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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Classics

Last night, I went to a party hosted by my "Gujarati" friend Jignesh Patel.....

On arrival, he greeted me with his pretty wife and said "LICK HER IN THE FRONT & POKE HER AT THE BACK." 

I was scandalized. Then  his wife explained, "Arrey bhai, He Means LIQUOR IS IN THE FRONT & POKER IS IN THE BACK". 

Ufffff.....I was about to poke her...

๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜„
Absolute Classic!!!
๐Ÿ˜จ
An inspirational speaker said: 
“The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife.”  

Audience were in shock and silence. 

He added: “She was my mother” 

A big round of applause & laughter followed! 
.
.
.
A very daring husband tried to crack this at home. 

After  dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen: 

“The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife” 

Standing for a moment, he tried to recall the second line of that inspirational speaker. 

By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water!

Moral: 
DON'T COPY..
IF U CAN'T PASTE...!!!

๐Ÿ˜Ÿ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜จ
Lol๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘‰This is the best 1 from Santa ...

Teacher: Complete the sentence.
"Early to bed and early to rise..."


Santa: "This Man has no interest in his wife."๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜›

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Father of all non veg:
A family was at the dinner table. Son asked his father---' Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there??

Surprised father  answered--
'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:? In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.?
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.?
After 50, they are like onions'.?

Son--'Onions?'?'
Father---Yes, you see them and they make you cry.๐Ÿ˜ญ'?

This made his wife and daughter mad๐Ÿ˜ก. 
So d daughter said--Mom, how many kinds of 'penises' are there??

The mother smiled and answered-- 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.?In his 20's, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard? In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch๐ŸŒด, flexible but reliable.?
After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'?

Daughter-A Christmas tree? 
Mom-'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚
Merry Xmas in advance

Monday, December 16, 2013

Golf

announcement
for army Golf Tournament, which said:
"Players will bring their own balls; however,
GOC's Balls will be carried by CO Engr Regt...
(OIC Golf Course !!! )
On another occasion, it was
"Since the GOC always comes without his balls,
CO Engrs is requested to hand over his VIP balls
to him. CO Engrs can play with the existing balls
in the Regt, if reqd"
๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Punjabi rocks

Ek newly married couple ne paper me ad diya:"Ladka paida karne ka tarika batao?"
Bengal se letter aya..Biwi ko Fish do.
Kerala se letter aya.. Idli do..
Himachal se letter aya.. Apple do.
Gujarat se letter aya.. Dhokla do.
Maharashtra se letter aaya.. wada pao do..
Punjab se letter aya.. Sanu "SEWA DA MAUKA"do๐Ÿ˜‰ Punjabiz Rock...๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ‘ฏ

2014 Mubarak

Next yr is sexy yr.
Ek ek ko choda 1/1/14
Ek saath choda1/7/14
Sath me choda. 7may14
Do bara choda 2/12/14.
Enjoy next yr.
Happy Coming sexy year..


-//--///-----


1 ladki pull k uper se chalang lagane hi wali
thi ki...
1 bike wala uske paas aa kar ruka
aur bola k agar tum sucide karne ja hi rhi ho
to ek baar mujhe 1 lambi kiss de jao..
wo ladki tayar ho gayi phir itni lambi aur gehri
kiss di usney ladke ko k wesi kiss ladke ne
pahley kabi nhi li kisi se..
phir usne ladki se sucide karne ki wajah puchi
to ladki ne kaha:"
.
.
.
Mere ghar walo ko pasand nahi k mai
ladki ban kar ghumu
.
.
Mera naam Bablu hai..
Ladka Behosh...๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ต,
bablu madhosh๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹

Market me naya he jaldi jaldi forword karo๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿ™€๐Ÿ™€

Smart Sard

A Sardarji comes up to Pakistan border on his bike.
He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says,
"What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says,
"We'll just see about that.
Get off the bike."

Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains the Sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

Iqbal releases the Sardarji,
puts the sand into new bags,
hefts them onto the Sardarji's shoulders,
and lets him cross the border.

