महिला:- डॉ मेरे पीरियड में ब्राउन कलर का discharge आ रहा है..
क्या कोई इन्फेक्शन है??
डॉ:- आप कितनी बार सेक्स करती है??
महिला:- जी साल मे दो बार..
डॉ:- ये इन्फेक्शन नहीं है
आपकी चूत में जंग लग गयी है
😝😝😝😝😝😝😝
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Top 14 funny shops:
😃☺😜😀😁😄☺
😀1 Gandhi Hair Saloon
😀2 Mallika Textiles
😀3 Kalmadi Constructions Pvt Ltd
😀4 Jayalalithaa Fitness Club
😀5 Sunny Deol Dance Academy
😃6 Mayawati Beauty Parlour
😀7 Yamraj Travels
😀8 Surdas Opticals
😀9 Inzamam English Classes
😃10 Salman Marriage Bureau
😃11 Rakhi Sawant Satsang Kendra
😀12 Manmohan Public Speaking Training Institute
😜13 Asaram Bapu Girls Hostel !!
And best of all
😜😜 Modi Tours & Travels
Latest and New Entrant and Baap of all
😜😜Indrani Family Consultants
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Ek Aadmi Apne Biwi Ke Har Kaam Me Nuks Nikalta Rehta Tha.
Agar Wo Anda Boil Kar Ke Deti Toh Kehta Ke Fry Karna Tha, Agar Fry Karti Toh
Kehta Ke Boil Karna Tha.
Ek Din Biwi Ne Dono Bana Diya. Pehle Toh Wo Dono Andon Ko Gaur Say Dekhta
Raha,
Phir Kehne Laga... Tumhe Akal Kab Ayegi... Jis Anday Ko Fry Karna Tha
Usko Tumne Boil Kar Dia Aur Jisko Boil Karna Tha Usko Fry Kar Diya.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Doctor Dubey had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
"Dubey, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dubey."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
.
.
.
.
Dubey.....
Dubey.....
Dubey, you Bastard..
You're a veterinary doctor" 😂😂😂
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Doctor Dubey had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
"Dubey, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dubey."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
.
.
.
.
Dubey.....
Dubey.....
Dubey, you Bastard..
You're a veterinary doctor" 😂😂😂
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
A sardar and a woman were good friends. They decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding they discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, sardar decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it INFREQUENTLY' she replied.
The sardar sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered -
"Is that one word or two?" 😄
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😳😳
Sunday, September 13, 2015
A sardar and a woman were good friends. They decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding they discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, sardar decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it INFREQUENTLY' she replied.
The sardar sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered -
"Is that one word or two?" 😄
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😳😳
अत्यंत हरामी बच्चा👶
एक आदमी अपने 11 साल के बेटे का स्कूल बैग देख रहा था
बैग में से एक कंडोम मिला
बाप: इस उम्र में बैग में ये ले के घूमता है
बच्चा: तो क्या करूँ
इस उम्र में बाप बन जाऊँ?
बर्दाश्त तो आपसे वो भी नहीं होगा 😝😂
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
🐓🐓🐓
तराजू पर बैठा मुर्गा ग्राहक....
को घूर-घूर कर देख रहा था.....
ग्राहक- क्यों बे मुर्गे घूर...
क्यों रहा हैं मुझे ???
मुर्गा बोला..
.
साले मुझे तो खरीद लिया..
अब प्याज खरीद कर दिखा...
😝
विकट समस्या है...
'पटेल' जीने का अधिकार माँग रहे हैं;
'जैन' मरने का अधिकार माँग रहे हैं;
और 'पंजाबी' सिर्फ 'पीने' का अधिकार माँग रहे हैं।
Sunday, September 6, 2015
3 Fucking Laws of Management - If you learn them, no one can beat you in Corporate Management, but unfortunately even Harvard Business School does not teach them.
1. Fucking Law of Delivery Time - No matter how hard and fast you fuck, the child comes after 9 months.
Moral - Pressurizing does not alter delivery period.
2. Fucking Law of Direction - Even though both holes are nearby, if by a wrong shot, you enter the wrong hole, no matter how hard you fuck, you never get a child.
Moral - Right direction is very important to get the results, even few centimeters away from right direction, even if it gives satisfaction, cannot lead to results.
