A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again,? "Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls? back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other
Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very very closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k? =D

---/----//-
A Woman In Labour, shouting at her Husband

He Calmly Replies:-
Hey Don't Blame Me, I wanted to put it In ur Ass... But NO. You thought,
THAT MIGHT HURT..!!=))

---//-
Maths Lady Teacher: 1 Me 2 Daalen To Kya Hota Hai? Girl: Maa'm Ye To Aap Ka Hi Hounsla Hai Warna Hamuri To 1 Se Hi Jaan Nikal Jati Hai..:-)

Muthal

Self Reliance
Time Convenience
Prevention Of Crime
Mental Choice Of Lady
No Risk Of Aids
No Special Place Required
No Wastage Of Cash
Easy To Perform
No Fear Of Early Ejaculation
Guaranteed Satisfaction
No Risk Of Being Caught
So The Moral Is:
Badnami Ki Fuddi Se Izzat Ki Mutth Achi Hai

Sms

Sardarji, tell me ...., what is the meaning of SMS ?

Sardar angrily said, i know -

it means....

S - Sardaron ke

M - Mazak udane ki

S - Service

Freebies

Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"

Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!"

Sardars rock

2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile.
1st Sardar: chal police ko de ke aate he.
2nd sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha..!!

_\\\___\\\___\\\
Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyo huss rahe ho?
Sardar: Me to uth ta hi subah 9 baje hu.!


---////-----////---

Sardar to Doctor: Mujhe 1 problem he.
Dr: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota he?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.!!

--//------///--------/

Man: Sardarji aap ko garmi lagti he to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hu.
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C 'on' kar leta hu.!


--////------//-
A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."After 11 years an angry Vahe Guru appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"


---/////--//--
Ek sardar ki chhatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega


---///--/////////--
Hitler: "There's no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar: Ab bolne se kya faayda? Jab kharidi thi tab check karna tha na"


---//-__\\////////------
Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Salesman: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar,mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.


--///------//------///-
1st sardar: oye..agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha he ki banda so hi jaye..


--///----///-----///----

1 sardar rail ki patri pe so gaya. 1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho?Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se hawai jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua,train kya cheez hai.



--////---------///----
In bio practical:Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You are failed.!
What's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name.

MMS

A guy enters soniya gandhi's office- "Madam aapka MMS aaya hai!!!*nerd*
Soniya gandhi- Ohh!!!!;;)


ManMohan Singh enters-"kamino pura naam liya karo kya MMS bulate ho mujhe" 

Early to bed and early to rise means

This is one of the best from Santa

Teacher: Complete the sentence
"Early to bed and early to rise .....

Santa: "shows Man has no interest in his wife..!!"

Pregnancy test

New pregnancy test 4 sardars Insert whisky bottle into vagina.
Leave for 30 seconds den remove.
If it's half empty, then there's another sardar on the way.

Deewangi

Darwaje par phool sajaye baitha hai
Bistar ko scent se mahkaye betha hai
Diwangi to dekho chodu ki,
Suhagrat sham ko hai aur condom subah se lagaye baitha hai

Rocking Generation !!

KID FAILS IN EXAM..
Father@Aaj se mujhe Papa Mat kehna.
Son@ Oh,come on Dad, it was just a School test not a DNA Test !!

Rocking Generation !!


---////-----//
WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet ,I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

Marriage proposal

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,

WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..

MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,

MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,

MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!

Santa's sugar test

Santa goes into a chemist's shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist. "Could you taste this, please?" The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it. "Does it taste sweet ??
"says Santa."No, not at all," says the chemist. "Good" says Santa."The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar. :) =))=D

Jokes

The bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued.....

"My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit card to me."

The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter.......... all except......

the poor Groom!! =DX_X=))

--/////--:/--
Son: "Dad, I want to be like you!!"
Dad (Feeling Proud): "That's so nice son. So you want to be a business tycoon?"
Son: "No Dad, I too wanna fuck our maid...." *nerd* >=)
Dunya me Apna maqam kch is trah se banao
k Agr Mar b jao to Log ye hi bolen

Banda Milta nahi tha,
par BC boht bhejta tha:p:D >=)

Cooperative sardars

Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
drinks took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.

"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.

So the two sardars exchanged their sandwiches.

