😜

Intervier- What's your wifes name?

Santa- babita...

Intervier- what's her whole name.?

Santa- Hole ka naam to rakha nahi ji.

Hum to pyar se fuddi fuddi bolte hai...😂

अगर मुन्नी को पाकिस्तान छोड़ने सलमान की बजाए ये लोग जाते तो.....

=================

• अगर केजरीवाल जाते तो अपने साथ 12 और लोगों को ले जाते,

8 कैमरामैन और 4 रिपोर्टर...और जब फ़ौज उन्हें रोकती तो वो वहीं बॉर्डर पर धरना देने बैठ जाते ।

• अगर मोदी जी जाते तो वो मुन्नी को अफगानिस्तान,ईरान व चीन घुमाते हुए पाकिस्तान पहुंचाते और मुन्नी वहाँ पहुँचते ही अपनी माँ से कहती - मितरों ! मैं आ गयी ।

• अगर राहुल गाँधी जाते तो मुन्नी कहती - मेरी ऊँगली पकड़ कर चलो, वरना खो जाओगे।

• अगर रोबर्ट वाड्रा जाते तो पाकिस्तान फिर से भारत का हिस्सा बन जाता।

• मुन्नी को पाकिस्तान छोड़ने अगर आलोकनाथ जाते तो मुन्नी का कन्यादान करके ही लौटते ।

• अगर कुमार विश्वास जाते तो वो उन्हें वापस छोड़ने के लिए एम्बुलेंस को आना पड़ता।

• अगर अल्ताफ राजा जाते तो बाद में अगले दिन पूरा पाकिस्तान उन्हें वापस भारत छोड़ने आता।

• अगर अर्नब गोस्वामी जाते तो आधे पाकिस्तानी बहरे व आधे पाकिस्तानी पागल हो जाते।

• अगर आशुतोष जाते तो उन्हें भारतीय दूतावास की बजाए वेस्ट-इंडीज दूतावास में ठहराया जाता

• अगर एन.डी.तिवारी जाते तो वहाँ भी 2-4 घर बसा के आ जाते।

और

• अगर अमित शाह जाते तो मुन्नी को छोड़ आते और बदले में हीना रब्बानी को ले आते

😆

5 Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian Border.

The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them, 

"It's a illegala to putta 5 People in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" Asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian Official.

"Quattro is just ze name of ze Automobile...." The German says unbelievingly,

"Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 Persons".

"You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian Customs Officer, "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking the Law."

The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"

"Sorry...." Responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. 

... 

... 

... 

... 

... 

... 

... 

... 

He'sa busy with 2 Passengers who arrived in a Fiat Uno."

Since males have now been permitted to love and marry each other...

The Tailors in America are asking a new question..👨

Sir, Would you have the Zip of your Pant stitched in front, behind or both sides..😜😝🍷🍺💃

😂😂😂

सरदार की माँ की तबीयत खराब हुई

Hospital ले गये

Dr ने कहा

2 Test होंगे

सरदार जोर-2 से रोने लगा

हे भगवान अब क्या होगा

मेरी माँ तो

अनपढ़ है 😜 😂😂😂

👌👌

Husband-तुम मेरी फिल्म मे काम करोगी

Wife-हा पर सीन क्या है

Husband-तुम्हे धीरे-धीरे पानी मे जाना होगा

Wife-ok फिल्म का नाम क्या है

Husband -गयी भैंस पानी मे😜😜

😜😜😂😂😂😂😂

 बच्चा School का Admission Form भरते हुये .... पापा Mother Tongue मे Kya लिखु ? 

पापा : लिख बेटा, Very Long & Out Of Control.

😝😝

TV Anchor interviewing a Farmer:

Q: Aap Bakre ko kya khilate ho?

Farmer : Kaale ko ya Safaid ko?

Anchor: Safaid ko...

Farmer : Ghaas...

Anchor: Aur Kaale ko?

Farmer : Use bhi Ghaas hi khilata hu.....

Anchor: Inhe baandhte kidher ho?

Farmer : Kise Kaale ko ya Safaid ko?

Anchor: Safaid ko.....

Farmer : Bahar ke kamre mein

Anchor: Aur Kale ko?

Farmer : Use bhi bahar ke kamre mein......

Anchor: Aur nehlate kaise ho?

Farmer : Kise Kale ko ya Safaid ko?

Anchor: Kaale ko......