3. Fucking Law of Human Resources - By appointing 4 men to fuck 1 woman, you cannot get 4 children, but if you appoint one man and 4 women, you can get 4 children.
Moral - Appoint the right person at the right position. Otherwise you would keep on wondering, why you are not getting the results even after appointing more men.
forward to all Hard working employees.
😜
End of management Gyaan! 😜😄😄😄
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Kal radhey maa का जन्मदिन है...
यह SMS 9 लोगो gको भेजो तो radhey ma ख्वाब में आकर आपसे सेक्स करेगी
एक लड़के ने इसे झूंठ समझ कर डिलीट कर दिया , तो ख्वाब में Asharaam baapu आकर गांड मार गया !!
आगे आपकी मर्जी ....लेनी है या देनी है...😜😝😛😂😂😁
पत्नी: मैं तुम्हारी याद में 15 दिन में आधी हो गई हूं। मुझे कब लेने आ रहे हो ?
पति: 15 दिन बाद……
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Sunday, August 9, 2015
Friday, August 7, 2015
Thursday, August 6, 2015
संता सिंह KBC में 📺💰💰
अमिताभ : आपका अंतिम सवाल 5 करोड़ के लिए ये रहा आपके सामने..
प्रतियोगी सरदार 👳थोरा व्याकुल हुआ 😳
अमिताभ : अभिषेक बच्चन के पिता का नाम क्या है ?
कंप्यूटर स्क्रीन : 💻
A.Amitabh bachhan
B. Dharmendra
C. Amjad Khan
D. Sanjeev Kumar
Amitabh : आपका क्या जबाब है
(वो पूरी तरह श्योर थे की सरदार A चुनेगा)
लेकिन सरदार थोरा कन्फ्यूज्ड था..😳😳
संता सिंह : मेरे ख्याल से A होना चाहिए
"क्या आप श्योर हैं?" अमिताभ ने अपने स्टाइल में कहा
संता सिंह और कन्फ्यूज्ड और नर्वस हो गया😥😥
संता सिंह: मैं अपनी लाइफ लाइन 50:50 इस्तेमाल करना चाहूँगा
अमिताभ : Ok कंप्यूटर जी दो गलत जबाब को मिटा दीजिये प्लीज..
कंप्यूटर के द्वारा दो गलत जबाब मिटा देने के बाद जो आप्शन बच गए वो थे :-💻
B. Dharmendra
C. Amjad Khan
अब अमिताभ जी कन्फ्यूज्ड और बैचैन की कंप्यूटर ने ये गलती कैसे कर दी ..😳😳 पर बॉलीवुड में एक कहावत है.the show must go on.
अब तो संता सिंह और भी बैचैन हो गया.👳👳😳
संता सिंह : मैं अपना आखिरी लाइफ लाइन 📞 phone a friend का इस्तेमाल करूँगा ।
अमिताभ : आप किसको फ़ोन करना चाहेंगे ?
संता सिंह: मैं जया बच्चन जी को फोन करना करना चाहूँगा ।
अमिताभ बच्चन हैरान परेशान !!! खैर जया बच्चन को फ़ोन लगाया गया😥😥
संता सिंह : "जया जी अभिषेक बच्चन के पिता का क्या नाम है ?
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जया बच्चन ने पूछा आप्शन क्या क्या हैं ?" 😍😍
अमिताभ बच्चन बेहोश
😰😰😱😱😡😡😤😤?😫
Friday, July 31, 2015
Thursday, July 30, 2015
अगर मुन्नी को पाकिस्तान छोड़ने सलमान की बजाए ये लोग जाते तो.....
