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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Classics

Last night, I went to a party hosted by my "Gujarati" friend Jignesh Patel.....

On arrival, he greeted me with his pretty wife and said "LICK HER IN THE FRONT & POKE HER AT THE BACK." 

I was scandalized. Then  his wife explained, "Arrey bhai, He Means LIQUOR IS IN THE FRONT & POKER IS IN THE BACK". 

Ufffff.....I was about to poke her...

😜😄😜😄
Absolute Classic!!!
😨
An inspirational speaker said: 
“The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife.”  

Audience were in shock and silence. 

He added: “She was my mother” 

A big round of applause & laughter followed! 
.
.
.
A very daring husband tried to crack this at home. 

After  dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen: 

“The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife” 

Standing for a moment, he tried to recall the second line of that inspirational speaker. 

By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water!

Moral: 
DON'T COPY..
IF U CAN'T PASTE...!!!

😟😂😨
Lol😂👉This is the best 1 from Santa ...

Teacher: Complete the sentence.
"Early to bed and early to rise..."


Santa: "This Man has no interest in his wife."😂😝😛

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Father of all non veg:
A family was at the dinner table. Son asked his father---' Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there??

Surprised father  answered--
'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:? In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.?
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.?
After 50, they are like onions'.?

Son--'Onions?'?'
Father---Yes, you see them and they make you cry.😭'?

This made his wife and daughter mad😡. 
So d daughter said--Mom, how many kinds of 'penises' are there??

The mother smiled and answered-- 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.?In his 20's, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard? In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch🌴, flexible but reliable.?
After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'?

Daughter-A Christmas tree? 
Mom-'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.😝😂
Merry Xmas in advance

Monday, December 16, 2013

Golf

announcement
for army Golf Tournament, which said:
"Players will bring their own balls; however,
GOC's Balls will be carried by CO Engr Regt...
(OIC Golf Course !!! )
On another occasion, it was
"Since the GOC always comes without his balls,
CO Engrs is requested to hand over his VIP balls
to him. CO Engrs can play with the existing balls
in the Regt, if reqd"
😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Punjabi rocks

Ek newly married couple ne paper me ad diya:"Ladka paida karne ka tarika batao?"
Bengal se letter aya..Biwi ko Fish do.
Kerala se letter aya.. Idli do..
Himachal se letter aya.. Apple do.
Gujarat se letter aya.. Dhokla do.
Maharashtra se letter aaya.. wada pao do..
Punjab se letter aya.. Sanu "SEWA DA MAUKA"do😉 Punjabiz Rock...😜👯

2014 Mubarak

Next yr is sexy yr.
Ek ek ko choda 1/1/14
Ek saath choda1/7/14
Sath me choda. 7may14
Do bara choda 2/12/14.
Enjoy next yr.
Happy Coming sexy year..


-//--///-----


1 ladki pull k uper se chalang lagane hi wali
thi ki...
1 bike wala uske paas aa kar ruka
aur bola k agar tum sucide karne ja hi rhi ho
to ek baar mujhe 1 lambi kiss de jao..
wo ladki tayar ho gayi phir itni lambi aur gehri
kiss di usney ladke ko k wesi kiss ladke ne
pahley kabi nhi li kisi se..
phir usne ladki se sucide karne ki wajah puchi
to ladki ne kaha:"
.
.
.
Mere ghar walo ko pasand nahi k mai
ladki ban kar ghumu
.
.
Mera naam Bablu hai..
Ladka Behosh...😵😵😵😵😵,
bablu madhosh😋😋😋😋😋

Market me naya he jaldi jaldi forword karo🙆🙆🙀🙀

Smart Sard

A Sardarji comes up to Pakistan border on his bike.
He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says,
"What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says,
"We'll just see about that.
Get off the bike."

Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains the Sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

Iqbal releases the Sardarji,
puts the sand into new bags,
hefts them onto the Sardarji's shoulders,
and lets him cross the border.

A week later,
the same thing happens.
Iqbal asks,
"What have you got?"
"Sand," says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to the Sardar,
and crosses the border on his bike.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

"Hey, Buddy," says Iqbal, 
"I know you are smuggling something.
It's driving me crazy.
It's all I think about...
I can't sleep.
Just between you and me,
what are you smuggling?"

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says,
"BIKES...."
😝😂😜😂😝
Sardars are brilliant.
Don't underestimate them.

Gk

.
😎 Life mein😎 2 bate hamesha yaad
rakhna
1. Hawa chalti he to patte hilte hai.
2. Nahi chalti, to nahi hilte.
bas yaar Thanks mat bolna, Jab tak
knowledge hai, dete rahenge........

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Election result

4 rajyon me public ne congress ki khul ke mari... Natija? 
Supreme court ka Gand marne pe pratibandh......

Friday, December 13, 2013

Do not take life seriously

Superb Speech by Chetan Bhagat at Symbiosis.... .   Don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life.   Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.  There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup.  There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.   Don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here.   We are like a prepaid card with limited validity.   If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends.   Do we really need to get so worked up? …It's OK,   Bunk few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, take leave from work, fall in love, little fight with ur spouse...   We are people, not programmed devices..!   
"Don't be serious, enjoy Life"😊😊....
Life is awesum...!!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Question - What Is Difference Between A BOOT (Shoes) & CHOOT.? 
Zabardast Answer -
BOOT Accepts Only ONE Size, Whereas CHOOT Accepts ALL Sizes.. 😜
🔴🔴🔴

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

ek wife ko shadi k bahut salo baad pta lga k uska husband CHHAKKA h aur usko Plastic k Lund se chodta tha....wife- tumne itni bdi baat mujhse chhupai, tumne meri zindgi barbaad kr di.....
husband- baat ko aagey na badhao, maine itne salo me kbi puchha k BUNTY & BABBLI Plastic k Lund se kaise paida ho gye? 😛😜😂😂😜😜

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Aaj kal ke bachho ki haramipanti :

MADAM : shor mat karo nahi to khadda kar dungi..

Bachhe:
pehele mera..
pehele mera..
pehele mera..

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

GIRLS put makeup, lots of creams , sexy perfumes & they make the best hairstyle EVER.
.
.
Finally guys look at them and say:
.
.
BHENCHOD GAAND DEKH SAALI KI .... :p !

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Boy: Tu kitne baje uthti hai?

Girl: Apna koi time nahi hai. Jab dil kare so jaati hoon, aur jab dil kare uth jaati hoon

Boy: Naughty! Tu bilkul mere LODE pe gayi hai.. :D

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Customer- bhai saheb dettol sabun hai?

Dukandaar (lauda khujlate huye)- haan hai.

Customer- to behen k lode, us se haath dho ke 1 kilo cheeni dede.

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

TATA ko ab pata chala ki
NANO CAR Me 2 Problems hai..
1. Pregnant Woman andar nahi aa sakti.
And
2. Car ke andar Normal Woman Pregnant nahi ho sakti..! ;)
❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Girl (During  sex): Nahi ye galat hai
Boy: But I Luv U
G: Fir b galat hai
B: Hum shaadi kar lenge
G: abe chutiye jahan daal raha hai, wo jagah galat hai..😂😛

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Madam Ne English Period Mein Munni Se Puchha,
Madam: 'Translate This Sentence In Hindi - Pappu Gives Me 14 And 15 Rupees'
Munni Sharmate Hue: 'Mam, Pappu Ne Mujhe Choda Aur Pandra Rupaye Diye'

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Jale hue boobs lekar Sardarni hospital me admit hui
Dr: kaise jal gaye
Sardarni: KAMINE
Tune hi to kaha tha
Bacche ko dudh pilane se pehle
NIPPAL UBAL lena!

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Petrol Ke Badte Rate Ko Dekhte Hue Ek News Channel Walo Ne Report Di:
Aaj Ke Bad Petrol Pump Par Adult Movies Chala Karengi
Taki Aap Petrol Bharvate Hue Usi Time Pe Kisi Aur Ko Bhi Chudte Dekh Sako ......

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Nawab Saab Kothe pe Gaye,
Dalte Hi Leak Ho Gaya.
Tawayaf Adab Se Boli-
Huzur Ne Q Taklif Uthai.??
Chammach Me Nikal K
Bhijwa Diya Hota,
Hum Izzat Se Andar Daal Lete....😜😝😗😴😳

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌
Thought of the day
....................................
तरक्की  की राह मे 
रोडे आए या ना आए, 



भैन के लोडे जरूर आते है!!
Did You Know?

1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes.

2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there's a 50% chance you'll die within the next 3 years

3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There's a 9% chance that you'll meet one of them in your lifetime.

4. Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.

 5. A person’s height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother.

6. If a part of your body "falls asleep",
you can almost always "wake it up" by shaking your head.

7. There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing - Food, attractive people and danger

8. Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side

9. Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odour.

10. According to Albert Einstein, if honey bees were to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within 4 years.

