Doobtey ko tinke ka sahara

Bap beta neher pe naha rahe thy
Beta dobny laga to bap k LUN ko pakar lia
Bap bola:
Swimming seekh lay BHOSRI K maa k sath naha raha hota to doob k mar jata.

Plan Changed

Ek ladki Doctor k pass gayi
Mary phuddi main makhi gus gaye hai
Doctor ny kaha k lund main shahed laga k undar dalonga makhi chipak k bahar ajaye gi
Doctor lund andar dal k zor zor sy jhatky marny lagta hai
Ladki: kya kr rahy ho
Doctor: Plan badal gaya hai makhi ko andar hi maronga.

Sher o shayari

ARZ KIYA HAI

"CHUT NE KAHA LUND SE CHUD JANE K BAAD

CHUT NE KAHALUND SE CHUD JANE K BAAD

DEKHO KAISE SHARMA K BAITHA HE BOSDIKA MATLAB NIKAL JANE K BAAD.

Shayari

Sameena aao khelain ge,

Nahi aap hamari le lain ge…

Yehi to pyar ki
kasauti hai,

Nahi meri bohat he choti hai…

Dekh teray liye is dil mein kitna pyar bhara hai,

Nahi mujhe pata hai aap ka kitna bara hai…

Dekh yeh tera husun aur nikhar dega,

Jee nahi yeh to meri phaar de ga ;)

Akbar aur Birbal

new Akbar birbal - Ek Baar Akbar Ne Birbal Ko Aadesh Diya

A: Ek Aisa Aadmi Dhundh Ke Lao Jo Mere Saath Isharo Mein Baat Kar Sake, Main Us Se Kuch Sawaal Puchunga

B: Ji, Maharaj

A: Agar Usne Galat Jawab Diya To Uski Gardan Kat Di Jayegi, Aisa Aadmi Nai Dhund Sake To Tumhari Gardan Kaat Dunga

Ab Birbal Ki Fat Gayi, Kahan Se Laye Aisa Aadmi Dhund Ke,

10 Din Baad Ek Bakri Charane Wala Mil Gaya Naam Tha Chanki

Birbal Ne Chanki Ko Lalach Diya: Main Tujhe 10,000 Rupaye Dunga, Tu Bas Raja Ke Samne Chal Pad Aur Isharo Mein Baat Kar

C: Agar Main Jawab Na De Paaya To?

B: Jo Hoga Dekha Jayega, Tu Mar Bhi Gaya To Kam Se Kam Tere Ghar Wale Mere Diye Rupayo Se Aram Se Zindagi To Kaat Lenge

Chanki Ko Baat Samajh Mein Aa Gayi Aur Pahunch Gaya Darbar Mein

Akbar Ne Use 1 Ungali Dikhayi, Chanki Ne Usko 2 Dikha Di

Akbar Ne Isharo Se Pucha: Kyu?

Chanki Ne Ek Ungli Asmaan Ki Taraf Kari Aur Fir Badshaah Ki Taraf Kar Di

Akbar Muskuraya Aur Usne Apne Haath Ko Hawa Mein Hilaya Aur Pucha: Kyu?

Chanki Ne Apni Pant Niche Ki Aur Lund Pakad Ke Raja Ke Samne Hila Diya,

Birbal Ki Ye Dekh Ke Gaand Fat Gayi Par Raja Bahut Khush Hua Aur Chanki Ko Inaam Deke Vida Kiya

Uske Jane Ke Baad Birbal Ne Hairan Hokar Akbar Se Puchha

B: Hajoor Ye Kya Chal Raha Tha

A: Maine Use 1 Ungli Dikha Ke Pucha, Kya Allah Ek Hai? Wo Bola 2 Hain, Ek Upar Or Ek Niche Aap

B: Ohh, Fir Kya Pucha Tha Aapne?