=================
• अगर केजरीवाल जाते तो अपने साथ 12 और लोगों को ले जाते,
8 कैमरामैन और 4 रिपोर्टर...और जब फ़ौज उन्हें रोकती तो वो वहीं बॉर्डर पर धरना देने बैठ जाते ।
• अगर मोदी जी जाते तो वो मुन्नी को अफगानिस्तान,ईरान व चीन घुमाते हुए पाकिस्तान पहुंचाते और मुन्नी वहाँ पहुँचते ही अपनी माँ से कहती - मितरों ! मैं आ गयी ।
• अगर राहुल गाँधी जाते तो मुन्नी कहती - मेरी ऊँगली पकड़ कर चलो, वरना खो जाओगे।
• अगर रोबर्ट वाड्रा जाते तो पाकिस्तान फिर से भारत का हिस्सा बन जाता।
• मुन्नी को पाकिस्तान छोड़ने अगर आलोकनाथ जाते तो मुन्नी का कन्यादान करके ही लौटते ।
• अगर कुमार विश्वास जाते तो वो उन्हें वापस छोड़ने के लिए एम्बुलेंस को आना पड़ता।
• अगर अल्ताफ राजा जाते तो बाद में अगले दिन पूरा पाकिस्तान उन्हें वापस भारत छोड़ने आता।
• अगर अर्नब गोस्वामी जाते तो आधे पाकिस्तानी बहरे व आधे पाकिस्तानी पागल हो जाते।
• अगर आशुतोष जाते तो उन्हें भारतीय दूतावास की बजाए वेस्ट-इंडीज दूतावास में ठहराया जाता
• अगर एन.डी.तिवारी जाते तो वहाँ भी 2-4 घर बसा के आ जाते।
और
• अगर अमित शाह जाते तो मुन्नी को छोड़ आते और बदले में हीना रब्बानी को ले आते
😆
Sunday, July 12, 2015
5 Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian Border.
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them,
"It's a illegala to putta 5 People in a Quattro."
"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" Asks the German driver.
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian Official.
"Quattro is just ze name of ze Automobile...." The German says unbelievingly,
"Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 Persons".
"You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian Customs Officer, "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking the Law."
The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"
"Sorry...." Responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
He'sa busy with 2 Passengers who arrived in a Fiat Uno."
Friday, July 10, 2015
😂😂😂
सरदार की माँ की तबीयत खराब हुई
Hospital ले गये
Dr ने कहा
2 Test होंगे
सरदार जोर-2 से रोने लगा
हे भगवान अब क्या होगा
मेरी माँ तो
अनपढ़ है 😜 😂😂😂
👌👌
Husband-तुम मेरी फिल्म मे काम करोगी
Wife-हा पर सीन क्या है
Husband-तुम्हे धीरे-धीरे पानी मे जाना होगा
Wife-ok फिल्म का नाम क्या है
Husband -गयी भैंस पानी मे😜😜
😜😜😂😂😂😂😂
बच्चा School का Admission Form भरते हुये .... पापा Mother Tongue मे Kya लिखु ?
पापा : लिख बेटा, Very Long & Out Of Control.
😝😝
Thursday, July 9, 2015
TV Anchor interviewing a Farmer:
Q: Aap Bakre ko kya khilate ho?
Farmer : Kaale ko ya Safaid ko?
Anchor: Safaid ko...
Farmer : Ghaas...
Anchor: Aur Kaale ko?
Farmer : Use bhi Ghaas hi khilata hu.....
Anchor: Inhe baandhte kidher ho?
Farmer : Kise Kaale ko ya Safaid ko?
Anchor: Safaid ko.....
Farmer : Bahar ke kamre mein
Anchor: Aur Kale ko?
Farmer : Use bhi bahar ke kamre mein......
Anchor: Aur nehlate kaise ho?
Farmer : Kise Kale ko ya Safaid ko?
Anchor: Kaale ko......
Farmer : Pani se
Anchor: Aur Safaid ko?
Farmer : Use bhi pani se.
Anchor Ghusse se:
Kamine, jab dono ke saath sub-kuchh ek jaisa karta hai toh mujhse baar baar kyu puchhta hai, "Kaala ya Safaid?"
Farmer : Kyu ke Safaid bakra mera hai.......
Anchor: Aur kala?:
Farmer : Woh bhi mera hi hai.......! 💣🔫🔪💉😆😆😆😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝
Monday, July 6, 2015
नर्क में एक जगह पर बहुत सारे लोग इकट्ठा बैठ कर
हंसी-मजाक कर रहे थे।
😄 😛 😜 😂 😝 😍
उनके शोरगुल से
यमराज डिस्टर्ब हो रहे थे 👹👺
जब काफी देर तक शोरगुल जारी रहा 🙌
तो यमराज ने चित्रगुप्त को बुलाया और बोले, 👺
"ये कौन लोग हैं जो नर्क में भी इतने मज़े कर रहे हैं..?