11. There are so many kind of apples, that if you ate a new one everyday, it would take over 20 years to try them all.

12. You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping.

13. People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don’t.

14. Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people as smoking.

15. A human brain has a capacity to store 5 times as much information as Wikipedia

16. Our brain uses same amount power as 10-watt light bulb!!

17. Our body gives enough heat in 30 mins to boil 1.5 litres of water!!

18. The Ovum egg is the largest cell and the sperm is the smallest cell !!

19. Stomach acid (conc. HCl) is strong enough to dissolve razor blades!!

20. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

21. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

22. When you wake up in the morning, Pray to ask God's guidance for your purpose, today.

23. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

24. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, and almonds.

25. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

26. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

27. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

28. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

29. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything !

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

31. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

32. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

33. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

34. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

35. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

36. Help the needy,Be generous ! Be a 'Giver' not a 'Taker'

37. What other people think of you is none of your business.

38. Time heals everything.

39. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

40. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. Each night before you go to bed ,Pray to God and Be thankful for what you'll accomplish, today !

43. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.


 -3((;/-;!

🐭Wife: Wht r u doing?
🐹Husband: Killing mosquitoes?
🐭Wife: How many did u kill?
🐹Husband: Total 5. Two females, 3 males.
🐭Wife: How do u know their genders?
🐹Husband: 2 were near mirror and 3 near beer🍺
😂😜
🐜🐞🐝🐛🐌

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Sunny leone

Sanjay Leela Bhansali was explaining a
romantic scene about his New film: "Real
Love is, when 2 people are so close that they
see the world together in one direction..."
Sunny Leone : .. Sorry to interrupt you
Sanjay Jee, but if I'm not wrong, U are
explaining the Doggy Style.. Right ?

Monday, December 9, 2013

Election special

Today only election jokes
------------------------------
(Chattisgarh, MP, RJ, Delhi) Congress    on sale @ OLX...

after defeat...

Sonia says.. bech de.....😂😀😜
------------------------------
Congress has won 8 seats in delhi. Now, they can fit in innova to go to assembly. They are called innova party 😄😂😜
------------------------------
Again its proved delhi is not safe for women..

see what happened to sheela dixit!!😳😂😂
------------------------------
RAHUL GANDHI: 
"Mom..! Ab Kya Baaki Reh Gaya Hai, TV Ka Remote Mujhe Do 'Chotta Bheem' Dekhna Hai.." 😜😀😂
------------------------------
2013 Delhi election results: 

BAAP : 32
AAP : 28
PAAP : 8 😜😂😂
------------------------------
Rahul Gandhi's latest Blunder...

He was heard saying...

It was due to Whats App... Application which inclined Voters to Vote AAP...👻😜😂
------------------------------
Tota udd....
Maina udd....
Chidiya udd....
Kabutar udd.....

Aur congress ...furrrrrrrrrr...😀😜😜😂😂
------------------------------
Shiela dixit messaged kejriwal in morning today- 
"karwate badalte rahe saari raat hum...AAP ki kasam...😜😀😂
------------------------------
"Hey Sheila, wanna hear a joke?"😋

"Yes"💁

"Delhi"😜

"I didn't get it"😳

"Exactly" 😂
------------------------------
Kejriwal is now known as "Shilajit"😜😀😂
------------------------------
Sheila Dixit singing: 

AAP jaisa koi meri zindagi mein aaye,

Toh VAAT lag jaaye
Oho VAAT lag jaaye!!" 😜😂😂
------------------------------
All Indians have gifted Soniya Gandhi with outstanding defeat  of Congress in all the 4 states on her birthday 9th dec'2013. 🎁🎂😜😀😂
------------------------------
Congress ne banaya public ko 10 saal se ullu isilye iss bar une mila baba ji ka thullu 😂😜😂
------------------------------
Tring Tring.

Sheila: Hello? 
Rahul: What is the reason for your defeat?

Sheila: Sirji, AAP  😀😀😜😜😂😂👋👋👋
------------------------------

Sunday, December 8, 2013

"पापा मैं कैसे पैदा हुआ"?
पापा - बेटा मैं और तेरी मम्मी पहली बार Yahoo Chat Room में
मिले थे। फिर हमने एक Cyber Cafe में पहली मुलाकात थी।
तुम्हारी मम्मी का Software देखकर मेरा Hardware खड़ा हो गया।
फिर हम एक कमरे में घुस गए क्योंकि हमारा CPU गर्म हो गया था।
तुम्हारी मम्मी मेरे Pen Drive से Download करवाने
को राज़ी हो गई। लेकिन जैसे ही मैं Upload करने लगा, मुझे अहसास
हुआ कि हम लोगों ने न तो Anti-Virus का इस्तेमाल किया है और न
ही Firewall का। अब तो इतनी देर हो चुकी थी कि Delete
या Escape Button का इस्तेमाल करना भी मुमकिन नहीं था।
छः हफ़्तों बाद तुम्हारी मम्मी ने मुझे Internet पर Chat करके
बताया कि उसका Operating System किसी Self-Extracting
File के चलते Unauthorized Program Activity दिखा रहा था,
जिससे उसका System Slow हो गया था। वह Self-Extracting
File तुम्हारी मम्मी के BIOS में Load थी।
नौ महीने बाद एक Pop-Up दिखाई दिया, जिसमें लिखा था, You've
Got Mail (Male)!!!😁😁😁😁😁😝😝😝😝😝😝

Friday, December 6, 2013

Molvi

Molvi: Viagra hy Ap k pas? Mujhe kisi ko deni hy.
.
Dukndar: Kamal hy Molvi sahb!
Log Viagra kha k kisi ki lete hen
Aur
Aap ne kisi ko deni hy..:

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Accident ho gaya

Police: Jis scooty ne tainu takkar mari usda rang aur number ki c ??
Sardar: Mainu yaad nahi per jo chala rahi c ohdi shirt de 2 button khule c,
Laal color di bra paayi c,
Momme shayad 36 size de c, Gale da locket left momme nu touch kar reya c, Right momme te til c... Peechon panty dikhdi payi c..flowers wali pink rang Di c, bund Bilkul doodh vargi safed c,Baaki Bhenchod mera dhyan tan driving te c !!!

Sardar Hi Sardar:

      
      
 2 Sardars bank lootne gaye,
 Par gun bhool gaye…
Phir bhi bank loot liya
 Kaise???
Bank Manager bhi sardar tha. Bola
“I trust you, gun kal dikha dena”
 =================

Santa ko koi mobile pe tangh karta tha
Santa ne new sim card kharid kar tang karnewalle ko sms kiya
“Mene woh sim band kar diya hai, ab tu toh kya tera baap bhi mujhe tangh nahin kar sakta!"
-------------------------------------------------                                Santa: Is mirror ki kya guarantee hai:
Shopkeeper: Aap isse 100 floor se niche girao, ye mirror 99 floor tak nahin tutega
Sardar: Wah!! Pack it..
=====================

Sardarni: Lo, light chale gayee
Sardar: Light chali gayee toh kya, fan chalu kar
Sardarni: Lo, kee na wahi sardaron-waali baat,
Agar fan chalu kiya toh mombatti bhuj nahin jayegi?
 =====================

Postman :- Oye Paapey ! Pata hai muje yeh packet deliver karne k liye 5 meel chalna pada.
Sardarji :- Kyun? Aap courier kar dete........
 =================


NASA ne 3 sardaron ko chand pe bheja.
Rocket uda magar aadhe raaste se vaapas aaya.
Unko kaaran pucha gaya toh boley: Aaj amaaswas hai, chand to nahi hoga.😆
====================

Banta was in the bathroom for a long time. His wife shouted: "Did you find the shampoo?" 
he answered, "Yes,i but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine. So now I am waiting for my hair to dry before I can use it!"..Bolo Ta ra ra ra 😂

Tension tension

What is tension?.............😰
1 sundar ladki ne. aapse lift mangi...
Raste me uski tabiyat kharab ho gayi...
aap use hospital le gaye....
Doctor bola :-
'Mubarak ho aap baap banne wale he'..
Lo ho gayi tension............😳
Aap bole me iska  Baap nahi hu,
Ladki boli yahi iska baap he.
Aur tension!....................😁
Police aayi aur apka medical check up hua.......
Report aaya K aap to kabhi baap ban hi nahi sakte....
Saala aurr tension!..........😲
Aapne Thank god kaha aur bahar aa gaye....
Fir yaad aaya ghar me do bacche he wo kiske he?
REAL TENSION................😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Horse

A lady touchd the Horse's Penis.
Horse gt Excited, Jumped & Ran away Very Fast.

Ghode Wala:- Bhabhi ji, Ab Hamara bhi Pakdo, 
Humko Ghoda pakadna hai.
🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵

Boyfriend

Husband-"tera viyah to pehla koi boyfriend c?"
Wife khamosh rehndi hai....
Husband-"Main is khamoshi nu ki samjha?"
Wife:- "moya sabar rakh..
ginn ta len de.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Bechara aadmi

Ek aadmi pepsi saamne rakh ke udaas betha tha.