A: Maine Puchha Tha, Ye Population Kyo Badh Rahi Hai, Usne Lund Dikha Ke Bola Ki Iski Wajah Se

Birbal Ke Ye Sun Ke Hosh Ud Gaye Ki Us Se Bhi Akalmand Koi Hai Is Duniya Mein, Usne Socha Ki Milna Chahiye Chanki Se, To Ja Pahuncha Chanki Ke Ghar

B: Tumhe Samajh Kaise Aya Ke Raja Puchna Kya Chahta Hai?

C: Lo Ismein Kya Mushkil Hai, Raja Bola 1 Bakri Dega, Maine Bola 2 Lelo, Upar Wale Ne Bahut De Rakhi Hain

B: Aur Dusri Baar?

C: Fir Akbar Ne Pucha Tha Sab Bakri Dega? Maine Bola Loda Lele Mera

Birbal Behosh Ho Gaya

Moral: Ek Chutiya Tab Tak Samajhdar Dikhta Hai Jab Tak Wo Muh Na Khole??????

Manmohan goes after all. !!!

Manmohan Singh had heart attack, dies. goes to hell, Devil waiting for him.
"I'm not sure what to do." says Devil. "Ur on my list, but I hav no room for u. As u definitely hv to stay here, I'm going to hav to let someone else go."
"I got 3 folks here who weren't as bad as u. I let 1 of them go, u hav to take their place. I let u decide who leaves!"
Manmohan Singh agrees. Devil opened 1st room.
In it was Sonia Gandhi & large pool of hot water. she kept diving in & climbing out, over & over. Such was her fate in hell.
"No!' said Manmohan Singh. 'I'm not a good swimmer!"
Devil led him to next room. In it was Mulayam Singh with a sledgehammer & room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.
"No! I got problem wth my shoulder. I wl be in constant agony if I had to break rocks all day."
Devil opened 3rd door. Manmohan Singh saw Sharad Pawar lying on a King Size Bed, arms over his head, legs full spread. Over him was Sunny Leone, bent down, between his legs doing what she is best at.
Manmohan Singh looked in disbelief for a while & says, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The Devil smiled & said, "OK, Sunny, ur free to Go!!"

Sunny Leone book

Kamar ke dard ki 2 hi wajah hai:

1st Kasrat-e-seX
ya
2nd Hasrat-e-Sex

from Sunny Leone's book
Chapter:
Meri Salwar,
Teri Talwar.....

Sweet punjabi

Bengali : our language is sweetest. Santa: how ? Bengali: we call everyone with .. Da .. Like mithun da , bappi da , pranab da. !! Santa: oh ho saddi language wi same to same hai ji .... Like oye khoti da , bhutni da, teri bhen da.teri maa da.
-

Happy holi

⚫काला रंग आपके बालों के लिए. .
🔵नीला रंग आपकी आँखों के लिए. .
🌼पीला रंग आपके हाथों के लिए. .
गुलाबी रंग आपके सपनों के लिए. .
⚪सफ़ेद रंग आपके मन के लिए. .
हरा रंग आपके जीवन के लिए. .

होली के इन ⚫🔵🌼सात⚪ रंगों के साथ. .
आपके पूरे परिवार को रंग भरी शुभकामनाएँ।
Happy Holi 

Chuhay maar dawai

Father & Son At Medical Store,
Baap Ne CONDOM Ka Pack Kharida,
Son:Papa Ye Kia Hy?
Baap: Chohay Marne Ki Dawai,
Son: LOO Bhenchod phudi Men B Chohay?

Tv and mobile

Wife is like a TV &
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.
At home u watch TV, but when u go out u take ur MOBILE

Sometimes u enjoy TV, but most of the time u play with ur MOBILE

TV is free for life,but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable

Operational costs for TV is often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding

TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't

Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),but with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)

Last but not least! TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILEs often do...
Take Care

Issued in Public Interest!

An eye-opening poem “DUNIYA”

Ye duniya kaisi duniya hai?
Yeh duniya kaisi duniya hai?
Jahan aik tarasta khanay ko
aur dooja bund mranay ko
aik ladla papa jaani ka
aur dooja kuss mraani ka
ik nanga hai majboori se
to dooja hai mazdoori se
aik ka abba nau do gyara
aik k abbay pooray baara
aik ki bv sexy hai
aur doojay ki bv taxy hai
aik k ghar mein kutta hai
dooja ghar mein kutta hai
aik k daant mein keera hai
aik ki gaand mein keera hy
Ye dunya kaise….