😒😒 " चित्रगुप्त मायूस होते हुए बोले,
"सर ये सब" punjabi" हैं,
ये कंही भी सेट हो जाते हैं..!!😜👌😂👌😜😃😃😃😃😃
नर्क में एक जगह पर बहुत सारे लोग इकट्ठा बैठ कर
हंसी-मजाक कर रहे थे।
😄 😛 😜 😂 😝 😍
उनके शोरगुल से
यमराज डिस्टर्ब हो रहे थे 👹👺
जब काफी देर तक शोरगुल जारी रहा 🙌
तो यमराज ने चित्रगुप्त को बुलाया और बोले, 👺
"ये कौन लोग हैं जो नर्क में भी इतने मज़े कर रहे हैं..?
😒😒 " चित्रगुप्त मायूस होते हुए बोले,
"सर ये सब" punjabi" हैं,
ये कंही भी सेट हो जाते हैं..!!😜👌😂👌😜😃😃😃😃😃
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Some great sexy sayings-😛☺
"U cannot taste me, until u
undress me?"😳
-Banana.🍌
"U cannot eat me unless u lick
me"😛
- Ice cream.🍧
"U can not play with me unless u
blow me"😗
- Balloon.🎈
"U can not enjoy me unless u
suck me"😰
- Lollypop.🍭😅
"U make me wet & put me in
your mouth everyday"😟
- Toothbrush.😬
And the most killer one😎
"U can not enjoy me unless u
spread me"😳
Butter 😁😜
😉.. Aisi Koi Chiz Batao Jisko Bajane Se Andar Se Bacche Nikalte Hai..?
Socho ..... Nhi Malum???
🌟
😡
😡
😡
😡
"School Ki Ghanti" :)
Soch Badalo Desh Badlega.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jab ladki sare kapde nikal deti hai to kya hota hai ???
..
💃👗
👙..
👡👢
👕💋
Almari khali ho jati hai..
Soch badlo, Desh badlega!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kehte hai aurat ke hath mein barkat hoti hai,
Sahi hai, Kyun ki..
2 inch ki chiz ko 7 inch ka kar de ti hai,
👐
🙌
👇
..
..
..
Im talking about....
Roti
Uffffhoooo Apni Soch badlo, Desh badlega..
Bechara Modi akele kya kya badlega.... 😝😝
Friday, July 3, 2015
🚗🚗🚗🚗
Papa laaye motor car..
Motor car motor car..
Uske niche pahiye chaar..
Pahiye chaar pahiye chaar..
Chaabi se wo chalti hai..
Po po po po karti hai..
Aage jaaye piche aaye..
Daaye baaye wo mud jaaye..
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Moral: kuch bhi daal do
log padhte zarur hai..
wo bhi tone main... 🎵🎵😂😝😜😄😄😜😝😂
Gusa aaraha he kya muje bhi aaya to mene to utar liya ub aapki bari...
Thursday, July 2, 2015
'Luck' and 'Fuck' are directly proportional to each other.
When 'Luck' favours, you can 'Fuck' the whole world;
But when 'Luck' fails, the whole world begins to 'Fuck' You!😝😜😛
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man
and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. I bought this hat just yesterday!"
😂😂😂😂
A TCS couple went to a Sex Therapist office at a BIG Corporate Hospital.
The doctor asked,"What can I do for you?"
The man said,"Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said,"There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,"and charged them Rs.1300.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.
Finally the doctor asked,"exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The man said, ."We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Oberoi charges Rs. 15000,
Taj charges Rs.14000 ,
Le Meridian charges Rs.12500.
We do it here for Rs.1300,
Punch line is yet to come..........
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I get that 1300 back from TCS MediClaim.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
😝😝😝😝😝😝😝
👦Boy : Tum ladki hoke daaru piti ho? 🍺🍷🍹🍸
👧Awesome reply by girl :
To kya 2-4 peg ke liye
gender change karwalu
😳😳😳
--------------------------------
Wife drinking Vodka,
asked
"Tum kaun ho?" 😮
Husband-
"Pagal ho gayi ho kya?
Apne husband ko bhool gayi? " 🚶
Wife: "Nasha 🍸
har gum bhula deta hai"
"Bhaisaab"..!!😜
😀😂😂😂
Teacher :
“Can you tell the name of 2 great Kings who have brought happiness & peace into people's lives ?”