Shadi se pehle aur bad

(ENGAGEMENT K BAD)
Boy: THANK GOD! Is din ka to me kabse intejar kar rha tha.
Girl: To me jau?
B: Nahi bilkul nahi.
G: Do u luv me?
B: Ha. Karta tha,karta hu aur karta rahunga
G: Kabhi mere sath dhoka karoge?
B: Nahi. Isse achha to me mar jau.
G: Kya mujhe Pyaar karoge?
B: Yes, why not.
G: Tum muje maroge?
B: Nahi me aisa aadmi nahi hu
G: kya me tum pe vishvash kar sakti hu?
B: yes
G: Oh darling!

(AUR AB MARRIAGE K BAAD)
Ab msg Nich SE UPAR PADHO

Penis sucking

A recent survey showed why men like their penis to be sucked by a woman ??

10% like the feeling,
12% like the dominance &

78% like the 10 mins of silence...!!:D

Doosra Lund

"Kayi Bar Hum Apna Kaam Nikalne Ke Liye Dusre Ka Bevkoof Bana Dete Hai, Par Ek Na Ek Din Hisab Brabar Ho Hi Jata Hai."
Pankaj Naam Ke Ek Ladke Ki Shadi Nahi Ho Rahi Thi, To Usne Apna Dimag Lagaya Aur Poore Sheher Mein Shor Machwa Diya Ke Uske Do Lund Hai.
Fatafatt Kafi Sare Rishte Aane Lage, To Usne Ek Khubsurat Si Ladki Pasand Karke Shadi Kar Li
Suhag Raat Ko Patni Puchati Hai: “Arrey Apka Doosra Lund Kahan Hai?”
Pankaj Ne Dimag Lgaya Aur Bola: “Wo Doosra Lund Pados Wale Sharmaji Le Gaye Hai.”
Patni Ne Bhi Kaha Chal Koi Baat Nahi Aur Dono Ki Aram Se Zindagi Beetne Lag Gayi
Kuch Dino Ke Baad Pankaj Ko Kisi Kaam Se Shahar Se Bahar Jana Pada, Teen-Chaar Din Ke Baad Aata Hai To Biwi Uske Aate Hi Ladna Shuru Kar Deti Hai.
Pankaj Bechare Ko Samajh Nahi Aati Aur Vo Hairan Hokar Puchta Hai: “Arrey Hua Kya Hai?”
Biwi Gusse Se Bolti Hai: “Mene Aap Jaisa Chutiya Dusra Nahi Dekha”
Pankaj Ke Tote Udd Gaye Aur Usne Pucha: “Kyu Mene Kya Kiya?”
Biwi: “Aap Ne Chota Wala Lund Apne Paas Rakh Liya Aur Badewala Sharma Ji Ko Kyon Diya?“

Bhagwan pareshan

Bhagwan Ne Duniya Banayi Aur Bhul Gaya. Aur Apne Mein Mast Ho Gaya
Par Ek Din Usne Socha Ki Main Dharti Pe Apna Ek Farishta Behjta Hun.
Bhagwan Ne Farishte Ko Bulaya Aur Bola: “Ja Jake Dekh Ke Aa Dharti Pe Kya Chal Raha Hai, Aur Ye Pata Laga Ke Aa Ki Vahan Pe Sab Se Soft, Sabse Hard Aur Esi Konsi Cheez Hai Jo Maine Nahi Banayi Fir Bhi Darti Pe Hai”
Farishta Dharti Pe Aya Aur Indian Mein Pahunch Gaya. Survey Karne Ke Baad Jab Vapis Bhagwan Ke Pass Pahuncha
Bhagwan Ne Pucha: “Batao Sab Se Soft Cheez Kya Hai?”
Farishta: “Ji Dharti Pe Sabse Soft Cheez Gaand Hai”
Bhagwan Ne Hairani Hoke Pucha: “Achha, Wo Kaisi?”
Farishta: “Ji, Jisko Dekho Kisi Ko Bhi Bol Deta Hai Ki Oye Main Teri Gaand Phad Doonga”
Bhagwan Bole: “Hmmm, Sabse Hard Cheez Konsi Hai?”
Farishta: “Sabse Hard Cheez Hai Jhanth Ka Bal”
Bhagwan: “Hadd Hai, Vo Bala Kaisi?”
Farishta: “Waha Har Koi Ye Bol Deta Hai Ki Tu Meri Jaanth Ka Baal Bhi Nahi Ukhaad Sakta”
Bhagwan Ne Pareshan Ho Ke Pucha: “Aur Esi Konsi Cheez Hai Jo Maine Nahi Banayi Par Fir Bhi Vo Hai?”
Farishta: “Ji, Wahan Pe Maa Behan Ke Lode Bhi Hai”
Bhagwan Ji Gaddi Se Uchhal Ke Bole: “Wo Kaisi?”
Farishta: “Har Koi Bol Deta Hai Teri Maa Ka Loda , Teri Bahan Ka Loda.”