Dost aaya pepsi pee kar bola: kyoon udaas hai?

Aadmi: Aaj to din hi kharaab hai, Subah biwi se jhagda ho gaya, Raste mein car kharaab, Office late, Boss ne nokri se nikal diya, Ab suicide ke liye pepsi mein zeher milaaya tha. Wo bhi tu pi gaya.. :D

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Tehelka

HERE IS FULL LETTER
Nishita Jha's letter to colleagues on sexual abuse by Tarun Tejpal..... : 


On the night of 7 th November 2013, the opening night of Tehelka’s Think festival, I had discharged my duties for the day as the chaperone for Mr Robert De Niro. As it was Mr De Niro and his daughter’s first night in Goa and at the festival, my editor in chief MrTarunTejpal accompanied Mr De Niro, Drena De Niro (his daughter) and I to Mr De Niro’s suite to wish him goodnight. (As his chaperone, my work was to be available all day to Mr De Niro and Drena, take them sightseeing, make sure they were well looked after in Goa and at the Hyatt – until they retired to their suite at night. )

As we left the suite, MrTejpal and I were in conversation — I have known him since I was a child, he had worked closely with my father who was also a journalist, and after my father’s accident MrTejpal had always been a paternal figure to me. He was responsible for offering me my first job, and was always just a phone call away whenever I needed his advice on a story or life. His daughter, TiyaTejpal and I are very close friends as well.
As we made our way out of the elevator of Block 7 at the Grand Hyatt, MrTejpal held my arm and pulled me back into the lift. He said – “Let’s go wake up Bob” (Mr De Niro) and I asked him why he wanted to do that. I then realized that MrTejpal was simply pressing buttons on the lift’s panel to make the elevator stay in circuit, preventing it from stopping anywhere, and for the doors to open.
At this point, he began to kiss me — from the first moment of his doing so, I asked him to stop, citing several reasons, including my friendship to Tiya, my closeness to his family, the fact that he had known me since I was a child, the fact that I worked for Tehelka and for ShomaChaudhury – who is my managing editor and mentor. It was like talking to a deaf person. MrTejpal lifted my dress up, went down on his knees and pulled my underwear down. He attempted to perform oral sex on me as I continued to struggle and hysterically asked him to stop. At that moment he began to try and penetrate me with his fingers, I became scared and pushed him hard and asked him to stop the lift. He would not listen. The lift stopped on the ground floor as MrTejpal’s hands were on me and could not press the button for yet another floor to keep it in circuit. As soon as the doors opened, I picked up my underwear and began walking out of the elevator rapidly - he was still following me, asking me what the matter was.
I said “It’s all wrong. I work for you and Shoma.” He said first “It’s alright to be in love with more than one person,” and then he said, “Well, this is the easiest way for you to keep your job.” I was walking still faster, blinking back tears.
By this time, we had made our way from Block 7 to the main lawns of the Grand Hyatt, where I walked into the grassy dinner area full of people and MrTejpal walked off towards the performance area. Right as soon as he was out of sight, I took a taxi back to my hotel – the International Centre for Goa, where the Tehelka staff was staying, and went to the room where the Literary Editor ShougatDasgupta and the Photo Editor IshanTankha were staying. I also called another friend and colleague – investigative reporter G Vishnu to the room and told them what had occurred. While the four of us were talking in the balcony, MrTejpal sent me a text message from his personal phone number at1.17 am, which said “The fingertips”. This was the extent he had managed to penetrate me before I pushed him and ran out of the lift. I told the people with me on the balcony about this. Some of us considered resigning as soon as Think was over. I called my boyfriend AmanSethi in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, from IshanTankha’siPhone and told him what had happened.
I was confused, hurt and really, really scared. At that point I did not want to lose my job. And so the next morning, I went about my work determined not to give MrTejpal or Tehelka a reason to fire me, as I was sure they would do once this story got out.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

CHASHMA & BRA ka Tulnatmak adhyayan

-

1.Dono ki banawat ek jaisi hoti he,

2.Shuruaat me dono ko pahanne me Jijchak hoti he,

3.Ek ko nazar aane k liye 
 & dusre ko nazar se bachane k liye pahna jata he,

4.Umar aur upyog k sath-sath dono ka number badh jata he,

5. Chashma utarne k bad aankh michmicha jati he. aur,
BRA utarte hi aankhe CHAUNDHIYA jati he.

6. Chshma pahanne k bad aur Bra utarne k bad uske upyog ki cheez mool roop se badi ho jati he.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Punjabi

For all my Punjabi friends who will understand this 
Mama-TENU Aini maar KYON PYI..?
Bhanja- KAL BaRAAT vich BOLI GALAT PEGI C..?
Mama : KIDDAN...?
Bhanja : "BAARI BRSI KHATAN GAYA C KHAT KE LEANDI TAAR , BHNGRA TA SAJDA, JE NACHE KURI DA YAAR.?
Mama-Fir ta maar paini hi c.
Bhanja-Mainu ta sirf maar hi payi 
jehra nachiya c audda parso BHOG hai..,..😄😃😀
AMERICAN LIFE STYLE.. 
------------------------------
DAUGHTER: Sorry Dad, I got married yesterday.. Forgot to invite U..

DAD: U naughty.. It's Ok.. But Don't forget next Time..😜😜😜😜.            ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Population Comparison :   
-------------------------- INDIAN :  I hav 4 sis & 3 bro. Wat
abt U?
AMERICAN : I hav no sis or 
bro.Bt I hav 4 Moms from 1st
dad , 3 dads from 1st mom.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

😜😜😜😜😜😜Moulvi apni biwi ki Qabrr pe zor zor se PANKHA chala ke RO Raha tha. 
Kisi ne kaha- Itni Mohabbat? Ya Allah!
Moluvi ne kaha- Marne wali keh gayi thi, meri qabar ki mitti sukhane ke baad hi dusra nikah karna.
 Pata nahi koun sala roj 2 balti🚿 pani dal jata hai.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
😝Touching story...
A husband and wife went for a walk. While walking husband got hurt by a stone and started bleeding. He looked at his wife, hoping she would tear her dupatta and tie it on the wound.

Wife looked in his eyes and said: Sochna bhi mat...
Designer piece hai!!!
😄😆😝😜
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Q. Kashmir aur biwi mein kya samanta hai.....


Ans. Waise to dono hi samasya hai... par padosi nazar daale to gussa aata hai..
 👿😡👿😡😄😎😉😜

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Agreement

Due to the current agitation of women against men, please find enclosed herewith a copy of 'Agreement Before SEX' for your safe sex ride and to avoid rape charges thereafter :

_____AGREEMENT BEFORE SEX_____ 

I, __________________________, the undersigned female partner (herein referred to as the 'screwee'), about to enjoy sexual intercourse with _______________ _______________ (hereafter referred to as the 'screwer'), certify as follows :

1. THAT I am above the lawful age of consent. 

2. THAT I am not under the influence of any narcotic substance(s). 

3. THAT the aforementioned screwer did not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me. 

4. THAT I, the screwee, am in no fear of him whatsoever. 

5. THAT I do not expect or wish to marry him. 

6. THAT I do not know if he is married or not and I do not care. 

7. THAT I am neither asleep nor drunk. 

8. THAT I am entering this relationship with him; because I love it and want it as much as he does. 

9. THAT in the event that I receive full and 'delicious' satisfaction, which I expect, declare in advance, the capacity and willingness for further participation as soon as time permits. 

10. THAT I will not act as a witness against him nor will I file charges against him in the event that : 
 
a) I contract a sexual disease, 
 
b) I fall pregnant, 
 
c) I feel that he is violating any legislation - moral, legal or 
otherwise. 

SIGNED BEFORE JUMPING INTO BED ON THIS __________ DAY OF (MONTH)_____________________ 
(YEAR) ___________ AT ____________ __________________________________

Signature of Screwee :
Top 12 shops...

1.Gandhi Hair Saloon.
👴
2.Mallika Textiles.
👗
3.Kalmadi Constructions Pvt Ltd
🏡
4.Jayalalita Fitness Club.
💪
5.Dharmendra Dance Academy.
💃
6.Mayawati Beauty Parlour.
💄
7.Yamraj Travels.
8.Surdas Opticals.
👽
9.Inzamam English Classes.
🙊
10.Salman Marriage Bureau.

11.Rakhi Satsang Kendra...
😎
And.....
12.Manmohan Public Speaking School.
😷

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Sign

Bank manager: Ye kiska Signature hai?

     "@@@@22". 

Santa : Meri daadii ka!

Bank manager: aisa kaisa naam?
 