Farmer : Pani se

Anchor: Aur Safaid ko?

Farmer : Use bhi pani se.

Anchor Ghusse se:

Kamine, jab dono ke saath sub-kuchh ek jaisa karta hai toh mujhse baar baar kyu puchhta hai, "Kaala ya Safaid?"

Farmer : Kyu ke Safaid bakra mera hai.......

Anchor: Aur kala?:

Farmer : Woh bhi mera hi hai.......! 💣🔫🔪💉😆😆😆😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

💥💥👍👍💥💥

पप्पू : डॉ. साहब प्लास्टिक सर्जरी में कितना खर्च आएगा ?

डॉ : 50 हजार.

पप्पू : अगर प्लास्टिक हम दे तो.

डॉ : (गुस्से से) साले पिघला कर चिपका भी लेना !!!😛

नर्क  में  एक  जगह  पर  बहुत  सारे  लोग  इकट्ठा  बैठ  कर

हंसी-मजाक  कर  रहे  थे। 

😄 😛 😜 😂 😝 😍

उनके  शोरगुल  से

यमराज  डिस्टर्ब  हो  रहे  थे 👹👺

जब  काफी  देर  तक  शोरगुल  जारी  रहा  🙌

तो  यमराज  ने  चित्रगुप्त  को  बुलाया  और  बोले,  👺

"ये  कौन  लोग  हैं  जो  नर्क  में भी इतने मज़े कर रहे हैं..?

😒😒  " चित्रगुप्त   मायूस  होते  हुए  बोले,

"सर  ये  सब" punjabi" हैं, 

ये  कंही  भी  सेट  हो  जाते  हैं..!!😜👌😂👌😜😃😃😃😃😃

नर्क  में  एक  जगह  पर  बहुत  सारे  लोग  इकट्ठा  बैठ  कर

हंसी-मजाक  कर  रहे  थे। 

😄 😛 😜 😂 😝 😍

उनके  शोरगुल  से

यमराज  डिस्टर्ब  हो  रहे  थे 👹👺

जब  काफी  देर  तक  शोरगुल  जारी  रहा  🙌

तो  यमराज  ने  चित्रगुप्त  को  बुलाया  और  बोले,  👺

"ये  कौन  लोग  हैं  जो  नर्क  में भी इतने मज़े कर रहे हैं..?

😒😒  " चित्रगुप्त   मायूस  होते  हुए  बोले,

"सर  ये  सब" punjabi" हैं, 

ये  कंही  भी  सेट  हो  जाते  हैं..!!😜👌😂👌😜😃😃😃😃😃

Some great sexy sayings-😛☺

"U cannot taste me, until u

undress me?"😳

-Banana.🍌

"U cannot eat me unless u lick

me"😛

- Ice cream.🍧

"U can not play with me unless u

blow me"😗

- Balloon.🎈

"U can not enjoy me unless u

suck me"😰

- Lollypop.🍭😅

"U make me wet & put me in

your mouth everyday"😟

- Toothbrush.😬

And the most killer one😎

"U can not enjoy me unless u

spread me"😳

Butter 😁😜

😉.. Aisi Koi Chiz Batao Jisko Bajane Se Andar Se Bacche Nikalte Hai..? 

Socho ..... Nhi Malum???

🌟

😡

😡

😡

😡

"School Ki Ghanti" :)

Soch Badalo Desh Badlega. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jab ladki sare kapde nikal deti hai to kya hota hai ???

..

💃👗

👙..

👡👢

👕💋

Almari khali ho jati hai..

Soch badlo, Desh badlega!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kehte hai aurat ke hath mein barkat hoti hai,

Sahi hai, Kyun ki..

2 inch ki chiz ko 7 inch ka kar de ti hai,

👐

🙌

👇

..

..

..

Im talking about....

 Roti 

Uffffhoooo  Apni Soch badlo, Desh badlega..

Bechara Modi akele kya kya badlega....  😝😝

मुझे बनाने का शौक था और भैया को गिराने का

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

आज बीस साल बाद

मैं पैग बना रहा हूँ 

और भैया 

उसमें आइस गिरा रहे हैं।

               -कल्लू शराबी

                😂😝😜

Today's Thought 

गलती मानने से कोई छोटा नहीं हो जाता, 

.

..

...

..

.

जिसका जितना है उतना ही रहता है 😂😂😂

🚗🚗🚗🚗

Papa laaye motor car..

Motor car motor car..