Filthy Santa

Teacher Santa Se: “Teri Shikayat Mili Hai Tu Aaj Kal Galiiya Badi Deta Hai”


Santa: “Main Te Kadi Kisi Maa De Lode Nu Koi Vi Gaali Nahi Ditti, Kede Madherchod Ne Tuhadi Bund Vich Iss Gall Di Ungli De ditti"

Sardar and Sindhi

Sardar and Sindhi entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, Sindhi stole 3 chocolate bars.

As they left the store, Sindhi said to Sardar : "Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, u cant beat that"

Sardar replied: "You wanna see something better, let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"


So they went to the counter and Sardar said to the Shop guy: "Do you wanna see magic?" Shop guy replied: "Yes."Sardar said: "Give me one chocolate bar." The shop guy gave him one, and he ate it. He asked for the second, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too.


The shop guy asked: "But where's the magic?" Sardar replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them."=D =))
u can't beat a Sardar

Pappu thinks

Teacher: “What Is Common Between Jaya Bachchan And Aishwarya?”



Pappu After Much Thought: “I Think, Nipples Of Both Were Sucked By Abhishek“

Santa becomes christian

To All Punjabis n those who understand the Punjabi psyche !!!!

Each Friday night after work, Santa would fire up his outdoor grill & cook a tandoori chicken & some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics.. & since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken & meat on a Fridays.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa & suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes & much study, Santa attended a Mass.. & as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, & raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic!"

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of punjabi tandoori chicken & delicious meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors.. & as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary & prepared to scold him, he stopped & watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats & chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, & you were born a lamb, you were raised a chicken & you were raised a lamb, but now you are a potato & you a tomato..!!"
The Priest fainted....



---//-----///--//
Sardar & his
wife went for
Divorce
Judge: U have 3 kids.
How wil u divide them?
Sardar discusd wid sardarni
& said ok, sir ji
We will come nxt year...

Banta's wife

Mrs Banta came home late one night after a Card Game.

She didn't want to wake up her hubby.

So she undressed quietly & started walking nude towards the bed.

Suddenly Banta woke up.

Shocked,

he screamed - "Haramzadi, sab kuch haar gai kya....?=))

ek. THA Tiger

Ek tha Tiger........sallu dies.....kat telling story to their son....movie in flashback.....that's why its .....Ek Tha Tiger......happy watching..=D

Choot ko gand ka sahara

Suhagrat Par Patni Ke Sath Sex Karne Ke Bad, Pati Bada Khush Tha.
Patni Ke Mathe Ko Chhum Kar Bola.
Pati: “Janu Aaj Bada Maja Aya Aur Main Bahut Khush Hun.”
Patni: “Achha Ji, Kyu?”
Pati: “Tum To Virgin Nikli, Apni Choot Ko Aaj Tak Badi Hifazat Se Bacha Ke Rakha Hai Tumne”
Patni Sharmati Hui: “Aji, Dua Meri Gaand Ko Dijiye, Jiski Wajah Se Aaj Tak Meri Choot Bachi Rahi“

Old memories

2 ladies raste se chal ke jaa rahe the, wahi raste par 1 kutti ko 3 kutte thokk rahe the, yeh dekhkar 1st lady k aankhon mein aansoon aa gaye. 2nd lady : kya hua, kyun ro rahi ho ? 1st lady : kuch nahi bas college ke dinn yaad aa gaye !!


----///---------
Boss was fucking a woman employee in his office in doggie style, when another employee walks in.

Guy: Wah sir! Akele akele. Hamara number kab aayega?
Boss: without stopping: Agar 3rd quarter ka target pura nahin hua bhosdi ke, to agla number tera hi hai..!!

Poor tortoise

A Suicide Bomber
enters a Pet Shop n Shouts -
Every1 has a Minute to get out!!! >=)


Tortoise - yeh kya Chutiyagiri hai bhenchod!!