Student :
“Smo-king & Drin-king ” !!!
Teacher Resigned !😂😂😇😇
Ghor Kalyug😰
Teacher: Who was Akbar ?
Boy: Akbar was Gay.
Teacher:- What, Are you mad ? Why did you say that?
Boy:- We have heard Laila - Majnu , Heer -Ranjha , Soni- Mahival ,Romeo-Juliet
But Only
Akbar - Birbal !
Teacher died😂😂😂
Teacher : Naade ko english me kya kehte hai...???
.
.
.
.
Santa : P.H.D.
.
.
Teacher : Kya....???
.
.
Santa : Pyjaama Holding Device..
.
.
Teacher behosh..!
🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺
This 1 is a killer 1 .....
Teacher : Beta batao britannia tiger biscuit pe jo green dot h uska matlab kya h.?
Pappu : Iska matlab ki tiger online hai.
😂😍
In a ladies KITTY PARTY MEETING :
The host asked a question !
When did u last say
I LOVE YOU to ur husbands ??
One said..today..
other said...2 days back.....
someone said...1 week back...
Host : " Now, all of u send I LOVE YOU ..
msg to ur husbands.
Who ever gets AWESOME reply will get a SURPRISE GIFT.!
Everyone started sent
I LOVE U
msg to their husbands.
After sometime, HUSBAND'S
replies are as below.....
Person 1 :
SWEETY.... Is ur health condition Ok??? 😝😝😝😝
Person 2 : Have You Not cooked Food Today Too?😊😊
Person 3 : Darling,
R u out of balance for the money given for home maintenance?
😅😅😅
Person 4 :
What's the matter??
Person 5 :
R u dreaming or am I?
😜😜😜
Person 6 : Did u like someone's Jewelry in the function u attended today?💍
Person 7 : I am already tensed in Office n now u r sending msgs like this...
do u have brain?
😝😜😛
Person 8 : How many times did I tell you not to watch those serials ?? 😛😛😛
Person 9 : Oho..did u have an accident again ....With My Car...? 😳😳😳😳😳
Person 10 :
Should I pick kids from school today also??
😀😀😀😀
Last - who won SURPRISE GIFT,
And msg is........
Person 11 :
who is dis ..sending msg frm my wife mobile???
😕😕😕😕😕😕
Dont laugh alone pass it on.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Monday, June 29, 2015
Wife: sunoji circus dekhne chale???
Husband : No......... I m busy
Wife : Usme ek ladki ne bina kapdon ke sher pe sawari ki hai. ...!!!!!
Husband : bahut ziddi ho gayi ho....Har baat zidd karke manvati ho....
Chalo bahut din hue sher nahin dekha....!!!!!😜😜😜
Iske Aage ki kahaani...
Husband & wife phir circus dekhne gaye. husband ne sabse aage wali seat ki ticket bhi le li... 😎
Lion show aaya aur chala gaya par bina kapadon ki ladki nahi aayi...Circus show khatam ho gaya...
Husband : Tumne toh kaha tha ki ek ladki bina kapdon ke aayegi?
Wife : Bina kapdo ke toh sher kaha tha, ladki nahi........
I swear you will read it again 😜😂😝😆😂
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Must read... 😂😂
Barack Obama was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
'Hello, Mr. Obama!' an heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!'
'Well, Gurmukh,' Obama replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight.'
Obama paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
'Mr. Obama, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment.'
'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh?' Obama asked.
'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'
Obama sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'
'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
'Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne.... .. We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur area have joined us as well!'
Obama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'
'Tera bhala hove....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
'Kiddan, Mr.Obama! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'
'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Obama. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!!
NOW, THAT'S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE!! 😝😝😝😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Punjabi poetry is also good. ..check this one
.
. Fine Punjabi poetry series....
Once there was a Crow,
Chandigarh vich baitha C oh,
Usne peg laye C doh,
O Talli gya C ho,
Ik Chiri rahi C Ro,
Crow ne ched diti oh,
Utto aa gya Chiri Da Peo ,
Chiri de pyo ne fir kuttya Crow,
Crow Sharminda gya C ho,
Hun Chiri nu Bhain kehnda oh
😂😂😂
लड़को को बड़े बाल रखकर एक्टिवा नहीं चलानी चाहिए
आज जब
5 किलोमीटर पीछा करने के बाद पता चला कि वो लौंडा है तो मानवता से भरोसा ही उठ गया
Mrs. Das divorced Mr Das.