A week later,
the same thing happens.
Iqbal asks,
"What have you got?"
"Sand," says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to the Sardar,
and crosses the border on his bike.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

"Hey, Buddy," says Iqbal, 
"I know you are smuggling something.
It's driving me crazy.
It's all I think about...
I can't sleep.
Just between you and me,
what are you smuggling?"

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says,
"BIKES...."
๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜
Sardars are brilliant.
Don't underestimate them.

Gk

.
๐Ÿ˜Ž Life mein๐Ÿ˜Ž 2 bate hamesha yaad
rakhna
1. Hawa chalti he to patte hilte hai.
2. Nahi chalti, to nahi hilte.
bas yaar Thanks mat bolna, Jab tak
knowledge hai, dete rahenge........

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Election result

4 rajyon me public ne congress ki khul ke mari... Natija? 
Supreme court ka Gand marne pe pratibandh......

Friday, December 13, 2013

Do not take life seriously

Superb Speech by Chetan Bhagat at Symbiosis.... .   Don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life.   Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.  There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup.  There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.   Don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here.   We are like a prepaid card with limited validity.   If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends.   Do we really need to get so worked up? …It's OK,   Bunk few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, take leave from work, fall in love, little fight with ur spouse...   We are people, not programmed devices..!   
"Don't be serious, enjoy Life"๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š....
Life is awesum...!!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Question - What Is Difference Between A BOOT (Shoes) & CHOOT.? 
Zabardast Answer -
BOOT Accepts Only ONE Size, Whereas CHOOT Accepts ALL Sizes.. ๐Ÿ˜œ
๐Ÿ”ด๐Ÿ”ด๐Ÿ”ด

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

ek wife ko shadi k bahut salo baad pta lga k uska husband CHHAKKA h aur usko Plastic k Lund se chodta tha....wife- tumne itni bdi baat mujhse chhupai, tumne meri zindgi barbaad kr di.....
husband- baat ko aagey na badhao, maine itne salo me kbi puchha k BUNTY & BABBLI Plastic k Lund se kaise paida ho gye? ๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Aaj kal ke bachho ki haramipanti :

MADAM : shor mat karo nahi to khadda kar dungi..

Bachhe:
pehele mera..
pehele mera..
pehele mera..

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

GIRLS put makeup, lots of creams , sexy perfumes & they make the best hairstyle EVER.
.
.
Finally guys look at them and say:
.
.
BHENCHOD GAAND DEKH SAALI KI .... :p !

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Boy: Tu kitne baje uthti hai?

Girl: Apna koi time nahi hai. Jab dil kare so jaati hoon, aur jab dil kare uth jaati hoon

Boy: Naughty! Tu bilkul mere LODE pe gayi hai.. :D

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Customer- bhai saheb dettol sabun hai?

Dukandaar (lauda khujlate huye)- haan hai.

Customer- to behen k lode, us se haath dho ke 1 kilo cheeni dede.

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

TATA ko ab pata chala ki
NANO CAR Me 2 Problems hai..
1. Pregnant Woman andar nahi aa sakti.
And
2. Car ke andar Normal Woman Pregnant nahi ho sakti..! ;)
❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Girl (During  sex): Nahi ye galat hai
Boy: But I Luv U
G: Fir b galat hai
B: Hum shaadi kar lenge
G: abe chutiye jahan daal raha hai, wo jagah galat hai..๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜›

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Madam Ne English Period Mein Munni Se Puchha,
Madam: 'Translate This Sentence In Hindi - Pappu Gives Me 14 And 15 Rupees'
Munni Sharmate Hue: 'Mam, Pappu Ne Mujhe Choda Aur Pandra Rupaye Diye'

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Jale hue boobs lekar Sardarni hospital me admit hui
Dr: kaise jal gaye
Sardarni: KAMINE
Tune hi to kaha tha
Bacche ko dudh pilane se pehle
NIPPAL UBAL lena!

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Petrol Ke Badte Rate Ko Dekhte Hue Ek News Channel Walo Ne Report Di:
Aaj Ke Bad Petrol Pump Par Adult Movies Chala Karengi
Taki Aap Petrol Bharvate Hue Usi Time Pe Kisi Aur Ko Bhi Chudte Dekh Sako ......

