi Gaand
9.00- Kahani Khade Lund Ki
9:30- Randi Teri Saas
10.00- Kyuki Lund Bhi Kabhi Nunnu Tha
10:30- Ek Mahal Ho Randiyo Ka
11.00- Land Ka Samna
11:30- Chudai-Ek Pyara Sa Bandhan
12.00- Aana Khujana.
A married man died b4 sex.
wife cut his penis and fixed on wall.
Every nght she went to wall & satisfied hrself.
1 day neighbour saw this routine.
He made a hole in wall n removed it & put his penis & waited for her.
Lady came with knife,
cut d penis & said
DARLING V R SHIFTING OUR HOUSE. =D =)) X_X

Joke

A Gal was towelling her wet Pussy. .She enjoyed It & started rubbing it vigorously until the pussy cried "meow" & ran away....
Be kind to animals & hats off to your thinking!!!
Beat dis if u can.

In a marriage party of a Nizam's daughter, there's a very gandu shaayar.

He had a famous background of some really gandu shayari.



People were expecting something from him when suddenly he started

KYA HASEEN FIZA HAI INTAZAM KI...

People - WAH! WAH, IRSHAAD, IRSHAAD !!!!

KYA HASEEN FIZA HAI INTAZAM KI...

CHUDEGI AAJ LAUNDI NIZAM KI.



People were really shocked and very angry (probably most of them were not
like us).

They started abusing and throwing stones at him. On this he again started...


AYE DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON...



This calmed people a bit.

AYE DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON...

MAA KE LAUDON PATTHAR TO NA MARO



People went out of control this time and started beating and kicking him.

He begged for mercy but they were not ready to listen to him any more, so he
finally stated.

GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE GAND MARLO HAMARI.

GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE GAND MARLO HAMARI...

JAB BAHARE-CHAMAN MAIN HONGE

MAA CHOD-DENGE TUMHARI.



The Nizaam gets very angry and banishes him out of the state for 5 years.

After 5 years he feels sorry for the poet and gets him back to a mushaira.
The poet starts his shayari

AYE SANAM UTHA KALAM, KASAM TUJHE? ?US? ?RAB KI

Public: Wah wah.. irshaad (thinking that he has really improved now that he
is including God in his shayari)

AYE SANAM UTHA KALAM, KASAM TUJHE US? ?RAB KI

PAANCH SAAL BAAD MAUKA MILA HAI, MAA CHODENGE AAJ SAB KI...=)) =)) =))

Friday, March 2, 2012

Joke

Ek jungle main male janwar female janwaar ko 24 ghante chodte rahte the..

Sari female mil ke bramhaji ke pass gayi, aur vardaan mangi ke kam se kam eek mahine ke liye chudai se mukti milee.

Bramhaji ne SAB male janwaroo ke lavde Kat ke unko coupon de di ye or bola ek mahine ke bad coupon Lana or lund Lejana..

Sham ke time bandar ped pe baitha tha..

Bandariya ne use chedte hue kaha chod Saale ab chod na mujhe

Bandar kuch nahi bola

Bandariya fir boli chodna bhadve chod na lavde..

Bandar ne ek choti si smile di or bola ek mahina rookja meine haathi ka coupon churaya hai lavdi... :p
fir bolna chod na......=))=))=D
Air hostess: kaya lenge sir.
Passenger: puri sabji, halwa, khir aur ladoo.
A H: sir, yeh kingfisher ki flight hai, Vijay Mallaya ka shraadh nahin.
Ek aurat murge wale se- Koi achcha sa murga dikhao..?