Newton's 7th law of Motion.......

Chor ne dhudhwale ko nanga karke ped se bandh dia aur usko sari bhainse le gya...

Subah logo ne use khola to usne bhains ke bachde ko khub mara..?

Logo ne kaha is bejuban ko kyun mar rahe ho..

Dudhwala- ye bhenchod 4 mahine ka hogya ha par gandu ko 'than' aur 'lund' me fark nahi malum. Maa chod di raat bar chuus chuus ke.

--//-----
Newton's 7th law of
Motion.......
'When hand is in motion it produces
Lotion' 

Height of confidence

:
😆

There was a meeting of Sardar freedom fighters.
They wanted to free Punjab from India.
Santa Singh raised a point,
"We may take Punjab from India but how will we develop it?

"Banta Singh had a brainwave."No problem!
We will attack America, we will lose the war & it will take us
over.
Then we will become a State of USA & develop automatically.
We will also become direct citizens of USA.
No more Visas & Green Cards.
All the Sardars were happy with this solution but an old Sardar was not.
Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old Sardar replied,
"That's all very well.
But what would happen if by chance we won & took over America???

🙈

Million $ Question

:
If U don't like your Husband, why don't you just leave him & go ??
Answer : I don't like doing any thing that will make him happy.. .. ..

Special

INDIAN MOM- just can't beat her!!!!!!!!

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner....who lives with a room mate, a girl named Soniya

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than what met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Soniya and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Soniya came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure...."

So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney Jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son: I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Soniya, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Soniya. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow...

Love, mom moral of the story: mummy ko kabhi jhoot nahi bolte!

--/---/
Punjab govt announced Rs 50,000 to every family with 5 children in house-hold

Sardar had 4 so he tells his wife
Meri girlfriend se mera 1 bachcha hai, use le aata hu. 5 ho jayenge aur Govt 50,000 de degi hume

Sardar bachcha leke ghar aaya aur us ne wife se puchha: Jitender aa gaya hai. Maninder, Surinder, Rajender aur Balwinder kahan hain?

Wife boli - Jis jis ke the woh le gaye..=)) ;)

--/--///--
Sardar talking to God. Oh! Wahe Guru. U gave me infancy. Took it away. U gave me childhood. U Took it away. U gave me youth. Took it away. U gave me a wife. Just reminding you!!!😙


--//-///-\
Sharmaji ke khet ke tamatar bahot laal hote the.
🙋Padosan ne puccha to sharmaji ne kaha - Madam me roz subah aadha nangaa ho ke paani 🚿deta hu, isi liye sharm se laal ho gaye...!
Padosan ne bhi apne khet me aisa hi kiya.... Tamatar to laal nahi hue, par baigan lambe ho gaye.

USA: Humare DOG Football khelte hain!
.
JAPAN: Humari FISH Dance karti hain.
.
CHINA: Humare HATHI Cycle chalate hain.
.
.
.
INDIA: HUMARE GADHHE DESH CHALATE HAIN!

-//-//---//---
Bhakt,Nirmal baba se bola - Baba har saal bachha paida ho jaata hai, kya karu?

Baba-Condom use karte Ho.

Bhakt- karta Hu.

Baba-Condom mohalle me baant do, kripa wahi se aa rahi hai.

Lesbian & Sardar

Sardar:Will U Marry me?
Girl:Sorry I'm a Lesbian.
Sardar:"Whats Lesbian?"
Girl:"I only Sleep with Girls".
Sardar:Maar Taali I'm also Lesbian

Life is porn

Virginity is like a balloon
1 prick & it's gone 4evr

Sex is like a pack of chips
Once u start u can't stop

Exam papr is like a dick
Whn it gets hard people get fuckd

Wrk is like a group sex
10 people r bhind ur ass 2 tke ur place

Education is like hiring a prostitute
It needs both ur money & hard work

Succes is like masturbating
Only ur own hand can let u achieve it

So basically life is PORN. 