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Nawab Saab Kothe pe Gaye,
Dalte Hi Leak Ho Gaya.
Tawayaf Adab Se Boli-
Huzur Ne Q Taklif Uthai.??
Chammach Me Nikal K
Bhijwa Diya Hota,
Hum Izzat Se Andar Daal Lete....๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿ˜ณ

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌
Thought of the day
....................................
เคคเคฐเค•्เค•ी  เค•ी เคฐाเคน เคฎे 
เคฐोเคกे เค†เค เคฏा เคจा เค†เค, 



เคญैเคจ เค•े เคฒोเคกे เคœเคฐूเคฐ เค†เคคे เคนै!!
Did You Know?

1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes.

2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there's a 50% chance you'll die within the next 3 years

3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There's a 9% chance that you'll meet one of them in your lifetime.

4. Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.

 5. A person’s height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother.

6. If a part of your body "falls asleep",
you can almost always "wake it up" by shaking your head.

7. There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing - Food, attractive people and danger

8. Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side

9. Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odour.

10. According to Albert Einstein, if honey bees were to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within 4 years.

11. There are so many kind of apples, that if you ate a new one everyday, it would take over 20 years to try them all.

12. You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping.

13. People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don’t.

14. Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people as smoking.

15. A human brain has a capacity to store 5 times as much information as Wikipedia

16. Our brain uses same amount power as 10-watt light bulb!!

17. Our body gives enough heat in 30 mins to boil 1.5 litres of water!!

18. The Ovum egg is the largest cell and the sperm is the smallest cell !!

19. Stomach acid (conc. HCl) is strong enough to dissolve razor blades!!

20. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

21. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

22. When you wake up in the morning, Pray to ask God's guidance for your purpose, today.

23. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

24. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, and almonds.

25. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

26. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

27. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

28. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

29. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything !

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

31. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

32. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

33. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

34. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

35. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

36. Help the needy,Be generous ! Be a 'Giver' not a 'Taker'

37. What other people think of you is none of your business.

38. Time heals everything.

39. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

40. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. Each night before you go to bed ,Pray to God and Be thankful for what you'll accomplish, today !

43. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.


 -3((;/-;!

๐ŸญWife: Wht r u doing?
๐ŸนHusband: Killing mosquitoes?
๐ŸญWife: How many did u kill?
๐ŸนHusband: Total 5. Two females, 3 males.
๐ŸญWife: How do u know their genders?
๐ŸนHusband: 2 were near mirror and 3 near beer๐Ÿบ
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜œ
๐Ÿœ๐Ÿž๐Ÿ๐Ÿ›๐ŸŒ

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Sunny leone

Sanjay Leela Bhansali was explaining a
romantic scene about his New film: "Real
Love is, when 2 people are so close that they
see the world together in one direction..."
Sunny Leone : .. Sorry to interrupt you
Sanjay Jee, but if I'm not wrong, U are
explaining the Doggy Style.. Right ?

Monday, December 9, 2013

Election special

Today only election jokes
------------------------------
(Chattisgarh, MP, RJ, Delhi) Congress    on sale @ OLX...

after defeat...

Sonia says.. bech de.....๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜œ
------------------------------
Congress has won 8 seats in delhi. Now, they can fit in innova to go to assembly. They are called innova party ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜œ
------------------------------
Again its proved delhi is not safe for women..

see what happened to sheela dixit!!๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
RAHUL GANDHI: 
"Mom..! Ab Kya Baaki Reh Gaya Hai, TV Ka Remote Mujhe Do 'Chotta Bheem' Dekhna Hai.." ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
2013 Delhi election results: 

BAAP : 32
AAP : 28
PAAP : 8 ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
Rahul Gandhi's latest Blunder...

He was heard saying...

It was due to Whats App... Application which inclined Voters to Vote AAP...๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
Tota udd....
Maina udd....
Chidiya udd....
Kabutar udd.....

