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Friday, June 29, 2012

Joke

Word of the day: "DEJA CHU"
~ The funny feeling of having met the same chutiya before..!!!!
Sardar opens new college. But students are confused to take admission. College name ... Sardar medical college of engineering for commerce and arts.' 
Santa : Yaar ye bata is duniya mein kitne desh hain ?
.
Banta: Abe pagal duniya mein ek hi DESH hai,
'India'...
.
Baaki to sab VIDESH hain...

Happiness is like Penis
it will always be small if u keep it to urself

but when u share it with ur partner

u realise how big it can grow ...!!
Why to Feel Low,
Depressed or Useless..
Remember U r The Same Sperm that had won a Battle of Survival against Million Others!
Height of Corporate Pressure:
A COMPANY employee went to TOILET. As soon as he sat on the seat ,On the front wall this was written:
"Had you put the same pressure at work, company's targets would have been achieved today"
Ek maulavi ne madarse mai student ki gand Maar di..
uske walid ne Madarsa change karane ki arjee di
Maulavi bola,"kisi bhi madarsse me jao Syllabus to yahi Hoga
Wife- Kya kar rahe ho?
Pati- Makkhi maar raha hu.
Wife- Kitni mari?
Pati-2female 3male
Wife- Kaise pata?
Pati- 2 shishe k samne baithi thi 3 daru ki botal par :p =D ...
Worried Mother gives her Daughter A Pack of condoms before a date. Girl Laughs, Hugs her mother & Says.. "Yahi sooch toh badalni hai Maa.. I'm Dating Julie, Give me Mulie!!"

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Joke

Wife was teaching English Grammar to her husband.
Wife: my PUSSY is tight.

Which tense is this ?

Husband: This is 100 % Past Tense..

Monday, June 25, 2012

Joke

A man is walking behind his wife and says "baby, you are so fat now
your butt looks like a washing machine."

The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking.

At bedtime, the man asks for sex.

The woman says, "I can't start the washing machine for such a small
load. You'll have to hand wash!"
Definition of "LESBIAN":
.
.
.
,
.
Another Egoistic Attempt By Women To Show They Can Replace Men In Every Field...!!!
Lines written for honeymoon couple in a hotel :
Khidki Par Parda Daal Dijiye, Apka pyar andha ho sakta hai hamara staff nahi...X_X =D =))
Note: "A Professor explained Marketing to MBA studnts
1.u see gorgeous girl in party,u go to her & say Im rich marry me That's Direct Marketing.
2.u attend party & ur friend goes to a girl & pointing at you tells her, He' is very rich, marry him-That's Advertising.
3.Girl walks to u & says u are rich, ca..n u marry me? "That's Brand Recognition"
4.You say Im very rich marry me & she slaps u "That's Customer Feedback"
5.You say Im very rich marry me & she introduces you to her husband "That's Demand & Supply Gap"
6.Before you say I m rich, marry me, your wife arrives That's Restriction from Entering New Market"

Friday, June 22, 2012

Joke

Angry Parsi lady to bus conductor as she is boarding the BEST bus "Kya karta hai, man! Mera 1 taang upar 1 niche aur tum beech me ghanti bajaata hai !!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Joke

Santa went to hospital for ECG

for the first time...........

Nurse : Shirt utaaro.............

Santa : Pehlay ECG na kar lein.......????
RAILWAY INTERVIEW:-

Interviewer:- Agr Do trains Ek Line pe aa gyi to kya kroge?

Santa:- Ji, Red Light dikhaunga

Intrvwr:- Red Light na ho to?

Santa:- Torch Dikhaunga

Intrvwr:- Torch na ho to?

Santa:- Apni Red Shirt utar kr dikhaunga

Intrvwr: shirt b Red na hui to?

Santa:-Fir m apne Bhuaa k Ladke ko bulaunga

Intrvwr:-Hain..!! Wo Q?
.
.
.
.
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Santa:-Ji,usne kbi trains ki takkar nhi dekhi. =))

Friday, June 15, 2012

Joke

Sardar ne blade se girlfriend ka naam apne haat par likha...
5 min baad zor-zor se rone laga.
2nd Sardar: kyo ro raha hai?
Sardar: Lado likhna tha aur lo.. likh diya.:'( :'(

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Joke

Lady to Shopkeeper:- 28 Ki Bra dena
shkpr ne boy ko bola "1 Babulal" lana
Tabhi dusri Lady boli mujhe 38 ki bra dena..
shkpr boy se
"1 JHULELAL" B lete Aana...
Suhag raat ko room ke andar jate hi DULHAN Apna "Blouse Aur Bra" Kholne Lgi. DULHA-Ye Kya Kar Rahi Ho? DULHAN-Mummy ne kaha tha jaate hi pahle doodh pilana.
Let's see how good ur English is....
Now A Begger... Begs
A Lover... loves
A Cutter... Cuts
And ... A Fakir.... ?
#
#
#
#
Also Begs..
1 Scientist
BRA Banana
chahta tha
Jisme Runing
karte hue
Girls k Boobs
na Hile or
Bhigne par
Nipple na Dikhe




Tension Mat Le
Bhai
Goli Maar di
Madarchod ko.!
Husband : I have a problem at work.

Wife : No "I" but "we" we are one and your problem is my problem too.

Husband : Our secretary is pregnant b'coz of us
Naked wife stands on her head.SHIRSHASAN.
Husb-Wht D hell r u doing?
Wife-since u cant get it up, u cud surerly DROP IT IN !
Boy - let's play RAPE RAPE...
Girl - I am not in a mood...