Santa jokes

Santa produced a movie based on the classic western: 'The Good, The Bad & The Ugly'. So he decided to name it 'Me, My Wife & My Mother-in-law'
A man was watching a movie at home and suddenly shouts nooooooooooooo!!!!! Don't get off the horse! Its a trap!!

Wife: what are u watching?


Man: Our wedding DVD
Sardar in the court(sad): Bachpan me agar maa ki baat suni hoti to aaj yeh din na dekhna padta.

Judge: Kya kehti thi maa?

Sardar: Judge sahab aap bhi gadho wali baat kar rahe ho. Jab baat hi nahi suni to kaise bataau kya kehti thi....

If u feel overloaded with Work…

Immediately go to the nearest

"Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center & place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:

1: Work Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)

2: Radioactive Un-work Medicine (RUM)

3: Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)

4: Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA).

This is issued in public interest by "Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA) 


--//----//---//__
Sardar ke Suhagrat pe Light nahi thi...
Sardar Naukar se bola: Tu Lalten pakad, main SEX karta hoon.
Naukar ne Lalten Pakdi aur Sardar SEX karne laga.
Sardar Biwi se: Maza aaya?
Biwi: Nahin.
Sardar ne phir koshish ki aur phir Biwi se pucha: Ab Maza aaya?
Biwi: Nahin.
Sardar Naukar ko Bola: Yeh Lalten Mujhe de, Main Pakadta hoon... Tum SEX karo.
Naukar shuru huwa...
Jab Kaam khatam huwa to Sardar ne Biwi se pucha:Ab Maza aaya??
Biwi Boli: Haan Bahut Maza aaya...
Sardar Naukar ko Thappad mar ke Bola: Dekha Chutiye.... Aise Pakadte hain Lalten!



--/-//-------------///----///-
I bought a new car but couldn't figure out how the radio worked

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.'

He said 'Kishore!', and in an instant 'yeh shaam mastani' was playing.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Shastriya Sangeet,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Lata,' I'd get one of her awesome songs

Yesterday, a young chutiya jumped a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time.

I yelled, "Maa ke laude"

Immediately the Pakistani National Anthem began to play...............

Mehangai

Ek Patni ne Arz kiya hai…
Zara Dhire se Chodo Sanam,
Mehngai ka Zamana hai,
2 inch ki Chut ko Zindagi Bhar Chalana hai ;)

Non veg Joke bonanza

Aaj kal ke bachho ki haramipanti :

MADAM : shor mat karo nahi to khadda kar dungi..

Bachhe:
pehele mera..
pehele mera..
pehele mera..
_____________

Beta-Papa, Ye "Sex" kya hota hai ?

Santa thinks oye bahenchod ye kya puch liya bete ne, par batana to padega.

Aftr that he says- Beta, sex me hum ladki k kapde utarte hai fir apane kapde utarte hai, fir ladki ko pas me late hai uske boobs dabate hai fir vo hamara lund chusti hai, fir hum uski gand me ungal karte hai, fir tel laga k ladki ki chut me lund dal k hum lund ander bahar karte hue use chodte hai.

Ye hota hai sex.

Beta- Admission form me kya likhu? :D
_____________

GIRLS put makeup, lots of creams , sexy perfumes & they make the best hairstyle EVER.
.
.
Finally guys look at them and say:
.
.
BHENCHOD GAAND DEKH SAALI KI .... :P !

__________

Boy: Tu kitne baje uthti hai?

Girl: Apna koi time nahi hai. Jab dil kare so jaati hoon, aur jab dil kare uth jaati hoon

Boy: Naughty! Tu bilkul mere LODE pe gayi hai.. :D


______________

Customer- bhai saheb dettol sabun hai?

Dukandaar (lauda khujlate huye)- haan hai.

Customer- to behen k lode, us se haath dho ke 1 kilo cheeni dede.

Breast implants can make

Sign outside a Silicone Breast Implant Clinic:
If life has given you lemons, we will rearrange the alphabets to convert them into melons..