Santa : Jalebi Baai...😉

Khudai

Khuda kare kisi ko judai na mile.
Wah wah.
Khuda kare kisi ko judai na mile.
Wah wah.
Or jo group main MSG na kare use thand me rajai na mile.
Ab
bolo
wah wah.
👻👻👻👻👻👻💲™
Karo abt msg

Murga

Sardar:Ye murga kitne ka hai?
Murgawala:Rs.40,30,10.
Sardar:Rs.10ka, itna sasta kyo?
Murgawala:ise AIDS hai.
Sardar-de do,sirf khana hai.GAAND thodi maarni hai

Friday, November 22, 2013

Vakil

💈Ek High Court Ka Vakil Kahi Ja Raha Tha Ki Jungle Ke Raste Meun Uski Car🚗 Kharab Ho Gayi.

Door Tak Nazar Daudayi To Ek Jagah Bulb🏮 Jalta Dikhai Diya, Vakil Raat Wahi Gujarne Ke Irade Se Udhar Chal Pada.

Knock Kiya To Andar Se Aurat Ki Aawaz Aay: "Kaun Hai?"

Vakil : "Main High Court Ka Vakil Hun, Meri Car Kharab Ho Gayi Hai So Main Raat Gujarna Chahta Hun Yaha"

Darwaja Khula Aur Saamne Ek Sexy Aurat Khadi Thhi

Aurat: "Mere Paas Ek Hi Room Hai Aur Bed Bhi Ek Hai"

Vakil : "Aap Chinta Na Kare Main High Court Ka Vakil Hun Aapko Koi Pareshani Nahi Hogi."

Dono Jab Sone Ke Liye Bistar Par Pahunche To

Aurat: "Mujhe Sirf Bra Aur Painty Mein Sone Ki Aadat Hai?"

Vakil : "Aap Jaise Chahe Soye, Main High Court Ka Vakil Hun Aapko Koi Pareshani Nahi Hogi."

Aurat Ne Sare Kapde Utare Aur Bra And Panty Mein Let Gayi Aur Thodi Der Baad Boli

Aurat : "Mujhe Saath Mein Lete Insaan Se Lagg Ke Aur Uske Uper Taang Rakh Ke Sone Ki Adat Hai"

Vakil : "Madam Aap Jaise Marji Soiye Mujhe Koi Problame Nahi Main High Cort Ka Vakil Hun."

Raat Gujar Gaye Subah Vakil Sahab Bahar Baithe Chai Pee Rahe The To Unhone Dekha Ki Us Aurat Ne 2 Murge Aur 10 Murgiya Paal
Rakhi Thi Jinme Se Ek Murga Jo Langda Tha, Wo Sab Murgiyo Ke Piche Bhag Raha Tha Aur Dusra Ek Murga Chupchap Baitha Tha

Vakil Se Ye Dekh Kar Raha Nahi Gaya

Vakil : "Ye Dusra Murga Chupchap Baitha Hai.. Kya Ye Bimar Hai?"

Aurat: "Nahi .. Ye Chutiya High Court Ka Vakil Hai" :😜😀😀

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Sidhuism

Latest from Sidhu......        
Marzi Ka Sex Kabhi Paap Nahi Hota. 
Piche se Dalne Wala Kabhi Baap Nahi Hota.
Condom Jarur Lagana Mere Dost,
Q ki,
Khade Lund Ke Paas Dimag Nahi Hota....!!

Thoko tali...!!
Bachon k Masoom Sawal
Or
Teacher La jawab

PAPPU 
Miss, "BUS" MALE he ya FEMALE?

( miss Sochne Lagi)

Ek Bacha: Teacher yeh Female he,

2nd Bacha: Woh Kese,

3rd Bacha: Q-k Sub Log Us pr Charhte Hen,

(Miss Pareshan)

4th Bacha: Agr Bus FEMALE he or Sub Us pr Charhte Hen
to Us k Bache Q Nhi Hote?

(Miss Ziyada Pareshan)

5th Bacha: Is Liye k Sub Us pr Peeche Se Charhte Hen!

(Miss Sharam se Pani Pani)

6th: Mana k Sabhi Peeche se Charhte Hen Lekin Driver to Agay se Charhta He Na?
Phir Bache Q Nhi Hote?

(Miss ki Saans Band)

Pappu: Q-k Woh Topi Pehan k Charhta He

MISS  BEHOSH!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Thand

Beth k 🚽bathrrom🚽 mein shenahah k jaise...👑.
sardi k mausam mein sochtaa hu aise...💭🌁

"ki kar to li hai toone beta....
abb thande paani se dhoega Kaise....🚿💩"

😜😆😂

Friday, November 8, 2013

How various wifes fight with their respective husbands...

Pilot's wife: Jyaada ud mat...

📚Teacher's wife: Mujhe mat sikhaao..

Painter's wife: Thobda rang dungi...

Dhobi's wife: Dho dungi...

🎭Actor's wife: Naatak mat kar...

Dentist's wife: Daat todi dungi..

CA's wife: Hisaab se raho...

Engineer's wife: sab parts dhile kar dungi..

🏤 Architect's wife: sidhe raho nahi to daancha ki design change kar dungi...

& the Best one😛

Marketing person's wife: jyaada bologe to OLX pe bech dungi

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Randee






Y Ranbir & Deepika actually break-up???
They thought ....

If Abhishek & Ashwarya were called
"AbhiAsh"...

Saif & Kareena are called "Saifeena"...

Thn they wud b called....
"Randee "

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Dosto ne naam.. Zindgi Kurbaan :-

-:



Lund ke bharose jiya nahi karte,

Chut ke pyalo ko piya nahi karte,

Kuch dost bhosdike aise bhi hote hai

Jinki gand me ungli na karo toh wo yaad kiya bhi nahi karte.

To mere pagal lodo 
zara gaur se Sunooooo ...


arz kiya hai...


aalu ka paratha aur sarso ka saag.
wah...wah...


aalu ka paratha aur sarso ka saag.
wah...wah...


Mai gand marne aa raha hu, jahan bhagna hai bhaag. 



----------------------



arz kiya hai...


ye kaali kaali ankhe, ye gore gore gaal...
ye kaali kaali ankhe, ye gore gore gaal.....


aur sunao kaisa hai tu, JHAANT Ke BAAL ?




----------------------


Arz kia hai...


Yaara teri yaari pe mujhe shak nahi..
Yaara teri yaari pe mujhe shak nahi..


Sabne teri gaad maari...
Kya mera koi hak nahi.....


----------------------



Arz kiya hai...

Rajwade me ud rahe the Ghode,
Rajwade me ud rahe the Ghode,

Dhyan se kya pad raha hai be Lode,
kabhi dekha hai tune udte hue Ghode. 


-----------------------


Arz kia hai ke...
Wo aai apke sapno m aur apko SWAPNDOSH ho gya..
Wah-wah...

Uski bhi ijjat bach gai aur apko b santosh ho gya..
Wah-wah...

Ab has bhi le lode .....

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Roye hum is kadar unke Seene se lipat kar,



Roye hum is kadar unke Seene se lipat kar..

ki wo khud apni Bra Khol kar boli,
Dabaa le Kamine, Naatak mat kar..!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Post Diwali

चली गई दिवाली, शुरू हुई ठंड;
सिकुड़ गयी गोटी, अकड़ गये लंड;
आयेगी होली, चली जायेगी ठंड;
फूल जायेगी गोटी, लटक जायेंगे लंड;
आपको शुभ ठंड, पकड़े रहो लंड।

Monday, October 28, 2013

Boy-
bhukh sanu lagi hai
khaiye kithe ja ke?

girl-
roti ethe bani ae
khao ethe ake

Boy-
nind sanu ayi ae
soiye kithe ja ke?

girl-
bed ethe laga
sowo ethe ake

Boy:
lun sada khada hai
paayiye kithe ja ke?

girl-
fuddi sadi khulli
pavo ethe ake

After sex girl-
peed sanu hundi ae
dasiye kinu ja ke ?

Boy-
sada kam ho Gaya
maa chudao ja ke!!


--:/
Girl - ooooooOh yeah
Girl - ooooooowww yes .. Faster
Boy- wait , u said ur a virgin😒
Girl- oh yeah i forgot ..
Girl - Ouch! Ouch! Oh shit! It hurts
-//
😜
Dear Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi,

If you want to solve common man's problem, first understand the problem. Get married.

Yours hopefully,
Common Man😜
There was a long line at airlines airport counter .. 
A man came breaking the line and conversation with desk girl was as follows ---
Man - I need a business class ticket to New York.
Girl - I am sorry sir but you have to come in the line. 
Man - Do you know who I am ?
Girl - (speaking on the mike) , Attention Ladies and Gentelment , we have a passanger here who doesnt know who he is. Please if anybody can come and identify him.
The crowd went hilarious.
Man - (frustated) , FUCK YOU.
Girl - Well sir, line for that is even longer. 
😜😝😃😃😃

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Sardar special

✔😷😜🙉
4 Sardar train k piche baag rahe the..
2 chadh gaye,to train me logo ne kaha
“WELL DONE”
Sardar-khaak well done
Jana to unhe tha,
Hum to chodne aaye the.