Boy - yeah..! Dats d spirit..!! :D

Monday, June 11, 2012

Joke

"Warning"This is dirty.
Math Teacher: batao ki ek me do dale to kya hota hai
ek ladki sharmake boli madam ye to apki himmat hai humari to ek me hi jaan nikal jati hai

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Joke

SANTA-Yeh car ke pichey "L" likhney ka kya matlab hota hai?





BANTA:"L" ka matlab hai ke driver "Lund" ki tarah hai, kahin bhi ghus sakta hai...

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Joke

1st frnd: Main aisa kya karun k teri
shadi k baad mai teri bv ko cinema le kar
jaun or tu naraz bhi na ho..
.
.
.
.
.
.
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2nd frnd: Meri shaadi apni behan sa
karwa dey...:p
Girl: Do u love me more then ur family?
Boy: No.
Girl: Y?
Boy: Ok, listen to this,
"When i started to walk, I fell, u were not there to pick me up. But my mom was..
When i went outside, u were not there to hold my finger but my dad was..
When i cried, u didn't give me ur toys to play but my brother n sister did..
My family is more precious than anything else.." :)
GIRL: awwwwww, so cute!, But wen u felt Horny, ur Family was not there to give u a Blowjob, bastard..:> B-)
A doctor advised a man that masturbating about 3 hours before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the heck, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the toilet, but that was too open to everyone in the office. He considered the corridor, but figured that was even worse.
Finally,he realized his solution. On the way home from work, he pulled his Land Rover over on the side off the highway. He got out and crawled underneath, as if examining the vehicle. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate vigorously. He closed his eyes and thought of his chick. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick pull on his right leg. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy and the orgasm, he kept his eyes tightly shut and asked "What?"
A reply came, "This is the police. What in hell do you think you are you doing?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle on my Land Rover, it's broken."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your Land
Rover rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago...''X_X
The BENEFITS of SEX.

Did you know that we can determine if a person is sexually active just by looking at his/her skin?

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests have shown that when a woman has sex she produces large amounts of estrogen which makes her hair shiny & soft.

2. To make love in a soft & relaxed way reduces the possibility of suffering from dermatitis & acne. The sweat produced cleans pores & makes the skin shine.

3. To make love always allows you burn all the calories accumulated daily.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports. It strengthens & tones all the body muscles. Its more enjoyable than doing 20 laps in the swimming pool & you don't need special shoes!

5. Sex is an instantaneous cure against depression & stress. It frees endorphines in the blood flow, creating a state of euphoria & leaves us with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more we make love, the more we have the capacity to do more. A sexually active body releases a higher amount of pheromone. This subtle aroma excites the opposite sex !

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. ITS 10 TIMES MORE EFFICIENT THAN VALIUM.

8. To kiss everyday allows you to avoid the dentist. Kissing produces saliva in cleaning teeth & lowers the quantity of acids causing enamel weakening.

9. Sex relieves headaches. Each time we make love, it releases the tension in our brain veins.

10. To make love a lot can heal a nasal congestion. Sex is a natural antihistaminic. It helps fight asthma & spring allergies
Santa Ne 1st Year Ka Exam Diya or Usko Jail Ho Gayi..!

Q..?

Paper Me Swal Tha k Gandhiji Kab Paida Hue?

Santa Ne Jwab Likha:
Jab Unki Maa Chudi . .
Widow2 her boyfriend:
No sex plz,
I'm still mourning my hubby's death.
BF:I've worn a black condom,
so open ur legs
& let me offer my DEEP Condolence!

Joke

1 Pinjrey me 50 Bandaria or 1 Bandar chhodaa Gaya ,
Or
Elaan hua k jo 1 mint me Bandar ko pehchan kar Pakad le ga usey $10,000 milenge

1st - Obama gaya Par fail ho gaya

2nd - George bush gaya lekin nakaam raha

3rd - Manmohan singh gaya Or 10 second me Bandar le aaya

Sab ne hairani bhari nazron se manmohan se poocha aap ne kaise pata kra?

M.M : Main pinjrey Mein gaya or kaha ki

"VOTE CONGRES ko dena to sirf ek ne kaha.
"LAUDA LE LE MERA"
SAAS/BAHU KE jHAGDE mein:

Saas: i have carried him for 9 months.

Bahu: only 3.5 kgs na?
I carry him every night, he is 80 kgs now .
Baat karti hai .
Lady teacher
PAPPU > Woh kya h jo cow k paas chaar h or mere pass sirf 2 hi hai ?



pappu > LEG



MAM > Who kya h jo tumhari pant me hai or mere paticoat m nhi hai ?



PAPPU > POCKET



MAM > Who kya hai jo din m lene k bajay rat ko bistar m lene m mja aata hai ?



PAPPU > NEEND



MAM > Who kya hai jo ladki 1st time krvane pr chillati hai ?



PAPPU > KAAN M CHHED



MAM > Who h jo aadha jane pr dard hota h or pura jane pr bhut mja aata h ?



PAPPU
> HAATO M KANGAN



PLEASE AAP LOG PAPPU KO ITNA KAMINA NA SAMJE VO SAHI SOCHTA H OR AAP B ACHHA tSOCHE

Joke

Shaadi mein sardar ne plate pe tissue paper dekha...
Socha ye bhi khane waali cheez hai...
Jaise hi wo khane laga, to saare ke saare sardar chillaye,
"Oye mat Khana...
.
.
.
Tasty nahin hai..."
Effects of Advertising:

1000s of Men visited d new

"TOPLESS RESTAURANT".

They were shocked 2 find out that it had no roof !