Now she's binDas.
😂😂😝
एक आदमी की बाईक पंक्चर हो गयी किसी तरह वो उसको लेकर पास के एक सर्विस स्टेशन में पहुँचा। वहाँ जाकर पंक्चर लगाने वाले लड़के से बोला, "बाईक घसीट घसीट के गांड फट गयी।"
लड़के ने कन्फ्यूज़ होकर पूछा, "तो फिर पहले पंक्चर कहाँ लगाऊं, गांड पे या बाईक में?"
Friday, June 19, 2015
SINGAPORE AIRLINES
Mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from Singapore to New York. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes???? 'The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the pretty flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?' The flight attendant responded, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me that?' The little boy admitted that she did. “Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you.!!!”😝😜😂
A British guy walks into a bar in Central London and before he could order his drink, he notices an Indian man wearing a Gandhi Topi.
Having a personal grudge against Indians, the British guy says loudly to the bartender to the advantage of everyone seated in the bar, "Drinks for everyone in here, except for the Indian over there."
The first round of drinks were served, and the Indian gives him a smile, gestures to him saying, "Thank you!" in a loud voice.
The British guy is upset and again orders loudly to the bartender to serve another round of drinks to everyone except the Indian.
The Indian seems to be unruffled and he continues to smile, and yells back, "Thank you Sir!"
The British guy is mad by now and asks the bartender, "What's wrong with this Indian ? I've insulted him by ordering drinks for everyone but him, and yet he smiles back and keeps thanking me. Has he lost his mind?"
"No, Sir," replies the bartender. "He is the owner of this place."
ठोको ताली ! 😉😜😝😝😝
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
😜
पत्नी रसोईघर में मैगी नूडल्स
बना रही थी....🍜
पत्नी पति से - सुनते हो क्या तुम
मुझे अभी चोदोगे क्या??
पति बहुत खुश हुआ और फटाफट
चोदने लगा ।
चोदने के बाद पति ने आश्चर्यचकित
होकर पूछा ।
पति -तुमने अचानक मुझे सेक्स के लिए क्यों बुलाया ?
पत्नी - मेरी घड़ी खराब थी कहीं
नूडल्स जल नहीं जाय और मुझे
पता है कि तुम 2 मिनट से ज्यादा
नहीं चोद सकते हो!!
Very sarcastic !!
Sunday, March 15, 2015
लेडी केमिस्ट से : भैया दो तरह की गोली देना, एक तो 2 महीने तक प्रेग्नेन्सी ना हो और एक 2 महीने तक बिल्कुल खड़ा ना हो. .?
केमिस्ट ने हैरानी से पूछा: ऐसा क्यों?
लेडी : बच्चो की स्कूल की छुट्टियाँ है2 महीने के लिए मायके जा रही हूँ .
😝😝😝😜😜😜
Solid Insult😛😛😄😎😎
एक बच्चा पार्क मे बेंच पे बैठा था और 1 के बाद 1 चोकलेट खा रहा था.
पास बेठी 1 आन्टी बोली : ज्यादा मीठा खानेवाले जल्दी मर जाते है.
बच्चा: आपको मालूम है मेरी दादी की उम्र 106 साल थी जब वो मरी थी.
आन्टी: वो मीठा कम खाती होंगी.
बच्चा: नहीं...!!! वो अपने काम से काम रखती थी....!!!
😎😎😛👊😎😎😛
ROCKING GENERATION...
पंजाबी बड़ी मजेदार भाषा है
- एक छोटे से नंगे बच्चे को देख के संता पूछता है -
ओये अज्ज कच्छी नी पायी तेरी माँ ने
😀😀😀😀
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
Friday, March 13, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
Sunday, March 8, 2015
पिता : ओ बेवकूफ़।
मैंने तुमको गीता दी थी पढ़ने के लिए क्या तुमने गीता पढ़ी ? कुछ। दिमाग मे घुसा।
पुत्र : हाँ पिताजी पढ़ ली।
और
अब
आप
।
मरने के लिए तैयार हो जाओ ( कनपटी पर तमंचा🔫रख देता है ) ।
पिता : बेटा ये क्या कर रहे हो ? मैं तुम्हारा बाप हूँ ।
पुत्र: पिताजी , ना कोई किसी का बाप है और ना कोई किसी का बेटा । ऐसा गीता में लिखा है ।
पिता : बेटा मैं मर जाऊंगा ।
पुत्र : पिताजी शरीर मरता है ।
आत्मा कभी नही मरती!