Sardar:Raat mujhe ek aadmi ne chaku dikhakar loot liya.
Friend:Lekin tere pas to hamesha Gun hoti hai.
Sardar:Wo maine chupa di thi, warna wo bhi chori ho jati


Sardar-Yaar ye
SENT MESSAGE
Kya hota hai?

Dusra sardar-Ghochu,
Bevkuf
Tune Hi Sardaro Ka Naam Kharab Kiya H

Sent Message Matlab

Khushbu Wala Message


Sardar teacher ne exam ke liye Que.Paper banaya..
Paper dekhte hi saare bachche behosh ho gaye.!
Que. the :
1. China kis Desh me he.?
2. 15 Aug kis Date ko Aati he.?
3. Green Rang kis Colour ka Hota he.?
4. Tamatar ko Hindi may kya Bolte he.?
5. Mumtaz ki Qabar main Kon Dafan he.?



Sardar apni Billi se tang aa ke use
dur chhod aya.
Ghar aya to billi vapas aa gai thi !
Wo dusari bar chhod aya aur billi
phir vapas aa gai !
3rd time wo use bahut dur aur
complicated route pe chhod aya.
Vapas raste me usne apni biwi ko
phone kiya: Kya Billi ghar aa gai?
Biwi:Yes
Sardar: Us kamini ko bhej yahan,
main rasta bhul gaya hun....



Sardar park me baita tha
Frnd:kya kar raha hai?
Sardar:badla le raha hu.
Frnd:kise?
Sardar: waqt ne muje barbad kiya
hai, ab me waqt barbad kar raha
hai...


1 Sardar Hanuman Jayanti Pe Mandir
Gaya.
Pujari Ne Aarti Di.
Socho Sardar Ne Kya Kiya Hoga?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ans-
Sardar Aarti Ka Diya Buja Kar Bola
Happy B'day Hanumanji.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Multibagger

There's a big difference between men and women when they say :

"I finished a whole box of tissue watching that film last night ... 😂😝😂
Prabhu..
Yeh kya Moh-Maya hai?

Apna Baccha roye, toh dil me dard hota hai.
Aur doosre ka roye, toh sir me!

Apni Biwi roye, toh sir me dard hota hai.
Aur doosre ki roye, toh dil me! 💘😜😝
Sab prabhu ki maya hai.
Dogs marriage kyo nahi karte..?

Bumper jawab 

Very simple..!
Kyonki wo to
pehle se hi Kutto ki Zindgi
jee rahe hote he..!
New collection .... 😆👍

Badi behen honeymoon pe gayi. 
Choti ne SMS kiya : Didi jo jeans di thi, jarur pehenana.
Didi reply : Is haramkhor ne 4 din se chaddi nahi pehnane di, tuze jeans ki padi hai.
-------------------
Wife & Husband returned from honeymoon after a week.

Husband : How did you enjoy the whole week? 

Wife : The whole week has made my hole weak.
-------------------
Doctor to Female : Kya aap delivery ke time bachche ke pita ko apne paas dekhna chahogi? 

Female : Nahi, unhe mere pati pasand nahi karte.
--------------------

Shock of life....

Biwi ne suhaag raat par shohar se kaha : Please ye condom use nahi karna.

Muze is brand se allergy hai.
----------------------

Lady doodh waale se : Bhai aaj kal doodh bahut patla aa raha hai.

Doodh wala : Bibigi, mujhe kyu bata rahi ho, kisi achhe se doctor ko dikhao.
------------------

1 ladki film dekhne ke baad galti se boys hostel chali gayi. 
Agle din saheli ne pucha kaun si movie dekhi? 
Pehle Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi.
Fir Sab Ne Bana Di Ghodi.
--------------------

Pati ne patni ko surprise dene ke liye apne niche ke baal katvaye aur chupke se so gaya.
Neend main patni ne niche haath fera to boli : devarji aap kab aaye?
--------------------

Wife : Hamari beti ki bra maine driver ke room main dekhi.
Husband : Kamina kahika, lekin tum waha gayi kyu thi?
Wife : Mai to apni panty lene gayi thi.
----------------
Santa : Kyu bhai 2 din doodh dene q nahi aaya. 

Doodhwala : Saahab meri biwi bimar thi. 

Santa : To fir 2 din bhains ka hi de jata....
I was realy angry wen i lost quiz by 1point.
las question was
"wher do men nd women mstly hav curly hair"

I was sure dat i was corect bt stupid judges said
"Africa"
Husband  &  Wife  Boxing  ka match  mehnga  ticket  khareed  kar  dekhne  gaye .

1  Boxer  ne  1st  mint  m  hi doosre  ko  knock  out  kar  diya .

Husband :  Oh  Shit .

Biwi : Ab  Aap  ko  patta  challa  k  1  mint  mein  " KHEL "  khatam hone  par  kitna  ghussa  aata  hai .

Jin  ko  samjh  aaya  wo  aagay forward  karen .  baki  pogo  dekhe...
Most Dangerous Qualities of Wives:
She listens HALF,
Understands QUARTER,
Thinks ZERO,
Reacts DOUBLE,

and REMEMBERS 100%

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Bonanza

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Santa Ko piles Ho Gaya.
Hakim: Marham Lagwane Roj Aana Padega.

Hakim Ne Usko 4Din Marham Lgaya Aur Kaha: Ab Kafi Theek Ho, Baqi Biwi Se Lgwa Lena.

Agle Din Preeto Marham Lgane Lagi To Usne Ek Haath Santa Ke Kandhe Pr Rakha, Aur Dusre Se Marham Lgane Lagi To Santa Ne Pucha: Tera Ek Haath Kandhe Pr Hai Dusra Kaha Hai?

Preeto: "Us Se Marham Lga Rahi Hun.

Santa Chonk Kr Bola: "Oh, Hakim Ki Behan Ki *****, Uske To Dono Haath Mere Kandhe Pr Hote The.!!😝😜😄

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Question - What Is Difference Between A BOOT (Shoes) & CHOOT.? 
Zabardast Answer -
BOOT Accepts Only ONE Size, Whereas CHOOT Accepts ALL Sizes.. 😜
🔴🔴🔴

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

College Me, Mam-"
Lakir ka Fakir" Muhavare ka udhahran do"
Boy"
Aap Bura to Nahi Manegi?
Mam-
Nahi Bura Q?
Boy-Aapki Panty ke andar
jo Lakir he
Hum Uske fakir hai.. 😝

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

ek wife ko shadi k bahut salo baad pta lga k uska husband CHHAKKA h aur usko Plastic k Lund se chodta tha....wife- tumne itni bdi baat mujhse chhupai, tumne meri zindgi barbaad kr di.....
husband- baat ko aagey na badhao, maine itne salo me kbi puchha k BUNTY & BABBLI Plastic k Lund se kaise paida ho gye? 😛😜😂😂😜😜

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Aaj kal ke bachho ki haramipanti :

MADAM : shor mat karo nahi to khadda kar dungi..

Bachhe:
pehele mera..
pehele mera..
pehele mera..

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Beta-Papa, Ye "Sex" kya hota hai ?

Santa thinks oye bahenchod ye kya puch liya bete ne, par batana to padega.

Aftr that he says- Beta, sex me hum ladki k kapde utarte hai fir apane kapde utarte hai, fir ladki ko pas me late hai uske boobs dabate hai fir vo hamara lund chusti hai, fir hum uski gand me ungal karte hai, fir tel laga k ladki ki chut me lund dal k hum lund ander bahar karte hue use chodte hai.

Ye hota hai sex.

Beta- Admission form me kya likhu? :D

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

GIRLS put makeup, lots of creams , sexy perfumes & they make the best hairstyle EVER.
.
.
Finally guys look at them and say:
.
.
BHENCHOD GAAND DEKH SAALI KI .... :p !

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Boy: Tu kitne baje uthti hai?

Girl: Apna koi time nahi hai. Jab dil kare so jaati hoon, aur jab dil kare uth jaati hoon

Boy: Naughty! Tu bilkul mere LODE pe gayi hai.. :D

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Customer- bhai saheb dettol sabun hai?

Dukandaar (lauda khujlate huye)- haan hai.

Customer- to behen k lode, us se haath dho ke 1 kilo cheeni dede.

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

TATA ko ab pata chala ki
NANO CAR Me 2 Problems hai..
1. Pregnant Woman andar nahi aa sakti.
And
2. Car ke andar Normal Woman Pregnant nahi ho sakti..! ;)

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Doct.-Mareez ko Agar 1 ghanta pehle le aate to hum isey bacha lete.

SANTA-bhenchod, aadhe ghante pehle to acident hua, fir 1 ghanta pehle kya hospital gaand marvane laate?