Uske niche pahiye chaar..

Pahiye chaar pahiye chaar..

Chaabi se wo chalti hai..

Po po po po karti hai..

Aage jaaye piche aaye..

Daaye baaye wo mud jaaye..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Moral: kuch bhi daal do 

log padhte zarur hai..

wo bhi tone main... 🎵🎵😂😝😜😄😄😜😝😂

Gusa aaraha he kya muje bhi aaya to mene to utar liya ub aapki bari...

'Luck' and 'Fuck' are directly proportional to each other.

When 'Luck' favours, you can 'Fuck' the whole world;

But when 'Luck' fails, the whole world begins to 'Fuck' You!😝😜😛

An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,

"Pardon me, madam..

I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady.

"I need both my hands

to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties

and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man

and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. I bought this hat just yesterday!"

 😂😂😂😂

A TCS couple went to a Sex Therapist office at a BIG Corporate Hospital.

The doctor asked,"What can I do for you?"

The man said,"Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said,"There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,"and charged them Rs.1300.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked,"exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The man said, ."We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house I'm married and we can't go to my house.

The Oberoi charges Rs. 15000,

Taj charges Rs.14000 ,

Le Meridian charges Rs.12500.

We do it here for Rs.1300,

Punch line is yet to come..........

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

I get that 1300 back from TCS MediClaim.

😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

👦Boy : Tum ladki hoke daaru piti ho? 🍺🍷🍹🍸

👧Awesome reply by girl : 

To kya 2-4 peg ke liye 

gender change karwalu 

😳😳😳

--------------------------------

Wife drinking Vodka, 

asked

 "Tum kaun ho?" 😮

Husband- 

"Pagal ho gayi ho kya? 

Apne husband ko bhool gayi? " 🚶 

Wife: "Nasha 🍸

har gum bhula deta hai"

 "Bhaisaab"..!!😜

😀😂😂😂

 Teacher :

“Can you tell the name of 2 great Kings who have brought happiness & peace into people's lives ?”

Student :

“Smo-king & Drin-king ” !!!

Teacher Resigned !😂😂😇😇

Ghor Kalyug😰

Teacher: Who was Akbar ?  

Boy: Akbar was Gay. 

Teacher:- What, Are you mad ? Why did you say that? 

Boy:- We have heard  Laila - Majnu , Heer -Ranjha , Soni- Mahival ,Romeo-Juliet  

But Only 

Akbar - Birbal !

Teacher died😂😂😂

Teacher : Naade ko english me kya kehte hai...???

.

.

.

.

Santa : P.H.D.

.

.

Teacher : Kya....???

.

.

Santa : Pyjaama Holding Device..

.

.

Teacher behosh..!

🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

This 1 is a killer 1 .....

Teacher : Beta batao britannia tiger biscuit pe jo green dot h uska matlab kya h.?

Pappu : Iska matlab ki tiger online hai.

😂😍

In a ladies KITTY PARTY MEETING :

The host asked a question !

 

When did u last say

 I LOVE YOU to ur husbands ??

One said..today.. 

other said...2 days back.....

someone said...1 week back...

Host :  " Now, all of u send  I LOVE YOU ..

msg to ur husbands.

Who ever gets AWESOME reply will get a SURPRISE GIFT.! 

Everyone started sent 

I LOVE U 

msg to their husbands. 

After sometime, HUSBAND'S 

replies are as below.....

Person 1 : 

SWEETY.... Is ur health condition Ok??? 😝😝😝😝

Person 2 : Have You Not cooked Food Today Too?😊😊

Person 3 : Darling, 

R u out of balance for the money given for home maintenance?

😅😅😅

Person 4 : 

What's the matter??

Person 5 : 

R u dreaming or am I?

😜😜😜

Person 6 : Did u like someone's Jewelry in the function u attended today?💍

Person 7 : I am already tensed in Office n now u r sending msgs like this...

 do u have brain?

😝😜😛

Person 8 : How many times did I tell you not to watch those serials ?? 😛😛😛

Person 9 :  Oho..did u have an accident again ....With My Car...? 😳😳😳😳😳

Person 10 : 

Should I pick kids from school today also?? 

😀😀😀😀

Last - who won SURPRISE GIFT, 

And msg is........

Person 11 : 

who is dis ..sending msg frm my wife mobile??? 

 😕😕😕😕😕😕

Dont laugh alone pass it on.