आत्मा अजर है, अमर है ।
पिता : बेटा मजाक मत करो गोली चल जाएगी और मुझको दर्द से तड़पाकर मार देगी ।
पुत्र : क्यों व्यर्थ चिंता करते हो ? किससे तुम डरते हो ।
गीता में लिखा है-
नैनं छिन्दन्ति शस्त्राणि,
नैनं दहति पावकः
आत्मा को ना पानी भिगो सकता है और ना ही तलवार काट सकती, ना ही आग जला सकती ।
किसलिए डरते हो तुम ।
पिता : बेटा! अपने भाई बहनों के बारे में तो सोच, अपनी माता के बारे में भी सोच ।
पुत्र : इस दुनिया में कोई
किसी का नही होता ।
संसार के सारे रिश्ते स्वार्थों पर टिके है ।
ये भी गीता में ही लिखा है ।
पिता : बेटा मुझको मारने से तुझे क्या मिलेगा ?
बेटा : अगर इस धर्मयुद्ध में आप मारे गए तो आपको स्वर्ग प्राप्ति होगी ।
मुझको आपकी संपत्ति प्राप्त
होगी ।
पिता : बेटा ऐसा जुर्म मत कर ।
पुत्र : पिताजी आप चिंता ना करें।
जिस प्रकार आत्मा पुराने जर्जर शरीर को त्यागकर नया शरीर धारण करती है, उसी प्रकार आप भी पुराने जर्जर शरीर को त्यागकर नया शरीर धारण करने की तयारी करें ।
अलविदा ।
Moral-
कलयुग की औलादों को सतयुग, त्रेतायुग या द्वापर युग की शिक्षा नहीं दे.
😀😀😀😀😀 बिलकुल नया है चिपका डालो 😎
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Hahaha
BAAP: Me Tumhari Shadi Apni Mrji Se Kronga....
BETA: No
BAAP: Larki Ambani Ki Beti Hai
BETA: Phr Thik Hai
Baap Ambani K pPas Gaya
BAAP: Mein Tumhari Beti Ko Bahu Bnana Chahta Hun.
Ambani : No
BAAP: Mera Beta World Bank Ka CEO Hai...
Ambani: Phir Thik Hai.
Baap World Bank K President K Pass Jata Hai.
BAAP: Mere Bete Ko Bank Ka CEO Bna Do...
Presidnt: No
BAAP: Wo Ambani ka Damad Hai.
Presidnt: Phir Thik Hai.
YE HAI SIYASAT Nokri B Mili Or Chokri Bhi 😆 Hanso Mat Market Me New AaYa Hai...
😎
👈 🎽 👉
\ - \
👢👢
Group Kisika Bhi Ho Par Dhamaka Hamara Hi Hoga 💣💣🔪🔪🔫🔫
Husband walking behind his Wife says,
"Baby u become so fat...ur bums look lyk a washing machine!!'' 😁😁
The wife keeps quiet and keeps walking...😕
At night the husband asks for sex..😎
Wife, Sory Darling..I cant start d washing machine for such a small load !!
Why don't you do a hand wash!!!!! 😜😜💃💃💃💃
👉👊👉👊👉👊💦💦😂😂
Friday, February 27, 2015
Try to answer this if u are a real cricket buff........... using minimum number of clues...!
Clue no: 1 - In a Historic match between India and England , he served as the captain of the team.....
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Clue no: 2 - He was the Opening bowler in that match......
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Clue no: 3 - He was also the Opening batsman in that match....
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Clue no: 4 - He is the one who bowled the last ball of the
innings....
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Clue no: 5 - He was the one, who faced the last ball of the
innings....
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Still u didn't get it...... ooops.....
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Clue no: 6 - He took the last wicket of the innings......
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Clue no: 7 - He was named the man of the match in that particular game....
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Okay atleast after this easy one
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Clue no: 8 - He won the match for his team by hitting a sixer off the
last ball........ Who is HE???