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Girl (During  sex): Nahi ye galat hai
Boy: But I Luv U
G: Fir b galat hai
B: Hum shaadi kar lenge
G: abe chutiye jahan daal raha hai, wo jagah galat hai..😂😛

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Madam Ne English Period Mein Munni Se Puchha,
Madam: 'Translate This Sentence In Hindi - Pappu Gives Me 14 And 15 Rupees'
Munni Sharmate Hue: 'Mam, Pappu Ne Mujhe Choda Aur Pandra Rupaye Diye'

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Jale hue boobs lekar Sardarni hospital me admit hui
Dr: kaise jal  
Sardarni: KAMINE
Tune hi to kaha tha
Bacche ko dudh pilane se pehle
NIPPAL UBAL lena!

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Petrol Ke Badte Rate Ko Dekhte Hue Ek News Channel Walo Ne Report Di:
Aaj Ke Bad Petrol Pump Par Adult Movies Chala Karengi
Taki Aap Petrol Bharvate Hue Usi Time Pe Kisi Aur Ko Bhi Chudte Dekh Sako ......

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌❌

Nawab Saab Kothe pe Gaye,
Dalte Hi Leak Ho Gaya.
Tawayaf Adab Se Boli-
Huzur Ne Q Taklif Uthai.??
Chammach Me Nikal K
Bhijwa Diya Hota,
Hum Izzat Se Andar Daal Lete....😜😝😗😴😳

❌❌Non-Veg Bonanza❌m.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013





Boyfriend- Jaanu, jab Mai sidhi khade rehkar
halka sa jhuk kar
apna left leg ghutne se modkar
sidha karta hoon fir
right leg ko ghutne se modkar
sidha karta hoon
tab kamar mein dard hota hai....

Girlfriend- To aisa drama karta hi kyun hai.

Boyfriend- achha !! to kya mai ab kaccha bhi na pehnu.



------------------------


Waqt nahi ab rone ka
Waqt hai baccha hone ka
tab kyoun nahi royin thi
jab chipak chipak key soi thi
jab kiya hai to bharo
tab kahti thi aur karo aur karo...



------------------------


Ladka ladki dono lafange,
Ek Palang pe dono Nange,
Ladke ko lagi thand,
Usne nikala apna lund,
Ladki ne tange kholi,
AUr boli Belated Happy Holi!



------------------------


Sardar: Kitane logi?
Call girl: 500 Rs. on bed, 100 Rs. on chatai.
Sardar bola: Ok,yeh lo 500 Rs.
Callgirl: Wow! On bed...?
Sardar bola: Nahi, 5 bar chatai par..




.

Birthday

Santa: pados mein kya chal raha hai...👪👬👭👫
Banta: bday hai...🎂
Santa:kiska...❓❓❓
Banta:tuyu ka...
Santa...tuyu kon...😳
Banta: Ha!! Aise hi sunai diya tha happy bday tuyu...😂😝😜

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Love letter - professional way

This is how, to write a love letter, in a professional manner..



Dearest Girl, 

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Monday, the 1st day of Jan . 

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 1st day of Jan at 9.30 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility would be made permanent. 

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. 

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us.

 Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

 However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account. 

I request you to kindly respond within 7 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be treated as cancelled  and I shall be considering some other girl. 

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister/friend, if you do not wish to take up this offer. 

Thanking you in anticipation. 


Yours sincerely, 😜



😆🙈😝

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Decision

Suna ki kal raat 4 gundo ne aapki kanpati pe gun rakh ke pucha-
goli marun ya gaand?

Aaj aap ko zinda dekh ke khushi ho rahi hai.

Good decision..!!!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Heights

Heights of :-

1) Fashion?
Lungi with a zip.

2) Laziness?
Asking lift for morning walk.

3) Craziness?
Get blank paper xerox.

4) Honesty?
Pregnant woman taking 2 tickets.

5) De-hydration?
Cow giving milk powder.

6) Hope?
A 99 yr. Old woman going for 295/-recharge to get lifetime incoming.

7) Stupidity?
Looking through key hole of a glass door.

8) Suicide attempt?
A dwarf jumps from the footpath on the road.

9) Height of free time?
You are reading the whole msg....😂

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Singh is king

1 Sardar ne full nite chodne k liye call girl ko 20000 dekar kaha:

"Meri sirf 1 shart hai ki har shot k baad thodi deir K LIYE BATHROOM JAAUNGA!"

CALL GIRL maan gai.
Raat k 3 baje 16 SHOT k baad CALL GIRL adhmari haalat mein sardar k piche piche chali gayi, ye dekne k liye ki sardar har trip k baad zyada strong kaise ho jaata hai!

kuch dekne k baad woh behosh ho gayi.

Socho kyun?

? ? ?

Bathroom mein 50 sardar 1 jaisi pagdi pahne, line se nange khade the.

SINGH IS KING :-0



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Santa ka gussa

Santa gusse me BIWI se bola- "Dil karta hai ki.. aaj tere tukde-tukde kar k idhar-udhar faink Duu..!!


Achanak pados me se awaaz aayi...


.


.



Bhai "Momme"  idhar fek dena !! 😂😋

Milking machine

A Farmer orders an expensive milking machine. He decides to test it on himself first, so he inserts his manhood into the equipment and turns on the switch. Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with more pleasure than his wife does. But when the fun is over, he realizes that he cannot remove the instrument from his tool. Anxiously he reads the manual, but does not find any useful information. He tries every button on the instrument, without success. Finally the Farmer decides to call the customer hotline.
''Hello, I just bought a Cow Milking Machine from your company, it works fantastic, but how do you remove it from the cow's udder?''
"Don't worry sir'', replies the Customer Service Person, ''the machine will release automatically once it has collected two litres!"

Monday, October 14, 2013

Sardar special

Sardaars are back. 😃😃😃
A Sardaar went to a bank to open a Savings Bank Account.
After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'
😀
Sardaarji was standing below a tube light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light.'
😃
1 sardaarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper was leaking from?
😀
Santa, Your daughter has died.
Depressed, Sardaar jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter.
At 25th floor he remembers I am unmarried.
At 10th floor he remembers I am Banta not Santa.
😀
On romantic date sardaar's GF asks him:
'Darling, On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
He said: 'Sure, What's your phone number?'
😀
Sardaar found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What came first, chicken or egg?
Oye Yaar, what ever you order first will come first.
😀
Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardaarji.
He wrote: 'Due To Rain, No Match.'
😀
What does a sardaar do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
😀
Why can't sardaars dial Nine Eleven (911) at emergency?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.
😀
Sardaar and wife purchased coffee in a shop.
Sardaar: Drink quickly before it gets cold.
Wife: Why?
Sardaar: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.
😀
Sardaar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror. 😝😁😝

Death bed

A person on his death bed (in Mumbai at Hospita) with Wife, Kids
and Nurse beside him.


Man to Eldest son : You take the 15 Bungalows at Borivali.

To daughter : You take the 8 bungalows at Juhu.

To youngest son : You are my youngest and most dearest and I
want your future to be bright, so you keep the 20 offices at Nariman Point.

To wife : Dear Kavita, you keep all 11 of our Lokhandwala building flats.

Nurse - quite impressed - 
To wife : wow...You are lucky to have such a
husband
who is so rich and giving you all the properties etc.

Wife: What properties, 
what rich ...
he's distributing out responsibilities of delivring Milk to his clients in the morning

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Creative gaali

Most creative gaali of the year...Abe lund pe ghungroo bandh ke teri aisi gaand marunga. Ki Padosi kanfuj hojayenge Kirtan ho raha hai ya mujhra...👋👋

Saturday, October 12, 2013

आज का सुविचार



तरक्की  की राह मे रोडे आए या ना आए,
.
.
.
भैन के लोडे जरूर आते है ।😄

Multibagger

Behind Every FAIL Student,
There Is A HOT Girlfriend
And
What About TOPPERS?
A HOT Madam Jiski Wajah Se
Kaminay Sari Classes Attend Karte Hain. 



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Postman Knocked The Door..
.
.
A Kid Came Wid Cigrete In Mouth &
Beer In Hand..
.
Postman:" Papa Hain.. ??
.
.
.
Kid:" Abe Bhosdi K,
Mujhe Dekh Ke Lagta Hai,Baap Ghar Pe Hoga.. 



------------------------


Grandson - dadaji aapke daant hai par
dadiji ke kyun nai?
Dada - beta Mere daant hai kyunki main doodh bahot peeya karta tha..
or teri daadi ke nahi hai kyunki 
teri Dadi ganna bahot choosa karti thi... 


-------------------------


Guptaji to shopkeeper - koi aisi scheme
nikaalo jisme 500rs ki shopping pe sex
free ho..

Shopkeeper - Kya Guptaji, AAP ko pata hi nai, yeh
scheme toh last month nikali thi aur bhabhiji
to 8 baar 1000-1000rs ki shoping bhi kar ke gayi thi... 