Aur congress ...furrrrrrrrrr...๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
Shiela dixit messaged kejriwal in morning today- 
"karwate badalte rahe saari raat hum...AAP ki kasam...๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
"Hey Sheila, wanna hear a joke?"๐Ÿ˜‹

"Yes"๐Ÿ’

"Delhi"๐Ÿ˜œ

"I didn't get it"๐Ÿ˜ณ

"Exactly" ๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
Kejriwal is now known as "Shilajit"๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
Sheila Dixit singing: 

AAP jaisa koi meri zindagi mein aaye,

Toh VAAT lag jaaye
Oho VAAT lag jaaye!!" ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
All Indians have gifted Soniya Gandhi with outstanding defeat  of Congress in all the 4 states on her birthday 9th dec'2013. ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
Congress ne banaya public ko 10 saal se ullu isilye iss bar une mila baba ji ka thullu ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚
------------------------------
Tring Tring.

Sheila: Hello? 
Rahul: What is the reason for your defeat?

Sheila: Sirji, AAP  ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿ‘‹
------------------------------

Sunday, December 8, 2013

"เคชाเคชा เคฎैं เค•ैเคธे เคชैเคฆा เคนुเค†"?
เคชाเคชा - เคฌेเคŸा เคฎैं เค”เคฐ เคคेเคฐी เคฎเคฎ्เคฎी เคชเคนเคฒी เคฌाเคฐ Yahoo Chat Room เคฎें
เคฎिเคฒे เคฅे। เคซिเคฐ เคนเคฎเคจे เคเค• Cyber Cafe เคฎें เคชเคนเคฒी เคฎुเคฒाเค•ाเคค เคฅी।
เคคुเคฎ्เคนाเคฐी เคฎเคฎ्เคฎी เค•ा Software เคฆेเค–เค•เคฐ เคฎेเคฐा Hardware เค–เคก़ा เคนो เค—เคฏा।
เคซिเคฐ เคนเคฎ เคเค• เค•เคฎเคฐे เคฎें เค˜ुเคธ เค—เค เค•्เคฏोंเค•ि เคนเคฎाเคฐा CPU เค—เคฐ्เคฎ เคนो เค—เคฏा เคฅा।
เคคुเคฎ्เคนाเคฐी เคฎเคฎ्เคฎी เคฎेเคฐे Pen Drive เคธे Download เค•เคฐเคตाเคจे
เค•ो เคฐाเคœ़ी เคนो เค—เคˆ। เคฒेเค•िเคจ เคœैเคธे เคนी เคฎैं Upload เค•เคฐเคจे เคฒเค—ा, เคฎुเคे เค…เคนเคธाเคธ
เคนुเค† เค•ि เคนเคฎ เคฒोเค—ों เคจे เคจ เคคो Anti-Virus เค•ा เค‡เคธ्เคคेเคฎाเคฒ เค•िเคฏा เคนै เค”เคฐ เคจ
เคนी Firewall เค•ा। เค…เคฌ เคคो เค‡เคคเคจी เคฆेเคฐ เคนो เคšुเค•ी เคฅी เค•ि Delete
เคฏा Escape Button เค•ा เค‡เคธ्เคคेเคฎाเคฒ เค•เคฐเคจा เคญी เคฎुเคฎเค•िเคจ เคจเคนीं เคฅा।
เค›ः เคนเคซ़्เคคों เคฌाเคฆ เคคुเคฎ्เคนाเคฐी เคฎเคฎ्เคฎी เคจे เคฎुเคे Internet เคชเคฐ Chat เค•เคฐเค•े
เคฌเคคाเคฏा เค•ि เค‰เคธเค•ा Operating System เค•िเคธी Self-Extracting
File เค•े เคšเคฒเคคे Unauthorized Program Activity เคฆिเค–ा เคฐเคนा เคฅा,
เคœिเคธเคธे เค‰เคธเค•ा System Slow เคนो เค—เคฏा เคฅा। เคตเคน Self-Extracting
File เคคुเคฎ्เคนाเคฐी เคฎเคฎ्เคฎी เค•े BIOS เคฎें Load เคฅी।
เคจौ เคฎเคนीเคจे เคฌाเคฆ เคเค• Pop-Up เคฆिเค–ाเคˆ เคฆिเคฏा, เคœिเคธเคฎें เคฒिเค–ा เคฅा, You've
Got Mail (Male)!!!๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Friday, December 6, 2013