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. Clue no: 9 - He was the captain in his debut match
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Not yet??!!!
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Okay Let us see the answer....
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It is..........
Aamir Khan in Lagaan
I am still searching for the guy who sent me this...
🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃
👹👹👹👹👹👹
😡😡😡😡😡😡
🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪
Thursday, February 26, 2015
✨✨🅰✨✨
Very Touching story:
"Husband forgot to wish his Wife on her birthday. He came home late at night from the office .....
His wife said: How would u feel if u dont see me for next few days?
He couldnt believe his luck. He replied at once.'' Wowww.....That would be great..!''
Monday passed & he didn't see her. 😌
Tuesday he didnt see her😔
& wednesday passed too
. 😞
On Thursday the swelling was better & he could see her from the corner of his left eye... 😜
Monday, February 23, 2015
एक लडका अपनी गर्ल फ्रेंड को लेकर एक
ज्वेलरी शोप मे गया..
लडका " एक अच्छी सी रिंग दिखाइये...!!
मेरी गर्ल फ्रेंड के लिये
दुकानदार " ये लीजिये सर...!! ये सभी पच्चीस
हजार से पचास हजार के बीच मे आयेंगी...."
लडका " अरे नहीं...!! मुझे कुछ खास
वाली दिखाओ..."
दुकानदार " ये लीजिये सर..!! ये सभी दो लाख से
चार लाख के बीच मे है..."
लडका " ये वाली मुझे पसन्द है...ये कितने
की है...?? "
दुकानदार " ये चार लाख की है...सर. "
लडका " डार्लिंग..!! क्या तुम्हे ये पसन्द है...?? "
लडकी " ओ...!! ये तो बहुत ही खूबसूरत है..."
लडका " ठीक है सर ये लीजिये..आपका चार
लाख का चैक..और रिंग पैक कर दीजिये..."
दुकानदार " सर चैक के केस मै हम
आपको डेलीवरी..सोमवार को ही दे पायेंगे..चैक
के पास होने के बाद..."
लडका " ठीक है..आप चैक राखी लीजिये..!! मै
रिंग सोमवार को आकर ले जाऊंगा..."
दुकानदार " ठीक है..सर. आप सोमवार को आ
जाइये.."
अगले सोमवार को...
दुकानदार " ये लीजिये आपका चैक..और सौ रुपये
चैक बाउंस के चार्ज दीजिये..."
लडका " ये लीजिये...सौ रुपये.
और सौ रुपयो मे इतनी मस्त गांड दिलाने के लिये शुक्रिय।
😜😜😜😄😄😂😂😂
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Friday, January 23, 2015
Why are breasts located in the upper half of a woman's body?
A: Because, milk should be kept away from the pussy
DEFINITION OF BLOWJOB
A blowjob is the only job in the world that can't be included in your
resume despite years of experience and a number of references!
BALLS THEORY
If you have two balls between your legs it means u r man.
If you have four, it does not mean that u r superman.
U must've guessed by now that someone's taking your ass
EXPLANATION
Bio teacher: Girls, the size of a penis should be 6 inches for
successful penetration.
Girl: Ma'am, how about 9 inches?
Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury.
VIAGARA
All medicines have Side effects, only VIAGARA has Front effect.
BURNING LOVE
Q: What is the definition of "burning love"?
A: It's when at night you reach out for the Vaseline gel and pick up Vicks by mistake.
SHOCK
Q: What is the height of shock?
A: When you are having sex with a pregnant woman & suddenly a hand grabs your dick from inside!
Monday, January 19, 2015
Sunday, January 18, 2015
एक सास ने अपनी बहुओं को हड़काते हुए कहा-
अरी करमजलीओ, इस मुए केजरीवाल से कुछ सीख लो. ..
है तो अभागा..
.पर जब भी घर से बाहर निकलता है सिर ढक कर निकलता है.....
-//--//---/----
Biwi ko subeh uthaane ke alag alag andaaz! Hindu: jaanu priya Utho Swera Ho gaya. Muslim: Beghum Utho Chand Dhal Gaya hai. Christian: Darling Get Up Its Dawn. But Punjabi: Utho Soniyo Tatti Shatti Nai Karni raat de padd maar maar nakk saad ditte je..!!
Thursday, January 15, 2015
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