-------------------------



Husband ne magazine padte huye achanak
paas baithi biwi ki choot mein ungli daal di..
Biwi - oh jaanu sex ka mood hai kya?
Husband - nahi yaar, page palatne ke liye
ungli geeli karni hai...

Friday, October 11, 2013

Santa speech

Santa's speech to his workers in English: 

"Do do, not do not do, Eat ur husband and lie in oven.. What my goes ? Your goes your father's goes..!!

In Punjabi: 

Karna hai karo, nahi karna na karo.. Khasmaa nu khao te chulle vich pao.. Mera ki jaanda ae ? Jo jaanda ae twaada te twaade peo da jaanda ae.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Loan dept

Son swallows 3 coins whiLe playing. Father starts beating on his back. Boy vomits 2 coins but still was choking.
Father shouts 4 help.
A Woman, in a Business Suit, saw it & casually pulls down Boys Pants, Catches his Testicles, Squeezes, Twists them gently then Tighter.
Finally Boy,Screaming in Pain, Coughs out last Coin.
Father thanked her & asked are you Doctor?
Woman: NO,I'm with ICICI Bank Loan Recovery Dept 😝
Wife: Suno ji, Doctor ne muje ek mahina aaram ke liye switzerland ya paris jaane ko kaha hai.
Hum kaha jayenge?
.😕
.😴
.😠
.😦
.😧
.😟
.😶
.😐
.😇
Husband: Dusre Doctor ke paas..😆😆😜

Monday, October 7, 2013

Classic


Classic ones-
☑ In life, never look down on anybody, unless u r getting a lovely view of the Cleavage! 😜
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☑ Whenever you see a woman and an opportunity ... don't screw the opportunity! 😜
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☑ Define contraceptive pill?
It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy! 😜
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☑ What is the similarity between doing sex & doing surgery?
Skill is more important than the instrument! 😜
********************************
☑What is the definition of a Lesbian?
Yet another damn woman trying to do a Man's job! 😜
********************************
☑ On a NUDE beach a man shakes hand with a lady & says: Pleased to meet U!
Lady: Yeah, I can SEE that! 😜
*******************************
☑ Today's generation: 
6 year boy to 4 year boy: Dude, I found a Condom in the balcony.
4 year boy: What's a balcony? 😜
********************************
☑ What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes?
Stay out of BED for two days!!!
Nipple se tapak raha pasina,
.
nipple se tapak raha pasina..
.
Bhigi hui gaand aur lathpath seena..
.
Ab tumhi batao "Ghalib"..
.
itni garmi me Koi kaise thoke hasina..!!😅

😀
Pati bola: Good nite,

patni : aise kaise good nite

Band karo light,

hathyar karo tight, lelo nipple ka bite,

karlo pussy se fight,

Aur gira do apna BIRLAWHITE!

Tab hogi good night

😀
English teacher: 
Aaj Sabko'My Best Friend' par 10 line likhni he,
thodi der baad 1 student ne Uthkar Puchha

Madam,'Bhosdike' ko English me kya Kehte hai....?

😀
Girl :- Mujhe tumhare chutkule bahut pasand hai.!

Boy :- Mujhe bhi tumhare Chut aur Kule bahut pasand hai.!

Rishta vahi , Soch Nayi..!

😀
Ek Neta Ji Hospital Ka Survey Karne Gaye
General Ward Mein Dekha Ek Mariz Muthh Maar Raha Tha.
Neta Ji Ne Hairan Hote Hue Doctor Se Puchha: “Ye Kya Hai?”
Doctor Ne Samjhaya: “Is Ka sperm Bahut Tezi Se Banta Hai Hourly Nikalna Jaruri Hai.”
Neta Ji Agle Ward Mein Pahunche
Udhar Ek Nurse Mariz Ka Lund Choos Rahi Thi
Ye Dekh Ke Neta Fir Hairan Hue Aur Doctor Se Puchha: “Ab Ye Kya Hai?”
Doctor: “Bimari Wahi Hai Par Ye Deluxe Ward Hai..“😳🍌🌽😋

👙👙👙👙👙👙👙👙


Boy -"Yaar, kal exam hai,
Tum mujhe subah jaldi utha dena.. "

Epic reply from His Friend -

"Mera pakad kar so ja, Ye subah mujhse pehle uth jata hai" !! 😂😅
Nipple Nipple Little Star 
Can I fuck U in My Car  
Up above Ur Boobs So High 
Always milky Never dry 
Let Me Press it  
Don't feel Shy  
Open Ur Panty  
Let Me Try 😂😂😂

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Mehangayi

Agar yahi Government aur 4 saal rahi to

1.Dudh sirf Boobs me hoga.

2.Gas sirf Gand se niklegi.

3.Pani sirf Lund se tapkega.

4.Petrol to itna mehnga hoga ki Gand me Mirchi laga ke kam par bhagna padega:-%

Confessional box

Two Difficult Things To Achieve -

1.    To plant your ideas in someone else's head.
2.    To put someone else's money in your own pocket.

The one who succeeds in the first one is called a Teacher.  And the second is called a Businessman.
 
The one who succeeds in both is called a Wife. The one who fails in both is called a Husband!  😥😜😷


--//----
Confessional Box ?????

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. 

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side". 😜😜😝

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Lankesh

RAVAN ki Barsi aane wali h
Unki YAAD m plz Ye SMS
km se km
kisi 6 RAAKSHAS ya 6 BHOOTNI ko zaroor SEND krein.aapki manokamna puri hogi 
Maine  apna Farz pura kr Diya.
"JAI LANKESH"  :".                          😄😃😀😊😍😳😢😪😥😡

Life's attitude

Must Read Superb Attitude for Life
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Log hamare bare me kya sochte hain,
Agar yeh bhi hum hi sochenge toh phir log kya sochenge..! 
Jiyo bindas..;)
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
 Someone asked Life:
Why are you so difficult...????!!!
Life Smiled and said
"You people never appreciate easy things"...:) ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
 Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, 
but because you deserve peace... 
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Unbelievable fact --  
Our body is full of water but wherever it hurts,
blood cums out.
&
Our heart is full of blood but
whenever it hurts,
TEARS comes out.
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
If you have a "magnetic" personality and yet people don't get attracted to you - it's not your fault.
They have "iron" deficiency in their bodies
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Coolest msg. . . . . . 
"if we sleep on flowers, its called our first night"
"if flowers sleep on us, its called our last night"
Reality of life....
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Pearl of the Day:
"If You want to feel Rich,
Just  Count All The Things You have, That Money cannot Buy."

Friday, October 4, 2013

Fudi Da

Lulli gori karn de 3 trike
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Mainu pata c tu jurur pdenga kanjra "kaali lulli walaya"
THIS ONE IS SUPERB 😂😂    Santa : "Dr.SAAB sheesha vekh k mera lun khada ho janda ae." 
DOC-"Ae koi bemari nai teri shakal hi fudi wargi ae.. Fudi Deya 😜😛

Sunday, September 29, 2013

HR marriage

An HR got married ...

On the first night of their honeymoon,  
seeing her nude, 
he says furiously : 
"Tumne dhoka kiya !! 
You have cheated me” !

The astounded but smart bride asks : 
Kaise ?
How have I cheated you ?

The HR shouts :  
Your Boobs are so small…. 

I definitely remember noticed their size when 
I met you at the engagement ...
they appeared to be much bigger ...

The hitech bride replies, 
"Honey, 
what you saw and agreed upon was the 
CTC Package .... & 
what you've got now is the 
actual salary in hand..!!” 😜😝😝

Kamina Bacha

1 Kamina Bachha apni Toy Train se khel rha tha aur Bar-Bar bol rha tha,

" Jis Madarchod ko chadna hai chad jao, Jis Bhenchod ne utarna hai utr jao…"

Uske BAAP ne uski train rok k 1 zor se thappad laga diya…

Bachha 10 min ro k chup ho gaya aur fir shuru ho gaya,

" Jis Madarchod ko chadna hai jaldi chado, Jis Bhenchod ne utrna hai jaldi utro ."

Pehle hi ek gaandu ki wajah se Train 10 min late ho gayi hai..
😆😜😆

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Husband

A bus  full of housewives💁🙋🙎🙍🙅🙆 going on a picnic fell into a river🏊, all aboard died. Each husband 👦👨👴👳👲😥 cried for about a day, one husband continued for more than two weeks.
🎎
When asked he replied miserably.. 💃"My wife missed the bus😭


---//--/----
Santa calls up the doc at 2 AM. "Doc, my wife is having severe abdomen pain. I think it's her appendix."
"What nonsense!" says the doc sleepily. "I took out your wife's appendix two years ago. Go back to sleep."
Five minutes later, the phone rings and it's Santa again. "Doc, I'm sure it’s her appendix."
"Oh God!" the doctor groaned. "Did you ever hear of anyone having a second appendix?"
"No...". says Santa. "But I'm sure you must have heard of someone having a second wife..!!!!"😜😜

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Super msg of the day ....😂😂
 "If newly weds are called 
💞"Love Birds"..🐥❤🐥
What do you call the couples married for years??.............>>


😡 "Angry Birds"?😄😜

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Sardar

One Sardar Farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. 
So one day Sardar called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. 
"I don't care," said Sardar. "Just do something about these crazy drivers!"
So the next day, the county workers erected a sign that said

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Sardar called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." 
So, again, the sheriff sent out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

But that sped the drivers up even more!
So Sardar kept calling, and the sheriff kept changing the signs.
Finally, Sardar said to the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff was ready to let Sardar do just about anything if it would get him to stop calling every day. He said, "Sure thing, put up whatever you want."
And after that, the sheriff got no more calls from SARDAR Farmer.