Molvi

Molvi: Viagra hy Ap k pas? Mujhe kisi ko deni hy.
.
Dukndar: Kamal hy Molvi sahb!
Log Viagra kha k kisi ki lete hen
Aur
Aap ne kisi ko deni hy..:

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Accident ho gaya

Police: Jis scooty ne tainu takkar mari usda rang aur number ki c ??
Sardar: Mainu yaad nahi per jo chala rahi c ohdi shirt de 2 button khule c,
Laal color di bra paayi c,
Momme shayad 36 size de c, Gale da locket left momme nu touch kar reya c, Right momme te til c... Peechon panty dikhdi payi c..flowers wali pink rang Di c, bund Bilkul doodh vargi safed c,Baaki Bhenchod mera dhyan tan driving te c !!!

Sardar Hi Sardar:

      
      
 2 Sardars bank lootne gaye,
 Par gun bhool gaye…
Phir bhi bank loot liya
 Kaise???
Bank Manager bhi sardar tha. Bola
“I trust you, gun kal dikha dena”
 =================

Santa ko koi mobile pe tangh karta tha
Santa ne new sim card kharid kar tang karnewalle ko sms kiya
“Mene woh sim band kar diya hai, ab tu toh kya tera baap bhi mujhe tangh nahin kar sakta!"
-------------------------------------------------                                Santa: Is mirror ki kya guarantee hai:
Shopkeeper: Aap isse 100 floor se niche girao, ye mirror 99 floor tak nahin tutega
Sardar: Wah!! Pack it..
=====================

Sardarni: Lo, light chale gayee
Sardar: Light chali gayee toh kya, fan chalu kar
Sardarni: Lo, kee na wahi sardaron-waali baat,
Agar fan chalu kiya toh mombatti bhuj nahin jayegi?
 =====================

Postman :- Oye Paapey ! Pata hai muje yeh packet deliver karne k liye 5 meel chalna pada.
Sardarji :- Kyun? Aap courier kar dete........
 =================


NASA ne 3 sardaron ko chand pe bheja.
Rocket uda magar aadhe raaste se vaapas aaya.
Unko kaaran pucha gaya toh boley: Aaj amaaswas hai, chand to nahi hoga.๐Ÿ˜†
====================

Banta was in the bathroom for a long time. His wife shouted: "Did you find the shampoo?" 
he answered, "Yes,i but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine. So now I am waiting for my hair to dry before I can use it!"..Bolo Ta ra ra ra ๐Ÿ˜‚

Tension tension

What is tension?.............๐Ÿ˜ฐ
1 sundar ladki ne. aapse lift mangi...
Raste me uski tabiyat kharab ho gayi...
aap use hospital le gaye....
Doctor bola :-
'Mubarak ho aap baap banne wale he'..
Lo ho gayi tension............๐Ÿ˜ณ
Aap bole me iska  Baap nahi hu,
Ladki boli yahi iska baap he.
Aur tension!....................๐Ÿ˜
Police aayi aur apka medical check up hua.......
Report aaya K aap to kabhi baap ban hi nahi sakte....
Saala aurr tension!..........๐Ÿ˜ฒ
Aapne Thank god kaha aur bahar aa gaye....
Fir yaad aaya ghar me do bacche he wo kiske he?
REAL TENSION................๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Horse

A lady touchd the Horse's Penis.
Horse gt Excited, Jumped & Ran away Very Fast.

Ghode Wala:- Bhabhi ji, Ab Hamara bhi Pakdo, 
Humko Ghoda pakadna hai.
๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต

Boyfriend

Husband-"tera viyah to pehla koi boyfriend c?"
Wife khamosh rehndi hai....
Husband-"Main is khamoshi nu ki samjha?"
Wife:- "moya sabar rakh..
ginn ta len de.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Bechara aadmi

Ek aadmi pepsi saamne rakh ke udaas betha tha.