Ghalib

Mirza Galib Ne Har Baat Par Sher Kaha,
Shaadi Hui To Sher Kaha,
Ghunghat Uthaya To Sher Kaha,
Kapde Utare To Sher Kaha,
Phir Jab Tangein Uthaain To Fir Ek Sher Farmaya

“Le Aayi Phir Kahaan Par Kismat Humain Kahan Se,
Ye To Wohi Jagah Hai Nikley They Hum Jahan Se”

Punjabi

You're a TRUE PUNJABI if..

Your grandmum finds u "Kamjor" even if you're overweight.

When unwell, your entire family turns into doctors.

You are so Loud when happy, that people think you all are Fighting.

If you converse for more than 15 minutes, the topic is FOOD.

You can speak any language in Punjabi--
"Kinni soni wind blowndi ai".

You earn Rs.1 and spend Rs. 1:50.

To err is Human but
to BURRRAAH is Punjabi.

You aren't Fat, you belong to a "khata peeta" family.

One word for many emotions--
Surprised- Oye
Calling out- oyee
Angry- OYEEE
In pain- oye oye oye

After gossiping about someone for hours, you end by saying, "SANNU KI" :D =D

Lakeer ka fakeer

Ladka Ladki Se: “Tumhari Dono Taango Ke Beech Mein Kya Hai?”
Ladki: “Meri Dono Taango Ke Beech Mein Ek Lakeer Hai.”
Ladki: “Aur Tumhari Dono Taango Ke Beech Kya Hai?”
Ladka: “Lakeer Ka Fakeer.“

Sardarni rocks

First joke on sardarni ... A plane is on its way to Chandigarh, when Gurpreet in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells Gurpreet that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."

the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a sardarni sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."


The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this sardarni who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she is a sardarni? I'll handle this; I’m married to a sardarni. I speak sardar's language."

He goes back to Gurpreet and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, I’m sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy..

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her, "first class isn't going to Chandigarh

Sunny leone stamp

The Postal Department has issued stamps of Sunny Leone..!!!!

Men are confused which side to Lick and Paste !!:p

Luka chupi

Ladki: “Aao Chupan Chupai Khelte Hai”
Ladka: “Chalo Chupo, Mein Doondta Hoon”
Ladki: “Agar Tumne Mujhe Dhund Liya To Mein Poora Ander Longi?”
Ladka: “Agar Main Na Doond Saka Toh?”
Ladki: “Aisa Na Kaho Yaar, Mein Chhat Pe Chupi Houngi“

Mota bacha

Do Ladkiya Class Mein Ek Mote Bachhe Ka Pet Dekh Kar Boli.
Ladkiya: “Oye Motu, Ye Pani Ka Matka Kitne Ka Dega.”
Bachha Bhi Pura Kameena Tha, Bina Sharam Kiye Pant Utari Aur Lund Dikha Kar Bola.
Bachha: “Nal Sahit Rs. 500/- Ka“

Multibagger

Pyari Subah Teri,Shaam Meri Ho
Din tera,Raat Meri Ho
Hasi Teri,Udasi Meri Ho
Jab Maut aaye to yaar sirf …
Kabar teri aur usme lash meri ho.
Mehak dosti ki ishq say kam nahi hoti
ishq pe zindagi khatam nahi hoti
sat agar ho zindagi mein doston ka
too zindagi jannat say kam nahin hoti.
1 baccha maa se pitne k baad apne baap se:
Papa kabhi aap pakistan gaye the?

Papa:Nahi beta,

Bacha: fir itni khatarnaak Aatankwadi Item kahan se utha laye? >=) >:O =D
1,THINK POSITIVE
Your life is your garden, your thoughts are the seeds.
If your life isn't awesome, you've been watering the weeds................................ 2,The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and accept the impossible............................... 3,The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart............. 4,Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life............................... 5,A relationship has :
A Girl...
A Boy...
An Ex trying to mess it up...
& A 'Friend' waiting for a break up................................... 6,I'm going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everythings perfect, act like its all a dream and pretend its not hurting me.................................................. 7,When you love someone and you love them with your heart, it never disappears when you're apart. and when you love someone and you've done all you can do, you set them free, and if that love was true...when you love someone, it will come back to you
ISHQ MEI DAULAT SARI NA LUTA DENA,
MUMMY KE ARMAAN KHAK MEIN NA MILA DENA,
GHAR SE PAISE MILE HAI SABZI KE LIYE BETA,
BAZAR JAA KAR JAANU KA RECHARGE NA KARA DENA...
Ek High Court Ka Judge Kahi Ja
Raha Tha Ki Jungle Ke Raste Meun
Uski Car Kharab Ho Gayi.