Three weeks later, the sheriff's curiosity got the best him and he decided to give Sardar a call. "How's the problem with those drivers? Did you put up your sign?" 

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." 

So the sheriff drove out to Sardar's house, and his jaw nearly hit the floor at what he saw. There, printed neatly on a sheet of plywood was Sardar's sign:

NUDIST COLONY = GO SLOW -- WATCH FOR CHICKS........

Friday, September 20, 2013

Carlos

Twelve Priests were about to be ordained. 
The final test was for them to line up in a straight row,
totally nude,
in a garden while a beautiful, nude model danced before them.

Each Priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.

She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
 
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.

Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward and bent over to pick it up...

And that's when all the other
Bells started ringing.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Tech.

Son was looking at falling stars and praying 4 gud marks.
Father came along and said "Technology is so advanced that man has reached the moon and ur searching 4 ur luck in stars?" 
Son replied "Dad, don't be ridiculous u know babies can be made in test tubes but have u stopped trying the old way?" 😂

Monday, September 16, 2013

Multibagger

CB Jokes - Zip band karo


Girl & Boy Lost in a Jungle.
After 2 days of struggle for Food & Water...
Girl: Jaanu Pls mujhe chood do..
Boy: Are you sure ??
Girl: Yes, Kuch to Andar Jayega !!! 


-----------------------


1 ladki apne boyfriend tumne kabhi chuchiyo se dudh piya hai?
Ladka (sharmate hue):Nahi
Ladki:To bhenchod....,
bachpan me kya
BAP KA LUND
chus ke bada hua hai .?! 


-------------------------



Ek Baap ne apne bete ko ginti k zariye bathroom Jana sikhaya.. 
1.zip kholo 
2.pipi nikalo 
3.skin pichhe khicho 
4.susu karo 
5.skin aage khecho 
6.pipi andar Lo 
7.zip band karo 
Baap roj khush hota tha jab bathroom me se aavaj aati 
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,.... 

Magar ek din usne suna.. 
3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,.... 
Aur baap behosh ho gaya. 
Jisako samaj aaya Vo frwd kare , baki 2,6,2,6 kareee... 



-------------------------



Sardar ke Suhagrat pe Light nahin thi... Sardar Naukar se bola: Tu Lalten pakad, main suhagraat mana loon. Naukar ne Lalten Pakdi aur Sardar chodne laga. 
Sardar Biwi se: Maza aaya?
Biwi: Nahin.
Sardar ne phir koshish ki aur phir Biwi se pucha: Ab Maza aaya?
Biwi: Nahin.
Sardar Naukar ko Bola: Yeh Lalten Mujhe de, Main Pakadta hoon..Tu chood... Naukar shuru huwa... 
Jab Kaam khatam huwa to Sardar ne Biwi se pucha: Ab Maza aaya??
Biwi Boli: Haan Bahut Maza aaya...
Sardar pure gusse se Naukar ko Thappad mar ke Bola: Dekha Chutiye.... Aise Pakadte hain Lalten. 



----------------------------



Master:- aaj sab bachche 1 -1 doha bolenge,
billu tum bolo

Billu:chidiya baithi pedh pe usne diya moot,
sab jor se bolo Raju ki maa ki choot!!!!

Master:- Shabash,
tumne toh raju ki ma chod di, ab raju tum bolo..

Raju:kabutar baitha pedh pe usne diya moot,
kabutar baitha pedh pe usne diya moot,
billu ki maa ka bhosda,
aur master ki maa ki choot...!!!!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Mistake

A woman playing golf, hit a man near by. He put his hands together between his legs, fell on ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him, and offered to relieve his pain as she was a doctor. Reluctantly he agreed. She gently took his hands away, unzipped his pant & put her hands inside. She massaged tenderly for a few minutes & asked "How does it feel??? He replied "Feels gr8, but I still think my THUMB is broken"😂

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Master

एक बार एक नया शिक्षक कक्षा में आया और बच्चों से बोला- बच्चों, मैं विज्ञान का बहुत बड़ा शिक्षक हूँ, तुम मुझसे कोई भी प्रश्न पूछ सकते हो।
यह सुन एक हरामी बच्चे फ़त्तू ने हाथ उठाया और शिक्षक से बोला- मास्टर जी, जब हम उंगली में अंगूठी पहन कर उतारते हैं तो वो जगह गोरी हो जाती है, ऐसे ही जब हम जुराबें पहन कर उतारते हैं तो हमारे पैर गोरे हो जाते हैं, परन्तु जब हम चड्डी उतारते हैं तो हमारा लंड क्यों नहीं गोरा होता?
मास्टर ने फ़त्तू को मन ही मन गालियाँ दी और बोला- बेटा, ऐसा इसीलिए कि तुम्हारा लंड हमेशा दूसरी लड़कियों को बुरी नज़र से देखता रहता है।
फ़त्तू- तो उससे हमारे लंड के काले होने का क्या ताल्लुक है?
शिक्षक- भोंसड़ी के ! कभी सुना नहीं- 'बुरी नज़र वाले, तेरा मुंह काला !

Friday, September 13, 2013

Behenchod & Madarchod

Ek train me 3 ladkiyan safar kar rahi thi... Next station se 3 ladke saamne ki seat par aakar baithe.. . . Thodi der baad un logo ne aapas me baat cheet chalu ki Ladko ne ladkiyo se kaha pahle hum aapas me apna parichay dede.. . . Beech me baithi ladki jo jyada hoshiyar thi usne ladkiyo ka parichay kuch is tarah diya main to main hu, right wali meri bahen hai aur left wali meri maa . . Ladke samaj gaye ki beech wali unka majaak uda rahi hai . . Ladke bhi kam na the Beech wala ladke ne ladko ka parichay kuch is tarah diya main to main hu, right wala Behenchor hain aur left wala Madarchod.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Virginity test

Man 1:  I am getting married. How would I
know if my wife is a virgin?

Man 2: Get an "Irish Virginity Test" Kit.

Man 1: What's that?

Man 2: It contains a small can of Red paint, a small can of Blue paint and a Hammer.

Man 1: That sounds crazy! How can virginity be tested with that? 

Man 2: Paint your right ball Red and left ball Blue... and as you remove your underwear, if your wife says, 'that's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen, hit her on her head with the hammer !!!!!😛😹

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Bum chik

Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn’t gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Karen says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies: ‘Mom! I have someone for you to meet.’

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to each other and, after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.

Their first night there, she undresses, as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit. 
Looking at her he asks: ‘Why the black panties?’ 
She replies: ‘My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.’
He knows he’s not getting lucky that night.

The following night the same scenario — her standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit … except that he is wearing a black condom.

She looks at him and asks: ‘What’s with the black condom?’

He replies:’I want to offer my deepest condolences.‘



--/--/----
why Bums are split verticaly?

Coz if it was split horizontaly,it would clap wen u run down d stairs

Stop imagining😝👻

Monday, September 9, 2013

Gyaan

15 Choochiyaan aur khaini, jitna
ragdoge utna hi mazaa ayega.

16 Chut aur Daaru, kabhi bhee joothi
nahi hoti hain.

17 Kutte ko mootne ke liye aur Ladki
ko chudne ke liye, taang uthani
hi padti hai.

18 Chut aur Bhut, Kismat walon ko hi
dikhte hain.

19 Lohe par Hathoda aur Chut par
Loda, tabhi maro jab garam ho.

20 Ladki aur Audio cassete, dono side
se bajaana chahiye.

21 Exam ki taiyari mein ek ghanta aur
daaru mein ek peg, hamesha kum
padte hain.

22 Chut saal mein do hi baar maro, ek
jis din baarish ho aur doosre
us din jab baarish na ho.
23 Lund aur Ghamand, dono ko
kaabu mein rakhne mein hi bhalai
hai.
24 Baagi aur mamme , jahan bhee
mile , masal dene chahiye.
25 Samay se pahle aur Kismat se
achhi chut, na kisi ko mili hai, na
milegi.
26 Jab kismat mein likhe ho lode, to
kahan se milenge pakode.
27 adami aur chuha hamesha chhed
ki taraf bhagte hain...