Murge wale ne ek Murga Dikhaya,
Aurat ne uske Neeche hath Lagaya or Boli-ye Karachi ka hai koi or dikhao
2sra murga dikhane par niche hath laga ke boli- ye to faisalabad ka he
3sra murge dikhane par niche hath laga ke- ha ye afganistan ka he ye de do
Paise dene ke bad murgewaale se puchhti hai- achha tum kaha ke ho?
Murgawala sharmate hue-ji ab me kya batau aap khud hi check kar lijiye :p
Excellent 1 liner quote-


"He who hesitates,

Later masturbates"
The teacher asks the first grade students what kind of medicines they know
and what they are used for. The first pupil: "Tylenol?"
Teacher: " Very good! And what is it used for?"
Pupil: "It is used for headaches."
Second pupil: "Nytol, Teacher."
Teacher: " Excellent. And what it is used for?"
Pupil: " To help you sleep."
Now it is Johnny's turn and he says: "Viagra."
Teacher: " Johnny, what do you think is it used for?"
Johnny: "It can be used for diarrhea."
Teacher: "Who told you this?"
Johnny: "Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father ...
'Take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder
Bivi ko 100% kamai dene se 10% love milta hai..
Jabki girlfreind ko 10% kamai dene se 100% love milta hai..
paisa aapka..faisla bhi aapka..
"JAGO GRAHAK JAGO"
Teacher Ne Class Mein Student Se Puchha.
Teacher: “Batao Bachon Sab Se Zyada Dard Kab Hota Hai?”
Ek Ladki Uthi Aur Boli.
Ladki: “Ji Mam, Delivery Ke Waqt”
Piche Se Pappu Khada Hua Aur Huste Hue Bola.
Pappu: “Mam, Isse Kuch Nahi Pata, Issne Kabi Tatton Pe Laat Nahi Khayi Hai“

Joke

Ek jungle main male janwar female janwaar ko 24 ghante chodte rahte the..

Sari female mil ke bramhaji ke pass gayi, aur vardaan mangi ke kam se kam eek mahine ke liye chudai se mukti milee.

Bramhaji ne SAB male janwaroo ke lavde Kat ke unko coupon de di ye or bola ek mahine ke bad coupon Lana or lund Lejana..

Sham ke time bandar ped pe baitha tha..

Bandariya ne use chedte hue kaha chod Saale ab chod na mujhe

Bandar kuch nahi bola

Bandariya fir boli chodna bhadve chod na lavde..

Bandar ne ek choti si smile di or bola ek mahina rookja meine haathi ka coupon churaya hai lavdi... :p
fir bolna chod na......=))=))=D
Air hostess: kaya lenge sir.
Passenger: puri sabji, halwa, khir aur ladoo.
A H: sir, yeh kingfisher ki flight hai, Vijay Mallaya ka shraadh nahin.
Ek aurat murge wale se- Koi achcha sa murga dikhao..?

Murge wale ne ek Murga Dikhaya,
Aurat ne uske Neeche hath Lagaya or Boli-ye Karachi ka hai koi or dikhao
2sra murga dikhane par niche hath laga ke boli- ye to faisalabad ka he
3sra murge dikhane par niche hath laga ke- ha ye afganistan ka he ye de do
Paise dene ke bad murgewaale se puchhti hai- achha tum kaha ke ho?
Murgawala sharmate hue-ji ab me kya batau aap khud hi check kar lijiye :p
Excellent 1 liner quote-


"He who hesitates,

Later masturbates"
The teacher asks the first grade students what kind of medicines they know
and what they are used for. The first pupil: "Tylenol?"
Teacher: " Very good! And what is it used for?"
Pupil: "It is used for headaches."
Second pupil: "Nytol, Teacher."
Teacher: " Excellent. And what it is used for?"
Pupil: " To help you sleep."
Now it is Johnny's turn and he says: "Viagra."
Teacher: " Johnny, what do you think is it used for?"
Johnny: "It can be used for diarrhea."
Teacher: "Who told you this?"
Johnny: "Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father ...
'Take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder
Bivi ko 100% kamai dene se 10% love milta hai..
Jabki girlfreind ko 10% kamai dene se 100% love milta hai..
paisa aapka..faisla bhi aapka..
"JAGO GRAHAK JAGO"
Teacher Ne Class Mein Student Se Puchha.
Teacher: “Batao Bachon Sab Se Zyada Dard Kab Hota Hai?”
Ek Ladki Uthi Aur Boli.
Ladki: “Ji Mam, Delivery Ke Waqt”
Piche Se Pappu Khada Hua Aur Huste Hue Bola.
Pappu: “Mam, Isse Kuch Nahi Pata, Issne Kabi Tatton Pe Laat Nahi Khayi Hai“