Dost aaya pepsi pee kar bola: kyoon udaas hai?

Aadmi: Aaj to din hi kharaab hai, Subah biwi se jhagda ho gaya, Raste mein car kharaab, Office late, Boss ne nokri se nikal diya, Ab suicide ke liye pepsi mein zeher milaaya tha. Wo bhi tu pi gaya.. :D

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Tehelka

HERE IS FULL LETTER
Nishita Jha's letter to colleagues on sexual abuse by Tarun Tejpal..... : 


On the night of 7 th November 2013, the opening night of Tehelka’s Think festival, I had discharged my duties for the day as the chaperone for Mr Robert De Niro. As it was Mr De Niro and his daughter’s first night in Goa and at the festival, my editor in chief MrTarunTejpal accompanied Mr De Niro, Drena De Niro (his daughter) and I to Mr De Niro’s suite to wish him goodnight. (As his chaperone, my work was to be available all day to Mr De Niro and Drena, take them sightseeing, make sure they were well looked after in Goa and at the Hyatt – until they retired to their suite at night. )

As we left the suite, MrTejpal and I were in conversation — I have known him since I was a child, he had worked closely with my father who was also a journalist, and after my father’s accident MrTejpal had always been a paternal figure to me. He was responsible for offering me my first job, and was always just a phone call away whenever I needed his advice on a story or life. His daughter, TiyaTejpal and I are very close friends as well.
As we made our way out of the elevator of Block 7 at the Grand Hyatt, MrTejpal held my arm and pulled me back into the lift. He said – “Let’s go wake up Bob” (Mr De Niro) and I asked him why he wanted to do that. I then realized that MrTejpal was simply pressing buttons on the lift’s panel to make the elevator stay in circuit, preventing it from stopping anywhere, and for the doors to open.
At this point, he began to kiss me — from the first moment of his doing so, I asked him to stop, citing several reasons, including my friendship to Tiya, my closeness to his family, the fact that he had known me since I was a child, the fact that I worked for Tehelka and for ShomaChaudhury – who is my managing editor and mentor. It was like talking to a deaf person. MrTejpal lifted my dress up, went down on his knees and pulled my underwear down. He attempted to perform oral sex on me as I continued to struggle and hysterically asked him to stop. At that moment he began to try and penetrate me with his fingers, I became scared and pushed him hard and asked him to stop the lift. He would not listen. The lift stopped on the ground floor as MrTejpal’s hands were on me and could not press the button for yet another floor to keep it in circuit. As soon as the doors opened, I picked up my underwear and began walking out of the elevator rapidly - he was still following me, asking me what the matter was.
I said “It’s all wrong. I work for you and Shoma.” He said first “It’s alright to be in love with more than one person,” and then he said, “Well, this is the easiest way for you to keep your job.” I was walking still faster, blinking back tears.
By this time, we had made our way from Block 7 to the main lawns of the Grand Hyatt, where I walked into the grassy dinner area full of people and MrTejpal walked off towards the performance area. Right as soon as he was out of sight, I took a taxi back to my hotel – the International Centre for Goa, where the Tehelka staff was staying, and went to the room where the Literary Editor ShougatDasgupta and the Photo Editor IshanTankha were staying. I also called another friend and colleague – investigative reporter G Vishnu to the room and told them what had occurred. While the four of us were talking in the balcony, MrTejpal sent me a text message from his personal phone number at1.17 am, which said “The fingertips”. This was the extent he had managed to penetrate me before I pushed him and ran out of the lift. I told the people with me on the balcony about this. Some of us considered resigning as soon as Think was over. I called my boyfriend AmanSethi in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, from IshanTankha’siPhone and told him what had happened.
I was confused, hurt and really, really scared. At that point I did not want to lose my job. And so the next morning, I went about my work determined not to give MrTejpal or Tehelka a reason to fire me, as I was sure they would do once this story got out.