Door Tak Nazar Daudayi To Ek
Jagah Bulb Jalta Dikhai Diya, Judge
Raat Wahi Gujarne Ke Irade Se
Udhar Chal Pada.

Knock Kiya To Andar Se Aurat Ki
Aawaz Aay: “Kaun Hai?”

Judge: “Main High Court Ka Judge
Hun, Meri Car Kharab Ho Gayi Hai So Main Raat Gujarna Chahta Hun
Yaha”

Darwaja Khula Aur Saamne Ek Sexy Aurat Khadi Thhi

Aurat: “Mere Paas Ek Hi Room Hai Aur Bed Bhi Ek Hai”

Judge: “Aap Chinta Na Kare Main
High Court Ka Judge Hun Aapko Koi Pareshani Nahi Hogi.”

Dono Jab Sone Ke Liye Bistar Par
Pahunche To

Aurat: “Mujhe Sirf Bra Aur Painty
Mein Sone Ki Aadat Hai?”

Judge: “Aap Jaise Chahe Soye, Main High Court Ka Judge Hun Aapko Koi Pareshani Nahi Hogi.”

Aurat Ne Sare Kapde Utare Aur Bra
And Panty Mein Let Gayi Aur Thodi
Der Baad Boli

Aurat: “Mujhe Saath Mein Lete Insaan Se Lagg Ke Aur Uske Uper Taang Rakh Ke Sone Ki Adat Hai”

Judge: “Madam Aap Jaise Marji
Soiye Mujhe Koi Problame Nahi
Main High Cort Ka Judge Hun.”

Raat Gujar Gaye Subah Judge
Sahab Bahar Baithe Chai Pee Rahe
The To Unhone Dekha Ki Us Aurat
Ne 2 Murge Aur 10 Murgiya Paal
Rakhi Thi Jinme Se Ek Murga Jo Langda Tha, Wo Sab Murgiyo Ke Piche Bhag Raha Tha Aur Dusra Ek Murga Chupchap Baitha Tha

Judge Se Ye Dekh Kar Raha Nahi
Gaya

Judge: “Ye Dusra Murga Chupchap
Baitha Hai.. Kya Ye Bimar Hai?”

Aurat: “Nahi …. Ye Chutiya High Court Ka Judge Hai“ :p=))
Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli to Pati use ghur raha tha.!
.
.
Wife romantic hokar: Kuch karne ka
irada hai kya.......?.?
.
.
Pati usko thappad maar ke bola:
.
. Kamini Mere garam pani se kyu
nahayi..??=D
TEACHER: sabse zyada CALCIUM kis DUDH me hai?

BOY: GIRLFRIEND k... Q K iske muh se lagate he, jism k un hisso me bhi JAAN aa jati hai jisme HADDI nahi hoti...:p.
Gujju & Chinese in a train.
A cockroach enters.
Chinese catches it & eats it!
Another cockroach enters.
Gujju catches & asks d chinese:
Kharidega kya..?..;) =D
Weird Facts :

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there
any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?).

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
55% of all men who have read this post have already booked their flights to Guam, the rest are considering it.
Nurse to patient with bleeding head:
Your name?
Patient: John.
.
Nurse: Age?
Patient: 25 years
.
Nurse: Married?
Patient: No, No Car accident..;p :)

Santa with mochi

Ek Bar Chatt (Roof) Se Girne Ki Vajah Se Santa Ki Gaand Fatt Gayi To Vo Mochi Ke Pass Silvane Gaya
Silne Ke Baad Mochi Ne Usko 25000 Rs Ka Bill De Diya
Santa Ne Usko 50000 Rs De Diye
Mochi Ne Puchha: “Itne Jyada Kyu De Rahe Ho Bill To 25000 Rs Ka Hai”
Santa: “Tera Bill Dekh Kar Fir Phat Gayi Hai“

Banta's Wife

Mrs Banta came home late one night after a Card Game.

She didn't want to wake up her hubby.

So she undressed quietly & started walking nude towards the bed.

Suddenly Banta woke up.

Shocked,

he screamed - "Haramzadi, sab kuch haar gai kya....?=))

Callgirl adv.

Fantastic Ad by callgirl -
PLOT ON RENT,
2"x4" area,
good frontage,
1 bore well with garden around,
drainage facility &
Milk booth at handy distance..
Pyar Karo,
.
Zaroor Karo,
.
Mana To Nahi Kiya,
.
Lekin..?
.
Pyar Karo Kisi 1 Se,
.
Magar Karo Kisi Naik Se,
.
Jab Tak Koi Naik Na Milay,
.
Try Karo Har 1 Se.

Lund kavita

So Raha Tha Ek Rooz Lund,
Rakh Ke Tattoon Par Apna Sir,
Ke Pass Se Huwa Choot Ka Guzar
Lund Ne Dekha Use Utha Kar Sir,

Lund Ne Poocha Ja Rahi Hai Kidhar?
Agar Waqt Ho To Jara Aa Na Idhar
Choot Ne Kaha Aji Mujhey Maaf Kijiyey
Pahle Jo Kuch Muh Se Tapak Raha Hay.
Woh To Saaf Kijiyey
Lund Ne Jo Yeh Suna To Woh Gya Bigad
Phir Jo Kuch Na Hona Tha Woh Ho Gya Udhar
Jab Jo Kuch Na Hona Tha Woh Gya Ho
Lund Ne Rakha Tattoon Per Apna Sir
Aur Phir Chain Ki Neend Se Gya So
Choot Yeh Boli Lund Se Chud Janey Ke Baad
Janab Baat Hi Naheen Kartey,
Apna Matlab Nikal Janey Ke Baad.

Innocent punjabi

3 reasons,why punjabis could never be terrorists and hijack a plane.
1) They are never on time, so probably miss the bloody flight*...*2) They will talk so loudly that everyone around will know of the plan before boarding=)) and
3)With free drinks on the plane they will forget why they were there in the first place.=D ...
Innocent Punjabis... :D

Har dost zaroori hota hai

Ek Harami Dost Ki Kami Kab Mahsoos Hoti Hai?

Jab Tum Akele Bethe Ho Aur Ladkiyo Ke Group Ko Dekh Rahe Ho

Aur Tumhare Aas Paas Koi Na Ho Ye Kahne Wala
“Bhenchod Mammay Dekh”

Santa at GB road

Santa G.B Road gaya
.
Dalle se rate pucha
.
Dalla-100 ladki k, 30 mere
20 police wale k.
.
Santa- Yaar dil khush kar diya,
ja pehle police wale ko Le aa

Lal tamatar ka raaz

Sardar ji k khait k tamatar bhut laal hotay thay.

Parosan ne pucha to sardar ji nay kaha:
Madam main roz subah pura nanga ho kar pani deta hoon,

Is liye sharam sa tamatar laal ho jaatay hein.


Parosan ne b apnay khait mein aisa hi kiya.
Tamatar to laal nahi huay, Kheeray lambay ho gaey:-)

Choti panty

Mrs Santa - Suno ji, maine naye detergent se apni panty dhoyi aur woh chhoti ho gayi. Ab kya karoon? Santa - ussi detergent se apni Gaand bhi dho le....



--//--//
"Vasna"
"Pyar"
aur
"Shadi"
teeno me kya farq hai ?

Santa - PANTY ka farq hai


"Vasna me Faadte hai"..
"Pyar me utarte hai"..
aur
"Shadi me dhote hai" !!

Mela da rasta

1 Bad_Tameez Mela Dekhne Ja Raha Tha

Rasta BhOOl Gaya

1 Larki Se PoOcha:

O Phudi Diye Ae Das Mela Kithay Way??

Larki Gusse Se Boli:

Sun way Chan

Teri Bhen Nu Lun

Sidha Jaa

Pehn Yawa

Aggay Aaye Ga Pull,

Maa Teri Nu Lull

Aggay Aaye Ga Khait

khait Wich Lagya Hoye Ga Kella

Bhen Teri Nu Yehnda Hoye Ga Lella

Bas Aothay Hi Lagya Hoye Ga MeLa..:-D

Sardar in mela

Tcher: Jurmana mafi d arzi likho.
Santa: Sir,jurmana kina hai?
SIR:5 Rs
Santa:Ah lo 5 Rupaye, mere bapu ne keha hoya hai 5-10 piche kisey kanjar dian minntan ni karnian


---/--//
Sar pe Bomb rakhenge toh, Pehle Sar phatega ya Bomb?
Chinese- Pehle Sar phatega..!
American-No,Pehle Bomb Phatega!

Indian- Sir ji Pehle Gand Phategi...!!!


---///--/
Ek Sardar Mele Me Gaya, Waha 2 Line Lagi Thi. ek Jagah Likha Tha..Dekhne ke 20/-.Dusri Jagah likha tha..Karne ke 10/-SARDAR Karne Ke Liye Ghusa. Usko Karne Ke Liye Bakri Di Gayi. Sardar Ne Paise wasulne ke liye Bakari Ki Le Li.Dusre Din Wo Dekhne wali
Line Me Laga.Aage Wale Ko Pucha Ye Dikhate Kya H??Admi Bola "Aaj Pata Nahi Kya Dikhayenge" Kal To Ek Sardar Ko Bakari Ki Lete Hue Dikhaya Tha!!!

Grandmaster Santa Banta

Santa and Banta were playing chess
(joke doesn't end here).:D

Santa: Chal yaar bas karte hain, pak
raha hai.

Banta: Haan yaar, waise bhi tera sirf
haathi bacha hai aur mera sirf ghoda.:O :p
The joke doesn't end here either..:D

Phir waha Vishwanath anand aata hai.

Vishy: Chalo Santa-Banta, chess khelate
hai.
Santa-Banta: Nahi, aap to hume
aasani se hara doge.
Vishy: Chalo yaar. Tum dono aur me
akela.
S-B: Phir bhi hum haar jayenge
Vishy: Okay, mai left hand se khelunga.
S-B: Haan. Phir thik hai.:p

The joke still doesn't end...:D

Dono obviously haar jate hai aur Vishy
chala jata hai.

Santa: Badi sharmanaak baat hai, yaar.
Left hand se bhi hara diya usne.
Banta: Abe bewkoof bana gaya woh hume.
Santa: Kaise?
Banta: Saala lefty hi hoga.

Humble donation

Kya Aap Marne K Bad B Sex Ka Maza Lena Chahte HoTo

“Donate Your Lund”

Ye Message Sabhi Fuckers Ko Forward Kare.

Kyo Ki “Lund Daan Maha Daan“

Facts of life

If swimming is a good exercise to stay FIT, why are whales FAT??

Why is the place in a stadium where people SIT, called a STAND?

Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN but nobody wants to DIE?

Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in chess as the WHITE piece is moved FIRST?

In our country, we have FREEDOM of SPEECH, then why do we have TELEPHONE BILLS?

If money doesnt grow on TREES
then why
do banks have BRANCHES?

Why doesnt GLUE stick to its BOTTLE?

Why do you still call it a BUILDING when its already BUILT?

If its true that we are here to HELP others, what are others HERE for?

If you arent supposed to DRINK and DRIVE why do bars have PARKING lots?

We all r Living in a seriously funny world..! :)Think about it...Good Morning:

Chutiya

Grammar Teacher Pada Rahi Thhi Usne Santa Se Puchha: “Sunil Daaru Nahi Peeta Hai, Is Sentence Main ‘Sunil’ Kya Hai? ”

Santa: “Madam Ji Sunil Chutiya Hai“

Friends

Sardar dost se: Yar Bibi nu birthday te ki gift dewan?
Dost: Apna Lund de de.
Sardar: Nai yar koi wadda gift das.
Dost: te Fir mera Lund de de

Friends

​Chunnu and Munnu went swiming in the pool.
Chunnu dubne laga to usne Munnu ki lulli pakad li.
Munnu bola: Bhosdike, dekh le dosti, aaj ladki ke saath aata to mar gaya hota.=)) Happy Friendship Day !!!!!

Santa

Santa-when i was a kid, homosexuality was a crime. As i grew up it was acceptable. Now it is legal. I think i shud leave india before they make it compulsory.=D

-----////----
Teacher 2 Boy : Ek Taraf paisa Hai,ek Taraf Dimag.. Kya Loge?;;)
Boy - Paisa.B-)
Teacher - Galat, Agar Main Hoti To Dimag Leti 3-|
Boy - Jiske Pas Jo Nahi Hota Hai woh Wahi Leta Hai. >:/

Joke

A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard ........

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still..... digging for more.

Sardar promoted

Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs
tree, sits on the
branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

Sardar family

SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF
I SARDAR,SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY
KIDNEY....